I love Neville stories (there are far too few of them) and this was one of the best I've read. Absolutely incredible. There was so much feeling in it.Author's Response: Whoa! Thanks very much! That's such a complement! And yeah, Neville doesn't get the attention he deserves. Report Review
MORE!MORE!MORE!Author's Response: Thank you very much :) Report Review
oh my. . . .I loved it! It actually brought tears to my eyes! I really hope that maybe you write more to this! or even a sequel.Author's Response: Aw..that's so sweet! Unfortunately, I won't be doing a sequel to this one specifically. At least not right now. Thanks very much! *does happy dance and looks like an idiot* Report Review
I think the way that Neville thought about Snape here was a little too toned down. Remember that Snape was actually what Neville's Boggart changed into. He must be utterly terrified of him!
You mention that Neville was three when his parents were tortured..I'm not sure that this is strictly non canon compliant, but I always thought that it was quite soon after the Potters were killed, which would make Neville only one. I am not a hundred per cent sure about this though.
I thought the details about Healers were interesting - the way you did the list of what happens to them. You put a lot of detail in and though I wasn't sure about it at first, as it seemed a bit too much detail, I actually think that was what made this story. It was filled with little bits and bobs that filled it out and made it come to life. Neville was absolutely perfectly written and his gran as well. Overall I found it so sad and melancholy and touching. It was great. :) 8/10Author's Response: Thanks very much for your review! I thought of extending Neville's terror of Snape, but it tended to deviate from the overall point so I ended up leaving it out. As for the whole uncannon-ness of Neville's age.. lol. Creative license ;) It never says exactly when it happened and the lexicon has only guessed. Unlike everyone else, I've always pictured it as being when he's around three. Thanks VERY much for reviewing! Report Review
This is absolutely amazing and probably one of the greatest fics I've ever read, no lie. It's really sweet and touching and really gives you sense of how Neville feels about all this. It's sad =[ but like I said it's really touching.
I'd give it like 10,000 out of 10.
TN1~Author's Response: Wow! Thanks so very much!! That's so sweet of you :D Report Review
I think this is a great start for whatever you turn it into, as it's charged with emotion and great descriptions. All of the canon characters seem spot-on, especially Neville's gran - but I think his voice came out in this, too, and it was almost as strong as hers.
Now. With a hearty wink, he strode off in his light lue bathrobe (lue = blue); and the fact that she was following around the head hearler of Ward 49 (hearler = healer).
Awkward: By the third week most students became one of three options: they were sacked for poor performance; realised they were no longer in a classroom and the patients they were treating were actual people and not just words printed in text books, causing them to break down emotionally and quit; or buckled down and became a rock amongst the chaotic hospital scene. This one's got quite a good idea behind it, but the structure seems awkward; maybe if you started with 'they' on each part it'd make more sense ... 'they were sacked,' 'they realized,' 'or they buckled down' ...
Unclear: He had already thrown away two others just like it today. (It took me a few readings to get that Neville had thrown away two other autographs, as I was thoroughly confused as to who you meant); The young aid was quickly chided by the severe looking nurse she was assisting, causing her to look away embarassed, her previously flushed cheeks now steadily growing more red by the second. (Same ... I just didn't know who you were referring to, especially with the addition of the nurse. Also, embarrassed is spelled wrong).
Don't take this wrong, because as I've said, I really enjoyed the characterization and description. The vulture hat was the needed humor to the situation, since I don't think Lockhart's really qualifies as something to find funny. It was a really great cynical view from Neville that I wouldn't really expect, but still sounds natural coming from him. I love that Neville's so familiar with everyone around the ward, but that begs the question: how often does he visit? Author's Response: No, no wrong way taking here! I love honesty more than anything. Wonderful, lovely review! I know this story's not up to par yet, so I really appreciate your suggestions. They've helped me a lot. I'm going to have to go back and do a bit of editing ;) Thanks! Report Review
On one hand, I really liked it. You really showed a lot of Neville's personality and it was interesting to read about him. You wrote him very well.
On the other hand, I'd like to see more action, more things that happened. More about his parents, not just what we already know about him. More about Neville, delving deeper into his character than you've already done. I felt there was something missing, you know, that thing that makes it amazing. Don't get me wrong, it was a very good fic, well written and I enjoyed it very much, it's just CC :)
But there are many good things about it too! I like the canon-ness it has to it, it seemed very realistic. The characterization of Neville's grandmother was also very good. I liked that you mentioned characters like the trio, Luna and Snape. It sort of brought it back to the real world for a moment, helped remember that there's a bigger story also.
Good luck with your other stories, seems like you've got your hands full!Author's Response: Criticism!! Real third party opinions!! Whoo!! I knew it wasn't up to par but I needed some ideas pointed out to me. People don't seem to take me seriously when I say I want them to be as inhumanly harsh as possible. *shrugs*
I'll be doing some editing to it :D Thanks very much!! Report Review
No reason to rip this one apart! lol. Don't be so hard on yourself.
Nice descripitons and sensitive character analysis. It's refreshing to read a story about Neville, there don't seem to be as many of those.
I would try adding a little more action next time, even if it is a one-shot.
In general, I liked it. Author's Response: Thanks very much, I'm glad you did!
Action? Action... Okay, where could there be more action? That's why Lockhart makes an appearance, it was rather dull without him. After careful consideration of more action inclusion, I must confess that I am at a loss :) Any suggestions on expanding the action in this story? Report Review
Are you kidding? This was amazing. It was so very well written, and so very...sad...I mean, Alice, just...it just breaks your heart thinking like this. Do you have more Neville based stories? I'll have to go look.Author's Response: Thanks very much! Yeah, I've got one other that's Neville based --> Sacrifice. Report Review
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