update! Report Review
very few, if any, canon errors.
good plot so far..
my only complaint is
THE CHAPTERS ARE TOO SHORT!
i want more!
=] Report Review
Here are my notes on the chapter:
I enjoyed how you started this; it makes you want to read more. Figure out what is happening.
Second paragraph, all the sentences are the same length. It makes it boring.
Contrast-good in regards to your second person.
Contrast-interesting, but when writing this third person I think it could have been written better, because by the time you start it, it is too expected for the first chapter.
I didn’t like your last paragraph at all. Sorry-but it just didn’t work. I understand what you meant to say, but it didn’t turn out right. And although you only used the word “prefect” twice, it was used too much. Report Review
You haven't abandoned the story or is it on hiatus? Let me know, firstname.lastname@example.org. Thanks! =) Report Review
Hehe, I like Joe. The accent was done well, and I couldn't help but giggle at the end when he metioned how protective he was of his customers. I'm not sure how this really pertains to the plot, but I don't think it was entirely pointless. It sure was amusing to read. Author's Response: It was more of a filler chapter to keep the POV rotation in place and reveal a bit more of Snape's history, through a tertiary character.
Thank you though! Report Review
Interesting chapter! Care to explain what the significance of Thursdays are for poor old Snape? Please update soon! =) 10/10Author's Response: Think about how he played both sides. Surely old Voldie wouldn't have held meetings only when he wanted to kill people, now would he?
Thank you! Report Review
it seems as tho you can't stress enough on hermione's depression and such.
and although i do like how the story is going so far, there seems to be far too much details on certain things and the story progresses very slowly almost to a stand still point
this chapter particularly looks to have a lot of unnecessaries before telling about snape and another reason for hermione to fight. but perhaps what seems useless become important later on. i dont know
but it's getting boring. what i'm saying is,
get on with itAuthor's Response: I really should get on with it-and you make a good point. I got about 40 chapters written before realizing how bogged down it got. And that's perhaps why I stopped on it, until I can pair down the useless bits. Report Review
I'm saying Snape is scaring the boy...that's not the way to get information... anyways, please update soon! =) 10/10 Report Review
Ah...I like the title of this chapter, it's a good metaphor for Snape being tempted.
Poor boy though, now he's going to be dragged into this whole mess, but he was acting stupidly. Honestly, the smoke you mentioned in the last chapter would have been a dead giveaway to somthing odd oging on for the person of the next watch. Silly boy.
At least Snape'll take care of him now, I suppose, just one more for their little cause.
I was a tad surprised to find out that snape and malfoy were still in contact, I was half expecting them to end up on opposite sides of the fence in this story. Don't ask why...
"it was a routine, born billions of years previously."
"It" should be capitalized...
But it doesn't really matter much anyways :)
Author's Response: Nope, at the moment they're on the same side of the fence.
And yeah...the boy may be an idiotic 18 year old, but Snape's not. ;) And hes useful, the boy.
Thank you so much for your reviews! You rock...you are awesome, amazing, wonderful...there are not enough words to describe you. Report Review
Ah, it's that time again!
He'd managed to dodge the bullet well enough, but he still didn't fee comfortable in this world
Should be feel...
and I'll save my review on the story itself for the next chapter :)Author's Response: Like I said to Lia, the day I manage a completely perfect chapter is the day hell freezes over.
Thank you for pointing that out! Report Review
Ah, yes...college life...how's that working out for you?
Ooh *rubs hands together in glee* He found him! I can't wait to see what happens next. I love how you describe his need to use magic, by the way, how do they(The Party) detect the use of magic? In this line He pursed his lips a he looked at the man. I think you're missing the 's', to make the word 'as' instead of 'a'.
Lia.Author's Response: I swear, the day I have a completely error free chap will be the day that hell freezes over. The way that magic is detected is gone over more in later chaps, but it's through the use of a wand, pretty much the same way the Ministry tracked it in the books.
Thank you so much for your reviews! You are...amazing. Report Review
Wow! this is fascinating, and as I have studied History, I can see some clever similarities to a fascist government. Are you going to write more?Author's Response: There's lots lot more. And there's not just similarities, it IS a fascist government. ;) Thank you so much for your review! It means a lot! Thanks! Report Review
draco's attitude is interestingAuthor's Response: Thank you. Report Review
First off, your author's note made me laugh
"Although if you've made it to chapter 15 and you absolutely despise it, I applaud your masochism"
And now I know that my ideas from my previous review are incorrect as to who the males are and I finally understand about the shade of blue. I wasn't thinking that at all, I was thinking more like he was being suspended in the air by some spell that had a blue light to it. Well then, I think I would run away as well to help prevent my lunch from making a comeback.
=^_^=Author's Response: Well, it's true. If you make it through 15 chapters and you hate every one of them, you're horribly masochistic.
Yeah..the blue is a bit sickening, isn't it? But it's certainly an unforgettable color. It's one of those things, like the rest of the story, that if you wait, all will be explained.
