Great story! There's not many Regulus stories that I really like but this was definitely one of my favourites.
I hope you keep updating! Report Review
so i love this story so much, idk how to say it. i just found it today, and i read it all in one sitting and ive needed to pee really bad for about half of this chapter, but i couldnt leave it. you have regulus down cold. its brilliant. your writing seems really professional. i love the characters, oc and cannon. so i would leave you a long rambling review, but i think (or at least hope) that you can get my point without repeating myself 30 times. this story is fully one of the most brilliant i have ever read, certainly the most brilliant about regulus. i was a little apprehensive about the part with morna, but i think it ended well. sad certainly, but fitting. i also love the way you portray the black family. the best job anyones done. so please please please update this soon, because i really dont think i can wait all that much for another chapter. this story is AMAZING. ;)Author's Response: Holy COW. Thank you. :) If I were you, I'd have just abandoned the story to go the bathroom, lol! All in one sitting!? Thank you so much! That's so.. flattering! :P
Hehe, I'm gonna start asking readers if they're touched in the head now! Professional, you say? Goodness! And the OC seems canon!? Holy MOLY. Thank you -- that is an awesome compliment! I worked hard to get Morna the way she is, so I'm honored when you say she seems a part of the books. :) Hehe, no need to leave a long review (though your review is long enough! Anything more than one word is wonderful!).
Goodness me! There are a lot of wonderful Regulus stories that I'm /sure/ outshine this one, but I'm so giddy and happy that you think this is the best. Gosh, all you readers are making my ego ginormous. I have to go read your other reviews too -- I do hope something's in there to pop my enlarged head.
Ah, yes, sad. Their relationship is a sad one and this story is far from happy. And the Black Family? I've had some say that I've made Bellatrix far too humane, but I'm glad you haven't pointed that out! Bella's meant to seem more humane with Regulus, because Reggie is closest to her (after Sirius, of course). So naturally, Regulus will have his own illusions when it comes to his cousin. Bella will show her true colors soon. :P But I'm really happy you like the family! Surely it's not the best, but it makes me happy you think so. Honestly, I love writing Sirius the best... Sadly, he's not really in the -- HOLY CRAP I JUST THOUGHT OF AN AWESOME SCENE FOR CHAPTER FOUR. Thank you Henry Jones (dunno what to call you!) for inspiring me randomly!
I'll try my hardest to get chapter four up as fast as possible. I might have to find a different beta.. But thank you SO much!
Munira Report Review
This stroy is really good so far. I like your kiss scene though. It's just a kiss and doesn't over shadow all the emmotions by going into too much detail. Also it doesn't kill the moment by becoming lusty. I like seeing the sensitive side of Regulus. Update soon!Author's Response: Hehe, I'm glad you like it! I didn't want it to be all lusty and... sloppy.. and.. noisy. It's the first kiss between two characters who are tentative in such areas. :) I like the sensitive side of ittle Reggie too. Thank you so much for reviewing! And I'll try to update soon. Report Review
wow, that was pretty intense.
The last few paragraphs almost made me cry.
I like how you make regulus seem more human with his, i dunno, love of sunflowers and dislike of the rain?
Bad example, I just don't know how to describe it.
I feel so sorry for him.
update soon, please please please.
coolies. xx.Author's Response: Naw, naw, I totally get what you mean. It's the little details, like their likes and dislikes, that help bring the character to life, to seem more human. Personally, I LOVE the rain, but it seems a lot of people love the rain and I wanted Regulus to be different, his own person, a unique character. So he hates the rain -- but since he's in love with Morna, he comes to look forward to the rain, because it reminds him of her. :P Stupid, I know. And sunflowers are just DANDY!
I'll try to update as soon as possible. I'd also like to apologize that I took so long to reply. I have no good reason for taking my own sweet time. I'm just a horrible person.
Thank you very much! Report Review
So sorry I've taken so long to get round to both reading and reviewing this. When I saw it was updated, my stomach flipped, and those butterflies you describe so perfectly filled my stomach. As ever, your writing is amazing and the way you allow the story to flow leaves me green with envy. This truly is a masterpiece and there is no Regulus fic more beautiful, more pleasantly flowing, more perfect and in depth than this one. This is currently at the top of my list of favourite stories, and indeed you're both inspiring and astounding as a writer. I can hardly wait for more, but of course - no pressure. Take your time. It will, certainly, be worth the wait.
10/10Author's Response: I'm a horrible person, not replying to this for a couple months. SO SORRY. I just stopped logging in and kinda forgot about the story -- ok, that's a lie, it's constantly on my mind.
The butterflies? Teehee, gotta love the butterflies. Actually, I hate butterflies. The scare the living crap out of me. Erm. Yeah.
Don't be green with envy! I guess all I can say is practice writing? That's how it worked for me (actually, I'd say roleplaying upped my writing skills, if I have any!)
You flatter me way too much, but thank you. I'm glad you find it to be a masterpiece! I will continue to think likewise though, hehe.
