Reading Reviews for Unison of the Persecuted
  
33 Reviews Found

Review #1, by alyosha Chapter 3 - Convent Closure

1st March 2009:
I hate your story. I'm supposed to be cleaning my room and doing many another humdrum chore, such as preparing myself for a new semester that begins tomorrow. But i can't seem to, for i'd much rather be reading this!

I can't say i much cared for helga hufflepuff before, herself and godric being the lesser of the four founders in my mind and in my experience. But basing her off of this story rather than my five year old opinion, i'd have to say my mind is changed. So changed in fact as to proclaim her my favourite. This is your best chapter so far, and the others were superb anyway.

You're depictions are so life-like. They're sketched so vividly, but not in an over-bearing manner. The opening was like a haiku, it captured the scene, but in the most minimal way it could.

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Review #2, by alyosha Chapter 1 - Fleeing the Fens

1st March 2009:
I really like this. I can't stress that enough.

but just so you know, a hoard is used generally for stashes of items and objects, whereas a horde is the collective term for living things, like mobs and groups of animals and so-ons and so-forths.

I suppose you can use it metaphorically though.

But man, that was the best.

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Review #3, by WeasleyTwins Chapter 1 - Fleeing the Fens

14th June 2008:
Hey! So, obviously, ye asked for a review and ye shall have it.

First of all, I would like to say: Oh. My. Gah. Second, did you know that I wrote a story and one of the characters is named Cassiopeia! That amused me. Hehe.

Okay.

Plot: Simply stunning. It's like nothing I've read before about the Founders.

Description: I am at a loss for words as to how astounded I was at your descriptive writing. You use such vibrant words. It is simply amazing. I get this vivid image in my brain when I read this. It's as if I've stepped into a whole new world.

Characterization: Well, I can't say much on this yet. But, what I can say is I absolutely ADORE Salazar. He's so powerful and sure of himself. He wields his wand like a sword against the most dangerous dragon.

Flow: Excellent. Phenomenal. I think I'm being to run out of compliments.

Truly and honestly, as a writer, I have to say that you surpassed all my expectations. I see you as the next JKR. With what I've seen from this, you could write a book of your own engineering and it would be wonderful. I am just astounded by this, and I'm only on the first chapter.

I thank YOU for writing such a vivacious story for a die-hard Harry Potter fan to read. I feel honored to have read this.

Hey! I hope I have given you all you wanted from my review. I don't think I've put any CC in this review. I saw nothing wrong! My praise just isn't enough!

21/10

Author's Response: Thank you for such a huge dollop of praise once again. I don't think I've ever read a review with such imaginative praise in it. All of the words I can think to say as a response, don't seem to do it justice.

Thank you so much for all of the praise. And also for the other reviews you left me, that were rather unfortuneately lost in the site crash. I still remember them well. :)


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Review #4, by elizabeth Chapter 6 - Recruitment

12th June 2008:
Please continue .. a very good story :]

Author's Response: I do plan on continueing, chapter 7 is almost finished and chapter 8 I hope to start on tomorrow. They will be up as quickly as possible.

Thank you for reading so far and thanks for taking the time to leave a review.


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Review #5, by marinahill Chapter 6 - Recruitment

7th June 2008:
oh fantastic! such vivid descriptions! you are a genius, my dear, and this is a work of art!

I loved the tension, yet friendship between helga & rowena, really good! and we had another glimpse of godrics - I can almost see how the four are going to meet!

yay thanks for updating! great work :D

Author's Response: Thank you once again for such high praise on my pet project.

I persoally preferred this relationship between Helga and Rowena, as I don't think my last chapter with both of them really portrayed their characters properly. But I couldn't really think of a way to fix it without changing the entire chapter. Hopefully this one puts their personalities back on track a little more though.

