Reading Reviews for In The Lair Of The Dragon
  
26 Reviews Found

Review #1, by butterfliesneedwings Kidnapped

11th March 2008:
Awesome! Draco isn't the one who kidnapped her is he? Man I sure hope not! Rotting yellow teeth? Yuck! Why was she kidnapped anyway? Please (gets' down on hands and knees) update soon!

Author's Response: He isn't the one who did, no! I'll try to update soon...though this is years later, sooo late XD

Shall find out that answer in future chapters! Hopefully!


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Review #2, by Girldetective85 Kidnapped

10th March 2008:
Very nicely written! I love how you started off both sections of this chapter with Ginny waking up, but in the first section she's in her pretty room and then in the second section she's in an unfamiliar bed with Draco Malfoy hanging around. I really liked the description of the creepy hooded figure coming into her room and kidnapping her; that was really eerie and scary! Was it Lucius coming to take her to Malfoy Manor?

It's a very interesting beginning and I can't wait to see where you take it. :) Next chapter!

Author's Response: Ah sooo glad you really liked it! And no, it was really just an OC, very dirty low ranked Death Eater. =P

Thanks!!


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Review #3, by ghost28hunter Kidnapped

7th March 2008:
It was a really good story. You should write more, I wanna see what happens next.
10/10 and more!
~ToRi!~

Author's Response: Thank you! I'll hopefully be writing more, though it's been sooo long since I did that I'm not sure where I was originally going with it!

thanks!


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Review #4, by RawRxLove Kidnapped

5th January 2008:
i love it sound exciting. i just hope you review quickly i cant wait to see what happens next :]

Author's Response: Thanks a ton! Erm...unfortunately didn't update quickly -- but suppose four years later is better than never?

-Caiti


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Review #5, by danni Kidnapped

16th September 2007:
so
I love it!
seriously, I love it

Author's Response: So glad to hear that! I might just have to continue this one as well, not sure yet!

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Review #6, by Vera_Black_Potter Kidnapped

5th September 2007:
I hope you don't mind some ConCrit.

1. In the opening line, 'slumbered' kinda reminded of LotR, or as if Ginny was a sleeping dragon.

2. Rows of rotted teeth and not even showering seems a little improbable for someone who cares so much about his appearance.

That's all. :p

9/10, except for those points above, it was great!

Cheerz!

Author's Response: I don't mind at all, I honestly welcome it! I'll take into consideration when I go back through and edit!

Thanks!


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Review #7, by Clowee_tee Kidnapped

1st September 2007:
Great start. This has the makings for a very good fan fiction. And your protrayal of Draco/ Ginny are prefect.

The language used in this fiction is very good, i loved the description of Ginny, the words you used were beautiful.

All in all i really enjoyed this.

Author's Response: Ah, thank you so much! =D So lovely to read! ^^

Glad you did!
-Caiti


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Review #8, by edenvirg Kidnapped

31st August 2007:
Interesting, for a first chapter. It starts where it's supposed to, I guess, and the whole description of how everything happened left a vivid imprint of the scene in the reader's minds. I would have wanted to see more of Ginny's thoughts though, before and after she passed out. Of course, there are still some unanswered questions, like why did Draco kidnap Ginny and the like, but I'm sure it will all be cleared up in time. By the way, I think the challenge here would be to make this story as realistic as possible, especially since you're heading for a Draco/Ginny fic and the circumstances you chose to start it out with weren't just not nice, but were kind of violent. ;)

Author's Response: Thank you for your lovely words! And yeah, definitely a challenge! I'm honestly trying to remember just WHAT I was thinking when I wrote this!

Thanks! xx


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Review #9, by Midna Kidnapped

31st August 2007:
I will admit that I've never read a more fascinating and dare I say exciting sleeping scene. The opening paragraph was marvelous and despite its calm nature, caught my attention. This is unusual for me because as you may have caught wind, I hate Ginny's character.

I'm concerned that you may have devoted too much of the opening to simply telling the reader what was in her bedroom. It would be much more interesting to read a description in which hints of visuals are thrown in between actions and dialogue.

As far as grammar goes, I didn't spot too many mistakes, other than a few phrases that should have been hyphenated. You pretty much have it down and I wouldn't worry too much about it. Keep in mind, though, that some readers find that tiny mistakes are incredibly distracting, so you might want to check out the beta section just in case. In the characterization department, I personally don't understand Draco/Ginny at all, or how they would possibly fit together, so I'm afraid I'm not the right person to ask on that one. I think you handled Draco's dialogue very nicely, but I think you might have added too much spunk to Ginny. She's not always that snarky and on-edge.