I'm pretty sure it's not at the top any longer. I'm just really stuck on chapter four. And I have to send it to my Beta afterwards, who is already uber-busy and took a couple months to beta it. -le sigh-
Hehe.. :) Thank you very much, my dear! You inspire me to go write some more now! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Though, I'm not as astounding as you say -- can't say no to inspiring though, because I can't say what inspires others. :D
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oh i love this.
the bit with morna...
i dunno what to think about her
but that was so sad
"The flitting butterflies inside Regulus fell down with a thud."Author's Response: Dunno what to think about her? Do you think she's evil or something? XD Just kidding, just kidding.
Teehee! That stupid line had been in my head since I wrote the beginning of that chapter -- it HAD to be the last line, I knew, because it just fit so well. :P I'm glad you love this! Thank oh-so-very-much! Report Review
wow! love it! update soon!Author's Response: Hehe, thank you, sorry it's been so long! I still need to finish chapter four, but I shall try to update soon! Report Review
wow. wow. wow.
you are so awesome. i love this story. and this chapter was so sweet, but so sad too. wow. again. im sorry this is so short, but i rally wanted to leave a review. i cant believe there are only 2 so far this is really one of the best stories i have ever read. ill come back and try to come up with a review worthy of it later.Author's Response: Oh wow, thank you! I'm sorry I took.. so many months to reply. I haven't logged in awhile, so sorry... But thank you very much! I'm very glad you liked it! I wanted it to be sweet, but melancholy at certain parts, because the story just gets darker from here on out.
:P Don't worry -- your reviews are lovely and warm my heart. Thank you very much! Report Review
I see why this is your favourite chapter so far. Wow. I loved everythings about this, from the length (honestly, thought it'd take me forever to read it, but it did not!) to the 'preface' (which I loved by the way!). I'm not sure where to start, but I will try to wrap up my thoughts nicely and in an understandable way.
The platform scene was very capturing. I love the relationship between Bella and Regulus and can therefore never get enough of those scenes. Yet, I was surprised of the sudden change in her mood and that she later apologized. Bella doesn't struck me as the person who apologizes, but I can really see her do so in the case of her young cousin. I liked the information about Regulus's parents and that the relationship between them disturbed Bellatrix. Also, the growing fury inside Regulus was one I felt too. I loved it how he saw her and his brother. Dark and light. That Regulus would always see Sirius as someone you could look up to, despite the differences and the circumstances.
Then we have the scene where Marlene and Morna are arguing with the Slytherins. It was nice to have new characters introduced (don't remember if we have been introduced to them before or not, so I s'pose it's fifty-fifty chance I might be right - if I am not, sorry for my terrible memory) such as Rabastan (the prick!) and Marlene, whom was described excellently. I can really imagine her being too brave for her own good. And that Regulus would then interfere! Truth to be told, I had hoped he'd done it, but I never thought he would. Fear for ruining his reputation or whatever it is that he cares about. And when he wondered why he'd done it. I loved it that he thought of Sirius. I really think that despite anything, Sirius opinions and judgements would always mean something of importance to Regulus. Anyways, it was nice, for a change, for him to stand up like that. Who knows what would have happened had ne not done it. And some Regulus/Morna moments. Yippe!
The Quidditch scenes were great. I loved that during the match, the air was suspenseful (you really managed to capture the feeling of a Quidditch game!) and that the paragraphs were... simple. What I mean with that is that all of unimportance, wasn't included. There were just the right amount of adjectives included and it still painted the pictures very clearly. Anyway, I applaud you to make someone name Edward seem so horrid =p For a moment, he was worse than Lestrange... Poor Regulus. I was afraid that for a while, he wouldn't have made it. Bur of course he had, but still. And a wand between ones blades... I can't even start to imagine the pain.
Another moment. Wow, I couldn't even breathe in that second. And why, why, why did he tell her to leave? I mean, I know why and I s'pose that I understand the descision, but I did not by all means agree with him. Poor Morna.
And the dream and the interaction with Marlene! First, the dream scared the heck out of me (with the snake and all... it resembled a basilisk in my head). It was very vivid. And the interaction with Marlene... I loved that one. I was very happy when he told Marlene he'd done it to protect her... Very heroic, in the end. But Regulus honestly deserves to be happy... I'll get to that soon.
I loved it that you included Andromeda in the flashback. And I loved your descriptions of her. Both how she was as a person and a sister and her physical appearance. And that he went to her to ask her of his jealousy. It felt right. Anyways, the flashback did add a whole lot.
And finally... The long awaited lip-lock. Not that I'd seen it in the first chapter... Or the second that matter. I guess that during the minutes I read this, somewhere between the lines, his feelins for her were there and were obvious. Really, from the very beginning, there was something there and I guess that when Marlene had said that she sometimes wondered who Morna loved most, it was all clear. But that cliffhanger, Munira. I'm dying to know more. Why in the world did he realize it so late? Anyways, loved that scene - and it broke my heart.
I honestly love your version of Regulus Black. As I read the chapters, an air of bitterness and lonliness wash over me. Because of these feelings, he really deserves to be happy. But I suppose that following his heart wil jepordize everything he wants to stand for. Everything he parents stand for. You've given him much life and made him realistic to his very core. I really admire you for your ability to make the characters so real.