I hope you can see how the four are going to meet, and what a meeting it will be! (Hopefully :S)

The next update may not be for a little while because it is coming in the form of 2 chapters! The first one is ending right in the middle of everything and I didn't think it fair to end it on a cliffhanger or in the middle of something. But it needs to be broken up :)

Anyway thank you very much for reviewing once more! It is much appreciated. :)


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Review #6, by Lucy Morag Chapter 5 - A Foreign Hero

31st May 2008:
I really love this story, it's accurate and well written- definitely the best founders story I have read

Author's Response: Thank you so much for such high praise! I wouldn't vouch much for historical accuracy for the moment, which is something I am trying to adjust with the next couple of chapters coming out. Unfortuneately I knew very little of the years 1000-1100, particularly in Scotland and the relation to England. But I have been doing some research recently. Events will still be made up or slightly tweaked, but I hope to imrpove the accuracy of the rest.

Anyway thank you very much for reviewing, it is nice to know that there are other fans of the founders out there.


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Review #7, by huckleberry_pie Chapter 5 - A Foreign Hero

24th April 2008:
wow i really like this story. it is an interesting twist on character we really don't know much about. i am looking forward to more!

Author's Response: Thank you very much. Although I have to point out, if I may, that since we know nothing much about them, I can't really put much of a 'twist' on them :P! But if that is the way you see it, then even better. :D

Anyway, thanks for reviewing.


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Review #8, by LittleBookworm Chapter 5 - A Foreign Hero

10th April 2008:
Gah! You updated! Yay!!! *does a happy dance* Even if you took ages to finish this chapter, it was worth the wait. I especially love the lenght of it. :D You did an amazing job with this chapter. The description is breathtaking and I'll always be jelous of your incredible skill at describing places and feelings. I'm a fan of description but its secrets are still hidden from me. :P

I love Salazar. I've loved him for quite some time now but this chapter made me love him even more. As a Slytherin to the heart, I was excited to see that you decided to write this chapter from Salazar's point of view. It's always so interesting to see things from his perspective. He's so... charming and mysterious and devilishly handsome. :P

I'm eagerly awaiting the next chapter. I hope Salazar will get the opportunity to meet Rowena and Helga in the next chapter. :P Happy Writing!

-LittleBookworm

P.S: 10/10 :D

Author's Response: Well I'm so glad that the chapter was worth waiting for, it is my favourite moment so far. I do love a bit of action and peril to liven up a story. Thank you for some more praise upon my descriptions, I would love to tell you how I do it, but I honestly don't know. I don't really pick up on it myself, but I am sure that if I go and read some more of your stuff it is also very good in the description department.

I like Salazar too, but for the fact that in my mind he is fairly short tempered and calcuating. However I can't really write calculating convincingly, so he is just short tempered for the moment. I imagine him a little like the portrayal of Voldemort in the films. Extremely angry, yet the tongue and politeness of a courtier. Where the charming may come in at a later date.

As for Salazar meeting Helga and Rowena, not for a while I am afraid. I am going to try and get Godric a little further North at this point. This chapter started off with Salazar and Godric meeting together, but I thought that it would just be too convenient. The idea of Salazar being jumped on by a wild scotsman was too muh of a temptation to miss and a bit more believable. He will be rather involved with his new placement with Lord Ravenclaw before he actually leaves. I know exactly how he is to meet them, but it isn't going to start yet.

So what is going to happen in the next chapter? I have no idea either. I feel that I should jump back to Helga and Rowena, but i don't know what to do with them. I need to get Godric up to Scotland, but am not sure what he would do on the way there. Actually...... an idea has just struck me. But I think I need another chapter beforehand. Which means, we may have another Salazar chapter again. :)

Anyway I am rambling. Thank you for another review and I am glad that you are enjoying it.


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Review #9, by marinahill Chapter 5 - A Foreign Hero

7th April 2008:
hheehe Salazar is growing on me... i love his cluelessness around Lord Ravenclaw... that's a trait that could lead to arrogance, which we know slythy was infamous for... maybe :) you have so much detail in your story, it's so amazingly good! i hope you update soon

Author's Response: I never really thought of leading that onto arrogance to be honest with you, good idea. Thanks.

Thank you for yet another review :)


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Review #10, by marinahill Chapter 4 - A Greater Destiny

30th March 2008:
lovely atmosphere! I get the feeling the glade is somehwere special and magical. I like ravenclaw nearly as much as hufflepuff. the descriptions are so good! arghh pleasseee update soon!

