To me this writing is more about the timelessness of nature and mankind's place in it. The sun always rises, whatever the actions of those who live under it. Birds sing beautifully whether there's an innocent child, a murderer or no one there at all to hear them.
Perhaps that's what feels off. This story doesn't come across as being about Snape, but about life itself. Or I could just be talking out of my ass. Either way, I thought it was beautiful and I loved reading it. It was a touching respite on a dreary cold morning for a woman with her own baggage. Report Review
First of all, there certainly isn't anything majorly 'off' with this fic. I thought it was beautiful. The description was vivid and riveting and I adored how Snape was just caught in a place outside of his ordinary life. You described his state of mind perfectly and it was lovely to see him in a place and state of mind where he wasn't good or evil or anything else really.
I thought that your second last paragraph was indescribably beautiful -
The sun was rising over him. The sun did not care who lay below it watching it creep across the night sky. The sun was impartially beautiful. No matter who lay below it, it always had the same gorgeous splendor. No matter what happened on the earth below, the sun always rose. The light always conquered the dark. It did not matter that he had killed the one man to ever care about him, a new day dawned none the less.
You have an amazing way with words.
In terms of what's 'off' about this story...well, I don't really know. I see what you mean but I think that the only reason you think that is because it doesn't really have a plot. But for me, that doesn't matter as this isn't a plot-driven story and I think that just has to be accepted to enjoy it.
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I think the "offness" is that it just sort of meanders without cause. Even other insight one-shots seem to have a point they're driving home.
But thank you so much for enjoying it none the less! Report Review
I can kind of understand what you mean when you say it's 'off', but still, it was beautiful nonetheless! Your descriptions really stunned me because I could actually visualize the scenes in my head. Everything from the vole to the halo around the moon; your words just painted such beautiful visions in my mind.
But going back to what seems off.. I'm not exactly sure what it could be, but as your reader, I would really like to help. :P It might be that there wasn't really a plot or a fixed story-line to this, but I don't really think that's the case, because it's like Snape's just escaping everything for a moment, just to ponder and reflect. I don't k now. Heh, I just.. don't know.
I thought it was very surreal how you depicted Snape. He's so... care-free. Nonchalant. It was very refreshing to see such a different portrayal of Snape, yet such a realistic one. For me, it felt like it was Snape and at the same time, it wasn't Snape, but that's fine because Snape's such a complex character.
Anyways, this was simply fantastic. You displayed such a stunning gift of words here, and I can tell you're one of those people who really cares about grammar and sentence structure. And being the annoying person I am, I'm going to point out that "ephermeral" was misspelled in the last sentence of the seventh paragraph. But no matter. This was a brilliant read and I'm looking forward to reading more of your work! I have to run to school now (yep.. started already!).Author's Response: Thank you so much. It's one of those things where you KNOW something's off, but you cannot for the life of you place it. This is the best out of four rewrites, all of which happened while watching the sunrise.
This was supposed to be him ephemerally getting away. Just a moment in time where he's without the weigh of the world on his shoulders-glad to see that it came across as such.
Thanks for catching the spelling error, openoffice is weird with spellcheck sometimes, gonna go fix that right now.
But thank you so much for the indepth review! Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection