What a way to begin a story! You really jumped right into the action. I noticed a number of little errors in this (namely typos) that could easily be fixed. For example, I think at one stage you wrote 'wine' instead of 'whine'.
But on the bigger picture, I thought it was really wonderful. I'm interested to see where this goes. I'm going to read the next chapter soon, and hopefully you will add some more soon. (But update Black Blood first!! I love it so so much)
It's always a pleasure reading your work. You are a fine writer.
--NellieAuthor's Response: lol, thanks glad you liked it.
I'm not sure when I'll be updating Dangerous Obession, but I'm hoping it's sooner rather than later. I just have a lot on my plate with school and all, and honestly, the only reason I'm updating black blood is cuz I had a bunch of chapters written from like, the first week I started writing that story lol!
but I plan on getting back to DO very soon, and the fact that you read it and left this lovely review only makes me want to return more :D Report Review
OMG I LOVE THIS STORY SO BEAUTIFUL!
who did you use for the banner btw he's perdy :) please tell me i'd love to use him for mine :)Author's Response: I actually don't remember lol.
I found him on The Dark Arts forum though, if that helps at all Report Review
I love this story and can't wait to read more!! Update soon!!Author's Response: thanks for the review Report Review
I have never read such amazing descriptions. I couldn't lift my eyes off the screen, your way of writing is extremely fascinating.The feelings and the emotions of the characters are so perfectly defined and described that I just wanted to read more and more.
I can't believe that I found such an amazing story! The werewolf part was so exciting that my heart was beating really fast the whole time. What a way to write a situation and to put such emotion in it, I had never read something interesting and exciting at the same time. I liked this so much that I'm really running out of compliments here, you know.
When her mother died I was completely shocked, but I think it was a perfect way to start your story and to make us mortals, I mean, readers into suspense. Ah, well, I better shut up before I sound more like your fan, lol. Thanks for writing this and please don't stop!Author's Response: lol! it's alright to sound like a fan. I all honest, it's what keeps me going so, keep it up! lol.
thanks so much for he review dear, I hope to get back to this story soon :D Report Review
Wow! This is different, a girl who is not only obsessed with creatures, but with a deep reason. I like this, and am really looking forward to reading more~Author's Response: thanks! Report Review
Wow. I really like where this story is going so far. I can't wait to read the next chapter!
Keep on going!Author's Response: thanks lol Report Review
I think that what you have here is the potential for a really amazing story! (It's hard to made a firm, affirmative statement based on two chapters, I'm sure you understand ;) )
I do, however, have a note of what I hope is constructive criticism.
Do you have a Beta? I would highly recommend getting one (something I believe all good authors need). It is amazing what happens to stories when they are viewed by a second pair of eyes that are checking typos, spelling/grammatical errors, characterization, and story flow.
I really do believe you have a great story--but don't hesitate to go the distance to make it WONDERFUL.
I eagerly look forward to seeing what you have in store for us in the rest of the story! I love Remus ships. :)Author's Response: a lot of people have told me to do that, and I have a beta for one story, the only problem is the fact that I really am on a tight schedule usually, and when I get the time to put a chapter up, I take advatage of it. it just makes it a lot harder for me to go though the processes of betaing as well, where I have to wait for them to finish and then work around them aswell.
I am considering it now that my schooling as become less hectic, but let it be know that it's on my mind, and thanks for your concern.
other then that, thanks so much for your review :) Report Review
Yay! Great story! Creative plot and best of all, Sirius and James are cannon and don't have a thousand girlfriends! First time I ever read them like that, so, points for that! I just love Remus, and I can't wait to read more!
Kisses and Hugs!
~~Little Bibi~~Author's Response: thanks so much, I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
UPDATE!! This is wonderful! It's so rare to have something of this premise written well. I can't wait to read on.
Could you read and review my story, The Game, please please pretty please? I don't care if it's negative, I'm always looking for ways to improve.
Thanks for making my day!Author's Response: !! lol, I will soon enough!! I promise!! after I finished playing Cat and Mouse, Dangerous Obsession is going to be my TOP priority :) Report Review
Oh. My. God. You are amazing! This is so intriguing, and so well written. If you don't dreams to write when you're older, start dreaming. You could go really far. Your writing style is so expressive, I wish I could convey such emotion in my work. Good luck, I can't wait to read the rest of this to see what happens now.Author's Response: Oh, I Dream lol xD
thanks so much though, I'm extreamly flattered :) Report Review
Dying for an update.Author's Response: xD Report Review
Love the story so far. The way you write is amazing.
Keep up the great work!
CarlyAuthor's Response: thanks!! Report Review
wow! update soon!Author's Response: I'll try my best!! Report Review
I love Remus/OC storys. Thats why I love yours. I love the Marauders(minus Peter Pettigrew,that back stabbing Death Eater, he should have been put in Slytherin) update soonAuthor's Response: lol, thanks so much. glad you liked it! Report Review
I like the concept of this story, it's kind of cool. I wonder what direction you're going with it. Good work!Author's Response: read on :) lol Report Review
Yay, it's so cute. Although that idea of a Sirius more interested in pranking than in girls is rather odd, seeing as how most people have him equally interested in both. But hey whatever, it should make for a refreshing change. I think Lucia is adorable and I feel bad for her that people make fun of her for an obsession that she has that they know nothing about.