Overall - this was simply amazing. Not as many adjectives, but the change was for a better cause and you did real well with keeping the chapter more balanced between dialogue and descriptions. For a chapter of this length, I believe balance is essential and you managed to do it, which felt very much easier for me to read. 12000+ words of pure adjectives would have been heavy.
I know, I said I would wrap my thoughts up nicely, but I had many emotions to share when it came to this, so that was never an option for me to do. You have outdone yourself with this Munira and I'm looking forward for the upcoming chapters.
StephAuthor's Response: Holy crap. What a ginormous review! Thank you so much! I have to reread this to answer now. :P
Eek yes! I'm pretty sure I'll get at least one review telling me that Bellatrix is completely OOC, but honestly! Wouldn't it seem realistic if there was at least ONE person with whom she could relate to? I was very anxious about that bit. Bella's dislike for Orion was random. I thought it would help make it seem like a dysfunctional family.
Marlene and Rabastan were new characters, but I think Rabastan has been mentioned briefly before. Don't worry though, because both are key characters. If Reggie's ittle brain had been rational in Morna's presence, he probably wouldn't have cared. Ah.. Marlene. I've always loved Marlene. So I was ecstatic to include her in this. :P And yes! Rabastan is a prick! But I love Rosier..
OMG I NAMED THE GUY EDWARD!? NO! His name is Edward COLLINS!? I wrote this before I was a Twilight fanatic!
Anyhow... thank you! It almost killed me not to put more adjectives in there, but I did it! I could see the match in my mind and I just described it swiftly. And yes. You'd think Regulus would die from all that. Almost splitting his skull in half, horribly bruising his back and muscles, that stupid wand.. Haha. I'm evil. :D And of course! None of us agree with Reggie. He was being an idiot. But he was honestly looking out for her too. She would have been mercilessly yelled at by Gryffies.
Ah.. dreams! I love dreams! ZOMG. It resembled a Basilisk in my head too! Only smaller. I wanted Regulus to be slightly afraid of snakes. I mean, most people are naturally afraid of snakes. (.. sorry, I learned something akin to that in Psych.) Ah.. the flashback with Marlene. Reggie IS a heroic man! I just reread that part. I think I broke my own heart. That was too sad..
I HAD to include Andromeda! I wanted the Blacks to seem like a close-knit family, before Andromeda was kicked out, before Sirius ran away. They were a perfect family that fooled themselves into thinking that everything was fine, when it really wasn't.
Hehe.. I wanted it to be really light, his feelings for her. I didn't want it to be obvious from the first chapter. I didn't want random run-ins that inspired love and lust. Aww.. I'm sorry. REGULUS CAN BE STUPID TOO. XD It's not a question of who does Morna love, but like Marlene said -- who does she love the most? On one hand, Benjy is her everything and on the other hand, there's Regulus, whose darkness and mystery intrigues her. She loves them both dearly but.. Who is the one she can't live without?
Thank you so much! I'm so glad you like him! :D Regulus really does deserve happiness.. he is a gentleman in everyway.
I'm glad! Last chapter was way too adjective-happy, so I'm glad this one seems much more balanced. :D It's ok! This gorgeously long review was sumptous, so delicious to devour. Outdone?! Naah! But thank you so much!
Many Hugs and Much Love,
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You are freakin' amazing! I absolutely love this story with a crazy passion. Seriously there was a little happy jig that went along with seeing that you had updated. But we wont get into that just now, but let me tell you it was something :P
I find Morna to be a more than plausible character and I give to you a sincere amount of kudos for her creation! The main thing I cant get over though is how you managed to characterise Regulus and the entire Black Family dynamics so perfectly!! Honestly...are you human?? And where is it you get your insane amount of talent from because I want to go raid that source!!!
The kiss was written beautifully too. I think it slotted in wonderfully with the rest of the tone of the story. No "and their tongues wrestled furiously in their warm embrace" kinda rubbish. I like how you described each of their physical reactions like Regulus' butterflies, the tingling feeling of his skin and Morna tensing, rather than the actual contact between their lips. Really well done!
And...continuing on my ridiculous rant! Your worries that Regulus' emotions were moving too quickly are completely unfounded I think. Like you said this chapter was basically written over the period of a year and to me everything flowed so smoothly you hardly noticed a change. It wasn't a sorta abrupt change in emotions but something that was expected and anticipated. I mean, I felt the kick in the guts (hypothetically of course) when Morna told Regulus she was engaged. I think I let out a sort of strangled cry in fact!
I think the length of your chapter was brilliant and I was eagerly reading the entire thing if you can't already tell by my horrific and somewhat erratic review. I cant speak for anyone else but it kept me very happy!
Anyway I hav full faith that you'll manage to get Kreacher in somewhere along the way. After reading DH i have a crazy fondness for the little elf and I cant wait to see how you portray him seeing as your portrayal of all the other canon characters (and Morna of course) are pretty much faultless!
