417 Reviews Found

Review #1, by DracoFerret11 Paranoia

31st December 2011:
Hey there! It's me. :]

Okay...wow. This chapter blew me away. ESPECIALLY the end. My stomach dropped when I read the last couple of lines. It just...wow. I can't even describe how wonderful that cliff-hanger was. I really hope you'll come back to my review thread if you write more. I definitely want to know what happens next now.

SO. This chapter...so much happening! But you really ramped things up here and I definitely felt that you did much, much better than the last, kind of chaotic, chapter. Opinions:

Well...I'm glad Ron and Hermione are "officially" together/people know they are/whatever. Super cute. :] And I liked when Ron was being sweet and cheesy towards her! That was cute!

Now, Hermione seeing things? Oh dear...that's not good. Maybe her capture DID affect her more than it seemed... :[ I'm worried about her. But Harry knows how to take care of them, he'll figure it out.

And now the four of them are leaving? :o What's going to happen? Where will they go? Are they looking for horcruxes? Where will they search? So many questions!

The part with Neville was golden. It definitely brought me right back to their first year, before you even said anything about that. I feel so bad for him though...poor Neville--he's never included in anything.

I think it's incredible how things are going. You've really brought things to a head. It's so exciting at this point and if your readers have stuck with you, this chapter will definitely keep them coming back for more. Great, great job here.

Definitely return to my review thread (DarkRose's Reviews) on the forums if you write more on this. I like it a lot. :] I think I'll favorite it too, actually! :D

Thanks for suggesting the read!

--Emily

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Review #2, by DracoFerret11 Perfect Days Will Come Again

31st December 2011:
Me again! :] And, review time!

Mmkay, this chapter I actually have a lot of comments about, but I'm sad to say that they aren't all positive...

First off, we'll go with grammar/technical elements (since I love them so much!): at the beginning of the chapter, you have a sentence that says, "Although it wasn't there, his silent laughter echoed throughout the room, leading me into the chair that was placed in front of me." which is just...awkward. In a lot of ways. It doesn't actually make sense, for one thing, but it's also just an odd thing to say, y'know?

More just...characterization/plot things: I feel like Voldemort wouldn't have used the phrase "best mates." It just seems very...wrong. He doesn't even know what friends are, I feel like. And I think he would've been much more degrading about it. Also, when Hermione distracts the Death Eater with the ruse about his "untied shoe"...sigh. I just...I really didn't like that. First off, I didn't feel like Hermione would've done something that simple, and secondly, I don't think ANYONE would fall for that. It's just too silly.

More comments (these are in order throughout the chapter, so I'm sorry if they seem a little bit random): the spell to make someone forget something isn't "oblivious," it's "obliviate." And when Hermione uses the jellylegs jinx on Ron... :/ I feel like she wouldn't have wanted to waste time. And I feel like there would still have been SOMEONE left behind of the Death Eaters to guard them. But maybe not, I suppose. I just feel like their escape was a little TOO easy (like when the "alohomora" spell actually worked on the locks). I feel like the buildup to this point would've had a more dramatic escape.

MORE comments: when Harry says, "I wanted to come for you guys, but I had no idea where Voldemort was; not one clue. All he did was laugh before he left and then say that he had you two captive, and if I was smart I wouldn't come looking for you." I feel like that's a cop-out. He didn't even CONSIDER looking for his two best friends in the world? :o I feel like that's a little farfetched. He would've at least ATTEMPTED to figure out where they were, I think.

And, last of the "comments": they were held prisoner for THREE WEEKS? I thought it was two days! Maybe you should find a way to show the passage of time better? I literally had no idea that it had been that long. :/

NOW! :D

The good parts! :D

I promise that there is more to this review than just the bad parts/the criticism. I do.

So, moving on:

I like the plot, you know that. I might just want you to actually spend more time explaining things/drawing them out (instead of just jumping to the conclusion, you know?). I like how things are going. I'm worried that there's going to be another conflict soon though. I wish they could just be happy... :/

I absolutely adore how you're portraying Ron and Hermione's relationship. I think you're moving that part along perfectly. It's so sweet. It's perfect.

