wow...if you knew anything about a code blue, this chap would read totally differently.Author's Response: You're right! And it's an experience I don't want, and usually you can only write well about things you've experienced, but I tried.
I just wanted it to be different a bit than the usual way of this trope.
Maybe I should have read a few medical novels. Thx for the review, I do appreicate it. Report Review
This is truly one of the more brilliant fanfics I've read in a while. It displays a strong knowledge of medical knowledge and shall I say "muggle" techniques and transfers them well to the HP universe. I will say I did not give it a 10 because it felt like there were some inconsistencies to the real book and to the universe (for instance I do not think many of the hogwarts students who are not familiar with the muggle world would not know muggle resuscitation techniques) But besides that brilliantly written great jobAuthor's Response: Thank you very much for the review! Especially since I haven't received one for a long while, but that's mainly due to me, I haven't updated anything in a long while.
I'm flattered that you found this brillant. However, It's seriously AU, and was written pre-DH, so it does require a lot of suspension of disbelief.
Again, thank you for the review! ~ DA Jones Report Review
Short, but wonderful story! There are many AU stories about the final battle, but you brought a different perspective. Keep writing!Author's Response: Thank you Pinks, and I will. Also thank you for reviewing each chapter and also adding this to your favorites. Report Review
How sad! I'm glad the bear went to a good home.Author's Response: Me too! I have a strange propensity for writing sad fics.
The chapters are so short! Again, great job!Author's Response: Yes, but all told it's actually a long short story. It was supposed to be for a short story contest, but I couldn't edit it down to five thousand words believe it or not. Report Review
The teddy bear scene was odd, yet poignant :)Author's Response: Yes, that lady was a little insane. Ginny was just trying to be polite, but was touched. I think the bit character of TB lady is among my best characters. Report Review
wow, great opening to your story! Great job!Author's Response: Thank you! Report Review
I thought this was a lovely and very moving series of chapters.
But -- since you sort of requested criticism, I'll just say two things.
First, the emotional climax comes with the death of Luna. After that, the story takes a bit too long to resolve itself, so that by the time I reached the end, the emotional impact had dissipated.
Second, although the intro for these chapters indicated a free-standing novella (so to speak), I felt like I was walking in on a story in progress where I had missed an awful lot. (I can walk in and accept that in this particular story, Neville's a healer. But what's up with Ginny visiting Durmstrang, for instance?)
Anyway, I just raced through them. I love medical drama, and this was certainly to my taste. It was moving, and interestingly technical, and extremely well done.Author's Response: Thank you Bella and yes I rather like criticism, I never shy from it. Praise is good and all, but criticism is how you learn. I agree with what you say about the story being slow to resolve itself. It has bothered me.
My least favorite part of the fic is the Ginny/Neville conversation near the end of the chapter, it’s a bit of clunky post denouement exposition, an abrupt slow down and reflection back. A Ginny explains all part, which I do cringe about.
But it was needed because this is really a Ginny and Neville's journey story and it is what Neville and Ginny have been traveling too all along.
It has a purposely different feel then the rest of the fic, the frantic energy has left and there is now supposed to be just sad lassitude.
I wanted to transition to a more happy ending, as Leaving it with Luna's death, would have been unrecoverable for Neville in my eyes and sapped the meaning.
I'm sure there are all sorts of writing books that tell you not to do it this way, perhaps I just haven't obtained the writing skill yet to find another way, but I thought I sort of needed to do this in order to explain all the complicated Horcrux stuff and what had actually happened to Luna.
I suspect many people skip over it though, which if you do with my stuff you'll miss a lot, as I like to layer meaning and clues in my fics.
The Durmstrang reference is a sort of between the lines mini-story about the destruction of one of the Horcruxes. It was at Durnstrang; and the silver six journed there to destroy it.
Afterwards due to a curse on the Horcrux, Ginny became very ill with fever and nearly died. Hermione and Luna (and Harry too of course) took turns nursing her over many days as she was so close to death that she couldn't be moved.
There are other hints about things that happened in this particular world during the horcrux hunt. It is a very dark setting. I might expand it with other fics in the same OC universe someday.