=^_^=Author's Response: well, I made Sirius that way BECAUSE of the cliche. I wanted to be different, because I don't see him as a womenizer like everyone else does. Usually there is a certain additude that people like that hold all there life, and I could not see Sirius with that additude in his older days, so I just, don't see him as a womanizer. So, I decided to change that in my story lol.
I love Lucia, and i'm glad other people are liking her too, because she took so long to develop and everything lol. so yeah, I'm glad/
thanks dear for the lovely review!!! Report Review
Well I would say that an encounter and memory like that would definitely be enough to spark a strong curiosity in werewolves or at least an extreme hatred of them to not want to know anything about them. What would really suck, is if that particular werewolf was Remus. But I guess I'll see as I read along.
=^_^= Author's Response: well, I can tell you one thing. that werewolf was not Remus. :D but in a way your sorta on the right track lol. but that's all I'm saying.
I'm glad you liked it, thank you for the amazing review!! Report Review
this was awesome hun. sorry it took me so long to read and review, but here i am!! i love Lucia - you write her wonderfully and she is not Mary-Suish at all, and i know you were worried about that. so well done. i really like the way she has a long-standing fued with sirius - i really liked the way you wrote him in this too, the way he switched and his emotions came out about his family. it was well done.
and remus *sigh* you make him sound so wonderful. and i really like Kail as well. she is another good character and the relationship between the two girls is strong and solid, and you show that.
excellent work my love!!
Kate xxAuthor's Response: aw dear don't worry about it lol.
yes! I was worried about Lucia, and I hope she's not mary-sueish, because I spent so much friggin time developing her xD she best not be mary-sueish lol.
xD sirius. well, I could always see some girls having a bit of a feud with Sirius, just because of the way he is sometimes, but I never understood these girls who then grow to fall in love with him! xD I just don't think you go from hatin to lovin ya know? anyway, I also needed an antagonist, and why not use one of the characters that people usually see as a protagonist eh?
I love remus!!!! seriously, I need a boyfriend like me. I would even go for him being a werewolf. I could probably get over it lol.
and Kail. I seriously love Kail, and I'll say it now, she pretty much is based off this girl in my History class last year. I was writing this story and I just knew i had to throw in this girl, because she just fit so well. so that's where Kail came from lol.
thanks so much for the review Kate dear!!
xx *love* Report Review
Jeez...what another amazing start of a story! You've begun to develop a very original plot along with some original takes on some old characters i.e. James, Sirius, and Remus as well and especially Peter! I really, really love this already and I'm excited to ready more.
xx Lindsey 10/10Author's Response: yes, I wanted to stray away from the cliche marauder's and take a different angle on them, because some things that I hate about marauder's fics is that they are always the same characters, and their nothing like the way I make them out to be in the book.
and I also wanted to make the main character know the marauders, I didn't want to just randomly intruduce someone, so yeah :D
I'm so glad you like it. this story has had me a little worried because Marauder's is a new terriory for me, so it's great to hear that you like it
thanks for the review!! xx Report Review
I like the beginning of your story so far. Already, I can see a plot developing, and I'm sure that it's going to be very interesting.
I like your main character, Lucia. She's a very interesting person, and I'm looking forward to reading more about her.
Good job!Author's Response: I'm glad you like it so far, thanks for the loverly review! Report Review
this it entirely amazing! i have to go now but i cant wait to read the next one and then the ones after that hopefully! :)
oh and excellent use of "tuckered out" haha :D
xAuthor's Response: aha, my mom always use to say 'tuckered out', so I guess it just sorta rubbed off on me. I hadn't even noticed I used it until you said.
I'm glad you like it! and thanks for the review Report Review
It's interesting to see how the incident has affected her now that she's older. It must get annoying though, being known as 'the werewolf girl'. Fantastic chapter. :)Author's Response: it must! lol
thanks for the review! Report Review
That must have been extremely hard for Lucia, she saw her mother die and was almost attacked by a werewolf herself all in one night. It seems really interesting. :)Author's Response: thanks so much.
glad that you liked it! Report Review
i like it, please update soonAuthor's Response: I will thanks!! Report Review
This was very excellent! :)
I liked the images it brought to my mind as I read it. It was sort of like a movie. :P
I loved how everyone stayed in character and such. It was very refreshing.
May I suggest a beta reader, though? I just noticed some grammatical errors, that's all.
Great job! I loved it and I can't wait to read more.Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it!
yes of course you may suggest a beta reader, thing is, I've had it suggested quite a bit >.> because I suck.
but it's really hard right now for me to add one more person to my busy schedule at the moment. i mean, it's going to me hard enough to get my stories out on time with just me.
I've been really slipping though, so I think I'm going to try harder to look over my work more. and I have been looking around for a beta, I just haven't exactly found anyone I really want lol.
thanks for the lovely reveiw though!! Report Review
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