I also like most of your characterization, though I feel that Ron and Hermione would've been more traumatized after being captured by Voldemort. And I feel that Harry and Ginny would've been more excited/happy when their friends/sibling returned safely. More tears, haha. :]

Overall, though, I really do think you did well. I like the story, of course, I just think there were a few problems with this chapter. I'm still enjoying what's happening and I can't wait to see what happens next.

I hope this didn't sound too harsh. :[ I like the story, I do!

sorrysorrysorrysorry...ontochapterfourteen.

--Emily

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Review #3, by DracoFerret11 Captivated by Fear

30th December 2011:
Me again!

So...I have a lot to say about this chapter, but I don't want to sound too harsh, so I'll start with the good parts: I think the plot is moving beautifully. It's so exciting. Things have really picked up now. I'm worried about Hermione and Ron and you really have me captivated.

A few...pointers. When Ron says, "Stupid Death Eaters," I felt like that was...not the right way to phrase it. It really trivialized their situation. And so did the part where Hermione says, "I wasn't in the mood for being tortured." Of course she wasn't "in the mood"! Who would be in the mood to get tortured? :P

More parts that came off strangely: when the Death Eaters talk about Voldemort, they use his name. But in reality they would just call him "the Dark Lord." And it was a bit strange that Hermione recognized them by their voice.

Also, because of the way you emphasize that they don't know how long they've been there, it makes it seem like they've been there for a long time. But it's only been a day, which I didn't realize until you specifically mentioned that. I thought it'd been much longer...so maybe make that more clear.

And also, there's a part where you say that Hermione and Ron's interaction is like it was in her dream but there was "no romantic fire." Which seems like a bad thing. Shouldn't she be feeling even MORE for him now that it's real life?

Other than those few things, I liked the chapter a lot. The plot is great. I'm so excited to see what happens next. I adore how things are going. So...good job and I'll continue reading! :D

--Emily

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Review #4, by DracoFerret11 It's Just a Dream

30th December 2011:
Hey there! It's DarkRose from the forums. I've been reading your story, but it's literally been months since I left you a review. I'm really sorry! I should've gotten to this sooner, but college got crazy...anyhowww, here's my review now!

I absolutely love that Hermione and Ron have finally admitted their feelings for one another! I absolutely adore this chapter. Things are so intense. I'm so happy, but scared for them too!

There are several grammar errors in this chapter, as well as a few spelling errors. And Hermione's middle name is "Jean," not "Jane." :] But other than that, it was a good chapter and it didn't bother me that there were some technical errors.

I thought it was ridiculously awkward that Hermione was moaning Ron's name around the other girls! How embarassing! But at least Ron got to hear it. Then it's obvious to him that Hermione wants to be with him.

I loved his explanation of why things were the way they were with Lavender. I'm so glad he wasn't actually dating her! But I wish he'd just come out and told Hermione that he loved her off the bat and not made her go through all that pain. I would've been really annoyed with him if I were her. But at least she knows now.

I'm really upset that something bad has happened to them now, though! I can't believe they've been kidnapped by Death Eaters! I'm so scared for them! I have to read on and see what happens...

Great job on this chapter! On to twelve...

--Emily

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Review #5, by DracoFerret11 Don't Forget to Say I Love You

4th September 2011:
Mmkay, me again!

Well, this was another good chapter. It's so exciting to see how everything's working out.

A few things that I noticed that were a bit off, though: first of all, when Mrs. Weasley is treating the twins' wounds, she sends Lavender to get water. But since there's the "aguamenti" spell, she wouldn't have to do that. Y'know? So maybe Lavender could be going to get something else?

Mmkay, also: I feel like Fred and George wouldn't have wanted to stay behind while the Order went back to Diagon Alley. I think they would've ignored their injuries to participate in the battle. Maybe you could have Mrs. Weasley specifically order them not to go or something to fix that? Just a personal opinion. :]

Good job with the characterization again, though. I really liked the twins and everyone else. I can't wait to see where Ron and Hermione go from here.

Another odd thing before I gush more: Hermione makes a big deal about Ron going into the girls' dormitory, but I really don't know if anyone would be that concerned about it, especially since they've all known each other for six years.

Annd, last concern: you describe Ron's hands as a "big, bulky mass" at one point. Which sounds really gross. Like...ew. I really didn't like that. It made me feel sick. Maybe you could just take that out and have something like, "Hermione looked down to see Ron's large hand covering her small one." etc.

