This was awesome. I loved this story so much. Although it was dark and kind of evil(lol), it was written incredibly. And impossibly, it was very believable. I am very eager to read the sequal and prequel, which should both be very interesting. :)
10/10- it was a different story that was written amazingly. :DAuthor's Response: Thank you!!! Report Review
Awww, I really feel sorry for Ron right now. And Hermione. You are excellent and I wish for more stories like this. Soon please?Author's Response: It's updated now! :D Thank you so much ^_^ Report Review
You have a gift.
I am in awe.
How do you do it?
Can you teach me?
Wow...Author's Response: Aww, thank you ^_^ Report Review
I like all of the back-story on Greyback's life, with his sister and everything. And it was a really interesting use of his sister, since children are classically associated with innocence, but it's his young sister's memory that encourages him to go around slaughtering people, thinking that he's somehow avenging her and his parents. And the image of her ghost asking him to avenge her was creepy. I kind of wondered whether it was all just a delusion he had.
I loved the twist with Ron at the end, and how Greyback was amused by it all. He's a sick character, definitely.
Great job! It was dark and creepy and kept me interested the whole way through!
MelanieAuthor's Response: Thank you so much Melanie! Your reviews make me so happy! Whether he was crazy or not after her death, it was real to HIM...I like your thought process, it's so deep and analytical! :P Report Review
You must have such a vivid imagination! I think you do a great job with description -- there's a ton of detail in here, and some really nice language. In particular, I loved the very first paragraph. It just seemed perfect and eerie and spooky.
I've never read anything from Greyback's POV, and it's kind of interesting, because he's such a horrible person, but you have this way of expressing exactly what it is that he likes so much about killing. It's mesmerizing in its morbidness. And you added a lot to it with his interactions with other evil characters like Sanguini and Bellatrix -- like how Greyback and Sanguini bantered about killing people like it was no big deal, and how Bellatrix slashed him across the face just because she could. Characters like that are extremely interesting in their own sick way.
And what's cool is, I don't think you're doing anything that makes the reader feel like they're forced to like Greyback. I don't like Greyback at all, but I'm sitting here amazed by his thought process. You don't require the reader to like him -- you just tell it like it is.
On to the next chapter!
MelanieAuthor's Response: OMG Thank you so much Melanie! I agree with everything oyu said...you're the best! Report Review
Sorry it took me so long to get reviewing. I really love all the detail you put in the chapters, it was really easy to picture. Greyback's character was beautifully done. No grammar mistakes I caught. I like Ron's reaction at the end, very Ron-ish. Some things that could use some improvement:
1. Flow, sometimes you skipped around a bit. Like one minute he was attacking Ginny and then, without transition, he was at Diagon Alley.
2. I really like your detail, so keep it up.
3. Keep writing! That's all for now. Sorry for such a helpless review.
KaraAuthor's Response: Thanks! And I am really sorry for not getting to your review sooner...I've been busy. Thank you for your input on my flow although the way I intended to write it was in a 'black out' sort of fashion, especially in the part where he starts to transform into his werewolf form...but if it happened in any other parts, thank you for pointing that out and I'll take your advice to heart.
Thank you so much for reviewing! It meant so much to me. Report Review
Hello! It's SamSam from the forums!
1. I think that the action sequence in this story is very good. It doesn't feel rushed and it moves along smoothly.
2. I like that you put a little history behind Greyback that really made you feel a little bad for him.
Overall, a very excellently written story.Author's Response: Hey SamSam! Thanks, I worked hard on the action scene because it, for me, was the most important part of the story. It united Fenrir and Ginny and Fleur into the climax. The history scenes were more of my favourite part because I loved little Fenrir and his relationship with Nell and they did too. We found it was adorable in its own way (except Fenrir never said adorable.) I hope you don't think I'm crazy it's just a writing thing of mine....my characters, especially the original ones, talk to me and tell me what they want and what they're open too. Thank you!!! *hugs* Report Review
Reviewing as requested -
Another wow chapter. The action was so intense and alive, I felt like I was standing there watching it from the sidelines with all of your descriptions. I thought you did a great job on the ending as well, the closing sentence was perfect - 'So this is where it all ends?' I loved it and it really fit. When you post the sequel to this story, let me know by post it in my thread and I'll review that one as well. Great job and keep up the excellent writing that you're doing. 10/10Author's Response: Thanks! I mean I really appreciate you stopping by...again I'm really sorry for not replying sooner but I just Report Review
Hey, here I am to review as requested -
First off, one word description of what I thought of this chapter, wow. I loved it. And that's saying something as I can be pretty picky when it comes to stories ranging in the horror/dark genre.
