I think this chapter is the best of the three. It was an unusual concept for an adventure. I liked that you brought Dobby into it. I also thought that the conclusion was better explained/developed in this chapter.
By the way, I'm sorry if my reviews for the previous chapters were on the harsh side. I do enjoy your writing, or else I wouldn't be working my way through your stories. However, I did not find this story to be your strongest. It did improve from chapter to chapter, though, in my opinion.Author's Response: This chapter was written a little later than the other two, so I'm glad it shows an improvement.
I don't think your reviews were harsh at all. I like getting honest reviews, it's how I improve as a writer. I'm so glad you are enjoying my writing and I am enjoying hearing your opinions. As I mentioned in my responses to the previous chapters, I know this is one of my weakest fics, mainly due to the fact it was my earliest attempt at fanfic.
Thanks so much for your thoughtful and honest reviews, I hope to hear from you again. Report Review
I enjoyed this chapter more than the previous one. I thought you captured Harry's character very well. You used a lot of actual events from the books and adapted them to suit your purposes, which really gave the whole thing an air of authenticity. That feather spell was neat, too. (Is "sticky beak" some sort of slang term? I've never heard it before.)
However, once again, I found that this chapter resolved some situations rather hastily. Actually, the flavor of your story so far reminds me somewhat of a fairy tale. The writing style reminds me of fairy tales, at least loosely. That's not bad. It just seems like you're trying to cram a lot of information into a single chapter.Author's Response: I'm glad you thought I captured Harry's character well in this chapter and that you thought the events seemed authentic. And yes, 'sticky beak' is a slang term, I didn't realise that others might not use it outside of Australia, it's just a term that comes naturally to me (to clarify, it means someone who sticks their nose into other people's business).
As I mentioned in my response to the previous chapter, this was my earliest attempt at fanfic writing, so you'll have to excuse the quality. It's interesting that you thought it resembles a fairy tale, perhaps because my intended audience is supposed to be a somewhat younger audience it comes off that way.
Thanks again for reviewing, I appreciate your opinions. Report Review
Like in your Twelve Days of Christmas story, I like the magical beast in this story. Is it a "real" one, or one that you invented yourself? I'm also glad to see Hagrid again, even though he wasn't a main character. You did very well with his speech; I know a lot of writers really struggle with it. I liked the touch with Snape "accidentally" burning Harry's essay, as well as the hint of more misadventures with Hagrid's creatures to come.
However, I don't feel this chapter is your strong point. In fact, I found it on the weak side in a few ways. Most of it all boils down to one thing, though. The beginning part went quite well, how they're writing their essays when Hagrid's note comes, they go down to see him, and so forth. The rest of the chapter doesn't seem as well planned out. I was surprised at how quickly they all agreed to rush off to find Dumbledore; surely they know by now that he usually defends Snape? While not a huge deal, the whole thing struck me as slightly odd.
What I liked least about the last part of the chapter is how it only takes four sentences for the three to arrive at Hagrid's, convince him to get rid of the Gremlin, and agree to help him with it. The whole last part seems to go so fast, with not much explaining of what is obviously a tricky situation. Also, you hadn't previously mentioned the Gremlin's size, so it struck me as rather unusual that they were just heading off to the Owlery. They just took off there without a plan (or so it seemed to the reader). It took three owls (ok, one was Pig, so maybe he counts as a quarter owl) to carry a ham to Sirius, so the Gremlin can't be very large.
I don't feel I'm explaining myself very well. I think the first part of the chaper was decent; the second part, not as good. It isn't quite right to say that there were a lot of coincidences, but it seemed like disasters were piling up quite quickly that they got out of too easily. Maybe it is more appropriate to say that certain situations in the last part of the chapter seemed like they weren't as well developed as they could have been. The conclusion just seemed hasty to me, personally.Author's Response: The Tibetan Mountain Gremlin was indeed my own creation, I'm glad you liked him. Hagrid is definitely hard to write as his voice is hard to pull off, so it's great that you think I write his speech well.
This is definitely one of my weaker fics, and I have no problem admitting that. This particular chapter (and much of the next chapter) was the first fanfic I ever wrote (long before I discovered HPFF). I originally wrote it as a 'Choose your own adventure' type story for my young nephews. After I had posted a few stories on the archive here I decided to dust off this fic and post it. Considering that I had to translate it from a second person multiple endings fic into a standard third person fic, some of the quality was lost. I think also because I aimed it a a younger audience it doesn't read as well as some of my other fics. I have been able to improve my writing so much since my first attempt at fanfic fortunately, and in a way it is nice to keep this fic as a reminder of how far I have come since then.
I didn't realise I had never mentioned the Gremlin's size - he is actually quite small.
I appreciate your critique of this fic. Thanks for reviewing. Report Review
I don't recall if I had reviewed this story's chapters individually or waited and reviewed them all after the last one, or perhaps the reviews were lost during the recent problems, but I'm glad that I found an open slot.
First, the official business: If I remember your reply to my original review, you stated that these were the first stories you wrote for HP fanfic. While this (and the other two) are certainly well-written and enjoyable, I can tell how much you've evolved as a writer of these stories. You had already mastered the characterization of the "trio" and written stories that feel like they belong in that world. And, like many writers attempting stories set in another writer's world, you take no chances here.
But that was then. Look at the chances you've taken since. Golden Amulet, for example is full of them, and the Belatrix Lestrange story is one big chance all by itself. Comparing these stories to your later ones shows incredible improvements, and please understand that these are good.
But you should know by know how much I praise your work.
And you should know that this review is merely an attempt to respond to your response to my previous review for the recent chapter of "Gone, But Not forgotten". And to that I say, "Congratulations!"