Author's Response: But the glad is somewhere magical. You will see later on ;).

Glad that you enjoyed it again. The next chapter is ready to be submitted and will be posted once the queue is open again :D


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Review #11, by marinahill Chapter 3 - Convent Closure

30th March 2008:
I like helga the best so far! what a mess she was in! the descriptions in your story really bring the characters and villages alive. out of the threeso far, helga's background is the most realistic, and I really got a feel for the atmosphere at the convent. well done again!

Author's Response: What a coincidence, at the moment Helga is my favourite too. Though I am in a bi of a pickle as to what I am going to do with her. Her fate is as of yet undecided.

I am glad that you thought her background was very realistic, and to think that at first I had her as the daughter of a welsh farmer! I personally prefer the convent thing myself.

Thank you for reading and reviewing again.


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Review #12, by marinahill Chapter 2 - Gallant Gryffindor

30th March 2008:
hello again - great chapter, again. I particularly like your descriptions of the drunk godric - he seems so ungallant as he's portrayed by the sorting hat, which I liked. he's a bit more realistic this way than if he had.. saved someone from a fire, say. but you still had the details of his victories, which was very efective. i think he makes a great contrast to the serene slytherin. great job again!

Author's Response: I completely forgot that Godric was supposed to be gallant! For some odd reason I always pictured him as someone who enjoyed a good drink. Perhaps that side of him ran away with me here. But don't you worry, there are some more gallant acts planned from him in the future, I wanted to show how human Godric is in this chapter.

I am glad that you enjoyed this chapter too. Thanks for continueing to read.


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Review #13, by marinahill Chapter 1 - Fleeing the Fens

30th March 2008:
wow ! what a great first chapter. I've never read founders before but I'm so glad i came across this! you describe slytherin really well, just how I imagined him. can't wait to come back for more. great job!

Author's Response: Thank you very much, I am glad that you enjoyed it.

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Review #14, by weasley twins rock no.1 fan - neti!!! Chapter 4 - A Greater Destiny

4th March 2008:
i'm speechless.
i honestly am speechless.
your style of writing has suddenly changed! its a lot more...beautiul. before it was just stunning and great, but now its plane and simple beautiful. really, when i was reading it, i felt like i was reading a bit from the daughter of the forest. but honestly, its stunning! my favourite bit is the last paragraph, its so deep!
i'm guessing that you know i like it.
i love it
i adore it!
keep it up!
i want a book by 2010 x hehe
lots of love and writership...neti

Author's Response: My writing has become beautiful? Wow. Something like Daughter of the Forest is WAY out of my league though. I would love to writer half as nicely as that.

Glad you loved it so much. However chapter 5 = writers block. Chapter 6 is no probs at the moment, 5 is a pain.

As for that book in 2010, you may be pleasantly surprised ;)


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Review #15, by Terapsin Chapter 4 - A Greater Destiny

22nd January 2008:
10/10
I like this story and I love the character's they are very different and still somehow similar... an animal in surname is only a smallest part of it.
It looks like this could be full of interesting surprises and I hope dangerous adventures.
Well please update... soon would be good... sooner would be lovely... now would be necessarily... what are you waiting???
Oh yes, PLEASE!!!

Author's Response: Ah... but only one of them even has an animal in their surname! :P Naturally all of the founders have to be different in many respects, if they were all very similar then there would never have been any inter-house rivalry.
I am hoping that this is going to be full of surprise and there will most certainly be many dangerous adventures. I only hope that what ideas I have in my head convert adequately into words.
As for updating, chapter 5 is currently being written, tis an awkward one that I keep scrapping, I cannot stick to the one idea!
Thank you a lot for reviewing, I promise to update as soon as possible.

Weasley twins rock


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Review #16, by LittleBookworm Chapter 4 - A Greater Destiny

20th January 2008:
Weasley twins rock,

W.O.W - Amazing chapter. Your imagination seems to run wild when it comes to writing stories about the Founders. :) You really seem to have given a lot of thought to the background of the Founders and to that I'm glad.