So now im winding down this very long review with a very large kudos whilst throwing confetti and cookies :D. I hope your computer sorts itself out too. I can relate to the dilemmas of technology seeing as I only got my laptop back yesterday after it decided it didn't want to turn on any longer. Absolutely drove me up the wall but I have since recovered as has my laptop and I hope you and your computer make it through too lol.
10/10 but I have an inkling suspiscion you knew that would be your rating lol! Oh yeah...slipping in one last random note. I love how Regulus loves sunflowers and butterflies lol. That is just too adorable!! And thus concludes my longest review EVER!!! (possibly one of the longest in history?!)Author's Response: I almost lost my eyes there, for a second. They just popped out so much and so fast I was afraid I'd lose them. BUT OMG! THANK YOU FOR SUCH A LONG LOVELY REVIEW THAT MADE MY EGO A THOUSAND TIMES BIGGER THAN WHAT IT ALREADY IS. ^_^
A happy jig? Hehe! When my beta finally sent it to me (would you believe I sent it to her around August-September?) I did a happy jig myself. BUT YESSSSS! Morna's PLAUSIBLE! You don't know how relieved and happy that made me. I was hoping she'd seem.. real. I was highly afraid she'd turn out like my OC's of the past, all petite and pretty yet quirky and different. -cough- Yes, I am human! Not a very wonderful one, at that, but a human no less! :P I find talent by gazing on life and writing descriptions about various aspects of it in my silly head.
Eek! The kiss! I swear, in my head, there was wrestling tongues but I think that's because I read too many wrestling-tongue-romance stories. But I'm super relieved. I was worrying about that kiss since the beginning of the chapter -- should I have it? Should I forget about it? Should it just be a confession of love rather than a kiss? But when I got to that point, I kinda.. erm... got too deep into writing Regulus (I swear, I think I was hypnotized!) and that kiss sprung out of nowhere! But it had to be a gentle one, a first kiss of sorts. Haha! The engagement, yes... That was the whole point of the chapter. Regulus spent months telling himself that his feelings were not ok and when he finally comes to terms with it (following Sirius and Dromeda's examples), he finds it can go nowhere. And Morna.. I'm one of those people that believes you can love more than one person. But you can't have both. So it's not that Morna doesn't love him.. she loves both Reggie and Benji. Which makes it even sadder.. wh00t! -thrives off sadness-
YES! PLAUSIBLE EMOTIONS! I'm so glad it felt smooth to you. I was so worried. I get really picky with my stories. SUPER picky. And I'm glad you enjoyed the length! The chapters should be this length or more from here on out (there's only about three chapters left though).
Kreacher HAS to come in! :D I have to show how Regulus and Kreacher were actually friends, or at least how Regulus is kind to Kreacher! Oh, now I'm thinking about the death scene.. Let me tell you, I'm twisting JK's description of Reggie's death insanely. MWAHAHA!
You shouldn't have winded down the long review. It made me so happy. :D Heh... I finally got a new keyboard and mouse, but a week after I got them, my computer shut down. So my dad's FINALLY fixing it (I've been doing everything from his computer). I have to restart chapter 4.. I didn't have much anyway.
10/10. ZOMG. I lurve you. :D -hands you a sunflower-
I knooooow! Regulus has so many ittle secrets! I wanted him to like sunflowers... :P THANK YOU FOR YOU LOVERLY REVIEW!
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i love this story.
regulus has somehow become one of my favorite characters, but it's just that there is really not much we know about him, as a person at least.
this is really amazing.
Author's Response: LATE REPLY. SORRY. SO SORRY.
.. You do? Zomg.. I feel so happy! Thank you! Regulus has become a favorite of mine too... He's so.. mysterious. Not a lot known about him at all... Anyways.. thank you very much! I have the third chapter finished, but my beta's been swamped and my computer broke so I can't send my chapter to another beta. How sad.
But thank you! :D Report Review
Your effort in keeping it as cannon as possible is succeeding. The relationship between Bella and Reggie is believable, as is how your are portraying the Black family. It really does make sense about the whole pure blood superiority, from where they stand. You made all the normally inhuman and crazed characters (Bella and Sirius’s mother) seem so human and understandable. I had always wanted to write a story where you could see everything from the pure blood point of view, but after reading this anything I write will be put to shame :D. Update soon.
P.S I really like how you begin each chapter, can’t explain why though.
Author's Response: SORRY. AGAIN. FOR THE MONTH-LONG LATE REPLY. Bah. Anyways..
EEK! Yay! I'm so glad it seems canon. Someone told me in a review that Bella seemed too normal, so I've been really unsure with her. Hehe.. That was my goal! I really did want them to seem really human, really.. well.. real, especially to Regulus. Oh no! Don't be so discourage! You should go on and write what you want. I'm sure it'll be wonderful!
Like I said in my last reply (don't know if you're going to come back and read it after a month.. -nervous laugh-), I have the third chapter done.. Just.. waiting. :)
You do!? YAY! I love that too. I guess.. it's.. part of my style? Heh. THANK YOU SO MUCH.