Believe it or not, you are the first person in my limited circle of acquaintances who I learn is supplying the next generation of Harry Potter fandom. At least since the release of book 7, that is. Please accept my best wishes to you and your soon to be more populous family.
Though it pales in significance to your announcement, thank you for your story.
Jeff.Author's Response: I think you had reviewed the chapters seperately initially, and they were obviously lost in the site crash, so I'm very glad you decided to leave another review here (even if you did have an ulterior motive lol).
You are right that this was the first piece of fanfiction I ever wrote. I originally wrote it as a choose your own adventure type story, but then changed it to suit HPFF as those types of stories aren't allowed here. It was a very basic story based on the mood of the earlier adventures of the trio. I was aiming it at an audience of younger readers as I originally wrote it for my young nephews. I'm glad you think I have improved since then, I like to think that my writing style has developed a lot since I started writing fanfiction on HPFF. I am so thankful to my reviewers who have really helped me with my writing journey.
Thank you so much for your congratulations and best wishes. I'll definitely be introducing all my children to the world of Harry Potter. My 2 year old son already becomes glued to the TV when he hears the Harry Potter theme music from the movies lol.
And thanks so much for your review! Report Review
I like this chapter. The plot was good and appeared to be well thought out. I like your attention to detail so there are no plot holes in your story. Overall, I like the story and your descripitions. Very good.Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked this story, I certainly had fun writing it. Thanks so much for reviewing! Report Review
I like the chapter. I thought you had Harry's character spot on about following Malfoy around. My question though is wouldn't he have told Hermione and Ron about it? Well, now that I think about it, him not telling the two was a good idea.
I like this chapter. Keep up the good work.Author's Response: The reason he hadn't told Ron and Hermione was because they thought he was taking it too far, so he just kept it a secret in the end - I guess I didn't explain that very well in the chapter. I'm glad you liked the chapter though, thanks for the review. Report Review
Good chapter. I like how you have the trio having late nigth adventures like in the beginning of the series. I love the descripitions you have--makes me feel like I am actually in the story.
Can't wait to read the next chapter and see whats in store!Author's Response: I'm glad you liked this chapter. I really did want to capture the 'late night adventures' feel that used to happen at the beginning of the series, so I appreciate that comment. Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
That story was interesting. After Jippy was better where did he go? He was freed by Mrs. Malfoy, so was he working at Hogwarts now? I am surprised that Snape didn't catch on to the missing ingredients that the trio took. The story was written well. All in all, I'd say Good Job! 10/10Author's Response: I'd like to think that maybe Dobby talked to Dumbledore about having Jippy work at Hogwarts. I'm sure Snape most likely realised he was missing a few ingredients, and I'm sure he probably suspected Harry, but unfortunately for him he had no way of proving it. Thanks for the review! Report Review
Do we ever find out what kind of half creature Farniculus is? This story jumps a little from one point to another, like from where Harry goes to bed after talking with Dumbledore to the discussion on him following Malfoy. I had to read those paragraphs a couple of times. Other than that .. It was a good story ... Nice work! 9/10Author's Response: I think I imagined Farniculus as being kind of like a werewolf. I think the main problem of this story is that I originally wrote it as a 'Choose your own adventure' type of story for my nephews, but because those type of stories aren't allowed on here I altered it to read as a normal fic, but it didn't really translate too well. Thanks for the review. Report Review
That Snape is always a causing trouble. I liked your use of the miscellaneous characters like Nick and Peeves. This story was well written. Keep up the good work. 10/10Author's Response: Thanks so much! This was just a fun little story I had an idea for, I'm glad you liked it. Report Review
Omg this story is so cute
I read it for two reasons:
a) Dobby is one of my absolute faaavorite characters in the Harry Potter series
b) because I'm writing a fan fiction under another account, Dobby7, and in this fan fiction, which is called IF JAMES SURVIVED..., there is a boy named Jeppy who appears first in Chapter Twelve, and when I saw this this story had a character - a house-elf, no less (I love house-elves) - named Jippy, I just had to read it kuz it sounded a lot like Jeppy. =]
Nice story. 10/10
By the way you're very good with grammar and spelling. Not one mistake.
~(*)~/Author's Response: Thank-you so much for your review.
I really loved Dobby in the books too (I was so annoyed they left him out of the GoF and OotP movies).
That's so funny that you have a character with a similar sounding name. I was trying to think of house-elf sounding names, and just made up the name 'Jippy'.
And thank-you for your comment about my spelling and grammar, I'm a real perfectionist in those areas so it's always nice to know I haven't made any mistakes.
I'm really glad you liked this story! Report Review
Well done!!! VERY well written!Author's Response: Thank-you so much! I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
not very intersesting...But better than some I've evr readAuthor's Response: I agree that this is probably not one of the better stories I have on this site, it was the first fanfic I had ever written. It was really just something fun to write. Thanks for taking the time to review. Report Review
What a sweet story! I love how you wrote Dobby; his descriptions and his dialogue are exactly how JK would write them. You can really spin a yarn, I enjoyed your short stories very much. Great work :)Author's Response: Thanks so much! I haven't written much of Dobby before, so I'm glad you thought I wrote him well. :) And I'm so glad you enjoyed my stories. :) Report Review
that was very good. Author's Response: Thank-you Report Review
Thanks for reviewing my story. I decided to read this and it was very good. Still, i think we should know what year Harry is in, what time of the year, you cant tell if he is 16 or 11. Still overall
9/10Author's Response: Thanks for your review! I purposely left out what year Harry was in for this story, I wanted it to seem like it could have happened at any time during his years at Hogwarts, however if I was to put an age to it, it probably would have happened around his third year. Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection