Sounds like quite the story. I like this whole amnesia thing. It sounds pretty cool. I can't wait to see what happens next...Author's Response: I'm so glad you like it! Keep me posted about what you think, okay? Thanks,
Charlie. Report Review
Cliché Report Courtasy of "Harry Potter and the Endless Cliché" Author...
1) OC whose name is introduced in the first sentence with a nickname introduced soon after...
2) Angst-ridden sleep
3) Americanized (Sing-Sing, Riker's...)
4) Author writing self into story (hmm, a girl who likes to write and writes pretty terribly in her composition book...)
5) Main Harry Potter character making mysterious appearence
6) OC has some attitude! (bites hand)
And here, I have to stop. It's just an overload. Hahahahaha! But hey, I've seen much worse. It's definitely a good start, I can see why this story has so many reads. :-DAuthor's Response: 1) oh goodness. at least i didn't include a detailed physical inventory within the first sentances. that really irks me.
2)i cannot dodge this one. it is truly an overused cliche
3)i AM an american! and so is Cat! (i didn't live in the UK long enough to write like one!)
4) thanks. come to think of it, Cat is a bit of a narcissistic self-portrait. (though not as much as my version of Pansy, who even has my name)
5)Undodgeable Cliche. Eep. they just keep piling up...
6)I should hope so! if Cat were a sop, I wouldn't write about her!
Heyyyyy. Thanks. I'm glad I could amuse you, if only for a short while. I'm tryyyying to be more aware of my own cheez factor. Honest, I am! Thanks! I'm glad you like it! Report Review
Well, here I am. I like it so far, especially the descriptions of magic, Harry, and Draco. Can't wait to see where you take this.Author's Response: I hope you like the other eighteen-or-so chapters of where I've gone....I'm glad you liked chapter one! Tell me what you think of the others, please? Report Review
So, so, SO sorry it took me this long to review. What can I say, I have a busy life.
But this fic was definitely worth the time it took to read it - how much more will there be?
Your writing, as always, is fantastic, so no work necessary on that. However, I do have a teeny bit of concrit:
1 is very minor, but here goes anyway: there is, in fact, a canon American wizarding school - The Salem Witches' Institute (at least I think it's canon. It's been a fair few months since I've read the books). Mebbe you should make a mention of why Cat didn't go there.
2 is a bit more of a concern: Cat is veering dangerously into Mary Sue territory, ie a little too perfect. You DON'T want that - if she breaks up Harry and Ginny/sleeps with Harry etc. I will scream Mary Sue. So far, though, she's a clever and engaging character, so keep her that way (introduce flaws, have her make bad decisions, etc.)
3: There's a war going on. Hogwarts is, without Dumbledore, no longer safe. People are dying and Death Eaters are having a Let's-Kill-The-Unworthy Partay. Now I realise that, as children from Pureblooded, Dark families, Draco and Cat have little to worry about, but Madge and Dillon might be in the line of fire a bit more, AS WILL HERMIONE, whom you stated earlier was a friend of Cat's. I love the Cat/Draco romance, but maybe put more in about what's happening outside Hoggies and how it's affecting people. It's not as important as point 2, but give it a go.
And, as always, can't wait for the update!
So there you go, a nice long review to make up for the time you spent waiting for it!
Lots of love,
nonnyAuthor's Response: 1) don't worry. cat will make verrrry many bad choices. she IS getting really passive, and i'm really dislikin' that. so she WILL get humanized somehow.
2)salem witches...hmmmm...i never thought of this. i might stick this in there now. along with balian and a giant sword. you are a font of useful ideas! thankyou!
3) in chapters to come, i don't think cat and hermione are very close anymore. and m&d WILL have their role. we'll leave them for a bit, but they'll be important.
thanks a million, nonny
charlie xo Report Review
Hello, hello, I'm really sorry if you'd thought I'd abandoned you, no no no, I've just been really busy and haven't been on the computer much, no time for reading. I just started continuation school and everythings been rather crazy around my house.
Lovely chapter, and the other ones that I haven't gotten to respond to are great as well.
Um, in response to something you asked in my last review, liek I said I've been realyl busy and I have no time to write, no matter how in love with my story I am ):
Writer's block is also to blame, it has a ratherrr nasty hold on my brain.
good chapppyy(:Author's Response: thanks so much, missy!
awww, poor you! writer's block SUCKS.
i'm glad i wrote some more chapters of re-memo in advance, because my brain appears to be joining the tv writers on strike... Report Review
Ah, I'm so sorry I haven't been here, I just had to read like the last three chapters but I've been not in a reading mood, my friend just died in a car accident /:
So I haven't been in a very fan-fic mood.
But, haha I knew you would find a way to bring in that Harry romance thingy. The whole "I need to get into your house thing" seems a little off though.
Like, I don't think the parents would need to know, it'd have to be more of a sneaking in thing to make sense.