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Interesting. I never thought of Regulus that way, of course that was until I read DH, even then I hadn’t I didn’t think of it like that. I like where your going with this, I hope you continue. I liked how you made him, as Sirius said, “Unfeeling bastard”, I don’t suppose that Morna will become the love interest in the later chapters? Anywho, onto chapter two!Author's Response: I've been so bad.. putting off replying to reviews. So sorry. I'm really glad you read and that you bothered to review. :D I hadn't really thought about Regulus that way until I finished HBP. That' was when it really hit me -- what was Regulus REALLY like? Hehe, indeed, Morna is the love interest. :) 'Course, Regulus is going to do everything he can to repress his feelings.
I DO INTEND TO CONTINUE! I've finished chapter three -- I finished it about two and half months ago, and I sent it to my Beta, who I had no idea was so swamped. And right after sent it, guess what happened? My computer decided to stop working. Argh. So I just have to wait for my beta to get to it and send it to me. -sigh-
But thank you so much for reading! SO MUCH! I'm so sorry I've taken so long to review. I just keep coming back and I read this review (and your other) over and over. Thank you! :) Report Review
I just . . . this is far more brilliant than any words can tell. I'm just shattered with euphoria in the way this turned out, and my main question would be one of utter sheer annoyance - how the hell are you so good? Seriously, you transported me into this beautiful, wonderfully told story. Your words just seem so poetic and lyrical because they flow so astoundingly together. Never have I read a fan fiction so beautifully told as this. You are such a master in the skill of writing, and I must be studious when bordering the emotion of complete jealousy!! Nah, not really, but you offer a supreme inspiration and I'm just so thrilled I actually found this story and had the luck to read it.
Your lexis is woven together with such grace and your characterisation is flawless. Plot, description, development of emotion and interweaving relationships, it just so . . . I'm in awe. The way you described Regulus's torture was perfect. I could almost feel his pain. Another perfection of yours is the ability to transport a reader into Regulus's view point, seeing the imagery you so consistently involve. I think your strong point would be the description of appearance. The way you provide a clear image of how a person looks is fantastic. The cold eloquence of Lucius, the dark allure of Bellatrix, the flustered form of Narcissa in her passion for her betrothed, and what shone most beautifully for me was the description of Regulus's mother. It was wielded with such perfection that it was cleansing.
Anyhow, I shall stop ranting and give you a swiftly approved ten out of ten. I cannot wait for more.Author's Response: I'm horrible, I know. What's it been, two months? I always told myself I'd never be one of those authors that takes forever to reply to reviews, but I'm sorry! Life is choking me...
How the hell am I so good? DEAR ME. I'm extremely happy that you like it, I'm.. well.. wow, just very flattered. Goodness, don't be jealous. It's not THAT wonderful! You need to point out something horrible, or else I'll become some stuck-up jerk or something!
I'm extremely happy and flattered you like the plot, description and everything else so great! I was really worried that the plot seemed nonexistant and that the description was WAY too descriptive. Oh, yay! I'm so glad you like Regulus's view point! I was really striving to get the reader into his shoes, to let the reader see everything that Regulus sees. Yeah, I can't live without writing imagery... I like to consistently stick in there, because I think imagery is a vital aspect to a story. Ahhh.. appearance. Yes, I've been told that a couple times, and I won't lie because I think that's my strong point also. Roleplaying really helped me build on that, because when you're roleplaying, you have just one character to focus on and to bring to life. Ooh! Regulus's mother! I'm SO glad. I wanted her to just be perfect.
Well, I'm EXTREMELY sorry that I've taken so long. I've read and reread this review over and over because it makes me giggle like a little kid. :) Thank you very much for reading this story! I think you'll like chapter three much more -- it's about the length of the first two chapters put together. I sent it to my beta about a month or so ago, but she hasn't replied or acknowledged she got it. To make that worse, my computer stopped turning on, and so I can't continue what I have of chapter 4 or send chapter 3 to a different beta. Ugh.
Anyways.. Thank you SO much!
Munira Report Review
Oh my, this was utterly fantastic!! I didn't want it to end. The way you have described everything is just so gorgeous its like a cleansing drink. It was thoroughly entertaining, and characterisation is perfect.
I'm so surprised however, at our similarities in style!! I mean, I formed a character on an RP site - PottersWorld, called Eiri Storm. He was, and I mean this exactly, IDENTICAL to this Regulus you have created. He hated showing his emotions because to him, they were a strong sense of severe weakness, a pathway for others to see into his mind and develop an understanding of who he was, when his constant loathing was that very comprehending of himself, because he feared others would pick out his weaknesses and use them against him. He hated other humans, was regularly infuriated with them and their pointless actions of pranks and so forth, and so craved the loneliness that ensued and couldn't even sleep in his own dormitory, for fear of others seeming emotions crawl across his face in dreamless sleep. He had a brother who he looked up to and wished sometimes to be, because his brother threw emotions round as carelessly as the wind, and the pair were always fighting, and he always felt a sheer sense of abandonment because his brother rarely spoke to him. And then when he did find love for a girl, she was just like him in her eerie dark silence and hatred for the world, but the pair were afraid to show their love strongly until they basically forced themselves to. And another thing he couldn’t stand was touch, because the fire of flaming warmth moving across skin awakened emotions upon his face . . . Sorry, I've gone into a rant, but truly, this was just fantastic and I love seeing other people write in this way.
