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Reading Reviews for E Balai Perdu--The Lost Broom
  
25 Reviews Found

Review #1, by mairi  E Balai Perdu

23rd April 2012:
nice one,i like it:)

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Review #2, by Ollie Vander E Balai Perdu

29th March 2008:
Haha, very funny and cute. What year is it supposed to be? It had me laughing the whole time! Good idea. What language is "E Balai Perdu?"

Author's Response: Thanks :) "E Balai Perdu" is French for "The Lost Broom." Don't ask me why I put it in French, though. I think I was in a foreign mood...lol.

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Review #3, by AussieAnatomy627 E Balai Perdu

22nd March 2008:
Was it really a house elf? Well, that was a very enjoyable story. I loved it!

Author's Response: Thanks :)

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Review #4, by AussieAnatomy627 The Lost Broom

22nd March 2008:
LOL! That was funny! But can't they just Accio the broom? I like the part about Harry's paranoia.

Author's Response: Thanks! This story took place in Harry's first to third year, so he wouldn't know the summoning spell yet (he learned the spell in his fourth year). Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #5, by Your worst nightmare E Balai Perdu

20th March 2008:
coolio dude! hi!
what does E Balai Perdu mean?
that was short
awesome writing though
bye!
(oh, and this is cailin)

Author's Response: LOLZ, hi! E Balai Perdu means "The Lost Broom." mischiefmanaged's suggestion... Thanks for reading!

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Review #6, by stella E Balai Perdu

6th October 2007:
keep writing better stories!

Author's Response: I will:)

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Review #7, by stella The Lost Broom

6th October 2007:
hmm.
let me think!
it's a very short chapter!

Author's Response: Yes,it is quite short. But I thinkI'm going to write a short story or novella pretty soon,so there!

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Review #8, by lyramoon E Balai Perdu

15th September 2007:
wowww. uhh. haha that was funny.

Author's Response: Thanks.

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Review #9, by lyramoon The Lost Broom

15th September 2007:
w-what? im confused.

Author's Response: Sorry, my story hasn't been edited in a long time.

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Review #10, by Luna_ Lovegood E Balai Perdu

15th August 2007:
I'm not going to ask how Harry's broom randomly got into Ron's bed.
You're good at dialouge and you bring out Harry and Ron really well, but I'd like to see a little more description so I can get a better sense of where they are and what they're feeling.

Author's Response: Yes, as I said to mischiefmanaged, I think it might be time to edit my story again to get a little more description in.

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Review #11, by Luna_ Lovegood The Lost Broom

15th August 2007:
ha ha this is the funniest fic I've ever read!
I'd really love to see more stories like this since most on HPFF seem to be a bit morbid.

Author's Response: Thanks! In this story I was just trying to do a bit of humor, which I HOPE made up for its lack of a complicated plot.

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Review #12, by mischiefmanaged E Balai Perdu

14th August 2007:
ello, ello, ello. I'm here for the review you requested, my dear friend, Pomegranate. First thing that I noticed on your story index page was that this is quite a short chapter. You could do with increasing the length a bit, and then people will go, "Hoho, 'tis a lengthy chapter of the second lost broom story on the archive!" I got my lost broom story up first, and then you second. I guess that we're just creative that way. *squee* Yeah, I lurve your plot, since I sorta gave it to you.

I really like your characterization of Ron. It's just like him to wolf down food while Harry's worrying about his Firebolt. Though it does stray into the "Ron loves food more than anything, including Hermione" cliche, but you've managed to resolve that by having him give an explanation for the loss of Harry's broom. Also, Quidditch Cup instead of Quidditch cup. Minor capitalization error.

I see that you're a little scarce on description sometimes. Like with Angelina, we could use some detail on her other than mentioning that she was a Chaser on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. Do the same thing with Oliver, Gred and Forge and everything will be happy like vanilla ice cream. It will also increase the length of your chapter, so two birds with one stone! Right well, describe the surroundings around them as well. Quidditch pitch. What's happening around them, like the weather, that makes their practice even worse? You say that the team is soaked by the end of the practice. Soaked with sweat (ew) or with water? If it's the latter, then describe drizzle or something. That passage seems a little brief.

