I like this story but I don't think you should make Harry sound like he can't get hurt.Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Report Review
I like this chapter! The Potter-Weasley clan is surely getting too big for the burrow! It made me smile about the detention as well! It's good that Nevill gives them an easy time! Keep it up!Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad that you liked this chapter. I really appreciate it =) Report Review
Good Chapters so far! Classic Harry Potter story line! Just watch for spelling and grammer mistakes, as they stick out like a sore thumb in amongst the otherwise spot on story!Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad that you are enjoying the story so far. And the spelling/grammar get better as the story progresses, but I am planning on going back and editing all the first chapters that has a ridiculous amount of spelling/grammar mistakes in them. Thanks again for reviewing ;) Report Review
Wow..i have read all your story in one day,i really like it 10/10Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad that you are enjoying the story so far! I should have Chapter 22 finished by either this weekend or next weekend ;) Report Review
I'm so glad Rose is ok! And Scorpius is a little hero, that's so sweet. He's so different from his father, which is good.
I'm glad James & Holden made it onto the team!
I have to say that I've never really been a Rose/Scorpius fan, but I will definitely keep reading. You've characterized Rose in a way that makes it believable for them to be together. Great chapter! :)Author's Response: Yeah, I had to write Scorpius as the hero as a sort of way to redeem him as being different from his father in proving that I did have a reason for placing him in Gryffindor instead of in Slytherin like both of his parents Draco and Astoria.
Well, of course James and Holden made the team ;) As for Rose/Scorpius, well as of yet there will only be friendship between them. And I'm glad that you like the way I've characterized Rose. Thanks again for reviewing! Report Review
Great chapter! Poor Al, feeling so bad about Harry not telling him. I think I'd be mad if my parents didn't tell me something important like that.
I liked Nathan waking everyone up. He's hysterical. I have a character sort of like him in my second Albus story.
Rose! Is she going to have another disastrous flying lesson? I'll have to go read the next one. :)Author's Response: Heheh, yeah I really enjoy writing Nathan because he's so much fun and is such a laugh. I'm glad that you like him. As for Rose, well, obviously you'll just have to wait and see in the next chapter... ;) Thanks again for reviewing! Report Review
Great chapter! I loved Rose's flying lesson. I think you captured Ron & Hermione's personalities well.
I'm thinking that Sleekwood is up to something. I've just got that feeling. I know James & Holden got him pretty mad, but I think there's something else going on, too.
I love the Teddy/Victoire stuff. I absolutely love that ship. It's probably my second favorite. (first is Remus/Tonks).Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad that I did well writing both Ron and Hermione; it's always been a concern that whenever I write any of the golden trio that I butcher their characters.
Hmm... he might be, but then again he might just now a bit too much for his own good... You'll just have to wait and see, now won't you.
Yeah, I liked writing Teddy/Victoire because they're just so sweet and perfect for each other. Thanks for reviewing and I'm glad you're still enjoying the story! Report Review
Great chapter, A bit of development which I like. What's with the dream though? If he's been having this dream since he was eight and he's known about his father's condition and his father's friends' abilities, how can it possibly have taken him this long to understand this dream?Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad that you like the development and where I'm taking the plot. As for the dream, as if yet it's not important. It's basically just showing that his dad is going to always be watching over him. Thanks again for reviewing! Report Review
It's okay, nothing special, but not bad either. It is oddly addictive, though.
This is kind of a general review for the first six chapters since I just started reading this. The story could be great with some changes, specifically the grammar and style. Grammatically, you have issues with homonyms (using your instead of you're, etc.), and with general sentence structure, often having detached adjectives and phrases. Your sentences are overly wordy without giving significant detail. I recommend that you spend an afternoon reading Strunk and White's "The Elements of Style". Even though it is a bit old, it addresses all the common stylistic and grammatical issues that you're dealing with.
As far as the plot is concerned, you focus far too much on the letters, every one of which is a rehashing of events you've already depicted. It feels almost like you're trying to make the story longer by adding meaningless filler. I don't think I would try to write so many varying perspectives, that only superficially intertwine, it detracts from the initial development. The major flaw in the plot is the lack of a hook. There is no conflict or mystery yet to make the reader want to continue.
By the way, what happened to Professor Binns? A ghost just doesn't retire or leave, not after however many centuries.Author's Response: Thanks for the detailed constructive criticism. I really appreciative and I am currently working editing all of the earlier chapters since my writing has definitely improved since I first started this fanfic; it was only my second fanfic. The style and grammar get better the further in the story gets.
