Love it =)
Just plain AHHMAZING.Author's Response: Thank-you Ellee. I love it when people review my one-shots. They seem to be ignored a lot of the time, so huggles to you!
x Report Review
Ah, another brilliant brilliant one-shot. You're really gifted in them. The amount of infomation you add in seems like you've written chapters on the stuff. I don't know how you do it. Okiiess ... Here we go.
It was interesting to see you toy with Sirius' thoughts here. To speak from his point of view. You played it out flawlessly, and portrayed the character of Sirius very realistically. The anger and bitter understanding from a young age that his parents didn't give a damn about him. Loved this line:
It was heart-wrenching to come home to your parents after not having seen them a whole year, running to them with open arms, only to have them ignore you completely ignore you in front of your friends.
For me, that one sentence held so much emotion, and was like a summary as to one of the reasons why Sirius hates his parents so much. You added depth to that area; why Sirius hates his parents. I was pleased to see that ... and it was moossttt interesting to read.
Sirius' fathers is just a ... a ... pathetic, cruel, stupid, heartless, brutal old man. I loved the sarcasm:
That look he was giving was the one he only reserved for me. That look – the one that shot daggers and screamed instability. I felt so honoured.
I'm not a little kid anymore Mumsy.
hehe. One more thing: I liked the way you did Regulus. Like how there was something more to the boy, how he had the power to be so much more than the common 'Black' family name, how he wasn't blind ... but was an arse kisser. Such a lost case, that one is ...
I shan't write any more. I write far too much, don't I? I've never been able to cut down any of my work ... I hate word limits on assessments.
*turns around, pulls out a sheet out paper* 10!
xxAuthor's Response: Yay! You like it! I poured my heart into this one... I mean, it didn't take long to write (a few hours?) but I guess that was because it's Sirius. MY sirius. *gets out gun and threatens those who protest*.
After Diamond. where I'd have him in scenes so regularly and yet not be able to properly show him in all his glory, and seeing this challenge in the forums, I felt compelled to write it.
I thought that if I showed how he was rejected in front of his mates it might make him a bit more bitter, seeing as Sirius is quite haughty. It's a hard blow to his head, and to his heart.
Yes, his father's pathetic. His mother, I believe it more sadistic and cunning. His dad's just a brute, but I guess women are generally portrayed as the more evil. I see it that way (even though I am a girl). Women just have that cunning, underlying, you'll-do-what-I-want-even-though-you-won't-realise-it thing. If you catch my drift...
But I digress.
Yes, I used sarcasm a lot with Sirius. I thought it'd show his bitter side, the reason why he holds such prejudice for his parents, etc. I just think it's a very Sirius-like trait, that one.
And Regulus, yes, I did believe (this was prior to DH) that there was soemthing more to him. I mean, being the second child myself, I know how it is to look up to an older sibling, see them doing things differently but not being quite sure if you're ready to change what you're accustomed to doing just because what you see them doing as not all that bad... but as it was in Sirius' POV, and him being the strong, opinionated guy that he is, I had to make him look very spineless and weak. Hmmm, maybe I could write a Regulus fic sometime soon...
There is no such thing as "too much", my darling. I actually have the same problem. My english teacher told us to write 1200 words for this essay but I ended up writing 3000 and something. Haha. But i made the font like size 10 arial and expanded the margins so that she wouldn't compain about hte number of pages. It was only 3 pages, after all. xP
Thanks so much for your reviews!!!!
x Report Review
AMAZING. I absolutely adored this fic and love the song and listened to it whilst reading it which added something. The style, esp. being Sirius' POV was vivid and just perfect. The tempo of the story worked very well and the characterizations of every character can't be falted. Normally I have some little criticism here or there, but I can honestly say I don't know how to criticize this - 10/10. And it's going to my favourites. :)Author's Response: Thanks so much! I really enjoyed writing this fanfic, so I'm glad you liked reading it so much to add it to your faves. ^_^ Report Review
This story is very good. Really deep. I like it. You show all of the character's personalities very well.Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for reviewing. XD
x Report Review
This is very dark and I won't deny that it's very well written; in some places it's almost like contempary poetry and I know that seems like a strange way of describing it but it was the use of short phrases like 'a spurt of blood' that made me feel this way. I think you captured the angst really well and I really felt that I could be insides Sirius' head. I like your tital; he certainly is. I wouldnt change this at all, honest. You certainly deserve a few move reviews. :) LunaAuthor's Response: hey! Thanks so much for this review! XD Perhaps you could recommend it around ;P. lol. No, honestly, I'm glad you enjoyed the read. Hopefully you like my other works too.
x Report Review
The spacing is a bit off in some sections, but that can easily be remedied.
I like the part where Andromeda and Regulus looked at him, disappointed. After all he did turn his back on them with this action as well. I never thought of it this way ... running away would be the cowardly thing to do and its made ironic being that Sirius was supposed to be the brave one ... the Gryffindor.
Great and sad piece which showed the twisted cruelty behind the Black family. You showed well the reason as to why Sirius want to leave it all and subtly how his action is a act of abandonment to Regulus and Andromeda.
Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked that whole idea. This was really a very quickly written piece, so it can easily still be changed. Thanks for your recommendations! Report Review
Hey, I'm finally here to review! Sorry it took so long.
This was amazing! I think you portrayed Sirius perfectly, and your descriptions are beautiful. I love how you incorborated Andromeda too. She's a fascinating character.
It was really well written, and, I don't know if this was intentional, but the spacing added so much! Very nice, my dear! 10/10, and it's a favourite!
xxLilsAuthor's Response: Oh wow, thank-you so much! I'm really glad you like this, because I loved writing Sirius. The spacing was intentional, yes. *big grin* But yeah, thanks for this fabulous review, and for adding it to your favourites! Report Review
Yay another daring escape by Sirius... I like that you got his mum so evil and his mother to match... It was very well done... and even though I don't like swearing you didn't over use it so it was 'acceptible'.
I've never read a version of Sirius escape from hime... Nice one...Author's Response: I'm glad you like it. I don't see a sixteen year old boy who was forced to grow up like that not swearing. Hell, average sixteen-year-olds swear way more than they should even without any reason to be bitter. But I'm glad you liked the read. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
omg when i read the challenge, i was hoping for something that would practically put me in tears
and you've done it!
this is amazing, it's exactly what i hoped for
and i must say, i love you for it =]Author's Response: Wow. Well, though I don't enjoy upsetting people, I can't say how touched I am by that comment. Thanks so much! I'm glad that this little random piece of writing lived up to your expectations, and love is always appreciated ^_^. Report Review
Too much, I see. Just way too much. One can only take so much. I always wondered exactly what happened to Andormeda and I still wonder.
I'm glad that Sirius decided to go to the Potters, he might have been killed otherwise.Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! Yep, Andromeda is a story unto herself. Maybe I'll do one about her one day... maybe. Report Review
Interesting how you put how he got to the Potters. This is not one of my favorite stories, but it is still good nonetheless. It does show Sirius in a different light then we normally see him.Author's Response: Thanks for the review. This is Sirius how I see him as being. I know it's not orthodox, but then again neither am I. =D
Sirius went to james' house when he left his own, so I thought it was only fitting. Report Review
Wow, this was very well written. Rather than most and do the full indepth draw of Sirius' character, you just put it out there. Plain and simple. I also loved how you did that small humorous bit where you put 'I love sarcasm, too'. It cracked me up. XDAuthor's Response: I'm glad you like it! Sirius might seem like a very complex character, but in his own mind he looks at thing quite logically (or so I think). I tried to show that through his point of view. Oh, yes he is huge on sarcasm. He's bitter, you see, and his sarcasm highlights that. A lot. thanks for the review! Report Review
This is a really good story. You might even want to do a sequel. Maybe about Andromeda? One line here I especially liked. "Her soul was as Black as ever." Funny! The only real mistake I saw was a couple of yours/mine and him/her mixups. Anyway, terrific job, 10/10!Author's Response: ooh yay! You like it! I might do one, you never know. I'm going to try and get Diamond. done first , though - that's obviously 1st priority. Thanks for the pointers again. ^_^ Report Review
Okay...here I am! For starters, I'm not a big fan of swears every other line, but I can see how a life like this would lead Sirius to not really care what he says. Perhaps there was a bit much on the curse words, perhaps that was just me. (Not really sure there.)
I loved your characterizations of everyone. My favorite portrayal was definitely Andromeda - the way Sirius described her, it was obvious he thought highly of her, and compared to the other portrayals of the memebers of his family - his parents, Regulus, his uncle - she's definitely his favorite. It's very clear. And that was nicely done. I also like the way he talked about his family. The "I couldn't care less what's happening to them because I hate them." It seemed very realistic. I haven't found many stories that talk about Sirius' home life, and I thought this one was quite good.
The one thing I'd like to suggest is this story seemed a bit bare bones. I think it was because you had it in first person. Now, I'm a huge fan of stories written in the first person - they give you a look into the narrator's mind. However, you're a bit limited on perspective. I loved the way Sirius' voice carried the whole thing, and kept the same attitude throughout the entire story. The thing is, that we didn't really get that much information other than that Sirius hated his family (except Andromeda), he was in pain, and that his parents were infliciting it. Perhaps having the story in third person narration, and going into a bit more depth with setup, blocking, and description would be a helpful addition, with first-person narration by Sirius (just the way you have it here) split up throughout, set apart by italics, to fit with the action sequences? This is just a thought - it's your story. However, I think it'd make this even better!
I also found the way you ended the story with Sirius going to James' house a perfect ending - what better place? and to call james his "real" brother? Because of the way he'd been discussing his family, and how he hated his parents, and how Regulus was spineless, I think that was perfect. All in all, this story gets an 8/10! :) I really liked it!
DragonetteAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for the review! The main point of the story was depicting the moment when Sirius leaves home, so I had intended it to be incredibly biased, so to speak. I wanted to show his side of the story, and the pain and hurt he was feeling, so as long as that got through well (as you say it did), then I'm happy ^_^. Generally, I do feel more comfortable in third person, but I think 1st person has more impact in this one.