SO, great job with the plot, as always. And the characters are moving along very nicely. I still hate Lavender, but I like everyone else. And their characterization is very nice. The descriptions are good, etc. You're doing very well.

On to eleven!

--Emily

Author's Response: Alright to address your suggestions:

Firstly, I completely forgot about the aguamenti spell! Thank you so much for pointing that out! I will definitely find something else for her to go off and get.

I also agree about Mrs. Weasley ordering them not to go or some sort of restraint holding them back. I don't know why I originally wrote them saying that they would stay back...

I think that I had her making a big deal about it to follow her "goodie two shoes" personality, but you make a very valid point about them knowing each other for so long so why should it matter.

Haha ya bulky mass doesn't exactly sound enticing. I'll go back and change my description on that undoubtedly!!

And one again, thank you, thank you, and thank you!!!


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Review #6, by DracoFerret11 Double the Trouble

4th September 2011:
Me again!

You just keep the action coming, don't you? :] Really well done. I love how the plot is moving. I can't believe there's been another attack!

The action in this story is really picking up and I love hearing what's happening. It's very suspenseful between chapters.

I can't stand Lavender! She's so freaking obnoxious! It drives me crazy. I really hope that Ron was going to say that he loves Hermione, 'cause that's what he SHOULD say.

Poor Fred and George! I really hope they're okay, and everyone in Diagon Alley...that's going to be so interesting to hear about!

Your plot is wonderful and your characterization is beautifully consistent. I think you're doing a very good job.

On to chapter ten!

--Emily

Author's Response: Yes, I decided to slowly pick up more and more on the action since I was moving into the main plot of the novel.

Yes, I cannot stand Lavender either. I absolutely hated having to read her character in JK's books and was completely pleased when Ron dumped her.


Thank you, thank you, thank you again!!


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Review #7, by DracoFerret11 They All Came Crashing Down

2nd September 2011:
Stupid Ron! Stupid, stupid, stupid. UGH. I'm so mad at him for how he's acting (which is a compliment to your writing skills that I can be so aggravated, haha).

Also, I'm really surprised that Hogwarts closed. It seems like such an awful thing to do, but I understand why it happened. I wonder how the school at the Burrow will go. We'll have to wait and see.

You're doing very well plot-wise. The evolution chapter-by-chapter is really interesting and attention-catching. It's good that you can keep readers interested.

Good characterization again. I'm feeling awful for Hermione. I can't wait for Ron to come to his senses. Stupid boy. :P

We'll see how it goes. I'll be reading chapter nine soon!

--Emily

Author's Response: Wow, it's really great to hear you say this!! It definitely makes my day that you can react to my writing in such a way.

Yes, I knew it was a leap shutting down Hogwarts, but I felt like it would give the story a twist in doing so!


And again, thank you so so much! It's always great to hear advice and I'm especially appreciating yours.


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Review #8, by DracoFerret11 Mum's Blessing

2nd September 2011:
Hi there!

Well...wow! What a chapter!

I think your characterization here (of all the Weasleys and Hermione) was terrific. I loved the plot too, of course. The scene with Ron and Hermione was so cute. :] I love things like that. I'm such a sop.

Good job though, seriously. I think you wrote this very well (of course), and the plot is moving along nicely. I can't wait to see if Ron breaks up with Lavender for Hermione (he had better!).

Descriptions were up to par, as was the dialogue. I've no complaints here. :D On to chapter eight!

--Emily

Author's Response: Aww great!! It's always nice to hear things like this :) I really enjoyed writing this chapter, and I'm glad to hear that you feel that everything here is up to par!

Thank you so so much again!!

P.S. I'm a sucker for those things too :)


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Review #9, by DracoFerret11 A Broken Heart is Hard to Mend

1st September 2011:
Hey, me again.

Well, this was another well-written chapter.

I like the fact that Hermione recognizes that she can't pine over Ron forever, even if that doesn't change that she's doing it. It's so Hermione-ish to know all the facts about something, even something so emotional.

So...let's see: I think the imagery in this chapter was a tiny bit lacking. I would've liked for there to be more description of how things looked when the Death Eaters showed up, as well as the actual emotions that Hermione and Ron felt.