It wasn't drawn out at all, in my opinion. I know how to appreciate a great story and a talented writer, and therefore have no complaints, but am only left in sheer awe at your perfection for plot, description, dialogue and characterisation.
10/10, I only wish I could give it more.Author's Response: Ok, first off, I'd like to apologize for how LONG it's taken me to reply to your review. I'm extremely rude, I know. But I'd also like to know how your review really made me light up. Thank you so much!
I'm very glad you like the characterization! I was/kinda am afraid that Regulu would seem too.. I dunno. Robotic? Something like that. Hehe.. I LOVE how you described it as a cleansing drink! Hehe, that made me giggle.
Really?! WOW! That's just uncanny! Except that Regulus's girl isn't dark and eerie but cheerful and clumsy. Hehe, don't worry about ranting! It was highly interesting to read! Eiri seems like an awesome character. :D
Wow. You really flatter me! I'm relieved that it doesn't seem drawn out, so yay! And it's no where near perfect! Hah.. But thank you. Thank you so much. I've finished chapter three, but I haven't heard from my beta in a very long time.. Starting to get anxious. ._.
Millions of Hugs,
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First off, to touch on the two things that you requested to be addressed… I didn’t see any tense errors so good job and fixing that habit. And second, I’m probably the wrong person to ask about it being adjective-intense, because I LOVE description and I like your writing because you’ll one of the few readers that actually put in the effort to make it more detailed. Little description frustrates me, because it makes it feel so unreal, and you didn’t do that with your story. However, that being said, I did feel like the story was a bit…unbalanced. Description is fine and dandy, but if you don’t equal it out with something that is exciting and adventurous it can make a story a bit…boring. Shamefully, I found myself scanning over a lot of things. Also, I do realize a lot of this was that you were trying to build Regulus as a character and character development is extremely important. I love how you make him wondering who he really is. Very good route to take with him. But you need to try to balance it out with some more adventure.
I’m not really sure I liked Bellatrix’s character. I found it extremely uncharacteristic that she would open to Regulus. Let’s face the facts. Compared to her, he’s young, and I see Bellatrix as the kind of person who wouldn’t confide in anyone, especially not someone so young, even if he is her cousin. She strikes me as extremely independent, and showing dependence on even one, even in telling them your fears and etc. would be consider weak. I think Bellatrix has an attitude of “better to die that to actually show you ‘need’ someone’. I know you said it was content, but you might want to work on her characterization a bit. She doesn't have to be a mad woman, but she does need to be more...cold, perhaps. However, characterization did approve towards the end of the chapter.
I do like the interaction of most of the Blacks. A very realistic approach to their family.
All and all, it was a good chapter. It could have used a bit more excitement, but the whole Dark Arts lesson was really entertaining. Good job, keep writing, and I hope I was at least a bit helpful.Author's Response: OK. I'm SO sorry I took so long to reply, but my keyboard and mouse haven't been working lately. Also, I'd like to apologize in advance for not reviewing your story yet! Anyways, THANK YOU SO MUCH. You touched on a lot of important subjects with this chapter and I really appreciate your honesty.
I'm so glad there weren't any obvious tense-mistakes and I'm glad you enjoyed it's adjective-intensity! Hehe, I'm also a big fan of beautiful descriptions that could sweep one away... Unbalanced? Darn. But thank you! I really did think this chapter was missing something. I have the action saved for the next chapter. Ah, that's good -- I was/am worried that Regulus doesn't seem like a real person. I want him to be going on a personal journey in this story, discovering who he is and whatnot. But don't worry! Adventure is coming (I hope.. XD)!
Ah. I was very worried with Bellatrix character. I knew there'd be a lot who'd find her too human. See, with Regulus's character and mannerisms, I drew in a bit from myself. He's the kind of guy who's from a very rough family filled with expectations. I believe that through those expectations everything else, Regulus grew up faster than normal kids. Most teens don't brood on serving a Dark Lord or worry over all these totally in-depth stuff. So I figured he'd get a long well with someone older than him. He needs someone to talk to. And Bellatrix, I really wanted her to be different than how she's portrayed in the books, because all of that is about twenty years after this story takes place. I want to show how she was a lot more human here. And she does show little bits of humanity in the books, what with her interaction with 'Cissy' and such. I really want to give Bellatrix a painful reason as to why she loses nearly all humanity and sanity. I want to show how Regulus's perception of his family is much different from the world's, but as the story progresses, he slowly begins to realize just how dark his family really is. Her journey towards her ultimate darkness (that sounds so corny!) takes place in this story. Anyways.. I'll work more on her character.
SO GLAD! I really tried to make it realistic. I want them to be a real family that actually /does/ have love for each other, but no one really knows how to show it. I also drew on my own family experiences. My mother is like Mrs. Black sometimes, withdrawn and refusing to tell me how she feels, and like Regulus, it fills me with a sadness. And the interaction between Bella, Cissy, and Regulus is kind of experience with my own cousins and aunts.
