Please update soon!!Author's Response: I'm going to do my best, I really want to finish this story!! The next few weeks might be crazy for me but after that I'm going to try to get in a chapter every two weeks! Again, thank you SO much for reading! Report Review
I'm so excited by this story. I think I'll add it to my favorites. Well, im off to read the next chapterAuthor's Response: Hehe, thank you thank you thank you!!! :D Report Review
I hope James manages to get her out on that date. I was so excited when I read this: they're finally starting to get together. I love how you switch the POVs; i like seeing what the other people are thinking. So far this is definetly one of my fav James/Lily stories. It's realistic and seems most like what avctually happened and what brought them togetherAuthor's Response: Aah, thanks so much!! I always get nervous when I switch POVS, I'm afraid people will get confused and/or annoyed, haha.
"So far this is definetly one of my fav James/Lily stories. It's realistic and seems most like what avctually happened and what brought them together" --awww this makes me SO happy, thank you so much for reading!!! :D Report Review
you should consider posting this on fanfiction. net! i never use this site anymore, but i still come back to check on you and some other people's stories. I think you would be well recieved over there though! : ) great update!Author's Response: Thank you so much, I think I will do that...!! God knows I have enough time to accomplish that now that I'm on break ;) I'm glad you liked this chapter! Report Review
AAAH cliff hanger!!! gotta love em! :) buuut because you have left it on one such note you HAVE to update asap ok??? i want to keep reading!! may i ask also .are you American you come accross as being fron the states.Author's Response: Ooh the cliff hanger is giving me so many issues! I have two ways it could go and my friend is trying to convince me to go the less exciting way 'cause he says it will fit better with the story in the long run, but I want to go the more exciting way 'cause...it's just cooler, haha. GAH, deciscions! I hope you like whatever I choose, haha. Ok, I will get to writing, just for you! ;) I'll try my best to have a new chapter up in a week or two (I'm moving all this week so things are gonna be kinda crazy for a bit, lol)! And yep, I'm from the states, haha. What gave me away, my use of American slang? My friends have been telling me I have a bit of a problem with using American slang where there is a British word that would fit better in here. I need to work on that =/ lol Report Review
i actually LOVED this chapter don't ask why but it really and truly was great! lily's reaction i think was spot on, i couldn't have put it better myself! :) can't wait for that exciting stuff eh eh ;)Author's Response: Wow, thank you! :D Especially for the positive feelings towards Lily's reaction, this makes me feel relieved that it's believable, lol. And I'm glad you're looking forward to the exciting stuff too ;) haha. Report Review
It was great. Thanks for updating and please update soon!Author's Response: :D Thanks so much!! I will do my best to update soon, and if I don't, you have my permission to do bad things to me, because I will totally deserve it...!! Report Review
YAY!!! I almost forgot how much I love your story it's been so long! Anyways, I still love it and you still rock and I hope you update again soon :)Author's Response: Gah, I know, it HAS been forever!!! I'm so sorry for making you wait, I always hated it when authors did that to me!!! I'm such a hypocrite... =/ lol
But I'm so so glad you still love it! And I rock, too?! Yeahhhh, that's what I like!! hahaha. ;D Thanks!!
Eeee *hesitates guiltily (if that makes any sense)*, I'd say don't get your hopes up too high on me updating soon because the next chapter has to be written over practically from scratch because when I first started writing it years ago I was much more silly and ridiculous than I am now and not as smart, so consequently it's full of stupid cliches and such, hehe. But I will most definitely do my best! After all, school is out in a week and I'm done with high school for EVER, so I'm gonna have lots of free time. Yay!
Thank you SO much for the review! I truly appreciate you and your reviewing awesomeness. :) Report Review
So things seem to be developing between James and Lily as she realizes that he's not as self-centered as he seemed before. I think her friend's rationale for why she should go out with them KIND OF makes sense. To me it just seems that Lily suddenly realized he wasn't a jerk very quickly, where as sometimes that happens over time. Still, I like that she's getting to know the real him.Author's Response: Yeah, I wanted to start the story in on when Lily is beginning to like James as a friend a bit. I felt like if I started it when she still loathed him I would get repetitive and boring ("omfg James I hate you!" "I love you, Lily!" "I still hate you!" "But..." "Stilllllll HATING!" "But Lily, you're so hot!" "HATE!!!") That's not to say all stories that start out like that get repetitive and boring ('cause those are my favorites, actually!) but I felt like if *I* were to start out in that way, my story would turn out like that...