I loved that you threw in McLaggen! What a creep! Ew. It was such an awkward conversation. I really wish he'd just go back to whatever hole he crawled out of.

Great job describing how things happened after the Order showed up. I thought that was a nice touch. And I'm glad everybody's okay. :]

Good job, as usual.

On to chapter seven!

--Emily

Author's Response: Alright, imagery! Got it! I'll definitely go back and work on it! And yes, I definitely agree about McLaggen! Never been a favorite character of mine!

I just want to say thank you so much again for taking time out of your day to read my story and give advice. It means a lot to me!


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Review #10, by DracoFerret11 Who's Afraid of the Wicked Witch now?

21st August 2011:
Hey there, me again!

Sorry for the delay in getting you this next review...I promise I'm still reading. :]

Well, first off: good chapter!

A few things I was confused about: first off, Hermione starting a society called S.A.M.S. seems VERY out of character. I don't think she would care THAT much, y'know?

Secondly, I think when Hermione is consulting Professor McGonagall about retrying everyone for Keeper, Harry should be there. He IS the team captain, and I feel like it would make a lot more sense if he was the one who actually asked for them to rehold tryouts.

I think you wrote this chapter very well.

One teensy thing: the scene where Hermione and Ron are running from Peeves seems very rushed...maybe give it more time or add more details to flesh it out.

Great characterization, good writing style, nice plot. :] I really liked it.

Continuing to chapter six...

--Emily

Author's Response: Don't worry about the delay. It has taken me a while to get back to you...been a little hectic recently.

I'm glad that you like the chapter. About the S.A.M.S. thing...it wasn't supposed to be a serious society that she was actually going to start. It was supposed to be comical and hypothetical just to joke around with Ginny and Harry.

I do agree with you about Harry being there for tryouts. That makes a lot of sense. And I wish I had thought of it originally.

And I will definitely look back on the scene with peeves to add more detail. I definitely don't like scenes to be rushed!

Thank you so much again!!


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Review #11, by anonymous diva Captivated by Fear

17th August 2011:
This is one of the best story I have read . You could just feel the tension and passion they are feeling. Ron and Hermione are at there best and you could just feel the tension and anxiety they are feeling

Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review. I really appreciate it!! I'm glad that you could feel everything that I was attempting to make my characters feel. It's always something that i'm concerned about when I write, so it is nice to hear!

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Review #12, by DracoFerret11 Cheater, Cheater Pumpkin Eater

14th August 2011:
Hey there, me again! :]

Oh my gosh! I loved this chapter so much, but I'm so upset at how it ended. Stupid Lavender! I hate her so much! And she's just ruining things for Ron. I really hope he dumps her after this. :P

Okay, one error I found: Ron was pounding on Hermione's dormitory door, but that's not possible. Remember that the girls' dormitory staircase turns into a slide if boys try to go up it. So...just something to consider changing.

Mmkay, characterization was great (especially Ron, Hermione, and Lavender). And plot's wonderful. Anddd...everything's great.

On to chapter five!

--Emily

Author's Response: Thank you so much for pointing that error out!! It completely slipped my mind while I was writing this that it wasn't possible. I'll definitely edit so that fits canon. I think I actually can have a little fun changing that with the plot of the story!!

And thank you once again!! I really appreciate you going through my story and everything you're doing!! :)


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Review #13, by DracoFerret11 The not so Irish Goblin War of 1475

14th August 2011:
Me again!

Great chapter! (of course)

There are a couple of spelling errors (nothing that hurts the flow, don't worry), but you might want to do a read-through to catch them. I guarantee you'll see them. :]

Wonderful characterization! I love the idea of Ron teasing Hermione by making up facts that she doesn't know. And I love how the Guide is coming along! I'm sure it WOULD be useful for guys, haha.

Ginny is characterized wonderfully, as is Hermione, by the way. They both work really well, especially in this particular story.

Love the plot, love the characters, you're doing really well!

--Emily (DarkRose, Ravenclaw)

Author's Response: Oh wow, spelling errors? That isn't good. Usually I catch those!! Thanks for letting me know...I'll definitely go back and fix those immediately!