Yes, I've noticed that, too, and ceased writing the letters in the later chapters because I just got tired of writing them just to write them.
As for the multiple points of view-- I start to narrow down to a few different characters in the later chapters when the plot starts to thicken and take shape into mystery/action. And then I just felt like having some new professors, that's all. Thanks again for the review! Report Review
Another great chapter! I loved the firework prank, especially how McGonagall thought it was amusing.
Gryffindork! People have been known to call me that a few times. Although I take it as a compliment. ;)
I actually feel bad for Scorpius. I never thought I would, given how I've characterized him in my story. But you've taken a totally different view on him (which I do like) and I do feel bad for him. Draco's being so mean to his own son, that's so sad. Hopefully he'll learn to accept that Scorpius is in Gryffindor.Author's Response: Of course McGonagall found it amusing. It made her think of the Marauders ;)
Yeah, I thought it would be a good insult for a first year to use against someone that they wanted to insult. 11-year-olds aren't very clever when insulting others as that art is developed as they get older. Plus, any offspring of Crabbe's is bound to be stupid and I just had to keep the insults he shouts out simple.
Good, my intention is to make Scorpius the complete opposite of his father. And don't worry, Draco will come to terms to accept that his son is different from his self. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Great chapter! :) I really like how you're doing it from multiple POVs. There are so many Next Gen kids and it's nice to see a story that focuses on more than one of them.
I guess I'm not the only one who put George with Alicia Spinnet! I always thought they made a nice couple.Author's Response: Yeah, I had fun flipping around between different characters. I had first planned on focusing on Albus and his friends, but then I decided against that when I realized it would be much more interesting to focus on different characters of the next gen. kids.
Yeah, I always saw Fred and Angelina together because they went to the Yule Ball in GoF together, and find it hard to imagine George with Angelina. But in my other next gen. fics George is with Angelina just because they follow canon more than this one does because I started writing this right after I read DH and before J.K. Rowling starting making all those statements about the HP characters and what they're doing now, etc. I thought George and Alicia would be cute together, so I put them together. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Great chapter! :) Albus has no clue about Harry and Voldemort? Wow. That'll make for interesting conversations with Scorpius!
Speaking of Scorpius, he's in Gryffindor! I don't think Draco will be too happy about that. I'm glad Al and Rose are in Gryffindor. It'll definitely be interesting to see how their relationship with Scorpius plays out.Author's Response: He knows some of the basics, like the fact that there was a war during his parents' time, but that's about it. His parents wanted to protect their children from all that fame because they didn't want them to get big heads. And as for Scorpius being made a Gryffindor, well let's just say that he's a lot nicer than it may have seemed at first impression. Thanks for reviewing and I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter! Report Review
Its a good story overall, but I do wish to read more about the younger generation, they are by far my most favorite characters in this story! Keep up the great work!Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing. I'm glad that you are enjoying the story thus far and I'll be sure to write in the younger generation more than I have been. I guess I just got into the phase of writing the adults and how the new dark leader is affecting them. The next chapter will have more of the younger characters. Thanks again for the review. Report Review
Great start to the story! I loved reading about Al & Rose & James and the OCs. I especially liked how James told Al & Rose they couldn't stay in his compartment. It was very much an older brother thing to do. Can't wait to see what houses they wind up in!Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad that you enjoyed this first chapter with the different interactions between all of the characters, and liked my OCs. And I know of one of the first years that is sorted that will surprise... but I'm not going to say as it'll ruin it ;) Thanks again for reviewing! Report Review
That was great, you have developed your own style for sure. At first your story was similar to the series itself (it was still very good though.) Now I feel like I'm reading a complete different story, and can't predict what might happen based on series itself. Please continue your story and don't get discouraged if less people review and view it. That happened when I updated for the first time in three months with my story.Author's Response: Thanks so much for the encouragement! And I'm glad that you've noticed how much I've developed my own style. I hope it's not too predictable, though ;) I have plenty of ideas to come in upcoming chapters. I've already started on Chapter 22, even though I told myself I wouldn't until I had Chapter 10 of my other fanfic completed, beta'd, and posted; I just couldn't hold off from starting it because I was starting to dream about the many possible scenes that I could write, and even some sub-plots.