Well.. thank you very much for reviewing! Your input is highly Thank you, and you were very helpful!
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Great story!! I complete love it, you're a very talented writer. The Black family are by far my favourite and I think the way you've portrayed the relationship between each of them is practically perfect. Cant wait for the next chapter, so far your story is pure genius!! (;Author's Response: Ahh! Thank you VERY MUCH! I'm so glad you love it and I'm very very very flattered, haha! Wow. I'm no where NEAR perfect with them. I'm trying to keep them canon whilst maintaining as much artistic freedom with them as I can. Hehe.. I LOVE the relationships I've written. I really wanted to write a story where the family actually seems real.. Where everything's not so perfect and that there are underlying problems too. I wanted it to be a broken family with a facade of perfection.
I can't wait for the next chapter either! Chapter 3 has much more action in it, but sadly, my mouse and keyboard are highly screwed up -- my mouse stops working every four seconds and my spacebar won't work at all. I can't POSSIBLY write and use a space with ctrl + v. That's way too much. So chapter three is on hold, pretty much, until I figure out a way to write it. :) I might make a webpage and write it there from any other computer or something. Who knows!
Anyways.. Thank you SO much for reading! Your review left me feeling very, very happy! Well, my brother is being a complete arse and is kicking me off the computer. Thank you once more!
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love it! update soon!Author's Response: Eek! Thank you! I'm still on chapter three though, because sadly, my spacebar is broken (I'm replying from a different computer). Ugh. But I copied the story onto a CD and I'm planning on finishing it, so hopefully it won't be long! Report Review
Wow, I love it.. especially with Sirius and Regulus, nicely done!Author's Response: Thank you very much! I really appreciate it. :) I rather like Sirius and Regulus's relationship with each other. It's awkward and tense, yeah? Hehe.. Anyways.. thank you for reading and reviewing! :D Report Review
Please excuse me for a moment while I squee like a madwoman...
Squee!!! That was brilliant! I loved how you had Bellatrix, I too think that she was 'human' at one point and I love how you've got her to have a bit of a soft spot for Regulus.
And then the memories in the house...oh...I mean, really, it was so sweet when you had Regulus and Sirius and...it was so bittersweet...*wipes odd tear from eyes*
I love how you've made the family here, it's like they're detached, but they're still a family, as shown with Bella's reaction to Narcissa and Lucius, and how Regulus looks at sirius and his mother. They may be cold, but there's still love there.
The descriptions are amamzing, they pulled me right in and your vocab is enough to make me jealous...the SAT is going to be a breeze for you...
*coughs* So, now that I'm done gushing, I'd also like to apologize for the amount of time it's taken me to leave a review. Sorry, i saw this on my faves the day it was updated, btu a mixture of laziness and other stories prevented me from getting to this earlier...:P
Can't wait for the next update :) Author's Response: Your review made me squee like a madwoman too! XD
I'm so glad you love the Bellatrix I portrayed -- I'm rather fond of her myself. But do you think she was TOO human? I don't know. I'm planning on twisting that in such a horrible way in the last two chapters.
I'm glad you got that! I wasn't sure if I'd made it clear enough. See, a lot of stories just portray how the family is completely detached and how there is NO love. No matter how obsessed with materialistic things and the Dark Lord, I do think they'd still have at least affection for one and another. And in HBP, Bella clearly expressed concern for Cissy. :) I'm glad it was apparent though! ^^
Oh thank you! I do think I went over the top with this chapter, but really, it's only because I'm trying to make his home and the traditional things and people in his life real. Report Review
its really interesting. I'm interested to see where you take this. Author's Response: Thank you very much! I'm about halfway done with chapter 3, which I hope is a bit more interesting (more action there!), but recently, my keyboard has started to malfunction. Argh. So I'm replying from a different computer... But I will finish it soon! :D Thank you very much for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Wowiee so good! I can't wait for the next one.Author's Response: Heehee, thanks. :D Report Review
brilliantAuthor's Response: :P Thanks. Report Review
This was... splendid. Honestly, Munira, you've let me speechless with this chapter. It'll take me forever to review, but I will do my best.
First off - Bellatrix. Where to begin? I've been looking forward to see your portrayal of her and expected a whole lot. She certainly exceeded my expectations beyond... everything. I simply loved her. Everything from the descriptions of her looks to the glow which meant she was proud of her cousin. Simply superb. We definitely saw her human side - I think you did a very good job with showing that. Still, you showed us what is to come of her... All that she eventually will lose. Regulus's and Bellatrix's relationship was nicely portrayed as well and I loved the scenes with them together. One little thing though - she is already married to Rodulphus? At the beginning of the story, when Regulus disembarks the train, you introduce her as Bellatrix Black. If married, she's a Lestrange, yes?
Narcissa and Lucius. I was surprised by both their appearances, but very happy nonetheless! Cissy's portrayal was, as her sister's, superb and I loved seeing her all giddy, hehe. I also liked Lucius. The formality was so misleading, considering the duels later on, and I just loved that! What a prick though, when he Crucioed Regulus out of nowhere. He made me angry.