Now, I thought you did a great job with the transitions in this chapter and all of the descriptions were excellently written. From the sounds he was hearing/making to things he was seeing/experiencing around him. You did a great job writing Fenrir Greyback. I think I may have to say he's one of my favorite characters now that I've read this.
I can imagine that he's a very hard character to write as all JKR has said about him is that he's a blood-thirsty werewolf who only cares about the taste of human flesh, full moon or not *cringes at thought*. But I thought you did a magnificent job making him appear with more demensions then he had in the books. Great job and now I'm off to read the next, and last, chapter.Author's Response: Thanks! I'm so sorry it took me so long to reply but I Report Review
And now the second chapter. Another good chapter but it seems too fast compared to the last one because it was a little long and then this one was short.
I loved this chapter none the less. Fleur's death was a bit shocking. I kind of thought Ginny would have died ;). Everyone's character is in check and so is the dialogue. I like Fenrir's inner thoughts and Sanguini's warnings, nice touch.
Fantastic writing style so you get 10/10 from me ;] Good job!
kay~Author's Response: Thank you! It was a little short but that was the way it was destined to be...it could have only lasted for so long and for some of it, he was a wolf (and according to canon Fenrir Greyback as well as other wolves lose consciousness of human perception.) I might extend it when I post the rest of the trilogy but for now that's how long its going to be :)
I absolutely love to add in as many twists as possible - I think they're entertaining. In the original story line both Fleur and Ginny died (which then changed to Fleur and the baby which then changed to just Fleur) and the third installment involved Mallory 15 years after the incident...which actually I might still do and turn the trilogy into a series.
I'm so sorry I couldn't get to this sooner, please forgive me. Report Review
Hello there Kimaru-Sama as requested! wow this story is simply amazing! I was completely blown away from the description straight from the first paragraph. Only one word describes that level of description. Spectacular.
I'm not a fan of he format. I think it could have been divided into two chapters. It could have been separated either from the end of the dream or the meeting with Sanguini (love that name btw)
The characterization is stunning. Fenrir has a personality all his own lol. I loved this part:
“What would you like?” he asked rather vaguely.
I would like a fresh child, preferably one that is scared out of their mind. They always taste better when you can smell the panic, I thought acerbically in my mind. Instead, I said a firewhisky would do.
lol and also when he said Lupin is a melodramatic brat lol. I loved his encounter with Bellatrix. A few mistakes but im not picky =D
All in all, I think you have an amazing writing style and your choice of words is perfect in this chapter! Onward to the second half.
kay~Author's Response: Thanks Kimaru-Sama! Yeah another reviewer commented on the same thing about the format...I just wanted everything to stick together and divide at a semi-cliffhanger but I see you guys' points: It cuts into a completly new scene after the cut at the Hog's Head so if I take your guys' advice it'll be split there. Thank you for that! Sanguini is actually canon...he was breifly mentioned as the vampire at the Slug Club party. Thank you for reviewing! Report Review
Same comments as last time. The story seems slightly rushed. Like you're trying to fit to much into one chapter. However the plot and everythign else is well done. My suggestion on seperatign it into more chapter still stands. All the same this was a very interesting read. Thanks for requesting.
-SoulAuthor's Response: I will bow down to you because you were honest and didn't sugarcoat this! *hugs. I do have to say that out of the entire story this is the chapter that got done rather quickly. I think that I just really wanted to get somthing out because I hadn't added anything new in months. I'll most assuredly take your advice into strong and healthy consideration. Your welcome! Report Review
Transitions are pretty smooth in this chapter, a tad jumpy, but that may just be me. I found this very intriguing. It seems a tad rushed though, but that may be because of the format you had to do it in. I would say that you should consider splitting it up some more and making the events a little longer. It's good as it is really, but that might make it seem less hurried.
-SoulERAAuthor's Response: Thank you for being honest! And thanks for pointing that out...I'll take a look at it when I edit it soon :) Thank you for your advice! Report Review
Wow, you write wonderfully. (; Haha, anyway, sorry I'm a bit late to fulfill your request for a review, but I am certainly glad that I got around to reading this fic.
