I would like to have read how Harry told Ginny about the run-in with Armida. The bruise on Harry's face--that's too much like domestic violence and I don't think you wanted to convey that. That just creeped me out...a lot.
There's a lot here that needs to be told and resolved. Please finish it, but before you do, fix these 11 chapters first. By then, you'll be on a roll and the rest of it will come much easier. Report Review
Again, this is rushed and I think that is because you're cramming too many events into one chapter. Again, slow down. Expand the events to make more chapters. It'll balance and round out your story...and yes, I love the ending to this one. It's very sweet, but it could go further--a merry chase through the snow, snow angels, a snowball fight, then kissing the snow off each other's faces.
There is so much potential in this story--let it fly. I shall read on. Report Review
I kind of saw the Morgana thing coming--adolescent crushes, you know. Then when Harry picked up the Witch Weekly, my suspicions were confirmed.
Now...Harry disappeared for three days. The whole Wizarding community should have been in a panic! When he returned, there should have been a massive row, not only with Ginny, but with Ron and Hermione too--at least.
Harry should have felt obligated to tell the whole story, which, I must say, is pretty freakin' bizarre, considering the great age gap between Severus and Runa, and the difference in names.
I say this because Severus would been been born in 1959 or 1960 to parents who fought all the time. If Runa is in her early 20's, she'd have been born about the time Severus was due to graduate from Hogwarts. Maybe that's why she's such a mystery then? Evidently their mum left Tobias Snape... Report Review
Interesting, but Harry's in deep doo-doo... Report Review
This one's a little better, but it has it's awkward parts. The story is good though and it looks as though you're trying to slow down with it. I shall read on. Report Review
The interrupted love scene was well-written, but you might want to consider some mild backlash later--you know, the whole "overprotective big brother" routine. There are some other aspects of this chapter, however, that are awkward at best and that's because it's rushed. Just slow down. Report Review
When the foursome received their Hogwarts letters, they were sitting at the table, but when Ginny discovered she was to be Quidditch Captain, you write that she jumped on Harry and wrapped both legs around him causing him to have to lean up against a wall to support both of them. While I like the idea of her jumping on him, how about saying that Ginny threw her arms around Harry's neck and that he pulled her into his lap as she showered him with kisses as she hugged the stuffing out of him.
Looks like Harry might have his hands full with Armida Cole. God help Miss Cole if she plans on making a move on Ginny Weasley's man--not that Harry would encourage it or even welcome it. But Ginny IS Ginny... Report Review
While Harry is looking at Lupin's body at the funeral, you write that Lupin is dying. No, Lupin is dead. Also, Teddy's last name is not Tonks, but Lupin.
The spoken tributes are awkward and don't make much sense, especially the one Kingsley makes for Lupin. In one breath, he says that Lupin's "secret" kept him from marrying his life's love, Tonks, but in the next breath you refer to her as Lupin's wife. She WAS Lupin's wife. How about "...almost kept him from marrying the love of his life..."
In Mr. Weasley's tribute, he talks about people being proud to have died against Voldemort. How about, "...died for the cause of freedom against the tyranny of Voldemort."
To snog someone "hard" suggests roughness; Harry is almost never rough, especially where Ginny (or females in general) is concerned. How about "...snogged her so passionately that he thought about nothing but how beautiful she was to him and how much he adored her."
You have a good framework with a novel approach to the events, but the real task is in the telling. Some of the emotion is there, but you're rushing. NEVER rush a story, especially a romance or a mystery. They're delicate and can become confusing or trite if not handled with a lot of TLC. It appears you do care about this story--that's a good thing. Now treat it that way. I shall read on. Report Review
I don't see a lot of fluff here, but it seems a tad rushed. There some high emotion in the air after a battle of any kind, but you've rather glossed over it. I'm not saying to dwell on it, but at least dress out Harry's reunion with Ginny and give us some reactions from the crowd, since they're kissing on the floor in front of God and everybody.
Save The Burrow stuff for the next chapter once they get there. I shall read on... Report Review
ah where are you and your beloved upcoming chapters! come back ah please ah Report Review
i liked it haha good job Report Review
i didn't get the part where harry was in the weasley's front lawn w/ his FIREBOLT? lol Report Review
i like nice and fluffy lol great writing Report Review
Not bad, but why did he borrow a broom when he was holding his firebolt when he apparated in? And why were people looking at each others arms as they danced?
Ratboy Report Review
Wow this story is so great!
When is the next chapter coming!!! I can't wait and it's been SO long!! please update soon! Report Review
i think i might be the only one not confused by this chapter? haha i think it is really well written and i enjoyed it a lot. i cant wait for you to keep witing this story, because after the books ended i was all sad so this is a great continuation of what i think JK would have written herself. good job keepin it simple when it needs to me, and thanks. :D Report Review
this is soo freakin confusiing
who did harry kick it with? amida or morganna?Author's Response: Armida :) If Harry "kicked it" with Morgana, who is 13, that would be illegal and against HPFF's rules. Report Review
Good chapter, but I am confused, did Harry tell her he had his slip up with Morgana and not Armida? Other than that keep up the good work. Report Review
Im really pleased with the result too! lol But seriously, Harry did deserve that smack from Ginny. Good thing they didnt fight on it. Good ol' Harry telling confessing that to Ginny before the thing becomes complicated. But he still is a jerk for that. lol Yeah, Morgana does remind me of eleven year old Ginny. Cant wait to hear the next!Author's Response: Thanks :) Report Review
Just read all 11 chapters. Great story and I couldn't stop reading. You say you have 4-5 more chapters.You could keep it going and we'll keep reading. Just a thought. Author's Response: There are about 4 chapters left in On The Mend, but it has two unfinished companions :) So there is still a TON left. Report Review
i love you , you update more and i will bake cookies!!!
(tech. i dont REALLY like u but whtevrAuthor's Response: I like cookies :) I'll be updating soon as well :P Report Review
Aww, everyone got some kind of pain today :( But this was still a phenomenal chapter, as usual. And I can't wait to read another one of yours. Loved how you skipped the Ginny-Harry fight, it seemed to get the point across much better than several paragraphs of talking. As I've said before, can't wait to read more from you.Author's Response: Yeah, them talking was one of the parts that needed to be re-written, and I thought I could easily get the point across without boring anybody :P
Thanks for reading :) Report Review
another really cute, although sad, chapter, update soon! Report Review
omg so many girls!
but alas Harry and Ginny prevail!
he certainly deserved that punch, he really did!
GO GIN!Author's Response: Yes, there are quite a few of them aren't there. LOL, this was most likely Armida's last appearance, so hopefully it won't be too confusing in the future. Report Review
I like it, especially the end how you tied in Ginny's feelings from so long ago. Great job =] Report Review
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