ooohhh its all cumin out now
gud as keep rokin the story baeAuthor's Response: thanks! :) Report Review
hmm, i think she should just stick with both of them. that way they all win. even though in real life that would never happen. :)
PS 10/10Author's Response: Yeah, hink that wold be the best, but things don't always go right. Let's just hope this doesn't end in the wrong note Report Review
This is really good. I can't wait for an update!Author's Response: thank you! And i'll try to update sooner than last time! Report Review
Hey! Well, this chapter looks a lot more polished than the opening ones, which is awesome. One question though, why does it suddenly go into italics at the end? I think it might be because Blaise's letter was in italics then you just forgot to change it back to normal.
Hoo boy...there's lots of "action" going on in this story! It's nice that Hermione and Ginny were able to bond over some "girl talk." And you certainly ended with a cliffhanger! I'm personally not a huge Dramione fan myself (don't let my friends hear me say that, though! Jeesh...) but I bet you have a ton of other people squeeling over this! Ok, onto the last chapter then bed. I probably won't do another review, so just wanted to say thanks again for reviewing my story! Hope some of these ones were helpful to you. Keep writing because you'll only get better the more you do it!Author's Response: thank you! See i told you my story was getting alot better. I just need to fix up the other ones. Yeah the itallics. i meant to change that but i keep forgetting about hem. I don't really read through my owns story as much as they need to be read through! :( but i'll try to get better at this. I really want these stories to turn out great! Report Review
I'm not going to do a long review here, but I just wanted to point out that you *really* shouldn't put an author's note in the actual story. I know a lot people get super annoyed with that! Personally, I don't think it's a weird place for a bathroom at all, so I think you could just take that note out completely. And hey, if someone says it's weird place, you can tell them that it's YOUR story so deal with it!! :DAuthor's Response: thanks. i'm sorry if this story totally sux for you! it gets better later on though! Um... that's atleast what other people are telling me. Report Review
This story seems to need a lot more work than your other one, but I think you mentioned that you liked your other story better so maybe you've put a little more time into it (which is totally understandable). I have some suggestions, and I hope you don't think I'm being too critical. I just want to help you a little to make this the BEST story it can be! XD
-First off, your actual title for the chapter is pretty messed up. I think maybe you copied and pasted it and the html went all wacko on you. The other chapter titles look fine, so it was just a weird one time thing. :)
-Ok, I've said this before, but you should always have someone beta-read your posts before you submit them. I'm not sure what program you use to type up your writing, but if you use MS Word, something that would help you out a ton is if you set the document to check your spelling and grammar automatically. This should pick up on any spelling mistakes as well as alert you to where you have incorrect spacing (something I noticed a lot of.)
-As for other spacing issues, when you change a scene, you want to either make the space between the paragraphs bigger, or insert a line. For example, you need one here because for a second it sounds like Hermione is somehow magically in the Slytherin compartment:
"Draco shrugged and came up with a small plan that he would be sure would work.
- (break here)
"Hermione what's wrong you seem sort of out of it since we left the station...""
-Something else I noticed was that when you change the person who is speaking dialogue, you want to make that a new paragraph. For example:
"...the prefects of their houses will give them their passwords, understood. “ Draco stood there emotionless as always and nodded his head as she finished talking. [New Paragraph Here]"Yes ma'am we understand ," said Hermione after a while of silence .
Ok, picky grammar stuff aside, so far the plot seems ok. Personally I have a *bit* of a problem with your characterization of Hermione (especially the "baby girl" shirt). But, hey, it's your fan fic, so you certainly have the right to do whatever you want! I just don't want you to fall into a trap of making it cliché, that's all. In a lot of fics Hermione ends up as this gorgeous, model-type who swoons over Draco.
-I *do* like how you mentioned that Draco had been noticing Hermione since their fourth year, though. It shows that maybe Draco doesn't mind his father's assignment so much. I ALSO liked how you made Lucius seem a little bit nicer, calling Draco, "son" and asking him to do this to make his mother happy. That was really nice.
