Reading Reviews for The Truth
  
3 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Provengryffindor_chic The Truth

5th August 2007:
HEy thanks for reviewing my story was it really a dp?
um good story reckon u could made a whole novel out of it. would've been great. jumped too much but like is said it would've been a great novel.
See ya

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Review #2, by worldsapart The Truth

4th August 2007:
I think with some work this could be a pretty good story, with the exception of the ending, as I don't believe Harry would be capable of using Avada Kedavra on Snape, especially right after finding out Snape was his biological father. Here are some things I think would be good to work on:

1) Dialogue attribution. Just adding a "Harry said" onto the end of a piece of dialogue can make a story 1000X easier to read. This is also a handy place to sneak in descriptions of the person's tone or even what's happening in the scene.

2) With the dialogue, there's no need to start a new paragraph for each sentence (and without the attribution, it's even more confusing). So, for instance -

"Harry I am your REAL Father."

"James and Lily Potter adopted you when you were only a baby."

"I am very sorry to tell you this.,thats why I was so hard on you all the these years and didnt know how to tell you."

Would all be one paragraph, in one set of quotes.

3) Pacing. Dialogue is great, but when that's 99% of the story, it begins to feel empty. The readers need to know what the characters are doing more than just a couple of sentences in between dialogue. For instance, rather than telling the readers Neville and Luna were a couple, you should have your point of view character just notice the two were holding hands. Maybe then the POV character can ask them about it, and that will add to your scene.

4) Point of view. Pick one character and tell the story from that person's perspective. One person for the whole story, or at the very least one person per scene. Then every bit of description is filter through that person. If it's, say, Harry, he can't know that Ron is disappointed about something, but he could say that Ron LOOKED disappointed. Etc.

5) Reread and revise/edit. This is probably one of the most important ones. I'm sure you read a lot, if you like to write, so start paying really close attention to what a well written story looks like. Then read over your own and pay attention to things that look different. Carefully check spelling, especially the ones your spell checker won't get (where the word is not misspelled, but it's not the correct word - "Harry just started at him" should have "stared" instead) and the really big things like character names ("Hermione" is the correct spelling).

This story is not great, but everyone's got to start somewhere, you know? All of us writers have pages stuffed in a box somewhere (or burned in the fireplace, haha) that we know are not our best, because we just hadn't learned yet. So I would work on honing your craft by reading A LOT of good stories (fan fics and otherwise) and studying them as you read. You could even sit down with a Harry Potter novel open next to you and try your best to imitate how JK writes. Take a scene and rewrite it with different characters or plot, just for practice.

All in all, you'll get there. Don't get discouraged. Ten years from now you'll look back, shake your head, laugh, and then post your really awesome newest story. :)

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Review #3, by mina The Truth

11th July 2007:
crap, very stupid

Author's Response: thx like i really needed it.

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