Two stories of yours I've read this evening where my main reaction was "wow." This was beautiful. Report Review
That was wonderful. I've fallen in love with the way you discribe things! And you're right, the whole idea of dimethyltryptamine is fascinating. I didn't even know about it until I read this! You taught me something while disguising it behind your great discriptions! I loved it. Excellent work. :DAuthor's Response: :) Thank you so much! I thought the descriptions went a bit over the top, but...meh. Thanks for liking it! Report Review
Cool. Though I am a bit traumatized by Chemistry... (I almost failed this one, lol!) I liked the fact that you incorporated it in a part of the world where it is rarely seen.
I would like to say that the descriptions were great.. Using the colours were a brilliant way to describe what was happening with Snape during his death.
I would like to congratulate you for writing a very original and -for a lack of a better term- well-written piece of work..
That's it, good job!:)
9/10Author's Response: thank you so much! i'm a bit of a chemistry geek myself, which was why the idea for this was so interesting. Thank you so much for liking the descriptions, i thought they were getting a little over-the-top, but obviously they weren't.
thank you so much for your kind review! Report Review
Wow, very well-written one-shot!
-I am a chemistry/biology geek, so basically, this story had everything I love: science, Harry Potter...:)
-Great writing style - you did a good job describing Snape's hallucinations with all those colors.
-It's a very unique story - not many stories have a science lesson embedded into them.
-You switch back and forth from the scientific description of DMT and the actual story quite a bit, which is completely fine. I would suggest that you make the DMT parts in italics, but that's just me.
Great job!Author's Response: i got that criticism from somoene else, I think I might go in and italicize it, set it apart more. I'm a bit of a chemistry geek too, which was the inspiration for this. thank you so much for enjoying this! Thanks! Report Review
Wow, this was a wonderful story. I especially enjoyed the beginning. It's very original, and I don't think I've ever read anything like that on HPFF. It was a very good choice to include them in the story. Congratulations, and thank you for teaching me something new about that!
I have to say that you did succeed with your vivid descriptions. I never really imagined Snape's death scene like this. The way you write it is just... amazing! Very unique, and it really makes your reader think a bit about your words.
I like how you write about Lily's eyes. It's very well written. This is one of my favorite passages from your story:
And suddenly green eyes were standing over him. Briliant green eyes. Green eyes that he would never forget until the day he died. He felt his lips curling up into a smile, but then a lock of black hair fell over them. Black hair, that wasn't right. It was supposed to be red hair. Hair, the color of the sky the moment before the sun dips over the horizon. Black, black was tainted, it was a tainted color, a pained color. Black should not be hanging over those vibrant eyes.
I think I saw some very small errors in this. Maybe only two places where you forgot a comma or period. Anyways, it's something that you can easily correct. You did a very good job on this! This was a very enjoyable read. I hope to see more stories like this from you in the future.Author's Response: Thank you so much! Forgotten periods and commas, are, unfortunately, my weakness (they're so small an easy to miss) thank you for pointing that out.
I'm so glad you enjoyed, I wasn't sure how the style would go over, with the back and forth of science and narrative, but I'm so glad that you enjoyed it!
Thank you so much! Report Review
Wow. This was just awesome! Very, very original, and interesting. Also educational - I had no idea what DMT was before. But the way you described Snape's death was just unique and splendid. I really, really love your style here. And the descriptions were certainly vivid - it fits completely with the challenge. I could visualize the swirl of colors perfectly, the sensation, the feelings - it was just great. And the way you wrote Lily's eyes (you were right, they were almost a character, lol) - it made it seem like something incredibly special. Of course, they were special to him, the last thing he wanted to see before he died - but the way you showed that was spectacular. I really love this, with the blends and the colorful descriptions and the general ambiance and all. And I also liked how Snape was trying to make Harry feel guilty - it does sound like something he would do. Definitely one of the most original stories I've ever read, if not the most, and the descriptions were perfect. I did spot one small error though - kaleidoscope is spelled with an "e". I don't think there are any others, I only noticed this one, but then again, I'm strongly obsessed with that word. Great job on this! 9/10Author's Response: lmao, spellchecker didn't even pick that up, but thank you for noticing it!
And thank you even more for the wonderful review. It was something different, and I'm glad that it went over so well, and that the descriptions didn't get horribly repetitive. There's only so many ways to describe an acid trip (well, DMT trip) without going "the colors man! The colors!" and leaving at that.
Thank you so much! Report Review
wow so brilliatnly written the description is amazing you definetly exceeded challenge 10/10 for a) sheer individualism and b) such an amazing story
i love the mixture of science in the magical world too shows that snape is only human hahaAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! It is a fascinating concept, of the DMT release at death, and I wasn't sure how it would go over, and I'm glad to find out that it went over very well.
Thank you! Report Review
This is seriously amazing.
I'm stunned by all the vivid image's that are conjured up, and written.
It's beautiful :D
I would say you exceeded past your challenge.Author's Response: Thank you so much. Description's not my strong suit, and I'm so glad that you enjoyed it! Report Review
That was definitely a unique approach. The contrast between the "scientific journal" and the death was very effective. But, I sort of got the feeling that Snape was reverting back to a child. Were you going for that? Of course I guess that could happen, dying is a rather traumatic experience :P, I just always pictured Snape as... harder I think would be the word, with more of an understanding of what was going on. But good job though :) I liked the brain description in the beginning :D. Author's Response: It was more supposed to be lost in the moment of the high, I'll see what I can do to make it more...acid-trip (well, DMT-trip) like and less "reverting back to childhood" like.
Thank you, I was trying to get good descriptions, and I was hoping the approach of the scientific bits would go over well, glad to see that they have.
Thank you so much! Report Review
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