But don't worry, Lily hasn't exactly joined the James Potter Fan Club yet...! ;)
Thanks for yet another review!!! Woooo!! Loooooove it!! Report Review
I think you have some very creative and interesting conceptions about how Lily interacts with the Marauders as well as who her friends are.
I think the little Marauder trick was funny, as well as how the girls reacted to it.
I see you are speeding time along quickly. When is your story going to MAINLY be set? It feels as though you are trying to bring us up to speed.Author's Response: Hehe, thanks! It's hard to figure out how she would be with her friends who are girls, since JKR makes no mention of anyone else connected to Lily in the HP books...!
Haha, silly Marauders. That is going to be a challenge. Keeping their tricks/pranks funny and original, I mean...
Haha yeah, I pretty much am bringing everyone up to speed. Time won't jump around so much starting with the 6th (next) chapter, (there are gonna be a couple chapters on the summer) and once we get to the beginning of 7th year it's going to progress...er...normally? lol But there is a lot of time gaps I have to fill in once they get out of school, so I'll have to get genius to figure that all out. :)
Thank you so so so much for another review!!! Report Review
Yes! I definitely think the switch to first person will work in your favor and add a lot to the story. It already gives us a totally new perspective on your Lily and really helps with developing your character. I love stories written in the first person, they are so much more personal and interesting (you can see everything the character is thinking, feeling, etc.).
All of the canon mistakes that I caught were already mentioned by previous reviewers, so I wont go into that... though for some reason I definitely did not think Sirius was on the Quidditch team..? Is that just me? Other than that I thought your Quittitch game was well done. Those are some of the hardest scenes to write, and you probably could have added a lot to it, but it doesnt really need much more.
Also I think your OCs are coming along well. I really like Summer, she's quite an appealing character. HA! I totally predicted the whole Summer/Remus Elizabeth/Sirius thing... Unless you weren't planning on setting them all up.. but still. They are all pretty good matches for eachother despite the cliche of having them all date.
I liked that you are showing new little bits of James's character to Lily, and that you are explaining a bit of how Lily comes to like James. It is strange how she goes from hating him to loving him, and its never really explained, so I think you are on the right track here.
You have great voice in your writting, its witty and entertaining. Your sentence structure and vocabulary are also excellent. These chapters are all a great read. Great job, I really enjoyed reviewing all of your chapters :D
I'll keep this one in my favorites and check back when you update!
~HannahAuthor's Response: Yeah, I totally feel the same way as you about first person stories! Most of my favorite stories are in first. Harry Potter being the exception. ;)
Yeah I don't think Sirius was on the Quidditch team. Then again, nowhere does it say that he WASN'T on the Quidditch team...! lol I just decided I wanted Sirius on the Quidditch team for my story... :) I just totally see him as a Beater...! I'm trying to stay canon, but I am gonna deviate from that a tiny bit from time to time, haha.
Quidditch *is* SO HARD! And annoying to write, 'cause you have to keep track of the score and how much more points the teams get with each goal, you know? ...complicated. haha.
Wooo, I love Summer, too! Well, I guess I should, since I created her... But whatever. :) Mmmm they're not ALL gonna date each other... But... Eh... Grrrr, I don't want to say too much because what I have planned for the pairs is going to be (hopefully, ha) really intense in the end and I don't want to spoil it...! So yeah, it kind of is like the cliche, but I'm giving the cliche a twist. And like I said, Remus and Summer will never actually get together... Rah, it's complicated! lol
It's hard to figure out how Lily changed her mind about James! JKR needs to write her own prequel, instead of leaving it to us! haha. But not until I finish mine, 'cause if she published hers before I finished I would never complete it 'cause I'd be like, "Well, now we know, so there's no point," lol
Ooooh, a favorite add?? Me encanta!!!
Thanks *AGAIN* for *ANOTHER* super happy-making review!! I love to hear your comments!! :DDD Report Review
I liked how you spent the whole chapter building up to Lily's sixth year, but it feels kind of like another prologue chapter? Either way, I still think you are doing a great job with these characters. As to whether you should write the story in first person, I say go for it! Unless you've already made your decision, but I think you would be good at conveying Lily's thoughts and feelings by writing her in first person. It would help a lot with your characterization of Lily.
I like you're two OCs. I think they are pretty realistic people, and it's interesting how Summer travels so much. I just hope she doesnt have to move again before school is over O_o. Summer kind of reminds me of Remus and Elizabeth reminds me of Sirius. Are you planning on matching them all up or just Lily? So much to ponder here!
