Another great chapter, though the ending was quite sudden. I liked the inclusion of Sean and Lockhart- Lockhart was his typical egocentric self, with quite a dark twist. I wonder if Lockhart actually killed Sean...
As for Seidon, in this chapter as well he was so innocent. He kept trying to scare humans... "our power is measured in the ability to scare humans". As well, it was nice to see his father show some fatherly instincts, even if they did fall under his more blood-thirsty tendencies.
And poor Seidon! Dying all alone (though he is a kelpie) in the Forbidden Forest, cut off from his life source... Such a horrible way to go!
However, as I mentioned before, the last line does not feel as though it's the end of the story...
All in all, this was a great three-shot, one that I really enjoyed reading. It was funny and I loved the characters. Great job!
Roots in Water (Hufflepuff) Report Review
Seidon, Seidon, Seidon. He really isn't a human. You've depicted his natural wonder and curiousity perfectly. The hand incident was so... -ug! and yet I can completely understand where he was coming from. And then the incident with the "vampire trick"- he was just going to sit there for hours until sundown. He's still so innocent, so naive. It's wonderful, and hilarious to read.
The only mistake I noticed was in the sentence "they took her glasses also due to her own tears" and that was just my own personal preference. I feel that switching the middle of the sentence to "as well as her own tears" would help it flow that much better.
The sort-of cliff-hanger at the end of this chapter was great as well- it leaves you hanging. Did Seidon's dad kill them to protect Seidon? Or did Seidon kill them himself?
All in all, another great chapter in the life of Seidon!
Roots in Water (Hufflepuff) Report Review
I've never read a story where a kelpie is a character, and I'm glad I'm doing so now. Your description of them is great- they do not seem all powerful and they all seem to have personalities of their own. The differentiation between his mom and his dad's behaviour is very interesting, especially in how it might influence Seidon's own behaviour.
Seidon himself seems to be an interesting character, one that will set himself up for trouble in the future (kinda like Harry).
There were only a few mistakes that I noticed and they didn't interfere with the reading. The first one is in the sentence "between what was known to be Drumnadochit and Inverness" - I think that "what was known as" would flow better. Secondly, I found the sentence "My mother harmed them not due to the fear of retaliation" confusing because the negative was after the verb- it sounded to me as though she attacked humans until I'd read it through several times. Perhaps you could change it to "did not harm them".
But this was a very engaging first chapter. Off to read the second!
Roots in Water (Hufflepuff) Report Review
This is interesting. I'll need to check out these "Black Chronicles". I like the idea of a kelpie as an intelligent being with its own story. Maybe instead of SPEW, Hermione's next project should be SPKW. Though that isn't as catchy! Report Review
This was a very original story, first of all. I've never read anything like it. You also seemed to have read quite a bit on Kelpies. I like this story. I'm giving it a 10/10
FleurAuthor's Response: Thank you I do love myths and legends. Report Review
a lovely ending to a brilliant story ^^
lockhart was a bit... odd. odder than usual, i mean. the memory charm scene was too sudden; perhaps more of a description?
overall, a great and unique story. well done!Author's Response: Thanks for the CC. I'll go try and correct that sometime :) Appreciate your review :) Report Review
first, love the extra hand moment. :]
this story is very interesting. it's well written, several grammer mistakes though, but i can hardly complain about them myself, and the plot is unique. i love it dear :]Author's Response: *L* took it too literally
thanks. I'll go try and correct those. thank you for reviewing Report Review
original! i've never seen a story like this. it's fresh and very well written. well done :]Author's Response: thanks I appreciatethe review Report Review
This is the first fic I have read concerning magical creatures I liked the ending, it was sad but wholly believable Author's Response: thank you. I just love to try out different sort of stories or plotlines Report Review
This chapter was really interesting, and I loved the way you included Lockhart in it. He was so totally in character, what with him caring about yet another photo opporunity and nothing else. I also loved the continuation of the vampire joke, it was such a cute touch. It showed that after all, Seidon is still a child, and despite all the difference, kelpies and humans have a lot in common.
There were more spelling and grammatical mistakes in this chapter than in the previous ones - I'd suggest checking it again, but other than that, it was a really impressive piece of writing that showed you as a talented author. Good job!Author's Response: My 50th Review! Thank you.
I'll go re-read this chapter and correct those. Thank you for those heart warming review. Appreciate your reading this. :) Report Review
Hey, it's andromeda from the forums :)
This is a truly original story, different from everything I have read so far on this archive. Bravo for the great ideas! You seem to have spent a lot of time studying kelpies, and of course that only added to your wonderful story.
At first I found it a bit confusing, but eventually got the hang of it. I love the way you are introducing the world of humans to Seidon. Nice touch with him offering Wendy a hand. Though, were I in that poor woman's shoes, I would have thought he was making fun of me. I also loved how you said "These creatures rely too much on what they see," - oh, how true!
