hey, another wicked one:)xxAuthor's Response: Hehe, danke! Report Review
Hmm. Please hold while I gather my thoughts...
I found that as I read, I became so angry with Krystal. Why on earth would she want to go back with that awful scumbag, Taylor? That's like really retarded of her. Gah.
I feel like she's very insecure with who she is, and I don't think she's ready for any kind of boyfriend/girlfriend relationship at the mo'. She needs to take a step back and realize she's being thick. *seethes*
Anway, my main advice to you is to re read and then re re read before you post. You did a fair job with grammar and such, but you left out words here and there. I would also like to see a bit more body to the story. Some bigger descriptions. I found myself strainging to visualize what was happening. Descriptions might help that. Make sure things flow the way you want as well.
Also, if you don't have a beta, Perfect Imagination has some great ones to offer. You fill out this questionare about the app. length of your story, the genre, the characters, the era, and they give you a list of possible betas from busiest to those with most amount of time. You can pick from a variety of betas who give CC differently. There's flexible, harsh, easy going. I've a beta from there myself. They're really helpful, and they can help you flesh things out or with your word choice if you want it.
Like I said in my last review, be careful with Malfoy. He seemed OOC towards the end of this chapter. I just can't imagine him being affectionate so early into a non existant romantic relationship.
I really think that you will do an great job with this story, and I'll definitely keep checking back for updates. :)
xxAuthor's Response: Hmmm, well there is a bit of a secret to Draco's charm. I can't say what, but you'll see what I'm talking about soon ^_^. He really isn't being a sweetheart (hinty hinty).
My grammar program and spell check must suck because it didn't pick up that I left words out. Darn... Lemme go fix that ^_^ and add more structure. I'll edit my chappies so far and repost them. Report Review
Aw sweetie I think you've a wonderful beginning right here.
I think there's so much you can do with Krystal as a character. It will be fun for you to experiment with her personality. I absolutely adore writing OCs because they're so flexible. You can make some extreme and some very realistic.
It's probably a good thing that she and her boyfriend seperated. I mean honestly, Kris and Krystal? I wouldn't date him simply because his name was so close to mine. ;) Just an opinion though. haha.
I thought it was rather amusing when you were listing the accomplishments of the trio and Ginny. Cute Ron. Hermione's Head Girl, Ginny's prefect, Harry's quidditch captain, and Ron managed to stay on the team. lol. Made me grin.
Also, that Ginny's answer to all Krystal's problems was food. "I think you need something to eat." I couldn't agree more, Ginny. ;)
Be careful not to write Malfoy OOC. I think you did a fair job with him in this chapter. Especially when he was saying how it didn't really matter that they had broken up, why was everyone making such a fuss. However, I almost think he would be one to pay no attention at all. You know, like she's not worth his time and attention yet.
The ending was a little OOC for me. I don't think Malfoy would say something like that, even if he was thinking it. He may be a big ol' softy deep down (WAY deep down), but he most certainly wouldn't show it. Especially to someone he barely knows (who's friends with Hermione Granger).
I kind of see Malfoy as the kind of guy who would have a lot of lustful feelings for a girl. That lust would change into a kind of affection, especially if she's stands up to him and doesn't allow him his way all the time. I'm making him sound like a five year old. lol.
Anywho, lovely beginning. I am interested to see how you will develope your characters and what kind of a plot you have in store for us. :)
xx Author's Response: I couldn't agree less. I like getting reviews that actually sound like somebody read what I wrote! I think I will change Draco around a bit i the first few chapters. He's total jerk in 3-7, but maybe he should be right now? Report Review
Aww this story is really cute so far. I like it.Author's Response: Thanks! Report Review
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