I realised that I hadn't reviewed this chapter when I read it. Sorry! Oh well, I will just have to review it now.
This is a really good story, I love how you show characters motives, like Jack not worrying about punishments if he can impress Emelia. Malfoy seems particularly interesting, I wonder what will happen with him!
I love your new banner! Its very dramatic. Does this mean that the new chapter will be up soon? Report Review
the story is gud!plz write mre chp fast. Report Review
hahaha that was really good i liked that chap again no drool over boys!
FUN N KISSES Report Review
interesting i like this story but dont make her all girly froo frooo please@!\
ROCK N ROLL Report Review
nu uh who is crying ok you must know... i hate cliffs that was good.. but dont make em one of those drool over the guys kinda girl
ROCK N ROLL Report Review
that was really good... em seems really cool, so does matthe. cant wait to read more!
ROCK N ROLL Report Review
Finally! A chapter! I'm glad you have been making updating resolutions... I'll be holding you to that. So get the fifth chapter up! Oh. You need a banner, right? Did you manage to find out how to make a request on TDA?
Right, back to your amazing chapter. Something you could improve is description. I know, it's on a train, but still some more description would be nice. (You do the description of people pretty good already. Actually, your characterisation is really good. Lily is especially clear. I love Lily, anger management faults and all. 'If only looks could kill' makes me a bit queasy. But I still love her character.)
The prevert thing was just slightly disturbing. It was funny though, because I didn't expect it at all. Being paralysed on the floor is quite a good position to be looking up girls' robes...Imaginative, to say the least. I wouldn't put it past the Marauders to do that either.
You've set up a lot for future chapters (that will be coming soon, I trust...) such as Malfoy's 'coincidental catching in a dark corner'. That would be a very fun part to write! Oh, and I wonder what will happen with Emelia and Jack?
I hope this review makes you happy, because if you're happy it makes me happy too. I suppose it would make everyone else happy as well. So. go get that banner and update! If it is necessary, do one yourself!
The Dark Temple of LightAuthor's Response: I'm sorry....so very sorry....I did not mean to......sorry!!! I will keep my resolution....need to start writing!! Ahhhhhhhhhh! Well no I ahve not figured out how to make a request...yet...the time is upon us.....I will search yahoo or google to find out! :) It was slightly disturbing hey??? Well it is all shaping Malfoy's charcter so sorry temple but that was the way it had to be. Define description....of what??? You said that the characterisation was good but what do you want more of???? You are my favourite reviewer!! I love you...never give up on me...please!
I am very very very happy...you make me smile!
Lots of love.......HHG! Report Review
hey pretty good...
very intresting.. and captivating...
send me more.. lolAuthor's Response: Im glad that you found it interesting!!! Get better soon widge!
I hope you liked it!! Report Review
great. very lovey dovey, maybe add some spells and hexes and stuff?
This is a great chapter Hogwarts Head Girl, really interesting, but I am worried that you have a problem with cliffhangers and not updating. You can probably get away with cliffhanger endings if you update regualarly, but when you leave cliffhangers, then don't update for several months, you get a little frustrating. I can understand that circumstances may prevent you from updating regularly, after all, you don't appear to even have time to respond to reviews, but then don't leave huge cliffhangers!
I feel really sorry for Lily, never been kissed, until her first kiss was stolen from her. Stupid James. I wonder what Dumbledore would say if he knew about the derogatory way that some boys (James and Sirius), not mentioning any names (James and Sirius) treat girls.
You have a great style of writing too, not like those stories written in text language. Just make sure you end your quotations, I did see one incident where you forgot to close the quotation, but it was just one incident, so don't worry.
Keep up the good work and update soon!
Maurader FanAuthor's Response: I Like cliffs......I will try to make the next one not as big! I will be updating more regularly from now on so be happy...but I would love suggestions if you want speedier updates!
I don't very much like the thieves either but girls get over it and Lily certainly will!
I will make sure I close quotation marks from now on!
Thankyou Maurader Fan!
HHG xoxo Report Review
Oh wonderful, just the thing to keep us hanging... a cliff. You seem to favour them. This, by the way, is a great chapter! You've got the writing nicely balanced out; not to many endless conversations and no chunks of endless description. I like that. And I just love how you portray Lily. She's a very fiery redhead. I enjoy the way you add in random bits of amusing details, too.
Now for the constructive criticism that you just love. I'll skip over the sentence structure. I think it'd be better if you made it clear who was speaking, because for the last bit I had to keep on reading it over to fully understand who was talking. That leads me to my other point. Sometimes your writing is very fast paced (I'm not sure if this is on purpose. I beg your forgiveness if it is). Sometimes it gets really confusing for me to understand what's going on, because there's just too much to take in, in one chapter. All the action is clumped together and it gets all muddled up. Things are happening very suddenly.