Rowena has quite a big family, doesn't she? What I especially liked was that you pointed out the fact that no one in her family was that big on books. That was very creative, especially since no one before you has ever used this idea before. I, myself, have imagined Rowena being an only child in a very well educated family.

Say, have you thought about requesting a banner from one of the artist's at TDA? I know for one that most people usually read stories that have interesting banners and I would love to see which actors look remotely close to how you imagine the four Founders.

Anyway, I'll give you another 10/10 and will add this to my Favorites list. :P

Please, Update Soon and let me know when you do. I always forget to check back. So, if you could just send me a quick PM with the Words: "A new chapter is up. Go and check it out." That would be great. :D

-LittleBookworm

Author's Response: LittleBookworm

It is just so great to read that you are enjoying it so much and getting immersed in the backgrounds of the characters.

Rowena does have a very big family, and being the only daughter she finds it quite daunting. Her family are going to crop up again later, though I am not yet positive when. In fact 'crop up' may not be a strong enough phrase ;)

I was tempted to make her family well educated, but somehow it strikes me as not very realistic. In the year 1000 AD there were lots of little feuds everywhere about something or another, and being a household of men I thought that warfare would be more of a priority over education. So they have the means to be well educated, but prefer playing with their weaponry! :D

I am actually very keen to get a banner for this story, however cannot find pictures that fit what I see in my mind. I have a very clear image of Salazar, Godric and Rowena. I have found a few pictures that could be Rowena, some that could be used for Salazar, yet absolutely zilch for Godric. I can't actually picture Helga at all in my mind, so that is pretty frustrating. And I don't want to go and use all Lord of the Rings pictures as seems to be a trend with founders banners. Not a bad thing, just something I do not wish to do. As soon as I find some pictures I will most certainly have a banner, whether it be of my own poor quality or whether I awaken my basically inactive TDA account.

Definitely on the favourites list! Yay! *dances* I love those little things.

Ah the updating. Well I am getting to that tricky little spot where I am wondering how such total strangers could possibly meet in a realistic manner. A silly little filler chapter. Oh well, I am in the process of planning the next chapter, so hopefully pretty soon. I'll be sure to let you know.

Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews, they were so heart warming :)

Weasley twins rock


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Review #17, by LittleBookworm Chapter 3 - Convent Closure

20th January 2008:
Weasley twins rock,

Gosh, I am so sorry for completely forgetting that I had, in fact, only reviewed two out of four chapters. I seem to have thought that I had reviewed every chapter. I did, in fact, read the last two chapters but I forgot to leave a review. Sorry about that. *bites lip nervously*

I must tell you that I really enjoyed this chapter. It's my favorite one so far, out of all the four chapters. It's longer and far more detailed than the others. What I really liked about this is Helga's whole description, personality wise and background wise. We now know most of her life, the reason as to why she was living in the convent, the fact that she knew that she could do magic and yet, decided to hide it for reasons that you have already pointed out. I love Helga, always have.

Should I understand, from this incredibly long chapter, that Helga Huflepuff is your favorite Founder? :P

Once again, I didn't notice any spelling/grammer/punctuation errors but maybe that's because I was so immersed in this story. It's definately a favorite. :P (And it's only the second story I mark as a favorite :) )

Anyway, I'm off to review the last chapter as well.

10/10

-LittleBookworm

Author's Response: Hey LittleBookworm, nice to see you again.

No worries, we all have lives outside of HPFF, at least I think we all do! Thank you for taking the time to read and review every chapter so far.

I personally find this one my favourite of the first four chapters. It seems that the enjoyment in the writing may have had an effect on the chapter itself. I'm glad that you enjoyed the description of Helga in her personality, I tried to make her very real and down to Earth, an ordinary woman in so many respects.

I don't really know whether she is my favourite founder or not really. I hate to go along with what seems to be the crowd, but Rowena is probably the founder I am most interested in. However Helga must be a close second if not just grabbing the place of my favourite founder. I think Hufflepuff is understated as a house, not to mention as a founder. I think I'm going to try and make the plot lean slightly more heavily on her.

Wow! A favourite! Somehow I find them more rewarding than reviews, it kind of shows that the reader may be at least vaguely interested in coming back for another look. Thank you so very much.

