That's really sad :( Report Review
Wow. that just blew me off of my feet, it was so good. You really captured the emotion, emotion that I dont think most people consider when they think about Sirius running away.
It was serious and funny, it was totally believable. Great job. 100/100Author's Response: thanks! Report Review
This story is amazing. I nearly started crying at the end. I have never read a story about the night Sirius runs away, but I must say, this is truely heart-wretching. It is so real, so emotional, and so sad. But at the same time, you feel happy that Sirius is running away from his hateful family. You also made Reg real too though, he cried?! It was beautiful, and thank you for taking the time to write it, I enjoyed every moment of it. You surely have a future in writing, no joke. =)
-JaimeAuthor's Response: lol. not to sound really weird, but when I thought of the story in my head (often when I think of stories in my head they play out something like a movie) I cried a bit. Of course, I'm sure there was a lot of emotion lost between the transfer from my head to the page, so I'm thankful to hear that some got through lol.
and yes, he cried. Men crying always gets me, so I had to have someone crying lol.
thank you :) this review almost made me cry lol! Report Review
Hello, SkinAndBones! My name is Vanessa (aka dancesandsways), and I am a Talent Searcher at the website Ultimate Storylist, and your story A White Sheep Among Blacks has been accepted to The List. Your story was absolutely incredible, full of love and passion and fear. I loved how everything flowed. You did a fantastic job writing about the pulls of family and the things we say and later regret; I truly enjoyed reading your one-shot, it was fabulous. I hope you keep writing! Feel free to email me at email@example.comThanks, and congratulations on being accepted!rn-VanessaAuthor's Response: thanks so much!!! Report Review
so sad! but I loved it!Author's Response: thanks so much! Report Review
Aw wow.that was so perfect. It was so sad and the rift that was caused between Regulus and Sirius was so beautiful.and so tragic. You are a truly gifted writer. It was a perfect one-shot and I could just imagine JKR writing something completely similiar to that. Seriously amazing job!! 10/10
xx Lindsey *hugs*Author's Response: ah!! I totally think that I barely did JK justice with this one, but I like it anyhow lol. I've just always liked brotherly relationships, and I had a lot of fun writing Reg and Sirius in this, as well as Sirius and James, just because they have such good relationships to explore.
perhaps JK would have done something similar, but if she did it would totally be better then what I came up with lol.
love you for all the reviews!!! xxxxxx Report Review
I love Sirius' conflicting emotions and the way he tries to act like the right son and to do what's best for Regulus, even if his brother doesn't understand it. The title sounds so inventive, and I love the use of italics on 'white' when you used that phrase in the story. It really made it stand out. The characters all seemed to come alive and have their own agendas and plans, and they didn't fall flat like supporting characters tend to do in fanfiction, which was especially evident in the dinner scene.
I liked how you gave Walburga a little bit of personality and almost-humor instead of making her out to be a monster. I thought it was sort of weird that she cooked - why wouldn't the house-elves? - but I like how that added to the dynamics of the family and brought in even more personal agendas to the conversation. It was also interesting to compare her to Mrs. Potter (by the way, I love the sound of Sirius Potter! Cute idea for him to think about), because I can see how easy it would be for Mrs. Black not to show emotion with her husband gone all the time and two little boys running wild.
There were quite a few minor errors, and I know when I point them out it will look like a lot, but considering how long the piece is, it's honestly nothing to be too worried about. I noticed you used 'prefect' instead of 'perfect' and 'worst' instead of 'worse' (I think in every occasion you used it, 'worse' would fit better). Then there were a few cases of words that seemed to be mixed up with the more fitting version, so I'd review the usage of then v. than, it's v. its, where v. were, knew v. new and passed v. past. There were a few that I think were just mistakes you didn't catch: actually instead of actual, breathes (verb) instead of breaths (noun), slide instead of slid, etc. There were a few -ing endings where they weren't appropriate, and a few places where they should have been used but weren't. But, other than an odd word here and there, your grammar and mechanics were just fine.
OK, back to the good stuff. Your descriptions of the house were amazing, and I loved how you catered to the sensory details without making it feel like a conscious, 'oh, now I'm hearing about taste, next I'll hear about touch ...' It all seemed to blend together beautifully. I loved the relationship between the brothers and the obvious strains, but still the care and the fact that they grew up together. The banister-sliding bit was cute - it seems very much like the sort of thing that teens carry over from their childhoods. I loved the ending; it was just right for the tone of the story and left me feeling satisfied, but at the same time it wasn't way too fluffy.Author's Response: gack! xD you've found my weakness. I suck so bad when it comes editing. Usually I can find everything... but I guess I slipped with this one! I wrote it in like, two days though... so I that might have been an element... although that's not a good excuse at all lol. I've always been horrible with versions of words (especially then and than, which my english teacher has pointed out and i've been working on lol) wow, I'm ebarressed now xD
Other then that, wow, you should have seen the smile that burst onto my face when I saw this wall of text in my reveiws! xD
this is seriously one of my favorites for some reason, just because I have a real soft spot for fluff, but it's rare that I can write something that's not TOO fluffy, as you put it, so that's great to hear.
I'm so glad to hear that you liked walbruga. I was a little worried that I was putting her too much out of character, because a lot of people expect her to be absolutely dreadful, but at the same time, I saw that as impossible considering Regulus lived there all this life, ect. I think at times Sirius was a little extream with his parents, saying he hated them because of what they believed, and not exactly always how the acted. (on the fact of her cooking, I think usually the left the houseelfs cook, but on the occasion that her husband was home she would try and do something special... unfortunately lol)
I myself loved the idea of Sirius and Regulus. I think Sirius is really the type to cover up his emotions sometimes, so when he talks about Regulus being stupid and joining the death eaters, I really got the feeling that Sirius was disappointed, and i wanted to protray that a little in this story.
xD I'm soooooo glad that you liked it. It's great to hear that someone likes a story that you yourself like (even though now I'm going to have to freak out and read through it a few times again lol)
thanks thanks for the loverly review!! yay.