There were quite a few typos, usually something along the lines of "She stifled a sighed". You also skip to Present Tense from time to time, for no obvious reason, like in this sentence: Elisabeth wondered about this boy, something about him just does not seem right, yet she doesn't think that he's dangerous.
Gone to read the next chapter. (by the way, Lockhart?? O_o I'm intrigued :D)Author's Response: *L* thought the hand would be a comic relief and give enough of a glimpse of kelpie's violent nature, despite the seemingly innocence of the main character (they are dark creatures after all)
Thank you for pointing those out. I'll go correct them now. Really appreciate that.
Thanks for the reviewing. Report Review
this is a great chap. I'll read the ohters as soon as as i can.
constanceAuthor's Response: Thanks. Appreciate your reading and reviewing. :) Report Review
Ohh, I like the bit about the cow being transfigured into a human as a sacrifice for Acheron! It seems that keplies underestimates humans just a tiny bit yeah? Seidon sounds a little unsure of himself when he speculates about the reasons why he protected Elisabeth. He's so gentle for a keplie. It's so sad how he dies too! Something as innocent as unicorn blood ended up hurting him. Poor guy, he tried to stay away from humans, and that lead to his demise.
I liked all the negotiation going on between Acheron and Sean. I'm glad Sean found an original way of helping the village people without harming anyone. He seems to also like Seidon's little jokes and innocent nature. I also loved the distinguish you made between river and lake kelpies. Seidon inherited the best of both sides; I wish he had more chances to have contact with humans, maybe even a boy of his own age. God, I wish he had drowned Gilderoy Lockhart. The thought of him riding on Seidon's back makes me annoyed for some reason. He really doesn't deserve the honor. Oh, and Acheron is a very appropriate name, one of the rivers flowing through the realm of Hades right?
Few typos: In the beginning, "Acheron would not have attacked" not "had attacked". And towards the end, you missed the "you" in Elisabeth's "What do mean?" And finally, in the very last paragraph, "I was cut-off" - no need for the ed after off. This is going in my favorites; what a wonderful short story! Thank you so much for asking me to review this; I enjoyed it thoroughly :)Author's Response: Seidon's too curious and ironically it wasn't his curiosity and meddling ways which led to his downfall, but isolation.
Lockhart was one irritating character wasn't he? *L* Great pick-up - yes, Acheron was the name of that boatman in Hades. Just thought the name sound menacing.
Thanks for telling me about those typos. Thanks for all your reviews and for including this in your favourates. I really appreciate that. :) Report Review
Okay, so I have a very dorky obsession of watching this sci fi/drama TV show, and in there, a guy who's been in a test tube pod for his whole 16 years of life finally breaks out and enters the human world. Seidon reminds me of him so much with his completely lovable naivety and way of taking words at face value. I really started laughing when he handed Wendy a decayed hand. To him, it's the most natural thing in the world, and haha, he even claims that there are more of them! And I love how the human and the kelpie both view the other as somewhat inferior. Seidon thinks the girl is weak, and the girl thought Seidon was slightly not right in the head. But you gotta give Wendy credit for not bolting on the spot; I would have high-tailed it out of there. Though I suppose, Seidon looks really innocent, harmless and sweet, doesn't he?
That was such a beautifully chosen encounter; he was so proud of having scared a human too. Such simple yet delightful emotions! And Elisabeth wonders if all boys are so difficult, haha, does she have a lot to learn. I'd take Seidon over one of them anytime. You really do make him lovable you know, the way he sulks when his scary tricks don't work, and how he's surprised when Elisabeth "reads his mind". And haha, the chimpanzee joke. Gosh, it turned grim and bloody fast, didn't it? I suppose Acheron was the one who killed the two boys? *shudders* Poor Seidon, having to stay away from Elisabeth. Would he have found her to be predictable after a while? Or would they have actually become close friends?
I got so into the story that I almost forgot what you asked me to review about. The story isn't going fast at all! The pacing is great, and nothing feels rushed. You put in just the right amount of detail, and the alternating between first and third person is a wonderful contrast. It feels like he's reminiscing about everything. Another slight typo. Towards the end, in the first sentence of the italic portion, it should be "wizards dressed as werewolves" not "wizards dress". That's all :)Author's Response: I've never heard of that show but definitely sounds interesting. Great to read how much you liked Seidon, silly kelpie that he is ---
Thanks for saying so ... I had some doubts on the shift from light hearted encounters to violent death - especially on this chapter. Great to know that you think it still flows well and wasn't too abrupt.
Thanks for that correction. I'll fix it right away. Report Review
Ohh, first off before I say anything else, I'm so glad you chose this story. I absolutely love animals, especially horses, and all your references to mares and stallions and colts make me smile goofily. And added to that, I love mythology and Scottish folklore too, ah, this is perfect! You have a very natural way of drawing the reader in. Even before I begin to read, I already don’t want the poor kepie to die! Seidon has an inviting conversational tone, almost whimsical in his musings. I love how all the kepies show so much emotion like Seidon's mum being appalled, and him being despondent at not bein gable to fly. They really add a soft emotional touch to the atmosphere of the story without overdoing it.