You still havent had this read by your beta? Thats amazing, you have no grammar errors at all! (unless I missed something tiny) I love it when writers take the time to edit their own work instead of relying on betas/reviewers. I liked the dialogue between Lily and her friends; its always difficult in marauder fics because most to all of Lily's friends have to be OCs. I think you're doing a fine job though, you just need to develop Elizabeth and Summer a bit more.
I look forward to seeing where you go with the fifth chapter! I'm off to read it right now! :D
~HannahAuthor's Response: Yeah, this is the stuff that I wouldn't be able to fit into flashbacks later on in the story... *grins nervously*
Thanks for the first person support!!! hahaha.
Yay, OC praise!!!! Hehe, don't worry, Summer won't have to move again. Well, she won't have to move far, anyway... As for the love matches... It's complicated what I have planned... Remus and Summer will never get together, though. Well, as of right now. But I thought that putting them all together would be waaaay too cliche. But I'm not saying Sirius and Elizabeth are gonna grow old together, haha.
Aw, thanks, English has always been my best subject. :) I always try to read my chapters at least three times before I post it. But I still miss a lot of little mistakes most of the time...!
Thank you for another ***AMAZING*** review!!!!!
So sorry for the gap between reviews, I had a crazy few weeks! Anyway I read through this one so fast! (It was short, but thats not what I'm getting at, I know its a prologue segment) It just flowed really really well. I'm so glad that is something you are keeping up with in your chapters, it can really make or break a story. That is definitely one thing I have noticed while reading your writing. There arent any issues that interrupt the way the story reads (grammar mistakes, awful dialogue, blatant cliches, etc.)
The bits that interrupted this chapter were, in fact, quite lovely. I kept stopping to notice how much I liked the realistic little details that you weave in (like Severus's trunk running over his foot, that was so cute). I also love your hopeful little Severus. He is so sweet in this and I thought it was a great idea to have the sorting hat give him a choice like it did Harry. Basically, its like what could have happened if Harry had taken the other road and given in. Its all very intruiging to imagine... :)
This is a great marauder fic! That's pretty much all there is to say... I already love your Sirius and James, I laughed aloud at your scene with them. They would totally imitate Lily and make fun of them, it was so cute how you wrote that.
Also, the adjectives and just everything in your first little paragraph are beautiful! Such a great hook to read the rest of the chapter :) Great job, I'll read the next two chapters asap!
~HannahAuthor's Response: Pssssh, don't *even* apologize! What kind of ungrateful person would I be if I was like, "omg wtf, this person is, like, not reviewing all at once!!!" hahaha. I would be an awful ungrateful person, that's what. ;)
Gah, you're so nice!!! Thanks for noticing my realistic details! I do try to remember to stick one in every now and then, hehe.
"A great marauder fic"... I really really like those words being said regarding my story... Yes, I like it a LOT...! :D
Thanks SO much for reviewing!!! I enjoyed it very very much. Report Review
This story is developing very very well. I like that you are working in several prologue chapters before jumping into your story; I think it will really help add to the characterization later on. The thing that stood out to me the most here was that this chapter read wonderfully. Your writing and dialogue flow SO well and it was easy to sit down and read all of it without being interrupted by awkward sentences, bad dialogue, and grammar mistakes. I am delighted to say that this chapter had none of these. I love it when authors really take the time to edit their chapters. In the end it makes all the difference to the reader and adds a lot to your writing.
Personally, I do not like the character of Lily much... so I'm a bit biased here. I don't have any complaints about the way you are writing her, though, she is a very canon Lily. Severus on the other hand, is one of my most favorite characters. I was very happy with the way you wrote him here; you have a talent for writing believable, tangible characters, and they just flow easily with the rest of your story.
The Deathly Hallows elements were great, and again, I love the little magical things you are letting Lily do. Your description of the hogwarts professor was perfect, but I felt the scene with Lily's parents finding out she was a witch was a bit weak. You skimmed over everything that happened and simply said that they accepted it right away. I suppose it must have happened similar to the way you wrote it; I just have a hard time imagining anyone's family believing it all of the sudden.
This is a lovely story, though, and your writing is extremely pleasant to read. I can't wait for the next chapters and to see what will happen once the prologue is over! Keep up the good work :DAuthor's Response: Oh wow, I am LOVING your reviews! I want to write a big long paragraph like you did to tell you how much I love it but, sadly, I'd get repetitive and stupid-sounding because, though I can write how characters feel, I get to be the opposite of articulate when I'm trying to describe how I'm feeling, hehe. But just know that I truly truly appreciate the wonderfulness I'm getting. :)
*GASP* Don't like Lily?!?! How can this be??? Haha just kidding, I'm just being ridiculous 'cause she's one of my favorites. To each his own, to each his own. We can bask in our love of Severus.