Because if they really are in any way associated with the Dark Lord then they wouldn't let Harry anywhere near their house without Voldemort being their in 2.5 seconds.
Ya know ?
Hokay, brililant chappy (:
xx missyAuthor's Response: awww, missy, i'm so sorry! i hope you're okay. or that you will be, if you're not right now. that really sucks.
ohhh, you'll see how i sneak Harry in....i am quite sneaky. and that whole parents thing? that all makes sense later, too. so stay tuned. i'll try to keep things funny for you.
ps- why don't you write yours? it's awesome. Report Review
Ah, I thought you said that that thing between Potter and Cat was kind of a big deal and important to the story line ?
And he doesn't even like her ?
I'm so lost ahahah.
Well, this guy Andrew made me go adventuring through the "wilderness" today [the creek right across the street] so he could take pictures for his photo class and I'm bushed, so good chappy and I'll be waiting for the next one :D
xx missyAuthor's Response: missy, you have to forgive me, i sold out to the man. the man who said that harry and cat, while a nice idea, were never going to happen, as it was sketchy. unless...if i can get him to stop being her teacher, we'll work around this..heheheheheh my plan returns! at least it's back online, anyway. yeah, my boyfriend is kind of the inspiration for anything cute the guys in ReMemo (and Regardez) do...guys are super!photos you say? art boys, miss! i am impressed!
thanks as always
ps- banner help for regardez, if you get the time? Report Review
God she has three guys who want her!!? This story rox! She should go with Potter in the end.Author's Response: thanks! as for the harry-dillon-draco thing, you'll just have to wait and see.....
-charlie Report Review
"Is there any reason why you have to give me a new nickname every sentence?"
Ohh dear Merlin that made me smile, especially because I do that every time I'm with my friend Molly, every like 10 seconds I have to call her a new name, even if it makes no sense.
Tis the fun of life.
I'm not sure which day this came out because my internet hasn't been working for the past week so sorry it took so long to get to it (:
Eh the only thing I have to comment on his the whole Professor Harry thing, I meann, it just seems kinda weird cuz you'd think you'd have to go through a bunch of training and stuff to be a Hogwarts professor. I think it'd have made more sense if it was a Professor's Aid or something,
and there's this rule in the forums against student/professor dating or hooking up or whatever I think.
That's it, you're still getting so much better in your writing with each chapter (:
xx missyAuthor's Response: dear missy,
i started writing this story as the result a challenge from a friend (who's a hermione-draco kind of girl, and also the inspiration for most of madge,) who said i was too much of a snob to write fan fiction, and am really, really new at it (but liking it more and more,) so i don't know all the rules. thanks for telling me that one, though. will i get, like, devalidated if that happens? 'cause that cat-harry awkwardness is definitely a central plot point.....and i did label it sensitive content....
thanks for the warning (if i get devalidated -knock on wood- i'll know why....) and for liking/reading it!
xx charlie Report Review
I like the whole "cellphone" coiny thingies, just the "text talk" always trips me out it seems so out of place ahahaha.
Because when I'm writing sometimes I'll get the random urge to put "lol" or something, and I'm like NO MISSY THIS IS NOT THE TIME OR PLACE FOR "lol"ing.
I love girls, we can just share clothes and the world is good (:
I read this the day it came out and it's 3 25 in the morning and I'm far too tired to write some really long review.
Eagerly waiting next chapter (:
xx missyAuthor's Response: i would so not stoop to lol. my word snobbery kicks in once all the vowels have been eliminated. then it's like: "i refuse to shorten this any more, at least now someone could conceivably read it."
don't worry. if someone lol's, there will be words to say it.
charlie xx Report Review
Nice touch...I like the story eventhough it is way beyond my expectations. Please update the next chappie soon!Author's Response: thanks! i'm glad you like it! i'm working on updates.
-charlie Report Review
Eep yes, I liked this one much better. It's so much easier on the eyes without all the indenting and whatnot.
I think this is the best one so far, although I don't think that she should have so easily told people she just met about Draco's secret identity thing without even talking to him about it first.
The whole thing is supposed to be a secret isn't it?
Hm, well I liked it a lot better, and it's improved a lot (:
xx missyAuthor's Response: missy,
glad you like the makeover!
yeah, ummmm, about your comment.....
after you told me, i realized how ditzy cat looks with the whole "revealing the secret identity to people she barely knows" thing , and i aim to do something about it. (she's barely getting over being obliviated for six years, relapses of ditziness might be there,) but something will get done. thanks (as always) for your fantastic editing, missy.
xx charlie Report Review
Formatting, formatting, formatting! You're likely driving readers away from a pretty decent story just from the eyesore of formatting. You can't tell who's saying what, because you attempt to just indent and it gets eaten when it's thrown up here. Double space between each paragraph, start a new paragraph each time dialogue switches from person to person, and don't indent.
Other than that, grammar is pretty decent.