First I'm going to give you a bit of constructive criticism, and then I'll move onto all the things I LOVED about this fic. Okay, near the beginning, you were using a heck of a lot of adjectives. Don't get me wrong, it certainly painted a picture in my mind. But it all seemed a bit over the top. You can still create the same effect with less words if you use them correctly, which you certainly know how to do. I know it's tough to write a good opening, but you don't have to overdo it with adjectives to pull people in. Your writing is already wonderful. (; But as I got farther into the story, you did fix that problem, and your writing was the perfect blend of information and description.
Okay, now for the good stuff. I love that you've chosen to write this in Fenrir's perspective. I have not read a fic like this yet, and it was very enlightening. I still don't like him very much as a character (that's not your fault, believe me), but your fic made him seem more real. We sometimes forget that Fenrir has actual feelings, haha. I also enjoyed the flashbacks, because that furthered the humanization of Fenrir. He had an actual family and he loved them - this came as a shock to me as well. I can almost sympathize with him and all that he's gone through. You did a brilliant job with him. -bows to you-
I also thought that your characterization of the Weasleys were perfect. Especially Fleur; I loved the way you wrote how she spoke. And adding that bit of French was perfect. She was perfectly in-character. It was a bit depressing that she was killed, but at least Ginny and the baby survived. (;
Overall, this was a very enjoyable read. I saw very very few grammar mistakes - I think maybe one or two. The way you word things is very picturesque and entertaining. I was literally hanging on to your every word! I can't wait to see what you do with the prequel and sequel. I'm sure they will both be wonderful. Feel free to owl me at the forums when you do get those up and I'll be sure to read and review both. Keep up the amazing writing!Author's Response: Thank you! And its perfectly fine - I'm sorry its taken so long for me to reply. I really and sincerely appreciate you giving me some good and healthy concrit. For some reason I've always been intrigiued by adjectives and I love them. But I do see your point on that - especially when he wakes up. I'll be sure to take your thoughts into consideration when I find the time to edit this. I don't think alot of people enjoy Greyback (and at times, myself included although he's still one of my favourite Death Eaters for some reason.) And thank you! I posted the story skeleton at the beginning of last summer and all the way through September I worked hard on him. I think the great thing about minor characters is that you can explore their pasts and you have so much area to move around with! Even for me, it was deppressing killing off the characters but I knew someone just had to bite the dust for the Order and it unfortunately had to be her. Thank you so much for the wonderful, long, review Unwritten Curse! You really made my day! Oh and I'll make it a point to owl you wants one of them is up. Thank you! Report Review
Incidentally, I must warn you that this is a story on about the most vicious werewolf of the age, so this is not going to be all sunshine and butterflies. I cheered when I read that - you really know how to pull someone in ;)
ok, just a few things I noticed first of all :
the blood that was donned on clothes - not sure how you "don" blood.
This was to be expected, ; he hadn’t been you have a comma and a colon in there. Alright, nitpicking over.
I really liked this! I've never read anything from Greyback's pov, and it was very interesting to get his opinion on things. I loved how you described his bloodthirsty-ness, very creepy, but amazingly so. Bellatrix was also very well done, and I loved how Sanguini was dropped in (even if I had to look up who Worple was).
Your charaterisation was generally excellent, Ginny and Bellatrix especially even if they only had small roles. Greyback did seem, well, a bit too intelligent, and he described Bellatrix's cruelty as unladylike. But overall he was very believable and in line with what little we see of him in the books.
Flashbacks were quite good, if slightly unclear. I didn't quite get whether it was a dream, a flashback, or a sort of half-true dream-memory type thing. It was brilliantly written, though, and I could see how that would motivate him to hate wizards.
Did I mention how great your description was? The first paragraph was so spectacularily...chilling
There weren't any real action scenes yet, so I can't comment on them, but I'll definitely review your next chapter :) It looks like it will be lovely and long too, so it might take me a while.
100% so far :)Author's Response: Thanks for pointing those nitpicks out! I've been meaning to comb through this story - particularly this chapter for little things like that. With don I tried to sound poetic...not quite sure how that worked though. My goal for this story was to use as many minor characters as I could with very few main ones. I love Sanguini but I'm sorry you had to go out of your way and look Worple up (I should have explained him better.) Alot of people already commented on how intelligent I made him too. I looked through the books and although his words can make your very skin get goosebumps I don't recall him talking with an uneducated accent like Scabior. Just because he wasn't taught magics like all the rest of the boys and girls doesn't mean he's dumb (in my perspective). In a deleted scene I left out it showed his mother teaching her kids to read and write. But to be honest, I don't think he would pick up a book as an adult as much as he did as a boy - but I wouldn't say he's uneducated. The flashback sequences were true in every aspect...minus the dream like effects (the black and white animation, and the zooming forward through time.) Thank you! Lol, the first paragraph has to be my favourite part in the entire story and that was my goal too...and it could only suit him - a chilly paragraph for one creepy fellow. No actually the action scenes are in the next chapter and thank you! And don''t worry about it SilverThimble, I can wait :). Report Review
Hi, this is chiQs09 from the forums.