Thank you heaps once more.

Weasley twins rock


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Review #18, by LittleBookworm Chapter 2 - Gallant Gryffindor

16th January 2008:
Weasley twins rock .

It's me again. :P Before I start reviewing, I would actually want to apologize for the lateness of this review. I was actually planning on reviewing this chapter by chapter in a single day but a family meeting came up and I had to attend it. :)

Now, back to this chapter: I really liked it, especially the slight humor in it. What I liked the most, though, is the fact that the reader could really imagine everything happening as though they were right next to the great Godric Gryffindor when he messed up... badly. For that, I congradulate you.

I simply have to comment on the amazing description. I am a description freak, more so than a dialogue freak. I always enjoy reading lenghty descriptions of feelings and of places because it really helps me imagine everything better and understand the character better. I must admit that I am rather jelous on your impecable description. *sigh*

The only thing I wasn't exactly pleased with was the lenght of this chapter. I really wanted to read more about Godric. I am, however, pleased about the whole idea behing this chapter. The whole 'Godric was a warrior' and yet, somehow knew that he was a wizard as well is a wonderful idea.

I enjoyed reading this chapter and can't wait to read the next one. Once again, you have outdone yourself. :)

10/10

-LittleBookworm

Author's Response: No apologies needed, don't be so silly. I just appreciate you taking the time to look through it for me.

I think I mentioned in your review thread that I seem to have picked up on character faults a lot in the fist three chapters at least. This one is certainly no exception, as you say he messes up big time indeed. Thanks for the congratulations, I didn't really realise how involved the narrative is in the actual action.

And you love the description! I too prefer description to dialogue, however prefer to write third person where you have to rely a little more heavily on dialogue to portray what the characters are feeling. But I still like my descriptive passages, paint a picture with words. Anyway don't be jealous, I am sure that your description is beautiful as well.

As for the length. It is a tad on the short side particularly compared to the others, but that is basically all that I thought was necessary for this chapter. And it is a bit more action, Godric being a warrior it seemed fitting. Action seems to pass a lot quicker than you realise when writing it.

Anyway thank you ver much for all of the praise. Perhaps I really should stop being so paranoid with all of this, particularly when it recieves a 10/10 *dances*

Thank you very much.


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Review #19, by LittleBookworm Chapter 1 - Fleeing the Fens

15th January 2008:
Hello there, Weasley twins rock! :)

This is LittleBookworm, from the HPFF Forums. You have requested a review from me, so here I am. :P

Before I actually start reviewing, however, I would like to add the fact that I'm thrilled at finally having the oportunity to read and to review a story that has the four Founders as the main characters. I honestly can't understand why so many are against fanfiction that involves the Founders because those four characters are a really interesting thing to be writing about. :)

Now, back to the actual review: I really, really liked it. As a huge Slytherin fan, I was looking forward to this chapter and I must admit that I was pleasantely surprised. The thing that I liked the most is probably the part where Salazar was a child and had to go through all those things. You really made the reader understand the character better and understand Salazar's hatred for muggles and muggleborns. Congrats on that.

I really can't comment on Salazar being in character or OOC because we know close to nothing about him. So, we'll just have to asume that he is perfectly in character. :)

There were not spelling/grammer/punctuation errors that stood out to me either. I'm really glad because it sometimes gets tiring to always correct the writer in a review.

Okay, I'm off to read the next chapter.

-LittleBookworm

Author's Response: Hey LittleBookworm, cool name by the way :)

I think it is true that perhaps the founders are overlooked too much. I personally prefer different eras and don't really use the trio much, because we know everything about them! I mean you can't really build on Harry, Ron and Hermione anymore, so I like to peer further afield. I like historical fiction in general, so the founders are nice for me personally.

If you like the founders you should have a search, I think the general quality in founders fics is in some ways a lot better than other eras. Perhaps it is the awareness that they may not have spoken like we do today, and everything would have been very Ye Olde English.

Do you know how pleasantly surprising it is to pleasantly surprise someone?! :) Although I have to say that Salazar is not actually a child, unless you are referring to his past and I am mis-reading. I didn't want him to be a full out hater of muggles and muggleborns and to tell you the truth, he still isn't after this chapter. He can be portrayed as rather flat, there must be a motive.