I don't like the idea of Snape being a cold-hearted murderer, but I'm a Snape fangirl. Though it was never part of his character to kill and take sick perverted pleasure in it, the way you describe it.
Nor can I see Draco's family having places to live in the States. I can see the Malfoys thinking they're above "dirty Americans." though I do love the idea of Draco thinking Flavor of Love is amazing.
The basic premise behind this is good, the style is good, just the devil is in the details. And the formatting. I like the plot so far, its not bad, but the formatting has probably driven away potential reviews. Report Review
I like the start of this, and the biggest errors I can find are with the formatting. Indents in stuff on the internet just look BAD and make things harder to read. So stick with the justified paragraphs where everything is neat and lines up. Also, elipses are three dots, not a whole chain of them. Try makin the diary bit italicised, to offset it a bit, make it easier to differentiate with the change in narrative.
Other than that, it's a good, decent prologue. The style's not bad, the idea is good for an OC fic, the OC doesn't seem like a total mary sue (yet) not too shabby at all.Author's Response: mary sue? i'm new at this; i don't really speak "fic writer" yet...
THANK YOU SO MUCH for both of your reviews!
as i said, i'm new at this, and am (correspondingly) horrible with computers, so the formatting has been awful the first four chapters. but i'm taking away all indents, and italicizing, as you recommended, and i hope it works.
thank you so much,
ps- Snape will get better, just not in the preachy deathly-hallows sense. you were right, though, he's more nuanced than i made him.
pps- flavor of love was so much fun to add in, but you're the first person to read my story who thought it was funny (and didn't get sticklerish about the ten-years-behind-now thing.) thanks! Report Review
"Hermione Granger, who was a Muggle and friends with Potter,"
Hermione's muggleborn, not a muggle(:
Hmm, I was confused about something though, in the last chapter when Draco and Snape were talking Draco said that the only reason her family aren't Death Eaters is because they haven't heard of the Dark Lord in America ?
But they all went to Hogwarts, and it's impossible not to hear about him there, and although America's far, I think that everyone in the wizarding world knows about Harry Potter right ? So they'd all know about Voldemort.
That's just assuming things though, since America's never really talking about in the books.
It is getting a lot better, and I am still very much enjoying it(:
So I'm adding it to my favorites list, and I'll be waiting for the next chapter(:
xx missyAuthor's Response: thankyou so so so much for all of your criticism, which i am fully taking to heart, by the way! (i keep forgetting to put it back ten years....agh)
am off to check out eclipse!
and then fact-check!
and then make sure my typing doesn't suck!
c xxx Report Review
Oi okay, I like it, but Snape just feels out-of-characterish to me. I mean, you've got the mean-ness down and what not, but how he speaks and whatnot could be a bit more...Snapey.
And "The Flavour of Love" is a show of today's time, Harry Potter is supposed to be like ten years ago remember(:
All in all, I like it, there are just the little things that could be rethought.
But it's longer :D
And I like it.
xx missyAuthor's Response: i basically just wanted an excuse to have draco malfoy commenting on the flavor of love. for the sheer humor. and got so caught up that i forgot the "period" info. and thanks for the snape thing. good call. (when he shows up, he will be more character accurate, and not just pure vitriol). thanks- c xx Report Review
Good...short, but good.
I know you asked me to read your story, and I tried to start earlier but I had to go to my friend's bonfire, and now that I'm home and I'm done reading the newest chapter of "Eclipse of the Sky" [most amazing thing I've ever read in my life, if you haven't read it yet, you should(;] and I really wanted to get over here and check your story out(:
-you don't need to "tab" the beginning of the paragraphs. It just makes it look too spaced out, and it makes it seem shorter than it really is
-the idea is good as far as I can see, and I like that in the journal you have it much more realistic to what a teenage girl would be writing, but you have to keep in mind that Harry Potter is based in like 80's/90's or whatever, and the phrase "hottie" is okay to use every once in a while, but when it's used in like every sentence it just makes it seem too "our time"ish. And "tat."
...I think it's personally just because I hate that word ahah, but it seems too much our timeish as well.
Other than that, I like it so far. Am hoping the next ones a bit longer as I go on to read it(:
I'm giving it an 8/10 because there just wasn't that much too fully get into.
xx missyAuthor's Response: MISSY! YOU WERE RIGHT! IT WAS AN OFF-LIMITS RELATIONSHIP! AND NOW RE-MEMO IS INDEFINITELY SUSPENDED! HELP! you know more about this than I do; can you help me? if you have any ideas, leave them on regardez astor, since re-memo is down for the count. (knock on wood) hopefully only temporarily, but still! this is so frustrating!
charlie xx Report Review
Wow. Umm...this looks like it has a lot of potential, but it could stand to be a bit longer. That way, we as readers get to be more involved in what's happening. Good job, though. Keep it up! ; )Author's Response: thanks! the next chapter is longer, and i'm working on trying to keep it that way... thanks for reading it! Report Review
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