All right, I've made a note to myself to try and improve the "your daughter is a witch" scene. I get what you're saying about that. Probably won't get done for a while, but I have a list of things I want to go back and improve when I've got some writer's block, and that's on it now. Thanks!
I heart you and your reviews. Report Review
I like the change to 1st person, it makes the story seem more personal, we get to know Lily better. You could have put a bit more description into the quidditch game, but it was pretty decently written. It was a tad anticlimatic. As for the chapter title, how bout We're Not Even Friends? I'm half asleep so I can't think of anything better. Great chapter :)Author's Response: You have NO IDEA how happy your saying that you liked the change to first person made me!!!!!! I was so freaked out that people would be like, "wtfreak are you THINKING?!?!?!" hahaha. I'm such a worrier. :)
Eh, I knew Quidditch was never going to be my strong point. It's HARD to write! Like I said to another reviewer, I understand why JKR was like, "Okay, no more" for the last book, haha.
Oh, that is DEFINITELY something to work with!!! Way better than what I have now! If I change it to involve those words, I'll be sure to thank you! And if I forget (which wouldn't be an unusual thing for me... Bad trait, bad trait), feel free to message me and be like, "Um... Some recognition, please...??" haha.
Thanks for the review!! Report Review
This is a great beginning. Your scenes are descriptive and varied, but to the point and extremely lucid. Your transitions between scenes and ideas are perfect and I just love how you added in little scenes here and there to explain or enforce what we learned about Severus in Deathly Hallows. For instance, I liked how you showed Lily from Severus's point of view and how she showed uncontrollable magic. This is assumed, but never shown to us in canon. It was really interesting to read your take on these events!
Your descriptions are beautiful, and not overdone. That is definitely a strength in your writing. Also, Severus is one of my all time favorite characters and I am so emotionally attached to him, especially after reading Deathly Hallows! So I think you picked a great place to start your fic, even if it isn't a Severus/Lily.
One thing I had a bit of a problem with while reading this was the actions of Severus's father. I understand your point, and yes, he was pretty much that way. I just think you are going too far with your characterization of him, and it became a mirror image of Uncle Vernon hating the word 'magic'. I was reminded of that the whole time. Thats just something to keep in mind as you write; don't overdo the abusive father descriptions.
There were a few small grammar mistakes and comma errors, but overall your grammar was excellent!
This was a very well composed, well thought out, and interesting fic! I cant wait to see where you go with this!Author's Response: Aw, thank you for your compliments towards my detail and such! My compliments to the reviewer... ;)
Yay for emotional attachment to Severus Snape!!! He's a sweetie at heart. lol
Yeah, I was actually thinking of Uncle Vernon when I wrote Severus' father. He was pretty much the inspiration. It just seemed fitting to me... Except I'm trying to write it to show that Tobias Snape takes it farther than Uncle Vernon, in a way, because seems like he's mostly talk, to me.
Thank you so very much for the happy-making review, I do appreciate it!!! Report Review
*sighs contentedly* You can actually write James and Lily's relationship reasonably! Most people screw it up and make Lily overly-fiery and James overly-seductive/concieted. You didn't, and it's so refreshing. =]
The Quidditch game was great, too!Author's Response: Me gusta characterization praise. ;) I hope I keep up to your expectations! Thanks for the review!! Report Review
Wow, I LOVED this chapter! Many people would mess their story up with this (all the small sections of time), but you pulled it off beautifully! Everything is completely believable and exactly what I think the characters would be like! Great chapter!Author's Response: :DDDDDDDD
I'm happy, in case you couldn't tell.
Thank you for your kindness. lol :) Report Review
I haven't checked this story in a long time, I was so excited to see there were three more chapters posted!
Anyway, I love how you played out Snape's choice. It was absolutely wonderful!
Good luck on the chapter images, and keep up the writing, I really love this story!Author's Response: Oh, I love when that happens!!! Isn't it the best?? Now just don't check for a really long time now, I've got AP tests and such coming up and writing time isn't looking like it's gonna fit in my schedule so well, unfortunately... :(
Gah, I need luck on the chapter images!! haha.
Thank you for your review. Love it. Report Review
Fantasic story! Here are my notes:
Amazing description! To me it is very vivid, as if i could see it myself.
I could really see Severus thinking those things about his family as a small boy.