Thank you so much for your reviews, they really mean a lot to me! Report Review
Ah, so that's who the other mystery man is turning out to be. I had already figured that one of them was Draco, but I couldn't place the military man. I was thinking it was either Harry or Ron, but then I found out Harry died and I'm still not quite sure about Ron given the fact that his house burned down and he was suspended in the air by an 'unforgettable shade of blue' (not quite sure what that means). Of course, I was also thinking that when you were writing about watching a football game, that it was either Seamus or Dean (I can't remember which boy it was that had a muggle poster of a football team on their wall during school).
I must say though, that I am truly enjoying your story. It's quite interesting how you are writing just enough about the characters for you to have somewhat of a idea of who they might be but that you aren't just coming out right away and say "Hi, my name is _." Also the way in which you write, makes the reader feel as if they are actually experiencing these horrid times. Very well done.
=^_^=Author's Response: Naw, it's an OC, but Seamus was the one to have the football poster.
Thank you so much for liking this. I also agree with the hatred of the "hi, my name is...." thing, it just doesn't ever seem to work well. I was hoping to get the sense of the reader being there, and I'm so glad that you felt it. Thank you so much for liking this, and thank you even more for reviewing, it means quite a lot to me! Report Review
Nice story. It seems similar to V for Vendetta, like you mentioned the title was inspired by in Chapter one. I love V for Vendetta :)
Is it loosely-based on, or inspired by 'V for Vendetta'??
-Vic roseAuthor's Response: It is very much inspired by V for Vendetta, and you'll see bits of the comic namedropped in at random parts. ;) V for Vendetta, 1984 and Michael Collins are the three biggest inspirations for this, although I dare say that the four of them are much closer to Michael Collins in their political views than V. None of them aspire to anarchy.
Thank you very much for your reviews, they mean a lot to me, and I'm glad to know you're enjoying it! Report Review
Excellent! What a wonderful beginning I'm so intrigued... I must read on.
-Vic RoseAuthor's Response: Thank you very much. I'm so glad so many people love the beginning! Report Review
This is an interesting and original story, a welcome change from the same-old, same-old we get with HP Fan Fiction. It is also very well-written, although I worry a little that the POV rotation technique might become a little restrictive for you later.
But overall this is very good stuff and I look forward to more.Author's Response: It's a little restrictive, yes, but it's a fun challenge to work around, figuring out how to continue the plot between say..Hermione and Draco and still need Dave's scene in the middle. It's a fun challenge to work with.
Thank you so much for your review, it means a lot to me! Report Review
omgsh the poor weasly family!! ohdear...hermione must be takin it reali reali hard...wah ii wna hug her so much right nooww! lol..10/10 update!Author's Response: Yeah, I felt bad killing them off, but it had to be done. Thank you so much for your review! Report Review
Leave it up to Malfoy to only care for himself - so like him to do that. Interesting chapter - I honestly hope there's more than three of the wizarding kind...Author's Response: Well that's for me to know and you to fid out, right. ;) Thank you so much for your kind review! Report Review
i love this story.
its a fanfic, but almost not. thats what i like.
you say one new chapter a week? thats good. ill be waiting!Author's Response: It's very drastically AU, yes. :) It's fun to write.
And yep, one new one a week, gives me a chance to do homework, go to class, go out and still manage to write. Report Review
this is great.
simple and amazing.Author's Response: Thank you so much! Report Review
Interesting... does he have a name?Author's Response: It was mentioned, briefly, in another chapter, and it'll get mentioned again, but it's Dave Moore. The OC that only managed to worm his way in three days before I started posting this.
Thank you so much! Report Review
The whole thing is really good. I like a lot of the ideas and things and the mannerisms and lines of the characters are believable. I particularly liked Snape talking about innocence. Weasleyfruit is sickening. What exactly is the political situation in the magical world? Wizards are being oppressed by Muggles or they are fighting for Muggle causes. Oh and Hermione's reminiscing about Hogwarts, that made me sad. May well reread it.Author's Response: Muggles took over and decided that wizards do nothing useful but kill muggles, and have (attempted) to imprison, kill, or force the rest of them out of the country.
Thank you so much for your review, it's hard to keep everyone in character with such a drastic break from canon but I'm glad to know that everyone is remaining believable. Thank you so much! Report Review
Oh my...so that's what hapened to the Weasleys...
Erm...you know I'm here for the story, and am just pointing things out because I think you'd want to know, right? sorry, nagging and being nitpicky is my thing...*shrugs*
Right, well sometimes it can get confusing keeping track of the dialogue you have. Like when Draco and Hermione are talking to one another...after Hermione says something you immediately go to a description of how Draco looked. It can be confusing at times keeping track of who's talking...
Although their scene together was amazing...how they took each other in and how the whole ferret thing was brought back...Author's Response: Yeah....I think I'll work on that, make it easier in later chapters (especially when the four of them are all plotting together). Thanks for pointing that out though, it's always easier to figure out who's speaking, when you know who's speaking.
Thank you so much for your review though! You rock! Report Review
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