I really enjoyed this beginning because it was not dull; it was exciting and gripped me immediately. Though I don't much care for Draco/Ginny, I liked this one very much. Keep up the good work and have fun ^_^

.:.Midna.:.

Author's Response: Ah, thank you! Glad to hear! ^^

Hmmm, I'll take that into consideration, thank you! Can see what you mean, just not sure how to edit it without completely changing things!

Good to hear, and I'll see about running it by a beta in the future! I figured she would be a bit more snarky and on edge since she just woke up in a completely different place, but I see. =P

Glad to hear it! Thank you!!

-Caiti x


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Review #10, by Firenze Fan Kidnapped

6th August 2007:
Very interesting beginning.
Pros: Vivid descriptions, original plotline
Cons: Little random mistakes like "Slytherin seventh Draco Malfoy." Did you mean seventh year? And in this point of the story, the plot makes very little sense, but I trust that it will make sense later on.
Nice start!

Author's Response: thanks for everything you said and for pointing out my mistake :) thx for the review!

♥Cait


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Review #11, by musicgirlhp14 Kidnapped

2nd August 2007:
Hmm. The story isn't so bad so far. I'm not a huge fan of Ginny/Draco, but I will read it. I think you may want to work on the feeling's a little bit more. You did a great job with the descriptions how ever. Nice work so far.
~Alex

Author's Response: alrighty I'll have to add some more feelings in then, thanks for pointing it out :) thanks for the review :)

♥Cait


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Review #12, by mischiefmanaged Kidnapped

31st July 2007:
This was great for your first attempt at a Draco/Ginny story! I have only enjoyed one other Draco/Ginny story on the archive. The others are just filled with cliches. You've avoided most of them so far, but remember to try to make this your own story. You know, add your own twist to make this story unique.

I like how you started this story with action. You don't have a first chapter where all Ginny does is walk around the Burrow, eat ice cream and send an owl to Hermione. You started this story with action, and it captures the reader's attention.

Instead of using ~~~ to separate some of your story, you should consider using the horizontal rule. Here is the page where it explains the use of horizontal rules:

http://www.harrypotterfanfiction.com/getinfo.php?page=simpleformatting

Just scroll down a bit and you'll see it. I think that you did a very good job on this first chapter. Keep at it, and this will be a great story!

Author's Response: I will make it my own, promise. I will have to tons of twists to make it the most unique drinny around :)

glad yuo like that it started with action and that you feel it captures the readers attenion :)

I will put those in, then, thanks for putting that website here, it helped a million :)

i will keep it up and hopefully this will turn into a great story!!

♥Cait


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Review #13, by searching17 Kidnapped

30th July 2007:
amazing, great start. 10/10!
~Estrella

PS. I loved your description.

Author's Response: thanks for the 10/10 and glad you loved the description :)

♥Cait


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Review #14, by njhill22 Kidnapped

25th July 2007:
First off, let me say that I LOVE how you portrayed Ginny as an absolute slob in the beginning of this. I always thought she was the Mary-Sue of JKR's series, so it was nice to see her with a flaw for a change. I'm interested in knowing who actually kidnapped her from the burrow and what Draco actually means (though I think I have an idea) when he says she's all his. Has he been harboring secret feelings possibly? Great start!

Author's Response: glad yuo loved how i portrayed Ginny, i get what you mean, she seemed a little too perfect in the books :) glad you think it is a great start!! thanks for the awesome review!!

♥Cait


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Review #15, by padfoots girl Kidnapped

25th July 2007:
Haha, well I can't wait to see what Ginny comes up with to get back at him. But you should really make this your own, because otherwise, it could turn into one of the cliche D/G stories where she's kidnapped, hates him at first, then sees a different side of him, the two fall in love, then they have to deal with their families, and voldemort's extremely mad, blah blah blah. Just try to stay clear of the normal D/G story and you should be good.

Author's Response: thanks for the review!! I will, don't worry :)

thanks,

♥Cait


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Review #16, by thegirllikeme Kidnapped

25th July 2007:
Right-- overall the characterization of Ginny was very good--spunky, fiery, but with a little bit of the girllish behavior that is to be expected. I loved the discription of the room, it seemed quite like her, and showed a taste of good writing abilities.