Ahhh thank you! I love hearing once again that you like the characterization and the guide. I try to make it lighthearted and fun yet go along with the plot-line!

Thank you, thank you, thank you, again!! :)


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Review #14, by DracoFerret11 Don't Pick Your Nose

14th August 2011:
Hey there, me again!

Another good chapter! I liked that the plot started to pick up in this one. This story occurs in the sixth-year timeframe, correct?

I love your characterization of Ginny and Hermione. Ron was good too. That's definitely awesome!

Your descriptions really make the story pop, though there are places that seem a bit flat because of their LACK of description. If that makes sense?

You're doing really well. I wouldn't worry about this chapter at all. (Oh, I liked Snape too, haha)

--Emily

Author's Response: Yes, it's supposed to be around the 6th year time frame. I guess as the story progresses I bring some of the stuff that was more from 7th year, but hey it's AU from the plotline of the books.

And thank you, I'm always concerned about characterization as I stray from the canon occurrences, so it is definitely nice to hear that you think they are in character!!

Yes, I understand what you mean. Do you have any specific examples of places that you felt were flat that I could go back to edit?? Feel free to PM me if you remember! If you don't, no worries :)

Thanks so much once more for all your reviews. I really appreciate it!!


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Review #15, by DracoFerret11 Why Guys have the Emotional Range of a Teaspoon

10th August 2011:
Hello there! This is DarkRose from the forums, here with the reviews you requested!

First off: awesome opening chapter! I really enjoyed it. I'm definitely not a Ron/Lavender fan, so it's fun to watch the turmoil, haha.

I think your characterization is very good for all the characters. There's a slight issue that I have with Hermione, though...first off: I feel like she smirks WAY too much. I know, that seems like it's unimportant. But I connect smirking with Draco (I'm a Dramione writer, haha), and it feels like Hermione's being sort of...wicked towards Ron. Which is weird. But that might be an easy fix if you agree with me. It's your story, of course, though. And I'd never begrudge you if you thought I was a raving lunatic.

A tiny error with word-choice: "unpacked my suitcase" should be "unpacked my trunk," correct? I think so...

Annd, a small grammatical thing that you did several times: normally, you've got your punctuation down pat, but a few times, instead of writing ["blahblahblah," he told her.] you have ["blahblahblah." He told her.] See the problem? I hope so...that one's hard to explain.

Okay, so plotwise: you're doing great. I loved it. And the chapter title is awesome, haha. Now I'm on to chapter two!

--Emily (DarkRose, Ravenclaw)


P.S.- The forum name and house above are for the House Cup competition on the forums, don't worry about them. :]

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing! I really appreciate you taking time out of your day to do so! I'm glad you enjoyed the Ron/Lavender turmoil. I don't really like them as a pairing either, so it is fun to write them in this format.

I completely understand what you mean with the smirks though. In Harry Potter I usually associate them with Draco as well. I guess when I was writing this, I considered a smirk that kind of all-knowing "I'm right but I'm not gonna say anything" kind of look, so it felt right for the situation, but I find it believable that I used it too much. haha

Oh and thanks for pointing out the suitcase bit! I probably would have missed that had I gone back to read it!!

Oh and thanks for pointing that out too. I know the rule. I'm sure I just missed it as I read through before posting the chapter. I'll go back and fix those as soon as possible!!

Thanks so much for the compliments :) I really appreciate you pointing out these things and your opinions to me!!


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Review #16, by DracoLovesPansy Paranoia

10th August 2011:
So incredibly glad you updated. Did not see that one coming, just the happy surprise I needed !:D

Lovely chapter as always. Hope you update soon again.

Cheers!

Author's Response: Thanks so much again!! And I'm glad I wasn't predictable! That's always good to hear!

I'll update as soon as I can. A little busy getting ready for school, but I'm hoping to get chapter 15 up soon :)


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Review #17, by DracoLovesPansy Perfect Days Will Come Again

10th August 2011:
Aw omg *GASPS*

You're characterisations of Hermione and Ron, and btw all the characters, are so in character! Not OOC at all. I love that. She and Ron are ADORABLE together, you really have a knack of writing them together.

