It's great that you started it with an action scene, most stories i read are extremely slow in the first chapter. I do wish it hadn't ended so soon.
The dialogue was nice, though a bit exaggerated in places.
Narration of more than just harry ron mione and malfoy, like harry watches the quaffle for awhile, would have been a good addition.
But wow you use excellent words: erupted, taunting frail.
Awesome -- don't stopAuthor's Response: Thank you very much. I appreciate the time you took to comment. XD Report Review
This is a pretty good story so far. Hmm, i wonder why Ron and Hermione are so mad at each other. i can't wait to read the rest and find out.
I noticed you had a few gramatical errors and typos, but other than that this is a really good story. update soon!Author's Response: Thank you. Report Review
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