You've given such interesting attitudes to these creatures. Like when Seidon wondered if his mother was glad to see him go or when he commented on his father's ruthlessness. It reminds me that maybe they aren't all that human, and they have their vicious sides too. Haha, even with animals, I often overlook the feral instincts and go for the cuteness and fuzziness. Anyway, I loved the disdain in Acheron's voice as he called Nessie an object of curiosity. Haha, well it's true! And Seidon asks such innocent questions! He's so sweet; gosh, I hate to see him corrupted, but I love how he's reserving his judgment on humans until he's actually had contact with them. I just hope his "foolishness" won't lead a human to betray him. I would cry so hard; you've made me love Seidon already!
A few things here and there. In the middle, it read "Flying seems interesting. I'm want to know…" Do you mean, "I want to know…" instead? Also, in that particular section, you went from calling Seidon a young colt to a young stallion. The age gap is slightly too big to be used at the same time. That's all; I just have to say wow. This was so interesting, so well-researched, and the story flowed from scene to scene without losing a beat. Haha, I really love the idea of a revel selkie, becoming interested in things he shouldn’t be. Wonderful first chapter, onto the next!Author's Response: I obviously love horses and mythology as well :) Thank you for those kind words and such a long review as well. I really appreciate your pointing out those errors and have corrected them accordingly.
Nessie *lol* I just can't see her as a dark creature good thing there are different versions of the lore for me to use. :)
Thanks again for this great review :) Report Review
aw! great story! its on my favs! 100/10!
~Estrella Author's Response: Thanks again for the reviews. and great to hear that you enjoyed this :) Report Review
wow. this is going on my faves. i love the hand part! superb writing! 1000/10!
~Estrella Author's Response: Thank you. I really appreciate that. :) Makes me feel really good :)
*lol* that kelpie takes things too literally. Report Review
you know what, next year, in the Dobby Awards im gonna ask for "The most unique Author" category. And i will vote for you. I'm sure you'll win. You are very good at what you do. i love your individuality - sp? and i dont care if this is from a challenge or w/e. You are a unique and brilliant writer. 100/10!
~Estrella Author's Response: Thanks. I do like to try things that are out-of-the-box. But I do have some stories that were taken from the scenes of the books. :) Thanks for those words of praise. Really gives me plenty of ego boost :) Report Review
Wow. I didn't see this story ending this way, for some reason. But brilliant story, really different and intriguing. Amazing job! Great story, I think I will add this to my favourites.
~AlexAuthor's Response: Thank you. Always a pleasure when someone adds my story to their fav. Report Review
Wow, that was a really good chapter. Kind of sad, the end, but interesting to see a bit of Seidon’s life. I look forward to reading the next. And with Lockhart.
~AlexAuthor's Response: And so my strong violence rating. I just can't find any other way around it. :) Had to show why they're considered Dark Creatures and those leaving of liver are in the Scottish myths. I do wonder where those Scots developed such an idea... Report Review
I really like the originallity and indivuality in this story. It's really refreshing to read a story that has something to do with Harry Potter, but shows the more magical bit than the people. Your writing is very good, and engaging. I love it, frankly. Good start, and I look forward to reading the next two chapters.
~AlexAuthor's Response: Thank you. I glad you like this creature based story. Hope you'll enjoy the nest couple of chapters :) Report Review
This whole story was quite wonderfully done. I rolled my eyes everytime Lockhart spoke...naturally he went off and obliviated the guy. Your attention to detail was enough to get a proper visual without being overly wordy. Honestly, I emjoyed this short story very much and it's now in my favorites. Great job! =)Author's Response: Thanks! I'm always happy to read that one of my stories ended up in someone's fav list. :)
Lockhart *L* That's the reaction I have about him as well. I do wonder how many easily fell for that phoney.
Appreciate your review! Report Review
You've woven some humor in here quite nicely. Seidon's total naivity just makes me laugh, and yet the humans' does as well. You've gotten me quite interested in the kelpies now...I might have to wander over to the Lexicon now to check them out =)Author's Response: Actually the lexicon didn't say much ... just that they are dark creatures and the lochness monster (Nessie) being a kelpie. I just read up on Scottish myths and also made some of the details up.
Thanks for reviewing. I'm proud to know that my story got you interested in kelpies. Report Review
Well, you've really done your research here! Here I was sitting here expecting something about Harry Potter in some form or another and you completely struck me out of the blue with this. Honestly, this was awesome. Author's Response: Thank you. I do love to try different things. But to be honest this particular story was inspired by a challenge :) Report Review
It is interesting that you based a story on the loch ness monster, which I dont know a lot, so it was really different for me!
Also, the thoughts, descriptions, and monologue between the creatures was really interesting, it gave a different perspective of magical creatures.Author's Response: Thanks. I do want to try and write something different. :) Report Review
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