lets start this with.. im honestly crying,
and then ill say how amazingly written it was, and how i loved how ron spoke to hermonie. i loveeed how well sad? they were but happy to be togther :)
great job! Report Review
Yup. There's nothin' like Harry kickin' the bucket. Let's make it a lovey dovey moment shall we? :-P Good though. Report Review
hm. not bad. but why did harry have to die? *sob* last line will you dance with me? grr i wish u would write if she said yes or no...
-lizzyjonas98 Report Review
amazing. simply amazing. you are a fantastic writer. this story was awesome ^___^ *faves* Report Review
Beautiful job, I really enjoyed reading this. You get a lovely cookie for such a wonderful fic!!! *hands you cookie of your choice* LOL!
have a great day! Report Review
Really nice story. You caught the characters emotions, and the
movement of their feelings in a very delicate, evocative way. The reader feels like she's there in the rain with the people. Kudos. Report Review
That was nice, sweet and short. I love how Ron said that he loved her "a bit." :)Author's Response: Thank you ^_^
I don't see Ron as being all gushy with his feeling so I thought this was the best way to phrase it.
Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
I'll dance with you Ron!
Indeed. It's like arabesque all over again. I don't suppose you'll have Mione and Ron dancing a tango in pointe shoes will you???
Another amazing story.
In fact, I may start signing my name off to join you both Phyllis and Joan! I love your stories so much :P
Lv Hilary. Report Review
You are an amazing Ron/Hermione writer. I tend to avoid Ron/Hermione's lately, not because they are really cliche, they are just kindof all the same to me. That ship is just 'done' in canon and everything. Dont get me wrong, I believe Ron and Hermione belong together. Harry/Hermione makes me want to throw things... I also throw things when Ron is paired with someone else. They are just too perfect and adorable together :) But I am overjoyed that you requested a review. You really seem to know the characters, and somehow, you have captured how sweet they are in a completely new, more passionate way. Your Ron/Hermione one-shots are those little gems among all the coal and dirt. ;)
Your stories are so sad! I choke up just reading aloud the parts where Ron and Hermione are thinking about each other. You have a talent for writing romance, wihch many people do awkwardly. I love the detail and how you symbolically focus on small things like Hermione's pulse. Its absolutely beautiful. I just read 'Shattered', so I braced myself before reading this. haha and rightly. I was crying by page two. :) Your last line was so poignant and appropriate for the moment, I was so happy to see that! I just love your writing style. It is so vivid and thick with emotion and connection. Unfortunately, I havn't heard that song. I still loved this, and maybe if I hear it sometime, this will all come back to me even stronger than it is now. Props for your foul language, by the way;).. I had forgotten that Mature actually meant something different than 15+. haha good job there!
As for grammar: Like before, your writing and sentence structure is exquisite. I only found tiny tiny typos:
"they burned a whole into him"-- 'whole' should be 'hole'
"It’s sound harsh but I knew,"-- I think this would sound better as 'It sounds harsh, but I knew'
"a look of surprised etched across her soft features."--'suprised' should be 'suprise'
“Why are you sorry for?”-- I think either 'Why are you sorry?' or 'What are you sorry for?'
That was it! Great, great job again, I loved reading this, it flowed so well. Thanks again for requesting, pleese post again if you write something new! :D
~HannahAuthor's Response: Oh, wow.
Thank you so much for this review!
And I completely agree with your point on Ron/Hermione being a big... shall we say... overdone, as you can find some story-lines in some fics repeated. So I'm happy you think mine are origional.
Oh, and I tend to throw things if it's a H/Hr pairing - they tend to make me a bit ill so I stay well-away Lol...
Anyway, thanks so much for your very lovely (and long) review, and I'll be sure to correct all those things you've mentioned!
Thanks again! Report Review
lol, I love when Hermione asked him "do you actually love me?" and he answered, "A bit. Yeah"
That was funny and so sweet!
Okay, well I didn't see any errors or anything and maybe you could have described the place where they were. It was very sweet, but to me it was sorta weird because their friend just died.
Overall, Good job! Report Review
Oh, that was really sad. In a good way but still sad. But, haha. In the story where I have Harry dead. It's complete opposite. I just was thinking about that. Well, I really like the simpleness of this. It's sad but it's so... Ron and Hermione.. I tink that oyu captures them perfectly. Really great job:)Author's Response: Oh, I'm so glad it was sad. but in a good way!
With Harry for being dead I was trying to almost looking upon it as a new start. While they're sad they're also trying to find a way to almost look to the future. I suppose...lol
Anyway, I'm glad you liked the story, and thanks so much for the review! Report Review
You have writen a beautiful piece here. I can't find much else to say past that, but I should tell you that it nearly made me cry, you have let emotion flow off the very words you have writen and they are beautiful! Well Done! 10/10 (I would give you more, but I can't)Author's Response: Aww, thank you so much ^_^
More that 10/10 that's amazing...lol
I'm so glad that you enjoyed it, as it makes me happy that people find my words beautiful *smiles*
Thanks again! Report Review
AH OH MY JK AW! PHYLLIS!!!