Draco's characterization would have been good except for two things: I can't understand why he would look so grimy, because I can sense that he would have been taught at a young age to make his appearance sophisticated. And two, I hope you didn't have him kidnap Ginny because he lusts after her. Not only is that a horrible way to start a romance, it's out of character. He couldn't kill Dumbledore and that would be crueler than murder. I hope you have some plan, like he was ordered by Voldemort or something, because if not, it's horribly OOC, because I don't think Draco would like the prediciment any better than Ginny would--being stuck with a blood traitor, after all.



But it is a good beginning, with plenty of action. A little short, but that's alright. Overall I give you an 8/10.

Author's Response: Thanks! I appreciate the lovely words!!

And ahhh see it wasn't Draco that did it. ;) It was someone else entirely, and he's not not lusting after, actually! Thanks though! ^^

Thank you!


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Review #17, by SilverQuill92 Kidnapped

22nd July 2007:
Now, first thing I noticed about the chapter was the title. Kidnapped had been misspelled. The first thing to turn someone away from a story is spelling errors. I don't know if it was the server or something else, but it seems that between paragraphs the spacing is doubled instead of singled. I definitely suggest that you fix that, it makes the chapter look choppy.

Okay, now for your marks, 7/10. I have this thing about not giving out 10/10 to incomplete stories, just to tell you. Alright, writing wise, your writing style is very good, but I would love to see more elaboration from you. A little more description is always nice in a story.

I want to be able to feel Ginny's frustration and fear and Draco's power a bit better. It's rather subtle in my opinion and I want it to hit me full on, if that makes sense.

Also, instead of using the ~~~ to show a break try using the code < hr > [bring the closer to hr to use it]. It'll look nicer. For now, I suggest getting a beta. They're very helpful and can often catch things that a writer can't. There are a few minor grammar and spelling issues here and there, but besides that the chapter is fine.

It seems like a good start to a story, but it's just that, a start. It didn't really jump out at me as anything spectacular, but I'm sure once the story gets more in depth it'll seem very unique. Once the story gets more in depth and I see more of a plot blossoming I can give you a better critique. If you have any questions or comments about this review, feel free to PM me on the forums.

-Steph



Author's Response: Oh dear goodness, that is such an immediate turn off, thanks for pointing that out! Apparently I didn't spell check so well back then!

Thanks for your feedback, really appreciate each and every word and take it all into consideration! And the hr code has so saved my spacing, even years later now, so thanks loads!
-Caiti


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Review #18, by PandemoniumLust Kidnapped

21st July 2007:
(I’m writing while I’m reading, so review is strange a bit, sorry.)
Hi, Cait! Draco and Ginny? Oh… that could be interesting, because I have read only one story about them, I’m not sure what am I thinking about them together… I’m not a fangirl of HP era, I prefer Marauder era, but I won’t let prejudices won, I’ll read and then we’ll see. Just one question. You’re writing “kidnaped”, but I think that it’s “kidnapped”… Am I wrong?
No train, that’s good. ^^ I’m sorry if you think that I’m weird, but I just have noticed that almost all HP fanfics starts with Hogwarts express scene. Really!
I scrolled up and read summary. OMG! Draco will kidnap Ginny. And then they’ll fall in love? Amazing idea…
I read it all without brakes because it was interesting. If I’m not reviewing next chapter feel free to PM me, because I really enjoyed reading. Maybe some sentences could be better, maybe more thoughts of Ginny, but I was glad to read it. Draco is rough (I don’t read HP era, but I love Draco *blush*) and Ginny is spiteful. Perfect.
I wasn’t critical because there’s no need to. Keep writing.
~ Eva.

Author's Response: Thank you!
-Caiti


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Review #19, by _Emma_ Kidnapped

20th July 2007:
Its a good start, I don't usually read Draco/Ginnys but this has started well and I want to see what happens next!

Author's Response: glad you can't wait :)

♥Cait


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Review #20, by Spicyhc123(not logged in=/) Kidnapped

20th July 2007:
Not bad, not bad! I woud like to apploud you for using description in your sentences. It makes it a lot more realistic and less boring. But sometimes I felt as though you used too much description. I dont know if that made sense =/

She looked so peaceful in her sleep, her expression one of pure bliss has she haunted the land of her creation.. That sentence didnt make much sense to me. I'm not quite sure what you were trying to say.