Another good, moving, concise chapter.Author's Response: Thank You! Report Review
Oh, yes. Good, great. Excellent. Effective. Works.Author's Response: Thank You, Bella Portia! Report Review
Actually, I liked the chapter. The length worked well. I'm going to keep reading . . .Author's Response: Thank You! Report Review
Goodness! I have never seen anything like this. HR meets ER, no? I think it's very clever indeed. I'm guessing you have a medical background from which to draw.Author's Response: Thank You, Bella! It's different. I sort of specialize in different. :-)
No, I have no medical background just a few family members who were and are nurses or work in the medical field. This is all from TV or Wikipedia and or Google.
I'm not even CPR certified (something I've always meant to and should do.) And which I encourage other to do.
One thing should be pointed out though. Using a bellows in real life is dangerous and is very likely to kill someone, because it creates a vacuum in the lungs and will rupture things and make the situation worse.
I love your story. I'm so sad to see Luna die. I'd much rather see one of the Golden Trio die than Luna. Funny in DH the death that hit me hardest was Hedwig's.
Anyway, I love the medical procedural parts of your story and the way the plot flows from the first chapter to the last. I think your decision to keep the chapters fairly short was a correct one.
One last thing; my wife and I collect Teddy Bears and I love the use of passing on the Teddy Bear to the girl, just like some paramedics and police do IRL.Author's Response: I had no idea police and paramedics did that! So maybe that were it come from. The Bear thing just sort of popped into my head. All I had for this fic was the idea that Neville would be a healer in the final battle and suddently would be confronted with a dying Luna. The rest sort of popped into place, but not fast enough. I wanted to finish this in time for a writers duel, but just couldn't edit it down to the 5,000 words in time.
I'm still not sure if the cobbled together horcrux stuff works and there is entirley to much exposition at the end for my tastes.
It was also supposed to be a one-shot but when I didn't make the deadline I chopped it up into several brief chapters, esp the middle three.
Thanks for the review! Report Review
I love it. I like that you don't talk down to your audience with the medical terminology. Also glad that I helped my wife with her medical transcription training. I have a hard time accepting Neville as a healer, but the story itself is very well written.
“Pressures still drooping" should read "Pressures still dropping" or "Pressure's still dropping" depending on if you mean both systolic and diastolic or that the pressure is still dropping.
I particularly like the description of the magical defibrillator and the way it might turn a witch into a squib. I'm glad to see that I'm not the only writer paying attention to how Muggle technology might impact the wizarding world.
Thank you for your wonderful comments on my story as well, I really appreciate the CC, and have taken some of it to heart, giving my story significant editing.
Author's Response: Actually I have a bit of a hard time seeing Neville as a healer too, it was easier before OOP, but it fit the plot of this story. If you want to feel better in most battles before this he was more of a 'medic', but there here was much more time for planning and it was a larger scale battle then in the past. I fixed the pressure thing. Stupid typo. And the same one in a few chapters too.
You'd think all the Medical stuff was from knowledge but it was all google and wikipedia as well as too much 'ER' watching.
I like your story a lot or I wouldn't leave the constructive criticism. Report Review
wow, this is really really good! i cant wait to read more!Author's Response: Thank You! This is a short story with 5 chapterws posred and it turned out to be a final battle with an intensity of about the range of DH. Report Review
That was morbid...I like that in a story! Great stuff!Author's Response: Thanks for the review. People tend to think this is morbid or a tearjerker, I guess it is a bit of both. Report Review
Let me say it again: why have I never read any of your work before? Seriously, some of the best writing I have read in a very long time. I am in awe, and still, in case you wondered, sobbing. 10/10. Author's Response: Wow. A 10! What can I say to that? Except thanks.
And you've heard of it now. I go by the name DA Jones both on the forum and at SAYS and I'm one of the prefects.
Ydnas Odell is a pen name I picked that is awful but it is all I could think of at the time. It didn't take me long to think up DA Jones though.
And actually I've had Red And Black sky favorited for almost a year, I just have to re-read it which I will because I've completely lost the thread of your story in my mind or I've confused it with others. There is just so much to read here that I rarely actually write.
And also: READ EPONINE THE GREATEST HP WRITER NO ONES EVER HEARD OF. That's my new tag line as I'm determined to promote her, even in the responses to my own reviews.
:(. Fantastic. Author's Response: Thanks! I like short reviews sometimes especially when there too the point. Keeps me from writing pages and pages of a rambling response......
I think this is my favorite of all the chapters especially because of Violet who is my first ever signifigant OC. Thanks! Report Review
Another heartwrenching chapter. Once again you don't try and paint over the suffering and leave me in shock. It's things like this that make me realise how sheltered I am. Author's Response: Thanks for the reviews. I prob just as sheltered it's just that I'm older and this have seen death; that is all. Ultimately no shelter, not even a castle of diamonds can protect you from death.
