Hello. Not sure if you remember, but you requested a review from me a while back. I've been really busy and haven't really had time to read any stories, but I'll try to review everyone's now.
This is a great story. Its very original. I think that it was a good idea that you made the oldest child have the weakest wizarding abilities, most make the oldest have the strongest. I didn't really notice anything that could be improved in this chapter. Good Job. 10/10 Report Review
I liked it, I liked it quite a lot. I think you did a magnificent job at balancing the amount of description and dialogue, there was never too much of either one. It was quite easy to imagen being there, in Albus` office and then back at Taro.
I have one complaint, however: the way you show emotions. You gave us just barely any, and I think that is one point you should work on. Make us feel what Cyril feels as Albus tells him his two daughters and son are being "taken away" from him (for lack of better words). Is he happy? Or he is sad to know there are chances he will never see them again? Really pull at the readers heart strings and make us feel what he feels.
Other than that, I found it quite interesting. Good job!!
drew Report Review
hmmm... i think i'm a bit confused, who are all those people? anyway i think that you'll clear everything out in the next chapters, keep writing :) Report Review
Ok, let me start with that this is another great chapter, but for the sake of the reader, I'm hoping that you bring the various back stories together. Otherwise so far there was only a few mistakes, like putting words together or dropping words. The story is still easy to follow, but I must say that at the end of Bianca's section it says she just turned 13. This is all and well, but then it says on her 13th birthday she met the magician and spent years training the magic. Also she took the O.W.L.s recently, so you might want to fix that and change the conflicting information as you see fit. 9/10
Magical Me13Author's Response: No worries! The back stories will mesh together once they get to Hogwarts and meet each other. This chapter is for the readers to get to know the three main characters better so yeah, it seems disjointed but it'll all come together later ^_^. Eep! Thanks for telling me, I went back and fixed the problems you mentioned. Hopefully I caught all of them...
About the Bianca bit, my bad! I edited the end as well so that it made things a little more clearer though the changes won't show up until this gets validated again. Thank you for being kind about my emmbarissing mistakes. Glad you're still enjoying this!
~Misty, Steff and Linds. Report Review
So far, I'm really liking this story! The plot is really interesting and I'm excited to continue reading it. From what I can see all of the grammar and spelling is perfect. The only problem is that at times the dialogue is a little confusing unless you really read it carefully. But it's still pretty easy to read and only happened once or twice. So I'll continue reading and leave a review for the next chapter, 10/10
Magical Me13Author's Response: Yay! Glad your liking it! We've worked quite hard to develop an interesting plot and it's great that you like it! We'll definately check the problem with the dialogue, thanks for pointing that out. :)
Thanks for the wonderful review!
~Steff, Lindsey and Misty! Report Review
Interesting. I think that the aspect with the royal children could either be very good or very bad. At the moment it seems to be working quite well, which is difficult to write without making it ridiculously clichéd. I'm not quite sure how you're going to work all of your characters into the same story, but I think that it could be very unique. The Slytherin girl, the royal children, Raine and Conrad... hmm. I'm curious to see where you're going to take this, so your first couple of chapters are doing their job. =) I'd give it a 9/10 so far.Author's Response: Gotta love interesting ;). I agree with you but we are working our utmost to ensure this doesn't end up in the cliche bin. You'll have noticed that none of the characters have been described as 'drop dead gorgeous' ;p. These first few chapters are more of an introduction than anythings else but you'll see alot more action as well as all of the ends coming together to form, shall I say it, a masterpiece *grins*. Thank you so much for your review!
~Misty, Linds and Steff Report Review
AH! All three of you did an excellent job with this! It's fantastically original! I really didn't spot any grammar mistakes because I was enjoying this too much and couldn't be bothered to look out for them! Dumbledore was absolutely PERFECT and I'm curious to see more about Adelaide, so I'm definitely going to keep reading! Keep up the good work and good luck with this fic! Favorite + 10/10! Report Review
Hey all three of you :)
This is an interesting project you've started, and this first chapter is definitely promising of what is to come. It showed some impressive writing and I'm amazed that you had the patience and skills to write this together. It's usually an eternal argument to have to write something together and agree on what is going to happen and how, so I'll just say that I'm impressed by that.
I'm wondering whether Taro is a stricktly magical country or a country like any other just with a wizard as king?
This was a good way of letting the reader know about the situation both at Hogwarts, in Taro and in the world through a conversation between Cyril and Albus. It was effective and it saved you a lot of long and boring explanations later on.
You've also managed to capture some of Dumbledores air of mystery and intelligence in the conversation, which I find admirable, because he's a difficult character to write.
Generally I must say that I think you're on to something here, this chapter shows a clear potential!
Good luck with the rest of the story...
/D i a Author's Response: Glad you like the first chapter ^-^ It's taken quite a bit of time to finally come together and what started out as an amazing idea by Lindsey (LovelyMioneWeasley) has turned into something we're all extremely excited about! We work quite well together -I think - and we're having a blast writing this.
I don't think thats something we've discussed (of course, I could be wrong here and if I am, I'm sure that Misty or Lindsey will jump in and tell me) but I'm sure it will crop up as we learn more about Adelaide and her country.
That was what we thought. We wanted an interesting beginning and one that set the background up so it wasn't something that just 'happened' like that. Thanks! Dumbledore is always a challenge to write, so we're glad you think so!
Thank you SO much! we're working hard on chapter three at the moment. ^-^ Thanks again!
~Steff, Linds & Misty Report Review
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