And I definitely am not going to feel discouraged because I've gotten a few great reviews on this chapter, and there have already been close to 70 reads... which is the same amount of reads that I have for Chapter 9 of Behind the Mask and that chapter has been up since Dec. 22 as I posted it before I went out of town for Christmas. I'm just happy that people are still reading it and a few of my loyal reviewers, including you :glomps:, left some very encouraging reviews telling me that they liked this chapter and are still looking forward to what is to come. Thanks again for reviewing! Report Review
This was a great chapter. You are building up the suspense perfectly. Are you an anime fan? If you are then you should look at death note, because has a very similar way of unfolding the plot like your story. You never know what might give you inspiration!
10/10Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad that the suspense is building up nicely! No, I'm not an anime fan, but I have heard of Death Note. Though I haven't read the comic or seen either of the two movies. I'll have to check it out to see what you mean by the similarity in the way the plot unfolds. Thanks again for the review, it's very well appreciative! Report Review
excellent chapter and welcome back
cant wait to see what happens now !Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad that you enjoyed it and there's more coming soon after I update my other story. Report Review
Im really glad you updated! I really missed this story =)
Keep going, I know its tough, Good luck!!!
-ps. the chapter was great!Author's Response: Oh, I'm so relieved you enjoyed this chapter. I was worried that it wouldn't be as interesting as I hoped it would come across. And thanks for being understanding, I really appreciate it! ;) Report Review
I'm enjoying what I'm reading so far.
You might want to consider a rewrite the final two sentences to correct grammar. You switch tenses (past to present and then back again) in the middle of that final paragraph.
This is the only case of it that I've seen of it in four well written chapters, so that says nothing but good for both you and your editor(s).Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing, and I will definitely look back over the last two sentences to see about editing that up. I'm glad that you're enjoying the story so far, and thanks again for the review as it is very well appreciated! Report Review
Your doing a great job writing about Albus and his friends! I found your stories yesterday night and I am allready done with what you have written so far. I just have one question though, what about Victore and Teddy? You didnt write about them in the past few chapters, I would love it if you did!
TaraAuthor's Response: Thanks, I glad that you enjoyed the story so far and I am going to update next month when I have chapter 21 completed... it's been started for a while but I have not had much inspiration to finish it until now. I kind of abandoned my fanfiction for this whole month of November, though, as I participated in NaNoWriMo (and I reached 50k a couple hours ago and am a winner!) and that novel was my main focus anytime I sat down to write. All I have to do is wrap up the ending by tying all the loose ends together and I'll be back to writing for my fanfiction stories.
As for Teddy and Victoire... I will see about getting more of them in, but at the moment Victoire is at Hogwarts and Teddy is in Auror training at the ministry. Thanks again for reviewing! Report Review
Apparently my reviews for you were lost in the great crash!
I've read this before, but I always enjoy reading it again. Love the banner, too! Amazing.Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much for re-reviewing! I really appreciate it and enjoyed your reviews. I'm going to make a great effort after NaNoWriMo this month to update this story, along with my next gen. romance 'Behind the Mask'. But until December my first priority is my NaNo novel. Thanks so much and I'm glad you enjoyed the story enough to re-read it to re-review it after your reviews were lost! =) Report Review
Nice story. I like the mirror images of the Marauders and James' group of friends. The story line seems a bit transparent but then again I could be wrong...I hope I am wrong. If I am not, I hope you throw some twists and turns in there to make it interesting.Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing, I really appreciate and there will be some twists and turns to come when I come back to writing this story. At the moment I'm focusing more on 'Behind the Mask' and then for the month of November I'm going to be focusing more on my novel for NaNoWriMo. Thanks again for reviewing! =) Report Review
Nice. but ive got a thing for the houses and you said loyalty is a griffindor trait. Just some ppl may have traits of different houses.Author's Response: Oh, of course. I know this and I believe I've shown later on how a few of the characters could fit into other houses other than the house that they belong to because their personalities vary between all of the houses. Thanks for reviewing and pointing it out to me. =) Report Review
I must admit I do quite like Scorpius' one-liners very Malfoy dry-humour. Lets hope there is a bit more drama later on.
I do like the romance parts of stories but first year romance seems a bit iffy. I never thought 11 year old boys cared that much for girls.Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you liked it and I kind of fixed that later on... I don't know what I was thinking when I put romance into the minds of 11-year-old boys. Thanks again for reviewing and for the feedback! Report Review
Great Job!! I reall like ur story, just a couple of grammer errors like sometimes you write in past tense, then present tense, That's all!!Author's Response: Thanks! I'm glad to hear that you're enjoying it. Ugh, I know, but it'll be fixed just as soon as I just got a beta for this story. Report Review
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