Loved the chapter honestly! 10/10

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I really appreciate your review!! It has been a while since I've written this story and I'm attempting to get back into it. Just to see a review like this brightens my day and gives me inspiration to keep writing it!! You're compliments leave me speechless!!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story!! :)


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Review #18, by Keira7794 Paranoia

4th August 2011:
Hello :)

It's a great story! The plot flows well and is really engaging, your characterisation is spot on and there is very few negatives to point out.

Firstly, if you wanted to make the story a bit more authentic, then there are a few Americanisms used which wouldn't be used by a British character:

$ In Chapter 8 you said 'grade school', we don't have 'grade schools' in Britain, instead we have Primary Schools (upto 10yrs old) and then we have Secondary School (11-18)

$ Also is Chapter 8, you said Harry is ** grades above me etc, we also don't have grades - we have year groups, so harry would be a year above me etc

$ In chapter 12, you said 'soaked my pants and shoes', in England we say trousers instead (pants mean underwear in English)

You asked for some honest advice, so that's pretty much it! Sometimes the story seemed rushed, like everyone got over Ron and Hermionie being kidnapped for 3 weeks very quickly, but other than that it's a well-written story which makes me want to read some more!

Hope you continue with this.

Keira

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review. It's nice to see someone still encouraging me to write this after such a long time.

I really appreciate you pointing out my Americanisms in there. When I was writing I was always sure there were a few in there or things that slipped my mind, so I'll definitely go back and fix those when I have a free moment. The 'pants and shoes' error is probably one that needs to be fixed sooner rather than later lol.

And thanks for pointing out that it seemed rushed. I probably had an idea or a sentence I was thinking of for the future and didn't think about how I was rushing to get to that part. I'll definitely go back and do some editing soon and see if I can slow it down a bit. I definitely agree that people shouldn't take something occurring like that lightly!!

Hopefully I'll have a chance to add another chapter soon.

Thanks again!! :)


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Review #19, by suitedude55 Paranoia

3rd August 2011:
AH OMG THANK YOU FOR RETURNING IVE BEN ON YOUR PAGE WAITING FOR 3 YEARS STRAIGHT! NO SLEEP! STILL NOT TIRED!

Author's Response: Haha, thank you :)

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Review #20, by Tyler Why Guys have the Emotional Range of a Teaspoon

3rd August 2011:
Oh my goodness best story ever pottergirl 10/10

Author's Response: Thank you :)

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Review #21, by Matiilda Mum's Blessing

1st May 2010:
I actually think Hermione is a bit out of character, sadly! Bit too girly, and not really like she's in the books. You have an amazing way of writing though - talented writer!

Author's Response: Yes, I know that she may seem a bit off character. I realized as I continued the story that I let her lose a bit of her thunder and sumbit more to her girly side, but I'm trying to reduce that as I continue with the story! Thank you!! And thank you for the extraordinary compliment :)

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Review #22, by Matiilda Who's Afraid of the Wicked Witch now?

1st May 2010:
Aww the ending! "Friend" - but she wants to be more... lol Ron can be so oblivious sometimes :p I really like the "atmosphere" in this story - because it really feels like in the books :D

Author's Response: Thanks!! :) I tried to keep as close as I could to the books--connecting with some of the quotes and mannerisms. Hope you keep reading! :)

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Review #23, by Matiilda Cheater, Cheater Pumpkin Eater

1st May 2010:
Lol really cute title. I like that the build-up for the relationship between Ron and Hermione that we know are to come, is slow and not rushed! That's great.

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I really appreciate your reviews and I always try to keep the titles original and hinting a little at what the chapter will be about! :) Thanks for reading!

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Review #24, by Matiilda The not so Irish Goblin War of 1475

1st May 2010:
Such a quick way of writing, with witty comments and stuff like that. Brilliant! :D it's also mixed with the "seriousness" of the "tips", like don't cheat on a girl cause it'll break her heart. I think it's a true characterisation of relationships in reality, I'm glad you were able to portray that in the HP world as well.

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Review #25, by Matiilda Why Guys have the Emotional Range of a Teaspoon

1st May 2010:
This is just the most adorable idea for a story ever ! :D lol. I think you've got the characters spot on - perhaps Hermione is a tad too girly thought, but ah well what can you expect. It's such a great idea for a story anyway! Good writing style.

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