The descripiton is good. The plot seemed like a good idea. The pace seemed a little slow. I liked it.Author's Response: Thank you. Glad you liked it. Report Review
Aw, that's so sweet. Mon should be bowing down to you after that! Bill is just right, though since he was so much older than Ron and Ginny and hasn't spent a lot of time with Hermione in the series, it's a little weird that he would know how they would react. Since this doesn't have a time frame, though, I guess I shouldn't be nit-picky (who knows? Maybe they'd spend a lot of time together in the future). I love the beginning with Molly and the flowers, but after that it slows down a little bit too much. It came around by the end, so I don't know that I'd change anything anyway. Cute!Author's Response: Thanks, Marisa. I am glad you like it. I'd say that Hermione is a little too predictable sometimes, so maybe that's why Bill could tell her reaction ;) Report Review
Sorry for the lateness, I've had a lot if catching up to do, so here's your review, better late then never right?
1) Organization and spacing: OK mostly, but what really bothered me was that you used these ~ ~ ~ to divide the chapter into sections, why they annoy me you ask ;) ? It's because when you read quickly (like me) it's very easy not to notice them, so for a few moments I had no idea where Molly had gone, it may be just my problem, but just to be safe, you might want to use the line tool (advanced editor) or the tag (simple editor). No complaints about the spacing though, it very good. (2/2) You didn't think I'd dock a point just forgetting me a little annoyed me did you? :p
2) Paragraphs and pacing: Your paragraphs were bordering slightly too short, but it really isn't a big issue, just thought I'd let you know. The pace was fast at the beginning, but as the story progressed it seemed to slow down a bit (Which is odd because usually it's the other way around o_0) the only part that I felt was rushed was the part with Bill and Molly, though that was one of my favorite moments in it :) (1/2)
3) Length: Ah, another short one, how you manage to point out so much in so small a length I'll never know, but the fact is it could be longer so that's a (1/2)
4) Grammar and spelling: Very good grammar, but you mad a small mistake in this line "She was sweetie-pie." I think you forget the A here. But I can't really fault you just for a dropped vowel in a 1563 word story *so you get off with only a warning, but without point loss (2/2)
5) Characterization and writing style: Bill was done so perfectly, it's almost as though he stepped out of the actual series and walked right into your fanfic. The same goes for Molly. This chapter was so beautifully descriptive and so bittersweet, I felt horrible that they both lost their previous significant other and I also felt so happy for them that they found each other and were starting over (2/2)
So that's a (8/10)
I loved how you described that sunrise, and the line “This is not the end for me, mum. These roses indicate the rebirth of my life, which I thought to be dead by now.” it was just so poetic.
This bit "“Are you calling me a donkey?” Mona asked against his mouth.
“Hmmm, a beautiful donkey,”" on the other hand had me burst out laughing it was ridiculously cute how they interacted with each other, so sweet and fluffy :) It brought a lot of relief to such a sad romance.
I loved how you had Bill describe the reactions of all his siblings and Hermione, if they were to walk in on them, they were very accurate and were a nice way to show off your knowledge of canon.
Overall, this was very well done, and a very nice thing to read after a long day. Kudos to you, most definitely, and if anyone says otherwise, ignore them :p. I won't be around for a while, but when I do get back, you may get a surprise review *nudge nudge, wink wink*
Author's Response: Thanks for pointing out the error. I'll sort it out asap. I am really very glad you liked this fic. It took me three days to complete it. Thanks again for your wonderfully long and indepth review. I am in love with your reviews. I'll surely be looking forward to this surprise, then *hugs* Report Review
Aw, Siriusly! This is so sweet! Author's Response: Thanks! ^_^ Report Review
aww that was very sweet. This is the first Bill story I've read. And I loved the description of everybody's reactions to Bill and Mona sitting alone. Lol they were so real!Author's Response: Wow, I am so happy to know that you found them so real. That's the best compliment an author can ever have. I am really glad you liked this story and thanks so much for your wonderful review *hugs* Report Review
LOL... OMG Tahi! I... don't know if I should kiss you or slap you LOL... I love it! Thank you so much! I'm sitting here with a great big fat grin on my face and a dreamy expression in my eyes... *le contented sigh* =D But do I really talk so much about the little one? LOL... *glares* *giggles*
Beautifully done, my dear!! *HUGGLEGLOMPATTACK* Author's Response: OMG, I am under attack. First Elena crash tackles me and now you :P Oh well, that's okay with me if it means that you enjoyed reading this fic. Hehe. Well, you better not slap me for adding the part about how you keep talking about your daughter. Although that's not exactly true (I only exaggerated there) but the fact is that I like it when you talk about your little one. *giggles along with Mon* Thanks muchly for your review and I skipping with joy that you liked it. *jumps on Mon for a bear hug* Report Review
Oh, that was cute. I'm glad that I'm so sleep deprived right now or else I'd have gone to sleep and never read this story. =] I like that in this story Molly showed something for Fleur - other than hatred and annoyance. I mean. At the end of the sixth book they were fine but the last thing about them was hugging and before that they were screaming at each other so you couldn't reallly tell what Molly'd be like about Fleur anymore.
Bah this is a long enough review. Great job!! It was excellent! Author's Response: Oooh, first reviewer! *huggle attack* Incase you don't know, I reserve special hugs for my first and foremost reviewers. Hehe. And I so happy you liked this story. We all know that Fleur loves Bill and she didn't leave him at the end of sixth book, so why should Molly hate her now? That's why I had their relationship portrayed that way. Glad you liked it. Thanks so much for the wonderful compliments and review :) Report Review
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