This is an awesome first chapter... I love your descriptions and the way you characterized Fenrir. It was like I was seeing the world through his eyes. I felt like I was there, too, and like I was experiencing the whole scene. It's really captivating!
I think the scene when he and his sister got separated from their mom was the most poignant in my opinion.
“A mother will always find her pups, one way or another,” she said. I loved this one! Aww...
I think you captured well every character in this story, especially I liked Ginny's. Her wailing tone and all that and her arguing with her mom. Great job. And I don't even like her character. :)
I do also like the scene with him and Bellatrix Lestrange! I don't consider her as a lady, too. Goodness, I hate that woman...
Sorry, I couldn't give any CCs. But in my opinion I think that the chapter was perfect. 10/10Author's Response: Hey! Thanks! I've always found Greyback to be a very intriguing character and I dunno why as he has a very dark outlook on life. I love that line too. I wanted to show Greyback's mother as someone loving and caring - someone who you wouldn't necessarily suspect as a proud support of Darkness. I never really hated Bella before - in fact I used to love her...but that was before I read "Malfoy Manor" in DH...now there are characters I love more than her :) Its OK, thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Hey, it's me again!
I don't quite know why, but I enjoyed this chapter more than the first.
It was wonderful how you picked up right where you last left off, and your action sequences were written perfectly. Your descriptions were incredibly vivid, I could see everything happening in my head.
I adored your characterisation of Fenrir. His background was very interesting, and it flowed wonderfully with the rest of the chapter.
I loved the twist at the end, with Fleur dying and Ginny becoming paralysed. Your characterisations of both Ron and Hermione were again brilliant; you have a wonderful talent for writing every single character.
This is definitely going into my favourites. You should be incredibly proud of this piece, it was jaw-droppingly well written =]
Love xX mOoNdAnCe XxAuthor's Response: Hey moondance, I'm really sorry its been so long for me to get to you! Oh it makes me estatic that you felt all those things reading this chapter. I worked really hard with how everything was going to pan out with Ginny and Fleur and the sequences...and with his background, I wanted him to have a sympathetic side if there ever was one but yeah I tried to be original with Nell...I always see people's reason for going into darkness is the loss of a lover - so I wanted to go different. Thank you so much for your lovely reviews moondance and I'll most definitely will. Report Review
This is by far one of the best fics I've read. It's absolutely amazing. Your characterization of Ginny is really good, the fact that she punched him - very Ginny.
Brilliant ending. Poor Fleur, and Ginny. You seem to be very good at writing horror. Do you think you could Owl me when you put the prequel and sequel up? I'd love to read more of your work.
I love the way we find out what happened that night in a newspaper article, very interesting way of explaining it. I love that he thinks he's losing his touch because it's a short article. Amazing, amazing story.Author's Response: Thank you evil little devil! The ending with Fleur and the baby and Ginny was actually going to be different. Alot differnt actually XD where Bill himself, Remus, and Tonks was going to bring Greyback's demise because his sister was a scarred werewolf and his wife and child died (but I was afraid that that would be too brutal- even for me to write...not to mention ToS.) Horror is one of my favourite genres so thank you for saying that! And of course I will Owl you. It makes me happy you're taking n interst in my stuff! Thanks! Report Review
Great job! I loved this. Fenrir is a very interesting character, and you're writing him really well.
This was to be expected, he hadn't been able to get a tan as of late - this cracks me up. Hilarious. Your writing is just amazing. The descriptions especially, they're captivating. You're a very talented writer.
The way you write from Greyback's POV is really good. It's interesting the way you have him, his view of the world, his hatred, it's amazing. You've characterized him exactly how I imagined him. The reason behind is savageness is genious, I love it.