Of course that's probably just me and how I read. but I thought you might want to know. Overall this is a very good chapter!Author's Response: Thankyou! You are my star reviewer! I love cliffs! Leave you wanting more, you will just have to keep reading and reviewing and so on!
You are going to see a completely different side of Lily as well so be looking forward to that! I am glad I am keeping you amused and not too bored.
If you have any tips i would love them because I often find it really annoying and boring to write
"Yadda yadda yadda" Lily said
"Yadda Yadda yadd" James then said. And so on and so forth so please give me suggestions!
I like to keep you my readers awake while reading my story that is why there is so muh going on at once but I will try to tone it down every now and then so that there is a bit of peace and quite as well as chaos in my story!
Mmmmm fast paced.... when I think about it things in my story happen quite fast but hopefully not without a reasonable explanation and if you read my chapters again you will notice that you get both the girls and the boys point of view but describing the same time just different activities if that makes sense. So I will describe what happened at noon for so and so
*************** and then...
I will describe what happened at noon for the other person or group of people!
I will slow things down a bit every now and then but it is just like being at school and with the group that is always joking laughing having fights...etc..etc...normally life for them is very eventful compared to our ordinary daily life!
I hope that clears a few things up and thankyou The Dark Temple of Light...You win my star reviewer award for this week!!
HHG xoxo Report Review
Same things I said about chapter one so update soon!Author's Response: Chapter 3 is in validation FINALLY!!
Thanks for your reviews Bob! I hope you like the next chapter too! Report Review
I love the story especially the descriptionsAuthor's Response: Thankyou! Report Review
Best story ever! I love it Libby! Keep writing! Author's Response: Thanks Alex! I am really happy that you like it! Report Review
When are you going to update? This is really good, but I have been checking this story everyday for updates and you still haven't updated! Updated faster! Put me out of my misery!Author's Response: Sorry I ahgve had so much on but guess what????? Chapter three is in validation so hopefully that will make up for the dreadful wait I put you through! Thanks for your uplifting review Tough Stuff! Report Review
This is pretty good, I have to admit. Nice characterisation. Keep up the good work with regular updates!Author's Response: Thanks...I am trying to really bring out the characters so it sounds like that is working! Chapter three in validation! FINALLY! I will try to keep more regular with my updates from now on! Report Review
its cool libbs! i like~i likeAuthor's Response: Thanks Steph :) Report Review
Yay! Another chapter.. this one completely captures the characters' personalities. I really like the description of their emotions, makes it more interesting and the characters more lifelike. Which is great!
And a hole in the compartment wall, eh? Original. I wonder where it goes... Update soon!
Author's Response: The Dark Temple of Light! Great name! I hope you put up your own story soon! I am glad the characters are lifelike! They are supposed to be alive in my writing so YAY! Oh don't you love my suspense! Report Review
Ah who is crying?
This story is very very good.
Loving it so far.
Email me when you post more.
xoAuthor's Response: Someone is crying yes but you will have to read chapter 3 to find out who! I will e-mail! xoxoxox Report Review
OH LIB I LOVE IT.
Much love and keep up the good work.
Author's Response: Thanks Evieeeeeee! I can't wait till chapter three is validated! Report Review
This is a great story. Congradulations on your first one. I hope you update soon and often!Author's Response: Thanks Lemon....sorry about the wait but chapter 3 is in validation! I can not wait till I become a trusted author! Report Review
Great update. You mention a killer in your summary, when are they introduced? Update soon!Author's Response: Ahhh the killer! He will be introduced when all relationships fall into place...well as far as my plan goes! Report Review
Yay! You're back! This chapter is like, way cool.
Keep up the good work!
*~*GG*~*Author's Response: Chapter three is coming GG! Can't wait to hear from you again! Report Review
Oh good, you have updated! I get annoyed by the authors who will write the beginning of a story, get us all hooked and then just forget about it! So what if they have better things to do? Us readers personal satisfaction/sanity is important too isn't it?
So thankyou for updating! I really like your style of writing, using different view points, but never being confusing.
Update soon, pretty please!Author's Response: Your personal satisfaction is extremely important! I know because I am a hpff story worm! I have been away and school had been hectic but updates are on the way! And guess what?? I am searching for a banner for your satisfaction and pleasure! YAY! Report Review
This is really good. You emplain stuff really cool, so keep up the good work! Update soon!Author's Response: Thanks again Tough Stuff! Report Review
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