What year does the first chapter take place in? I'm just wondering because I'm weird like that XD.
The idea of Severus idolizing his uncle for bashing his father really fits his character.
Heh. James fought for Lily's honor (If you call shoving fighting.)
I really enjoy the whole 'Lily dates James to get him off her back'. It's WAY better than her out of nowhere suddenly liking him.
Keep up the great work!Author's Response: Thanks so much for the wonderful review!!!!!!!!!!!! :D
Um, lets see... The first chapter takes place a year or so before their first year at Hogwarts, so I'm pretty sure it would about 1970, 1971... I have a timeline for my story, but the beginning is nowhere near as well-labeled as the rest of the story. I hope that helped you, lol. Yay weirdness!!
Yeah, I was like, "Ok, how I can I reasonably get Lily to go out with James without her actually liking him first...????" Hopefully when they actually do go out I can pull it off successfully!!
Thank you so much for reviewing my story! I loved it! I love you. Hahahahha. Report Review
This chapter was good as well the way that the quidditch commentary was written quite nicely.
One of the hardest things to write in my opinion are the quidditch matches ;)
Other then that maybe a few grammar problems but not so much that it was very noticable. :)
Very good chapters though!Author's Response: I SO agree with you, Quidditch matches are REALLY difficult to get right! I can see why JKR wanted to be done with them...!
Yeah, I haven't had this beta read yet... I'm too impatient, I was like, "I wanna put this chapter up NOW" haha.
Thanks for all of the reviews, they were great, I totally loved them!!! :D Muchas gracias!!! Report Review
This chapter really did go quite fast, it was as if I don't know you were trying to get to 7th year so fast that the rest of the years barely matter.
Nothing really bothered me much about this chapter except for the fastness.
But I honestly did love the rest of it i just felt rushed and instead of that 'slowly drifting apart' thing i felt as if the two had been ripped apart immediately.
Other then that it was fine :)Author's Response: Eeeeh... I can totally see how you feel that they were 'ripped' apart instead of 'drifting' apart... My bad... I kinda felt like people were like, "Dang, just get on with the story...!! And stop making such long chapters!" haha. And honestly, I wanted to get on with the story, too...
This is not the end of Snape, though!!!! There will certainly be more drifting!!! Whether it's drifting back together or drifting further apart... We'll see... lol ;)
Well, I'm sure you can already guess if you're seen my responses to other reviews, haha. But you know, it's going to be a bit of both... Together and apart... Get the tragedy going, you know? hehe.
Thanks for another wonderful review! Report Review
This is very good for a prologues all parts of the chapter actually.
The way Lily acted with the boys and with her fight with Petunia seemed to be characterized perfectly.
Nothing to improve on in my opinion except just to keep up the good work, it was really a great chapter.Author's Response: Yaaaay, I can't even tell you how happy I am that people think I'm writing Lily exactly as she should be...! I love her, she's one of my favorite HP characters. :)
Thanks once again!!!! Report Review
Hello again! back for chapter 2!
So far the story is really great, the parts that were from DH were good as well, but I think that i like the way that you wrote in the added parts to the story that made it flow for your general plot direction.
Nothing so far seems like it needs to be improved or changed because everything is flowing seamlessly in my opinion.
Characterization goes well together as well as the descriptions.Author's Response: Woot, thank you for all the positive comments for my story, I'm totally loving it!!!! I'm really very greatful for them. :D Thank you!! Report Review
Hello! it's KaraBlack from the forums returning your request for a review!
I really liked this chapter it was good! The plot so far seems interesting enough to make people want to come back and read the next chapter as well.
I'm pretty sure that i saw someone in the reviews say that 'myriad' was used wrong, but it honestly wasn't if you were trying to use that as in pushing his way out of countless shrubs, if so then it was used correctly.
Next, your descriptions were amazing, my all-time favorite was 'dancing flame' that was just great in my opinion. :)
Severus' father, Tobias, it seems like him that he would treat his wife and son in that way even if he didn't want Severus to 'turn out' that way.
I really like how Severus uncle means so much to him and so far the story really creates sympathy for Severus.
Good job!Author's Response: Eeeeee, thank you!! :D
Ah, thanks for clearing that up..!! I was pretty confused about what to do about that word...
Yeaahhhh, I love the 'dancing flame' haha, like I said to another reviewer, you just have to do it with Lily, hehe.
Tobias... Grrrr. Haha. What a monster.
Uncle Boros. Yaaay. Sort of. Minus his prejudices, lol.
I thank you very much for the review!!!! Report Review
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