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2 Reviews Found

Review #1, by newgenerationlover Memories

2nd September 2014:
Hello there! Interesting start you got here! I've never read a story before about one of ol' Voldy's offspring but this one sure has sparked my interest. Just wanted to put it out there that I think you are a very good writer from what little I have seen from you. You change up sentence structure enough to not get the read monotonous and you seem to have created a pretty good bunch of character. The only little CC I have is to think a little deeper into Artemis' situation. First of all, living with the Dark Lord I doubt anyone would get away with wearing sweats, not only because they are so casual but because they are muggle clothing as well. Also, you have done a pretty good job at showing her father's coldness, especially at the end of this chapter, but there are moments where he seems a bit to fatherly for Voldy himself. For instance when she told him about Draco calling her his property, if you want to go with the pureblood old ways line like I think you are a bit, you could say something like: He raised his brow. "You are a girl, are you not?" Artemis nods. "Therefore you had no right to speak back to him." Artemis hangs her head, cheeks burning red, anger bubbling inside of her. "You are my daughter, which makes you above many, but it does not give you the right to talk back to a pureblood man, do you hear me girl?" he says, rising from his chair, anger palpitating off him. Artemis does all she can to not quake in fear. It is not an easy task to stand in front of an angry Dark Lord.

Ok, wow, sorry, I went really into that. Anyway, just think a little bit more about the situation she is in and go off that. Other than that, I think this story has a lot of promise and I will be looking out for an update, just try to get some longer chapters in here :P

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I love reviews such as this! Have you ever thought about acting as a Beta, if so I call dibs.

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Review #2, by Henria Summertime Sadness

22nd August 2014:
Oh WOW! This is really good. I so cannot wait for more. Excellent job!

Author's Response: Thank you kindly! I have been working on this since I was 16 and have had to revise quite a bit.

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