I just have to say this, but I really enjoyed Oliver's line. I can actually imagine him saying that in the books, eh? Ho hum. Anyways, you could use a horizontal rule at the end, between Oliver's precious line and the morning of the match. Here is the page that explains the usage of the horizontal rule:

http://www.harrypotterfanfiction.com/getinfo.php?page=simpleformatting

*squee... again* The ending is wonderful! Though I do think that it could do with the line, "And he would whup Malfoy's ass," or something like that. Yeah, because he always will. May I also suggest that you put this story in the AU genre? There are always people who stop by and tell you that your story does not follow canon. You can avoid that by doing, "Story's labelled under AU. IN YOUR FACE!" Yeah.

This was a delightful read, and I hope that my long review doesn't scare you off. I tend to ramble on in reviews, but authors love it! I would love one too. *nudge* long review any time? *nudge* Hrm. You saw NOTHING! Only thing to work on is description and length, so 'twill (is that even a word? I'm trying to be medieval) be even better! Keep up the good work.

Oh. And Tuna says she's creating an account after she comes back from Hawaii. Isn't it dreadful how there's a hurricane going on there the week that she's going? I hope she doesn't die a horrific death by getting washed away by a humongous wave or something. I bet you are dreading that too, we're just the good friends.

I hope to see an author's response the length of this review, or I will take away your popcorn privileges! No seriously, this review took a long time. REALLY. I think it's the longest I've ever given someone. That's just how spiffy you are. It's like the length of your chapter. Creepy. Anyways, hip hip cheerio!

Author's Response: Ello, my dear Banana! Yes, I should give more description to my story, which I will hopefully get to soon (if my laziness permits). That WOULD increase the length of my chapter, making readers like you happy.

Oh, and thanks for the link to the horizontal rule. I was wondering how to do that, and was contemplating whether to use a line of asterisks in its place.

Well, thanks for the long review, which you MIGHT get in return if I get good cookie privileges. So, um, I will edit my story soon to keep Dr. Binder happy.


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Review #13, by luvdraco87 E Balai Perdu

12th August 2007:
I Knew it. lol. I guess Im a good guesser.
Well I have to say one thing, I don't see how anyone can write a whole chap with no errors(unless you get it betaed). The only reviews I get is people telling me my story is sloppy,and I have a lot of grammar and spelling mistakes. Oh well

anyway, again, really nice chap,

constance

Author's Response: Um, I always proofread it twice? Thanks for reviewing my story.

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Review #14, by luvdraco87 The Lost Broom

12th August 2007:
hey i finally found time to review.stupid bloody school work.

really nice chap..anyway, I wonder what was hard in Ron's bed. I'm going to guess, before I read the other chap.

constance(luvdraco87)


Author's Response: Yeah, it was a little obvious what was in Ron's bed...but hey, I hope you enjoyed it anyway. Thanks for reviewing it!

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Review #15, by flyingford The Lost Broom

29th July 2007:
hi there firenze fan I've just finished reading the last book of JKR all i will say is wow im not one for spoiling it for others but now i find my self at a loss for a good read so i was browsing the hpff site and come across your short story well i read it and i like it so i signed up just so i could leave you this review i didnt notice spelling mistakes because the story was good im a lousy speller myself so i rely on my google tool bar its a god send for me because it has a spell checker on it i would like to read more of your work start at the beginning from were Harry's left on the the dursleys door step and Vernon's reaction when he finds him there and i would say you got a good thing going i like your style of writing this review is from a reader not a writer or a critic oh and one more thing wears harry's broom lol good luck from flyingford.

Author's Response: Wow, thanks for the long review :) If you like this story, the next chapter will probably be out soon.

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Review #16, by Ephemeral The Lost Broom

28th July 2007:
Funny, keep going!

Author's Response: Thanks :) My next chapter will be out soon.

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Review #17, by cannis_lupus The Lost Broom

28th July 2007:
Good job with the characters... Ron and his appatite.

Author's Response: Thanks :)

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Review #18, by Timechild The Lost Broom

28th July 2007:
I hope you checked "completed" by accident.

I would hate for this to be all there was to this story...

Nice Start

Author's Response: I wrote it was completed? Whoops! I'm still writing the next chapter, so that'll be out soon... Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #19, by city by the BAY The Lost Broom

23rd July 2007:
Hi there! This seems like a very interesting plot idea. You did a good job, considering that this is your VERY FIRST story on the archive. I've seen some other stories, and they were utterly horrible. Full of cliches, Mary Sues and OoCness. You managed to avoid that. However, I do have something to point out about your story.

The first thing that I noticed is that you continued to misspell "Gryffindor." You should definitely change that soon, because most readers will see that and decide not to read the story. You wouldn't want that to happen to your story.