-Ok, I'm going to read a bit more, but I really need to go to bed! I'm giving this chapter a 5/10 because there really is a ton you need to work on as far as spacing and general tidying up. But fix that, and I would definitely rate it higher. Hope that helps!Author's Response: thanks alot with the critical help. Yes i have been putting more time in my other fic so it is way better. I will certainly take your suggestions and i'll try to get a beta! And ya i know its sorta a cliche, that's why i don't like this story as much. but thank you and let me get to the other reviews now! Report Review
aww i loved this one! i hope that you update soon!! :DD
it was a little weird but it was really good to! :D i hope that hermione doesnt say nething about the order to him! oh man! that would be bad!!
but then again i think that im starting to trust draco..wow never would have thought i would be saying that. lol
well it was amazing! plz update soon!Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing! and Draco's only doing what he has to do for his family. if hed aq choice in this he wouldn't! but yeah trusting draco isn't so bad1 Report Review
update soon can't wait for more chapterAuthor's Response: i will! and thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Ok I sure hope every thing turns out ok with D and H.Author's Response: well let's jsut hope! i mean after a night like that you would probably think Blaise might want her back! Report Review
kinda good Nohely! please update soon
Mrs. WEasleyAuthor's Response: Thank you! i was worried it wasn't going to be too good! i thought it was going to confuse soem readers. Report Review
HOTT!i love it!!!it really kewlAuthor's Response: thak you! i loved it too! i love reviews! Report Review
oh my gosh!!! i love this story! i really hope draco and hermione get together. please update soon!!!Author's Response: thank you Thank you very much! Report Review
OMG R U SERIOUS?!?!?!!?!!
what happens next?!!?!!?!Author's Response: thank you! yes i'm serious! i can't tell you! u'll havet o read the next chapter! Report Review
i think he just ruined the moment .. lol
truth or dare~ if only i had Veritaserum when i play !!Author's Response: yeah i know! that would be so much funner and way riskier! Report Review
aw come on! lolol... it's so confusing! one minute u think she's in love with blaise, the next draco, then the whole ginny blaise thing... wtf? i love it though! can't wait for more! 10/10Author's Response: sorry for the confusion! but that is what she feels at the time. but just remember draco needs her so.. ya! Report Review
OH! This is going to cause a lot of trouble. :) Kee up the great work and update ASAP. THankz.
PS 10/10Author's Response: thank you! i will update as soon as i can! Report Review
OMG! I can't wait to read the next one. Blaise is so forceful ;P hehe. Keep up the wonderful writing. ^^Author's Response: thank you! and i will try to! it is so hard thinking about what to write next! it is so awesome that i am getting so much attention for these stories Report Review
First chapters in most fanfics seems rushed. But it's still starting off pretty good! I'll get to reading the rest of it now. XPAuthor's Response: thanks! and yeah it is pretty rushed! i am getting someone to look at that later though! Report Review
hurray good chapter! update soon
Mrs. weasleyAuthor's Response: thank you! im glad you liked it! it will be out soon enough! Report Review
I love it! I can't wait for -drum roll, please- Truth or Dare! Please R&R my story, Fire and IceAuthor's Response: oh just wait for it! ur in for a great surprise! Report Review
I like it. :) I cn't wait for the next chapter. :)
PS 10/10Author's Response: thank you for all of the support that you have given to my stories! and it will be out soon! Report Review
ooh i like it! keep writing! i cant wait until the next chapter comes out! :DAuthor's Response: ur gonna have to keep on waiting until it comes out! Report Review
i loveee ur story!!Author's Response: thank youv and i can't tell you! you'll have to read the next chapter and find out
i think Ginny really wants Blaise. Poor Hermione. Update soon.Author's Response: WELL READ AND FIND OUT SOON! Report Review
update soon can't wait for more chaptersAuthor's Response: thank you i will try to get another chapter in soon Report Review
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