You write it so well, it's very suspenseful. I can't wait to read more. I loved the quote at th start, it really set the scene for the whole story, for Greyback. Amazing.Author's Response: Thank you! I agree: Greyback, in my opinion, is by far one of JKR's most intriguing characters throughout her entire series. Haha sweet, I can't believe I made you crack up! To be honest, humour has been a tough point for me so it makes my day a little bit sunnier to know that XD. I can't even count the times I've read and reread his scenes and mentionings in both HBP and DH in the hopes of studying his brute character and it makes me glad to know you liked the reason behind it all. I have about a half a notebook full of his past which has always been my favourite part of the story. Thank you so much for your wonderous compliments!!! Report Review
This chapter has a lot of great things in it. I love the attack. I love Sanguini. I love Fenrir's thoughts and the fact that you actually did go to the very end and offed people. ^_^ But, this seems rushed. It's as though you didn't take the same amount of time to write this than the first one. Especially the ending is very quick, turning from a dream to reality and people yelling and then, poof, it's the end. I guess I wanted it to flow slowly. But it's still good. Don't get me wrong. There are many parts that I adore, like this one: What was left of my humanity died off into a black slumber... So yeah, it's good. It just wasn't as good as the first one. But still, very good. I think I would have loved this chapter more if I hadn't read your truly marvelous first chapter. ^_^ Anyway, keep writing. Your words are magical!Author's Response: I am so sorry it has taken so long for me to respond! I'm in study hall at the mo so I have a little time to answer lol. Thank you so much! If this sounds really random, my apologies...its just the way I roll. I was kind of worried about the attack actually, like it might have been a bit dull I guess? But woot! You have absolutely no idea what that just meant for me to read that. Hehe, I love Sanguini as a character he's so interesting! Not to mention so many possibilites as JKR never really got into him too much XD. Offing people was incredibly fun, especially Fenrir's death scene. I'm sorry to dissapoint you with the whole rushyness and all :( I guess I just didn't want to let my fans down with my horrible updating. I'll keep that in mind when I'll edit the story! Thanks for pointing that sore out.
I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed reading your reviews. And I can definitely say the same about your words ;) Report Review
Wow. What a truly gorgeous piece of fanfiction. I adore this one. It's very hard to know what to say, because I'm so amazed by your wonderful writing abilities. I'm going to be a bit messy with this review because it's going to be full of random thoughts. Sorry about that. Hopefully you don't mind.
First, the beginning is phenomenal. Amazing descriptions, like here: I woke up with a sticky, sickly sweet, cold sweat; its beads made damp trails in my knotted grey hair and ran in an almost tantalizingly slow way down my rough, creased face. The droplets seeped into the pores of my neck and chest. I especially love the... well, I love the way Greyback sees his world, himself, everything... through layers of hatred, ugliness and passion for pleasure and pain. This is marvelously written story and I can't just tell you enough how much I love your words... the way you tell everything.
Hmm... there were parts when it was a little difficult to follow what you meant to say like in the scene when he visited his home in that dream. Why was little Dumbledore there? Did I miss something? Did I not read it carefully enough (although I read that part twice)? Anyway, the second difficult scene was when Fenrir finds his way inside the little cottage. I had to read really really slowly and carefully to really see what was happening... and even then that scene was a bit difficult to catch. I can't really tell you how to change those, but I think you could read them over again and see if you can add a few things to explain how things are happening.
Anyway, this is one of the best fanfics I've read of this genre. Your writing skills really amaze me and... gah, I don't have words. I can't explain it, but this is somehow very very special story. It will go to my favorites and I really want to know how you'll continue it. Thank you for sharing your work. 10/10.Author's Response: Oh wow - first off thank you for your wonderful, long review! And thank you for your kind words! *hugs* And no I don't mind you being random at all really...I've been known to do that too ;) I tried to stick to canon!Greyback...but because we know little about him I tried expanding his character and oh boy it makes me happy you liked the way I made him perceive the world. I did alot of studying on Greyback before I wrote one word of this and I kinda thought he might perceive the world like that...I mean no one can do the things he does and think the world is a happy place (or else they'd be messed up, eh?) The children - young Fenrir and Nell- were playing with wizard toy soldiers because down in Knockturn Alley there were shops down there that sold a toy soldiers set which entailed Dumbledore's army and Grindewald's army. Children could play with them and watch them fight (there was a special "healing" charm on the toys so when they get wounded their wound fades after you're done playing with them.) They were very popular with supporters of Grindewald. And that's why there was a minature Dumbledore. I'm sorry I wasn't clear on that *makes a note to fix that bit. I had a hard time writing him getting in there actually, and I'm glad you pointed out that it was difficult to read: I'll definitely tidy that up when I get the chance. Thank you so much for reviewing Rebekka! You rock! Report Review
Great chapter! I've been hoping that this story would update, and I really am enjoying it. I like how we found out exactly what happened by reading the newspaper. That was really cute. This story was written so well and it's nice to see Greyback in action and to see some feelings from him. This was very creative - I haven't seen many other stories about him. Great job and definitely send me a PM when your prequel and/or sequel come out! I loved it!Author's Response: Thanks Labby! I'm glad you could stick it out - I know I am an absolute terrible updater and I sincerely apologize. Thanks! I wanted to take the werewolf form so that he can't remember anything he does as a werewolf, and because it's in his eyes I wanted the news to come from an outside source ;) and plus I didn't want what Ginny and Fleur and the baby had to suffer through afterwards be a secret until the sequel. I think that would've been a bit mean lol. It may seem morbid of me but I always found Greyback fascinating and I'd wish there were more fics on him. I love how he's canon enough where you have so much leeway with him! Thank you Labby for reviewing, I really appreciate it. And don't worry I shall send you a pm when more of the trilogy comes up. *hugs* Report Review
Hello and fabulous chapter. I love your writing style, especially Greyback's flashbacks. Your portrayal was yet again, perfect.