I think that this is a good story, but you should definitely work on your description. Most of the story is composed of dialogue. Don't get me wrong, dialogue is wonderful, but you still need some description. I can't really imagine the dormitory, maybe you should go into that a bit more. Check the Lexicon, they'll probably help. Also work on the description for the Great Hall and Quidditch pitch.

This is just me, but I can't exactly imagine George Weasley murmuring. He's not a quiet person, unless someone is dying in front of him or something like that. He's mischievious, even though he is the more thoughtful and romantic twin.

So to wrap everything up, you should definitely consider working on your description. With that, this will probably turn into a very well written story. Try to make this one-shot longer, I know that most people will enjoy longer one-shots. You'll probably accomplish that with your added description though.

Okay, moving on to the good things. You had a very creative plot going on here. Continue this work on a short story or a novella, and you'll find that many people will read your story. This is the bad thing about one-shots, they are usually forgotten. Keep up the good work!

-city by the BAY

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your suggestions! Thewy always help me out a lot. I will edit soon, and then I can fix those mistakes. Thanks again!

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Review #20, by irishMMM The Lost Broom

16th July 2007:
Ron...Beauty sleep?
Funny :)

Author's Response: Everybody needs their beauty sleep...Ron is wise enough to know it. Thanks for the review!

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Review #21, by hardy hardy har The Lost Broom

13th July 2007:
hi. um... you spelled gryffindor wrong in your summaries. cheese. yes. you should change it. and there should be some more description in the story. more description to make my turtle HAPPY. but i don't have a turtle... well but if i do get a turtle you should add more description. you do not want to deprive a turtle of its happiness.

hip hip cheerio.

Author's Response: Whoops! Yeah, I see I did make some spelling mistakes. I'll probably edit it again soon...wouldn't want your turtle to become unhappy!

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Review #22, by PadfootBlack16 The Lost Broom

11th July 2007:
ok.hum...well...its.different.

Please dont take anything of what i say as flaming, it is only CC.

I personally didnt like it to much, but mostly because I dont like little comedys like this. If i did, it wouldnt be half bad, so for the rest of this review im going to try to think from the perspective of someone who does like comedy like this.

The spelling and grammar could be worked on. The description..im sorry, but its missing quite a lot. Try working on both of those things and the story could go quite a long way. There are a lot of points where things dont quite make sense..like: hermione comes into the room in that first scene, but its only arround 6 am. what would she be doing there? Then...Ron feels something under his bed but he seriously cant find it by just touching under the covers? come one, he is kinda dumb but not that bad...Harry mistakes Hermione for a bush, but dont you think he would have recognized her voice?

Remember, i didnt say all this just to insult you or anything and i tried to say it the nicest possible. Im just saying it so that you can work on this story and make it better. If you ever do, please let me know.

Im sorry, but i give it a 5/10

hope you arent too mad

cheers,
pad

Author's Response: I'm sorry you didn't like it, but the point of my story wasn't to make sense or to have a complex plot (I'm too lazy for that). I was trying to just show the funny side of J.K.R.'s stories, and this was my first ever attempt. But thanks for the C.C., i will try to edit again soon.

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Review #23, by Blue Flame The Lost Broom

17th June 2007:
Very interesting story. You have a couple of grammer and spelling mistakes though. And my only complaint about your characterization was that Harry seemed a little too dramatic. Very random yet interesting and unique topic :) overall, and 8/10 my dear =)

♣Cait

Author's Response: Thanks for telling me about those mistakes. I will edit again soon. One of my friends inspired the topic. Thanks for reviewing :)

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Review #24, by HrXd The Lost Broom

15th June 2007:
Well the beginning of the story was wonderful you really understood the characters, and you seemed to get into their heads pretty easily, and understand everything that they would say. I found some parts of the story rather funny, and I really enjoyed reading this.

Author's Response: Thanks. I always try to write what the characters would really say. Thanks for reviewing!

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Review #25, by mischiefmanaged The Lost Broom

14th May 2007:
Hey, nice title! What language did you get it from? Anyways, I see that you've revised the story to make it longer. A bit weird spacing, but still a good story. You could revise the to add in more detail to satisfy your readers, like me. =D You should also get a banner at the-dark-arts.net... that way readers will notice your story! Great job on your first story!

-mischiefmanaged

Author's Response: thanks. i probably will edit it soon, but at first i was just too lazy. also, i'm not sure which spacing is weird. thanks for reviewing!

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