Oh that was such a lovely surprise, seeing as i didn't know you were writing that, and i only just got home and looked at your page.
Have i mentioned that i love how when you write darling ronald's thoughts, he calls himself weasley? Well i do, it's brilliant.
And that was so cute. I see you are getting used to the AU fics, Phyllis. Good, we must all come to terms with it sooner or later.
And i am eternally greatful to JKGOD for making the sad harry's funeral fics AU, and not the happy ever after fics Au.
This is brilliant, i love it.
Love Joan xAuthor's Response: Joan...
Oh, how I have missed your reviews.
And you, of course =]
love you a very large amount and hope to see you soon
Phyllis x Report Review
Sad and sweet...Author's Response: I hope that's a good combination...
^_^ Report Review
this was beautifully written, really the part when ron confesses why he hasnt cried is priceless. i think you do a really good job of capturing the combination of sad and happy/loving emotions. i could go on about how good it is but im going to cut to the chase and point out a couple things that i think could've made this story more amazing.
first the way talk at the very begining i think could been made a little more realistic by describing it more, like you could have desribed the tone of voice to make it fit the charecter more, especially ron as he usually sounds a little akward (if that makes sense im not sure how to describe it) and there something about the line
“Harry’s funeral… the day the great and powerful chosen one gets put in the bloody ground. Hardly a good day at all…”
i cant see them talking about him as 'the great and powerful chosen one', maybe as the boy who lived but thats just my opinion the dialouge is just me being really picky
what i also wouldve loved to see isyou expand upon rons feeling that its not their day, and see if hermione agrees,
it wouldve been nice to also have a little more leading up to ron
i think with your desciption that both the above parts couldve been great.
i really did enjoy reading this story alot, it almost brought me to tears, the above is me pointing out everything that i think couldve possibly made it better but its great as is
hope i helped! Report Review
I liked this a lot! Full of deep emotions from all the characters. The flow and pace were spot on and made the story easy to read. I like that the loss of their friend helps Hermione and Ron to be able to admit their feelings to each other at last. Even though Harry is gone some good has come from it. Overall I thought this was very good and that your writing has a lot of potential! Good work!!! Report Review
“You’re the reason I haven’t just decided to call up into a ball and hibernate ... (roll up into a ball)
Ron just seemed OOC ... too calm, too mature - not even slightly goofy. But foregoing that I like the atmosphere you set -- melancholic and Hermione's deep sorrow and loss was clearly shown.
Him asking her to dance with him was a sweet ending, but does seem odd to ask someone to dance in such an occasion as a funeral.
All in all this is a sweet piece their sorrow was clearly shown as was Ron's deep feeling for Hermione. Good job. Keep on writing. Report Review
This is a cute little one shot. No grammatical or spelling errors as far as I can tell.Author's Response: Thank you =] It makes me happy that you found no mistakes...lol Report Review
I would say that I like the scene, how Ron confesses his feelings for Hermione. But I'm not so sure about the dancing. It is a funeral.Author's Response: When I thought about the funeral, I wanted them to come our of the fic a little happier, wanting to remember harry but not be completely overwhelmed by his death. I guess them dancing was them trying to make things a little better for themselves. Thank you so much for your review and comments as they are really appreciated! Report Review
This was a really good story! It's nice to see what you think would have happened if Harry died at the end of DH. Your beginning was interesting, start off the story with "It's raining again." Questions immediately form in our minds as the reader. "Who's speaking? Raining... that means it'll be a gloomy day, right?" It's good to make your readers think. =)
I enjoyed reading Ron's thoughts as the story progressed. Lines like Well, at least she hasn't sent another flock of canaries at you... were really well written and probably what Ron would say.
I think that the only thing you can probably work on is your description. Sometimes you don't need it, like in this passage:
He closed the distance between them and came to stand just behind her, following her gaze to watch the memorial preparations that were going on outside in The Burrow's garden. His mother, he saw, was standing in the aisle amidst two rows of chairs, her wand held high as red and gold streamers issued from the end, draping themselves over the low branches of nearby trees and over the backs of chairs. As she turned around to face the window, her wand still waving in the air, Ron saw her face was damp with water, liquid trails making both of her cheeks glisten in the dull morning light. He knew it wasn't from the rain.
You can describe the room a bit more, and try to help your reader imagine that they are really there witnessing the scene. Your spacing is also a bit off sometimes, but you can easily fix that.
There are only a few things that you can work on to make this story even better. I really enjoyed this, even though it was quite fluffy. Good job, and keep up the good work!Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much for the lovely comments, and I'll try to work on my description a bit more for future fics =] Report Review
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