Yeah I get the OOC thing, perhaps the safety of obscure characters is what puts me off the trio after all! :P

Wow! Someone who didn't find terrible grammar. I know what you mean though when it comes to spelling and grammar in reviews. In my case I don't understand it anyway.

Anyway thank you very much for the complimentary review, thank you very much indeed. I will try and return the favour one day.

Weasley twins rock


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Review #20, by lilyfan Chapter 1 - Fleeing the Fens

14th January 2008:
1. the first paragraph was great really detailed
2. very good chracterisation of the cassiopea
3. very powerful battle, which was very intrestong and exciting.
4. i liked that at the started of the chapter you referred to salazars eyes as silver and at the end of the chapter they were reffered to as grey, it showed that the murders had turned him cold-hearted in a way.
4. this is the first story i have read on the founders era and you have really interested me

well done, the storyis great so far and if it continues like this your concerns are not needed, hopefully more people will consider reading the founders era.
:D
10/10

Author's Response: Thank you very, very much.
The only thing that surprised me is the eyes thing! I imagine Salazar to have grey eyes, and I really don't know why I put silver for any reason. Well whatever I did it seems to at least have pleased someone. I may have to have a look at that, see what context it is in.

Anyway thank you very much indeed. The review is much appreciated.


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Review #21, by your number 1 fan - neti x Chapter 3 - Convent Closure

15th November 2007:
oh my goodness, emma that was so sad! i really want to cry now! but i'm not going to coz i'm in the school library and that will be embarassing x hehe x but my goodness that was good! it was so interesting, i really like helga! and its so realistic! i can just imagine that happening! oh my its opened my eyes to so many possibilities x wow! x
now seriously that was amazing! my favourite one yet! cant wait for ravenclaws one! let me know when its up! i'll be checking every day!
lots of love
20 / 10 x hehe
neti x
miss you!
check your email!

Author's Response: That is going to be my no.1 aim now, to make someone cry when they read my fanfiction, a sign of an improving writer!

Helga is a kind of weird character for me in the respect that I really can't visualise her doing anything, or her appearance (hence the lack of description). So for the moment she is purely kind and nice.

Glad you liked it though, Ravenclaw's is my most ambitious yet, content wise, so needs serious reading to make it viewable to the public.

Thanks for the review Annette


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Review #22, by your number 1 fan! - neti! Chapter 2 - Gallant Gryffindor

2nd November 2007:
oh my goodness! i would have never thought of him like that! that was such a different view/ perspective of it! i loved it! it opened my eyes to the new things!! oh my i wonder whats gonna happen! it better be good! oh please write it soon!! i'm dying too know!! well, i'm off to read the next chapt now!
welll done buddy! that was awesome!!
thanks for email!
wil reply asap!
lots of love
miss you
neti

Author's Response: Funny that, I think I have read Godric as a bit of a drunken fool before, I thought it was a fairly common interpretation of the so called 'hero'.
Well I'm glad I have opened your eyes to the wider world, though in what way I am unsure. I'm sure it's very thought provoking :P
You better read the next chapter, it's the best one yet! :) Glad you liked it Net.


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Review #23, by rosie_malfoy Chapter 3 - Convent Closure

22nd October 2007:
I pretty much said everything in my first two reviews so this review might be a bit short Anywho, the detail as usual was very descriptive. Your way of describing Helga was very captivating and is extremely realistic. I enjoyed the way you described her kind heart and how she got in the convent. The whole idea was very mysterious!

You told the situation with the convent and the people very effectively and also the part with Helga reflecting and wishing that she could help them was very well written.

The dialogue was more in this chapter as It was longer and I thought that you handled that well. You also have more Ocs there and they worked well with the main, you didn’t make it too Out of Character.

I think the final paragraphs were very well thought-out and well-written, the conclusion was done effectively.

I don’t know if it was just me as I am a slight grammar freak but there were few. Nothing historical to report from me, and realism was great :P

No fave bits,loved it all...and the last paragraph especially

Its just the spaces thing for me.
Overall, it’s a very well-thought out fic with outstanding detail and characterization!

