*sighs* it's just so good! Report Review
ah RITA. its Tina. HOW COULD YOU MAKE HIM DIE? such a cute sad fic. beautiful writing - i have a request to you. if i talk to you soon i'll let you know it. xo (couldn't be bothered to sign in) Report Review
I really don't like the bold. The bold is horribly jarring and really breaks the mood of the piece. Ron and Harry both feel not quite in character, and I wouldn't picture Draco becoming a softie. Not to mention how incredibly wordy this was. The descriptions were well done, but a bit overdone.
You have a good control of the language. You know how a sentence works. You know how to string sentences along. You just also include useless sentences that simply bog things down.
But that isn't as bad as the bold. The bold is just awful.
Other than that, like I said, you know how to write. You have the mechanics down. It just gets a bit bogged down with trying to be too flowery and poetic. But it wasn't bad, it was actually fairly good. Just a little too flowery for my taste. Keep at it, and you'll likely be great. Report Review
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