The only problem I found was this:
"A wad of spit that slid down my face was my response, followed by a livid snarl."
The sentence makes sense, but I had to reread it realize that Ginny spat at me. At first I thought he was drooling then snarling so it confused me; haha.
Well, awesome story; I added it to my favorites.
:DAuthor's Response: Thank you jet! Oh lol =D I'm sorry you were confused, maybe I should fix it? =P Thank you so much jet for reviewing/favouriting!!! Report Review
Overall it was very good I especially liked the comparison between Little Red Riding Hood and the Big Bad Wolf. The only real thing that stood out for CC was Harry's reaction:
“ Ron- what you’re about to do, it won’t solve anything. He will be punished, but this isn’t the way, ” another boy reasoned with him."
I would think due to Harry's relationship with Ginny he would be one of the first to want to punish Greyback instead of reasoning that he will eventually be punished.
Anyway great job- I loved the whole horror/dark theme that went into this and I look forward to reading the prequelsAuthor's Response: I wanted some parts-especially the chase scenes to have morbid allusions to fairy tales and children's urban legend; I have to admit, I actually like those refrences too =) I was reading that closing scene and I agree with you. Now that I think about it, I remember including a little extra bit where Ron burst out at Harry for not caring about her more...but that got off topic, and I replaced it with that quote. I might change it to Hermione-make it seem more realistic for HBP spoilered parts eh? Thank you o much for reviewing-your review made my night! I do know the prequel will be coming before the sequel and I hope you find it exciting! Report Review
Hi this is cosmo from the review corner, I am so sorry for the late response, but yesterday I just got my cast off and then I had some trouble with a friend that just got dumped so I really wasn't up for leaving a review (the reading part was no problem, but I just didn't know if I could pay as much attention to it as I normally would so I didn't want to give something that wasn't up to par with my usual reviews)
So once again, so sorry, and now on with the show lol!
1. first of all, that is one GREAT banner, OMFG it's so cool lol
2. adore the fact that you put a quote in the beginning of the chap, I think that it really sets the mood for the rest of the chap- I can only hope that this is something that you will continue throughout the rest of the fic as I can only assume that it'd help you since it's not only original, but really adds to the intrigue of it all (but then again, that's just my opinion)
3. grammatical note: watch out for those fragmented sentences, they're a bit more common than I'd like (a bit disappointing since the writing itself is at such a high caliber that it's sad to see that the grammar is not quite up to par with that standard that you set with your prose)
4. you're really great with the descriptions... simply phenomenal!- normally I'd be bored by having so many, but you manage to keep my attention, so kudos on that one! (didn't even know it was possible lol)
5. all in all this is a great fic, I really adore it. seriously, you should pat yourself on the back for it, lol
p.s. don't worry, I never flame- all about super constructive criticism (heavy on the constructive lol)Author's Response: Oh no m'dear it is completely ok! I understand more stuff have to come first...like today I had to miss out on my Math and Bio Exam because I'm really sick...not that it matches to yours of course. So yeah I'm cool with that. Haha yeah I love the banner too - MajiKat is so awesome! Ooh boy I'm happy you liked the quote...it was from Buffy the Vampire Slayer and that quote from the one baddie on there was just a godsend for this story. Don't worry, you'll see more of that in the last part. I did some editing before I responded to this review but I'm thankful you pointed that out to me. I'll be sure to fix that when I get the time. I'm sorry! And thank you on pointer number 4! I love using descriptions. It's so much fun describing the scene. *pats self on the back* Thank you so much for reviewing! Report Review
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