Author's Response: Thank you for another brilliant review. I am so glad that I portrayed Helga well for you. I recently realised that I put basically no physical description of her in there but I am glad that it doesn't get in the wau. Besides she's wearing a habit and wimple, what is there to see?

I'm glad that you liked the last paragraph so much, it wasn't there to start with. More of a last minute thing that obviously paid off well.


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Review #24, by rosie_malfoy Chapter 2 - Gallant Gryffindor

22nd October 2007:
(Alliterated Title, Good one (I’m a slight Grammar freak)
As I have said, another beautiful chapter with stunning imagery and descriptions. You described Godric as well as you had described Salazar, you were very in character and made them very convincing.

In this chapter, there is more description than dialogue, but I thought you pulled it off as you had the proper words to describe the small dialogue. Alliteration and some similes that you added helped and really made your describing even better.

You wrote the action scene very well, there is not a second in it that was tedious.
You described Godric very well, his feelings at the end was realistic. His actions in the fight was very well written.
My favourite bit was at the end as the description there was very satisfactory and also again believable!

I would like it if you separate the tiny sentences a bit more, like space them out a little bit as its easier for me to read. But that’s just me and my tiny eyes Apart from that this was a very enjoyable chapter

Author's Response: Bless poor Godric, he isn't portrayed in the same light as everyone else :). At least I managed to make a drunk man convincing.

All in all I'm glad that it was realistic and believable, I personally see Godric as the strong and silent type normally, so to me little dialogue was needed. Not every chapter needs an amazing amount of dialogue anyway.

Thanks for reviewing. I'm sorry about the sentence thing, you are the first to say that you don't like the spacing of them. I can't say I notice it myself, I only have one space between the beginning of a sentence and the end, I'll have to go and have a look at some others to see how they do it. Try adjusting the fonts and size combinations if you're struggling to see.

Emma


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Review #25, by rosie_malfoy Chapter 1 - Fleeing the Fens

22nd October 2007:
Hello, Its me Rosie I promised to review and here I am.
Now firstly, I wanted to say from the very beginning that your scene descriptions are very impressive. You capture the reader with your detailed words and imagery. You use a very unique style on writing paragraphs which is a very good thing to have when writing fics.

Ok, you are also very unique on choosing names such as the river Obfirmo and Cassiopea Slytherin. Those are very interesting names and that is good for OC’s as it makes them more mysterious!

The way you described Salazar is very impressive, the detail is outstanding. You can imagine Salazar by reading your paragraph! I would have described him the same wayJ

I like the way you show the character’s feelings, eg: “Grandmother come home now,” her grandson, Salazar said, trying to gently guide her form away”
Also, how you told of the villager’s feelings towards Cassiopea is to a certain extent very believable. You described their hatred and Salazar’s response to that very well.
I especially enjoyed this phrase
A giant sloshing mass rising feet higher behind him into a muddy wall of water, the reflections dancing off of his silvery eyes that burned with malice as he turned to face his grandmother's tormentors.
As it is the phrase I thought was the one which described Salazar’s feelings the best and the part with the reflections was very captivating.

You have some few grammar mistakes here and there but apart from that your realism was fine for me. This was a very exciting chapter, and I cannot wait to review the next one.


Author's Response: I have very little to say in response to that apart from a huge thank you! I am slightly unnerved by a unique paragraph style because that would generally mean I should have paid more attention in my English lessons (I'm better with numbers than words). But if you like it and a bit of a grammar freak with it. It can't be too bad :).

Lots of people have picked up on the names, but no one has yet found the meaning behind Obfirmo, the first thing that I tried to slip in unobtrusively and I think I managed it! Cassiopeia is the name of a star, or it could be a constellation. I can never remember. J.K.Rowling used it on the Black Family tree found at the Harry Potter Lexicon. However this isn't the same woman! I however won't give away where Obfirmo came from.

Yet again, very glad that you liked the descriptions and I brought Salazar to life in a way that you previously imagined him. It's nice to get the character across to the reader the way that they see them as well as yourself.

I look forward to your next review!


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