Okay, I'm not going to be too hard on you seeing as it is your first time but I'll tell you the bad points and good points so you can improve.
First, you need to get someone (or just use spellcheck) to read through your work. Some spellings were incorrect and some sentences didn't quite make sense.
Secondly, I got very confused very quickly. If you are making up something that people have not read about in the Harry Potter books, you need to explain yourself more.
Thirdly, you need a better summary. People can't tell what your fic is about. Yes, you may want to put things about you. (I do). But, you really need to also write about your story if you want people to read it.
There are a few other errors but I think I have given you enough to think about. I am sure they will be pointed out to you by other readers. I hope this helps you when you continue writing. Hannah Report Review
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