Regulus... I've come to love Reg since Deathly Hallows. He is different now, from what I imagine he will turn out to be later, but still, he's a confused teenager, not really knowing who he is and thinking that, by joining the Dark Lord, he will be accepted. Terrible really, but you show that reason very well. And when he walked along the corridors of the vast house in France, hearing the laughter... Heartshattering. It was brilliantly done. You've done a perfect job with Regulus. Can't get enough of him.
...Also, you manage to transport me to their world, to his side. And that's thanks to your wonderful language and description I believe. I admire your writing-style; you give such detailed descriptions, I'm practically living in the story. Can't give you higher praise than that, my friend.
Though the perfection of the chapter overall, I think I found a typo or two (:p). Here they are:
He could her shrill voice scolding the house elves from the hall. - Is it supposed to say hear her?
...and both were darting two and fro tagging each other. - I'm not all that sure about this, but I think it is to.
It was nights like those where Regulus had sought solace from his older brothers. - I have a feeling the little s should't be there...
That was all! If I've sounded rude, sorry, it was not my intention. Just thought I ought to share my uncertainty about those little typos with you. As said, this was an amazing chapter and you deserve all the praise in the world for this story so far.
p.s took me half an hour to review. I'm getting better and better, hehe!Author's Response: My heart nearly stopped. Goodness! What a long review! Stephanie, this was AMAZING. You've left me speechless with this review. XD
I'm so glad you approve of Bellatrix! I have so much fun writing her and I'm glad she didn't seem TOO human (she was rather bestial in DH, don't you think?). I really wanted to show that Regulus was fond of his older cousin and that they were pretty close. And goodness! I can't BELIEVE I forgot about that! I need to change her to Lestrange now!
I was surprised by their appearances too. They just popped up in my mind, 'round the time Bellatrix and Regulus were having their conversation about Cissy. Hehe.. I wanted Cissy to be lovestruck and a bit giddy, but every now and then she remember that she's an esteemed Black and compose herself. And yes! I'm VERY glad you found Lucius to be a misleading prick. :P That man is two-faced. But I do think he's capable of love, hehe...
I've come to love Regulus more myself! Yes, he's still different, but hopefully he shall redeem himself! :D I'm very glad you picked up on how he really doesn't know who he is, how he feels lost in a sea of Blacks and Pure bloods. And I'm also glad you like my portrayal of him so much! ^__^
Oooh, thank you so much! I do love language and description, but do you think this chapter has TOO much description? It is rather.. adjective-happy! Hehe.. Anyways.. Thank you! That is very high praise, and it makes my head swell immensely -- as if my head isn't big enough already! :P I'm VERY glad you're living in the story! Living in stories is fun, yo'.
EEK! Thank you SO MUCH for pointing out those typos! I'm going to fix them STRAIGHTAWAYYYYY... I can't believe I missed those.. Thanks greatly! And no, not rute at all! And you flatter me -- I think it's too much praise so far! XD But thank you so much! I always love your reviews; they're so wonderful and filled with little spurts of ego-boosts!
half an hour! That's much better! It took me.. erm.. fifteen minutes. But I'm still slightly groggy with sleep, so I apologize if this reply seems.. incoherent. Report Review
I love the characters! I love them! They are all perfect images of the dark, dangerous pure-blood lot, and as I hear their words in my head I see their faces clearly, because the dialogue is so perfectly tuned with the people they are. It is fantastic to see into the other side of the mirror, the side JK Rowling only let us glimpse.
The mood is so cold, and harsh, while at the same time maintaining a feeling of home. Coldness and harshness would be all Regulus knew in his home, and you've done a great job portraying it. I love Bellatrix. She's so...so Bella...but like you were going for, she's also very human.
One thing I thought (though, I could be completely wrong, and it could be I only felt this way because I'm getting tired) was that the story is a little slow paced, and lacking excitement.
Nonetheless, it's a work of art!
Fantastic.Author's Response: Eek, I'm so glad you like them! I'm veeery glad you could see their faces and such too; that's one of the best compliments ever. :D The dialogue took me a bit to get the hang of; I haven't written in this extremely detailed, tedious style in a quite awhile. But I'm pleased with how it came out.
Yes, it is very cold and harsh. I wanted to give the sense that it's a broken home that hides under a perfect facade. But underneath it's just.. horribly, horribly wrong. I want to show that Regulus's parents are having problems, and I based them on realistic problems I've noticed in many families. Hehe.. And I love Bellatrix too! I absolutely adore writing her! So she's human enough, without seeming TOO human for her character? I hope so! I plan on revealing a reason she loses all humanity though.
Naw, you're not wrong at all. I think. I'm very.. tedious, as a writer, and this story IS rather slow-paced and drawn out. This chapter especially, because I was really focusing on detail and making it just seem, well, /real/. And yes, this chapter does lack excitement -- though family isn't all too exciting, is it? Chapter three's a bit more exciting, even has a horribly written Quidditch game thrown in. :)
Thank you so much for the review, and for reading! It's a big compliment when someone reads and then reviews, and I highly appreciate the time you took! Thank you!
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