Reading Reviews for Spin the Bottle of Destiny
  
30 Reviews Found

Review #1, by mysticalshadows The Empty Classroom

17th November 2007:
sorry, but i got confused =P random story but i kept thinking Andrea was a boy aka Scorpius.. hehe >

Author's Response: sorry if it was confusing! that was my first story and i stopped it alittle cause i wasn't getting enough reviews but it will start up soon!

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Review #2, by carlysue22 Draco and Harry Speak Agian

29th October 2007:
ah-ha! i finally know what Andrea looks like!
Cho sat down at the edge of the couch, confusion written all over her tear stained face.
just a little somethin i noticed. you put this right after you said somethin about Cho already sitting down.
i thought the harry and draco convo. went really well and it was in good character.
there are still a couple commas missing, and the spacing is much better!
sorry if my reviews were to harsh. im just trying to be honest and help you out! : )
also my rules said no fannon but i'll let it slide this once ;)

Author's Response: sorry! i know it was all bad but i guess i wasn't that good in writing that story!

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Review #3, by carlysue22 Torn Between Two

29th October 2007:
is there a particular reason everything is italicised?
the grammar was much better, but the flow wasn't as good, and i still don't know what the characters look like.
i don't know i just think it all happened so quickly, i didn't really have time to digest what was goin on.
you still forgot to space when someone new started talking.

Author's Response: sorry my beta got that chapter and she changed it up a little! and i had described what was happening but i guess some of it was retarded! it is my first fic so naturally it sux!

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Review #4, by carlysue22 The Empty Classroom

29th October 2007:
you had a couple spelling mistakes
lloked~should be looked
thought~thoughts (you just needed the s at the end)
now that the spellings out of the way..
your grammar needs some work. i saw a bunch of sentences that needed those commas.
also you need to make sure you put the space in between the paragraphs. and in some of the sentences you double spaced.
the flow is still good, and you still haven't really done anything to describe the characters. thats very important because as of now the reader has no idea what andrea, josh, daisy, or any of the other characters look like.

Author's Response: yeah but they start gettung it after a little while! sorry!

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Review #5, by carlysue22 The Game

29th October 2007:
hi! you didn't really introduce the character, or any of the other ones for that matter. the flow was good, you had a lot of details
each time someone new talks you need to start a new paragraph. you had a few grammatical errors, and most of it was you forgetting to put in commas.
other than that, its a good plot idea!

Author's Response: thank you!

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Review #6, by shadowkitty22 Draco and Harry Speak Agian

25th October 2007:
So yeah, it's been awhile since I have read your story so I had forgotten the pairings and was therefore really surprised to find Harry married to Cho. I personally think that they should continue the relationship, even if it is in secret from their families.

Emilie
=^_^=

Author's Response: Well just read and find out! thanx for the review! sorry i won't be writing for a while! but when the next chapter comes out i will let you know!

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Review #7, by painfullygone Torn Between Two

28th September 2007:
YEA! Whoot whoot!
Takes off top!
*damn, i goota get control overmy reviews. XD*
awesomeness!

Author's Response: wow! best review ever!! i love when ppl get excited over my stories! thanks for reviewing

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Review #8, by RaizaBear Torn Between Two

28th September 2007:
Okay I must say that the begining of the story was um lets say a bit okay but you cleaned it off perfectly. i hateºcliffe hangers so ill be waiting for your next update godd job

Author's Response: thanx! i hate them too but i decided since i already know what happens to keep yall waiting!

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Review #9, by WolfeMoone Torn Between Two

23rd September 2007:
Hi, Nohely. Guess what? My own story finally got validated! YAY!!! It's called, "Green Eyes". If you want, you can read it! = ). I've already gotten 70 reads since it was validated a few days ago (though I only have 3 reviews. )=( )! It's not as good as your story, though, so don't be TOO expectant. . .

Proud to be your betta!

Amanda, A.K.A., Wolfy

Author's Response: YAY!!! im soo happy for you ! im glad you are my beta too! and maybe i might think your story might be even better cause you are a great chapter fixerer

LOVE YA LOTS

Nohely Carrasco


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Review #10, by shadowkitty22 Torn Between Two

17th September 2007:
*Psst* What's up with all the Italics? I thought it was amusing how Andrea got back at Josh by kissing Sammy, even though it seemed to upset Betty as well.

Emilie
=^_^=

Author's Response: sorry for the alics but other than that was it good? yeah i wanted betty for sammy cause i think the other characters need love too

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Review #11, by shadowkitty22 The Empty Classroom

17th September 2007:
Once again, you had some spelling issues and also some spacing issues; not only between the ends of sentences but also between your paragraphs. You should also make sure to capitalize words that need to be capitalized, even if it is just the simple word "I".

You do know that you are allowed to edit a chapter (fix bold issues, typos and spacing) after it has been validated and it won't put the story back through the validation process. I know people have mentioned these problems to you in previous reviews that were from months ago, and seeing as how they aren't fixed I got the impression that you might not know about the edit function.

And does Josh actually have a small thing for Andrea and that's why he agreed to go along with the charade?

Emilie
=^_^=

Author's Response: thanx for the other review and im sorry once again yes i barely got a beta that fixes my problems in my 3rd chapter so they wont come out all crappy later! oh and yes i almost forgot about the whole editing thing but i'll go change it to make my readers more comfortable

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Review #12, by shadowkitty22 The Game

17th September 2007:
Dude, what's up with all the bold?!?! Tone it down some. You could also do with some proper spacing in between sentences and a spell check. It was an interesting twist to a spin the bottle game.