All I did was project the emotions I felt about people I've known who've died and the pain I've felt and how I felt when exhausted from a hard days work or just sick.
No one has ever lived a painless life. After all pain makes life. It is the drama and challenge that propels the story and makes the chapters. A pain free life would never sell. And God is the ultimate reader.
And me thinks he likes Angst. Or at least I hope he does, because it's what I like to write. Report Review
I am sobbing. This was heart-wrenching and yet so heart-warming at the same time. I have read so many aftermath of the battle fics, but none quite like this - this is so explicit you know? It doesn't try and paint over the horrible, horrible consequences of the war with victory parties. In the same way that Neville's mention of Seamus wanting to take Lavender to the victory ball got me crying in the last one, the scene with the the teddy got be sobbing in this one. And let me tell you, I get teary eyed a lot, but to get me sobbing is one heck of an accomplishment! I especially loved this line: 'Saints didn’t have daily earth-shattering sex all over the castle, cheat at cards and kill for a living.' - it shows how fast our heros have had to grow up. I mean for giggly girls to be throwing themselves in front of curses for the greater good, and friends being strong enough to try and murder the imperiused, the threat has got to be awful. A bloody fantastic piece of writing. I am in awe - no wonder this was recommended on SAYS.
Author's Response: Angst is my speciality and this fic especially. It has a lot less humour then I usually use, but the same bit of absuridty. I don't know why but writting suffering comes easy to me, maybe because I'm a bit of a pessimist, who believes life is fighting through for your award.
Romilda is Italian for hero, so that might suggest a bit more about the character. After all she is bold and it's not that Harry and Ginny dislike her that much but more that they just find her annoying in a similar way to the way Colin is annoying.
She is also vain, but so is Fleur and one of the messages of the books is that beng full of yourself does not make you a bad person as long as you have other principles and there is some basis for your vanity. Lockhart had none. Fleur does. Romilda? I gave the principles to o Romilda here. Plus she still had her crush on Harry.
I got you crying by what I think is about the third line of the fic? Is it weird to be happy that your good at making people cry?
Thanks for the review. I do have to come in her and fix the spacing though. Report Review
Oh my goodness me. Why have I never read you stuff before? This is FANTASTIC. I have shivers running down my spine and tears threatening to spill from my eyes...must...read...on...Author's Response: Thank you! I hope you like the other chapters as much as you like this.
I wasn't sure I could pull it off. Writing a HP medical drama is hard. And techically I didn't since I didn't finish it in time for the contest I intended.
I just had the beta e-mail me all five chapters, so some of the minor spelling errors etc, will be fixed shortly.
Thanks for the review. Report Review
Okay, this is an interesting take on the Neville/Susan pairing. Great job!. Now, I need you to check your inbox if you don't mind, I really need help on something.Author's Response: Thanks. I didn't know that it would be Neville and Susan when I started writing it. I like that pairing, it seems right to me although we know little about Susan.
I responded to your PM. Thank for the review. Report Review
Interesting chapter, I didn't expect Romilda to have a sister.Author's Response: Romilda is just a character I like to have fun speculating about, as she and Cormac (and Victoria Frobisher?) were rather oddly thrown at us out of the blue in HBP prince as new Gryffindors come rather late to the story.
And Romilda means heroic in Italian which make Romilda the Vane Hero which could also mean the Vain hero (might she do something heroic in vain?)
And she seems obsessed with Harry. I wonder whether JKR might not have her do something like what I had her do in this story, so Ginny doesn't have to do it.
Thanks for the review. Report Review
After twenty minutes, no BP no pulse, no oxygen reaching her brain, I wouldn't count on reviving Luna. And if she wasshe's probably suffered massive brain damage.
Yet and still good story.Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Yes, Luna is in serious trouble and Neville knows it. Report Review
Okay, this is a good story. I wouldn't work it like that, using defib paddles causes witches to turn into squibs, but still this is a cools story. Reminds me of House, only in Neville form.Author's Response: Thanks!
I wanted to try to give sort of a magical explanation for that. I was thinking more ER, but I'm waiting for someone to write the House of Gryffindor crossover (why not thet actor's British?) but House is definitely a Slytherin, though it would be funny if he were a surly Hufflepuff.
Thanks for the review. Report Review
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