Anywho both characters seemed to be in character. I like what you have so far and I feel like this could go somewhere. Just be careful of choppy sentences. Try to make things flow as best as you can. I feltthe grammar was pretty good. Hope you keep up the good work.

Author's Response: thanks for the appauld, and I know what you mean, i kinda overdosed on the description :)

I have fixed that sentence, so it should now make more sense, thanks for pointing that out!!

Glad they are both in character ;) I will be careful with them, and I will try and keep up the good work :)

♥Cait


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Review #21, by Zacharias_Smith Kidnapped

19th July 2007:
You have a really interesting writing style that I found the most striking part of this story. You are extremely descriptive, which is definitely a good thing, but I have to say I found that the description sometimes got in the way here. It tended to bog down the story a bit, eg. - and turning her gaze to where her ears heard the noise. You know what I mean? You sometimes say a little too much and it's unecessary when you could say things much more simply and still get the same effect. But there were also some beautiful descriptions - eg. A skinny, milk white hand reached out from underneath the midnight colored cloak, and with a whisper so soft-spoken it was almost silent.
You did maybe talk about her hair one too many times though.
But the story was very intriguing and gripped me from the start. I like the whole concept of the story and can't wait to see how the Draco/Ginnyness progresses! It's a great pairing but I think it's hard to get right. Though I have to say you're doing well so far! The evilness of Draco is portrayed well and it'll be good to see more sides to both characters in future chapters.

Author's Response: ehh...too much description...err.. I'll have to work on that, thanks for pointing it out :P

I don't what is up with my fascination for her hair, lol, a lot of people have pointed that out lol.

glad you liked it and can't wait for more!!

thanks for the review!!

♥Cait


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Review #22, by PadfootBlack16 Kidnapped

19th July 2007:
welll.its ok. There are a few kinda choopy sentences here and there, quite a few repetead words which seriously distracted me from the reading. Try going back and fixing it, it will make it a lot easier to read. There are a few sentences that just werent clear for me, like "her expression one of pure bliss has she haunted the land of her creation."Justdidnt get what you were saying there.

The description is good, as always with you. The dialogue is well done as well But the story could be even better if you fix the things i mentioned up there.

Well, 7/10

cheers,
pad


Author's Response: I have fixed that sentence, so it should now make more sense, thanks for pointing that out!!

aww..thanks :)

thanks for the review!!

♥Cait


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Review #23, by Aligiah Kidnapped

18th July 2007:
Oh no he did not! :[ BAD FERRET! SIT FERRET, no... don't run... FERRET COME BACK AND PUT GINNY BACK IN HER HOUSE!

*cough*

This was good. Perhaps Fer- I mean Draco won't do anything to drastic, right? I'll add this to faves so I can read it when it is updated. :] Great detail by the way! :] 10/10 LOLLERS!

Alex

Author's Response: hehe your review is hillarious!!!!

thanks for the 10/10 and thanks for the faves add!!!

♥Cait


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Review #24, by nana_banana_xx3 Kidnapped

18th July 2007:
Draco would regret calling her Ginevra. lol! That's probably my favorite part. Very Ginny-ish.

So, Ginny has been kidnapped from the Burrow and taken to...? Who knows right now but you m'dear. Not I!

You did a nice job with the general flow of this beginner. I did notice that you used the word "clutter" an awful lot at the beginning, and you talked about hair excessively. Other than that, I really enjoyed reading this.

Draco/Ginny is such a surprising pairing. I'm always interested to see how authors aproach this couple. Be careful to not make Draco abusive. That's almost a little cliche. In most stories he's either abusive or sappy. Try to find a healthy balance. :)

Lovely start!

Author's Response: hehe yea he would lol

Yea, she is taken...I'm not sure where yet though lol...*starts thinking*

I have fixed the clutter things, and I am glad you enjoyed it!!

I won't, I'm going to try to make this the most uncliche Draco/Ginny story ever!!

thanks for the review!!

♥Cait


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Review #25, by Liadan Lightflower Kidnapped

18th July 2007:
Well you have me intrigued. I want to know why Draco wants Ginny...is this another attempt to please the Dark Lord by hurting the one Harry loves. This was a good first chapter and your description is very good. 9/10

Lilly

Author's Response: hehe...yea it is..thanks for the review lils

♥Cait


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