P.S: I got half way through your story 'Abandoned Aspirations' then had my mom yell at me to do some chorus, so I haven't gotten to finish it yet. But expect a reveiw from me soon :) Report Review
This was so.. wow. I have tears. This story was so.. heartbreaking and so real. You captured a torn up family quite well and Sirius's emotions were so perfect and fit in so seamlessly. I really loved how Regulus tried to get Sirius to say; just what a pre-teen would do. You really captured the spirits of all the characters here.
I love Sirius's emotions at the end, above all, though. His reaction to Regulus's pleas was so harsh but heartfelt! I really felt for Regulus; pitied him for his beliefs and naivety and sympathized with his feelings about Sirius leaving. The emotions and spirits were flawless, but I did notice a couple errors here and there that rather detracted me from reading a bit. Don't worry though, I got pulled in within the first three paragraphs. :)
I really like how you portrayed Sirius's relationship with his parents. It's so.. real. Even though I can probably never imagine the pain Sirius felt, I could relate on some level to his relationship with his parents. So I applaud you on that -- I envy your ability to make nearly all the characters relative to the reader.
I also LOVE how you described the Blacks' home. How perfect it is, and how comfortable it is, and yet, how broken up it is. Seamlessly portrayed!
I just wanted to leave you a review.. The end was so perfect I knew I couldn't just leave without leaving a little review. :D I love the last two words. Perfect. It just fits EVERYTHING together. Well, brilliant job! Fantastic!Author's Response: aw, wow. That's all I can really say is wow. That review was so nice, makes me feel all fuzzy inside xD
I absolutely love this fic, it's really close to my heart ever since I wrote it. I'm not sure why. Maybe just because I know so many people that are in Sirius' case, and it's really personal for him.
And James and Sirius friendship has always been really special, I just love the idea of two guys being so close, it's really almost a model friendship
as fro the errors. yeah, I've found a couple myself. Thank you very much for pointing it out though. I can never get all of them, no matter how many times I read the story over *mad with self*
Anyway, I hope they didn't disturb your read to much :)
So glad that you enjoyed it. You really have no idea how happy it makes me
Aw! This was so beautiful! Are you going to wrtie anymore of it or is it a oneshot? Anyways, keep up the good work!
Author's Response: it's a one-shot, but I'm glad to hear that you would like more. Currently I'm working on three other stories, and I don't want to overload myself, so I don't plan on starting anything new now unless it's a one-shot Report Review
awww! I loved it!! It is really sad!
I hate the Blacks! except Sirius of course...
aNdrea*Author's Response: thank you, so glad you like Report Review
Wow! Rather tearjerking I dare say! Very well written and thought out. I just love Sirius!Author's Response: awww, thanks so much.
if you actually cried, well the that would be three in a row! xD Report Review
This was utterly perfect. (I'm crying, by the way ! :D) I adore Sirius and Regulus, so I'm often on the lookout for good stories about them. *hint hint* Haha, but really.. I thought this was amazing. Truly. Your descriptions about the Black House are fantastic (and make me a little jealous [;) Sirius and Regulus' last meeting was heart-wrenching at the least, and the very end.. oh my. I could go on forever about this story, but I'll save you the rambling. (: I ADORE this. Amazing job ! Author's Response: AH! I'm so glad! another crier! I should make a listed or something haha. OH, but seriously though, it make me so happy that you liked it. I'm all warm and fuzzy inside xD yay! Report Review
Awww. That made me cry. It's so sad. But you did an AWESOME job on it. 10/10. Great job.Author's Response: OMG my first cry! yay! well, sort of yay, it's not fun to cry but at the same time! xD -hugs- thank you thank you, I'm so glad that you liked it Report Review
Ahh! I lurved it! But (in my opinion, mind) the Blacks were a bit out of character and their house should've been darker; but I loved it!! Well done!!
xoprongsieoxAuthor's Response: yeah well, I didn't want to make them horrible because I wanted them to be believeable as a family. I've never been very good at making horrible families xD
I'm so glad you liked it though Report Review
Sirius was crying? Aww...I'm really glad that James was there for him. He's such a great friend.
You used description really well in this story and Sirius' thoughts were portrayed really well.
Keep writing!Author's Response: yay! I'm so glad that people liked this story so much.
And yeah, he was crying. I saw him as one of those guys xD sue me, I had to do it.
And WonWon, I don't know what happened, but my reply was SUPPOSE to say
aw yay! I'm so glad!!! I was so worried that some people would be like 'oh, sirius and regulus aren't like that' or 'oh sirius wouldn't be such a baby' xD you have no idea how pleased I am that you liked it so much.
thank you thank you Report Review
Wow. I loved it! I could practically feel the tension during the whole beginning of the story.and I commend you for the marvelous job you did on the conversation between Regulus and Sirius! It was a nice to have a different perspective between the two brothers, no matter how different they are.
And I must say that the end was just so touching!! It was such a brotherly moment and your ending just put a smile on my face. :)Author's Response: aw yay! I'm so glad!!! Report Review
great story =) btw whos the guy in your banner?Author's Response: thanks, glad you like that.
that would be Teddy Geiger, one of the photo's that looks least like him xD Report Review
wow its good could probably be a bit longer and better formated but GREAT! I wish i could come up with an idea like that!!Author's Response: longer? i guess so for a one shot, but I got out want I wanted to, so that's what counts. I'm so glad you liked it. :) Report Review
aww i love it Author's Response: aw, thanks so much Report Review
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