Emilie
=^_^=

Author's Response: thanx for the infone has told me that but it was my first chapter of my first story so i kinda over did it sorry!

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Review #13, by ERiKA MUNOZ Torn Between Two

16th September 2007:
DANG DAT WAS REALLY GOOD.
i WANNA KNOW WUT HAPPENS NEXT:]]]

Author's Response: k well you'll have to come back and read the rest after its validated!!!

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Review #14, by ERiKA MUNOZ The Empty Classroom

15th September 2007:
I THiNK DiS iS ANOTHER GREAT CHAPTER:]]
i LiKED iT ALOT.
WELL iM GUNNA GO READ DA OTHER ONE.
LULAS.

Author's Response: k thanx for reading!!!

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Review #15, by ERiKA MUNOZ The Game

15th September 2007:
HEY NOHELY!!!
i THOUGHT DiS WAS REALLY GOOD.
i HAD NO iDEA DAT U WERE DAT GOOD OF A WRiTTER...LOL CUZ iM NOT AT ALL:]]]
WELL ONCE AGAiN i THiNK U DiD VERY GOOD && iM GUNNA READ DA REST.
LOVE YA.
-ERiKA-

Author's Response: thank you i loved it alot too!! i didnt know i was a good wriet either well ill see you in skool k!!

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Review #16, by WolfeMoone Torn Between Two

14th September 2007:
Thanks for trusting me, N. I think I can get you the next edited chapter tomorrow(Saturday), so be on the lookout. I'm very proud to be your betta!

A. A.K.A. Wolfy

Author's Response: thank you ill be looking for it asap and im glad youre my beta too!!!

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Review #17, by very proud ravenclaw The Game

14th September 2007:
next time can you not use the bold please?


Author's Response: oh yes im very sorry every one has been complaining and it got on my nerves but i didnt notice it until after the chapter was already validated

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Review #18, by beebsy1219 The Empty Classroom

24th August 2007:
I love it! Its cute! but could u actually imagen a Malfoy blushing? I couldnt... anywayz... its great! 10/10! pleze continue!

Author's Response: thanx i can imagine him blush but ur right its not normal!!

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Review #19, by pbpooch91 The Empty Classroom

24th August 2007:
much better to look at and read than the first chapter...good job overall! can't wait till the next chapter! :)

Author's Response: thanx for the supprt sorry for the delay !

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Review #20, by girlwhoisinlove The Empty Classroom

24th August 2007:
nice chapie keep up the good work :)

Author's Response: thanx!!!

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Review #21, by WolfeMoone The Empty Classroom

24th August 2007:
Remember, I'd be really excited if I got to help this wondrous story lift off... juliannepearlight@yahoo.com , only a click away... By the way, check out the story "Shedding Innocent Blood". Awesome story. Yours might be that awesome too!

Author's Response: yay!!!

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Review #22, by WolfeMoone The Empty Classroom

24th August 2007:
Remember, I'd be really excited if I got to help this wondrous story lift off... juliannepearlight@yahoo.com , only a click away... By the way, check out the story "Shedding Innocent Blood". Awesome story. Yours might be that awesome too!

Author's Response: thanx again for reviewing my story and i have read your story its beautiful cant wait for the next chapter!!!

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Review #23, by WolfeMoone The Game

24th August 2007:
Um... did you get this spell checked? If you email me the chapters, I'm very good at grammar and correct punctuation. My email is juliannepearlight@yahoo.com . I'm open any time, really. Check me out.

Author's Response: thanx ill be sure to do that so you can help me

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Review #24, by D i a The Game

12th August 2007:
Hmmm...not bad.
The story itself has a clear potential, it could turn out real good with a few minor fixes.

First; It would be a good idea if you made the type regular and not bold, it's easier and more comfortable to read, then you could always have your authors note in italics or bold writing so it stands out from the story.

Secondly; It felt like there was missing spaces between period and the next word, it looks very stuffed when there isn't that much space. Your blocks of text are generally very large. It might be an idea to move the text down everytime someone says something new, that would give the impression of more air in the story (and then it looks a little longer)

Thirdly; The general idea of the story sounds interesting and your language and way of telling the story is easy to understand and follow. You describe not only what people says but also a few feelings and then things that come inbetween speech. You also make it seem plausible for Andrea to suddenly end up in a compartment with people she dislikes, that's a good thing, there's nothing worse than when something happens without a good explanation or reason.

Fourth; This story in some places excist also on a deeper emotional level like when Andrea finds out she has to date Josh and Daisy suddenly seems all disappointed because she was actually in love with him herself, that shows some depth, no one can have everything on a silver platter and it's very good that you take that into consideration as you write.

Fifth; One thing I think you forgot was to tell how the rest of the game went, we only heard of Josh and Andrea when they spun the bottle but not about the others.

Sixth; this is only a suggestion, but maybe you could consider writing your title in normal and not in capitals? And by the way I think 'Spin the bottle' is a good title.

If you're interested I could ake a banner for you, if you give me your e-mail either here or as a pm on the forums.

Hope my critisism is helpful and good luck with the rest of the story!


Author's Response: thanx yes you were really helpful and ill try to make the changes you suggested it would be great if you could make mme a banner i would love u always my e mail address is ally131993@aol.com but ill try to contact you in the forums too

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Review #25, by girlwhoisinlove The Game

5th August 2007:
Hi, I liked the beggining, it's cute, I'd love to see how this story goes:)

Author's Response: thanx i didnt really think ppl would like my story but im glad that they do i really hope ull keep reading my fan fic and the 2nd chapter is still validating so just hang on a little more k

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