I'm glad you liked the ending, though. The story sort of wrote itself, really. I didn't actually think about where to take Sirius. He told me to take him there =D
Thanks for the review! Report Review
Well dobe I loved reading your story.
Emma xxAuthor's Response: Oh wow, thanks for reviewing. I'm glad you liked it. Report Review
Oh dear! I never thought the blacks would be that mean! I can't say poor Sirius though. He's not someone you could pity. Nice fic anyways.Author's Response: Really? Sirius has become like that over all the years of harsh treatment. He's learnt to be cold and doesn't wear his heart on his sleeve. Thanks for reviewing, though. Report Review
I really liked this oddly, I think that you were able to send the emotion of the chapter into the readers causing us to want to read. I really liked the ending, and I think that you did a fabulaus job. Author's Response: ooh yay, another good review. Thanks ever so much! Report Review
This was so good! I wish you would write more of this! I loved how you made it in Sirius's point of view, because when most people try to do that, they mess it up. But you did a brilliant job of it! :D
MilyMBAuthor's Response: oh wow. Thanks for the review. I really loved writing this one. Sirius is just such a brilliantly moody character. I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
The ending really got to me, especially Sirius's tear. I love how you portrayed him -- full of irradiating fury, trying his hardest not to be affected by his hellish home, but yet, at the end, he's affected anyway. I like how he comes to the realization that he needs security and love -- oh yes, I love the hidden theme of love, how it's woven here and there so subtly.
All in all, I thought this was wonderful. A little more description (just a little, give us a sense of how his home is, what his parents look like, etc.) would be nice, but I rather enjoyed this. Great job!Author's Response: Thanks for the tip! I might go back and check on it later. I'm glad you liked it though in general, and thank you vmuch for reviewing Report Review
Oh, this was wonderful. I think you hit the hammer right on the head. This was just too perfect for words.
As for writing the part where Sirius goes to James's, I think there's enough dark elements in it that you can pull it off, especially if you simply pick off where this lovely oneshot left off (yeah I know it says "oneshot," but still). I mean, Sirius would come tumbling into the Potter's living room, parlor, (or where ever the fireplace is. it would be a parlor in Great Britain, right?) Well, anyway, he would come tumbling in there, bruised, scarred, and most likely shaking from shock and anger. You could still continue form his POV. He could be in a complete daze (his consience would be clouded w/anger), and you could just have him be like...well, wouldn't the shock come to him that he was abandoned by his family? I mean, yeah he ran away from them, but the feeling of being rejected by his family would eventually hit him. The bonding of brothers doesn't have to be for the whole thing. Besides, James has to have the same sarcastic humor as Sirius, or at least have a similar type of humor that meshes well with his.
Well, anyway, I think it would come out beautifully. There's always the option of Orion and Wallaburga following Sirius, but that's a bit over the top in my opinion.
-The Green BirdAuthor's Response: Thanks for reviewing! ^_^ I'm glad you liked it... you're the second (or third) person to tell me about this whole meeting with James idea. I might just take it do it, but at the moment I'm kinda busy, what with exams and everything. Maybe in the summer holidays or something? But thanks again for reviewing and giving your views on my little (for now) one-shot! Report Review
hey hunny! that was brilliant! i loved it. it was so nasty and cruel and vicious and oh i loved your sirius! i loved his in your face get stuffed attitude, even though he knew it was going to cost him. excellent characterisation of him, and reg. i liked the way he never said a word, yet we understood everything about him through sirius' eyes. very good.
oh i loved the sarcasm. i loved sirius calling his mother 'mumsy'. so very british! hee hee. but it felt like it used as a taunt, not an endearment, so that was excellent.
very cool. i liked it alot!
xxAuthor's Response: Yay! You loved Sirius! He loves you too (but not as much as he loves ME, ofcourse)!
Oh, and I'm so glad you liked the sarcasm! I just thought that Sirius would be really bitter at home, and be speaking with loads of irony. Not forgetting that Sirius would obviously have that dry sense of British humour in his wit, so yeah I tried to bring that in. I'm glad to hear that you think it worked well. ^_^ Report Review
Wow. Sirius was very much a teenager in this, wasn't he? ;) Perhaps your other story didn't have me in the right mood for all the anger in this, but I know exactly where it's coming from. It's understandable, even if you aren't in the mood, if that makes sense.
I would really love to see Sirius showing up at James's house. The reactions he would get and such (maybe I just love male bonding time a little too much...). It's lovely that he has that teenage fire though. I think the best part was him calling Mrs. Black Mumsy. Very fitting. And also when he states so simply that he loves Andromeda. It's just so...Sirius.
I find that it's increadibly appropriate for you to make them cowards (attacking their teenage son from behind? I mean, really). Regulus was neatly written in, I'm slowly finding myself more intrigued by their relationship. But mostly I think I just adore the last scene. How he mentions life never turns out the way you see it and how he views James as his real brother. Ah, lovely, really. :)
-Riddle Wood LupinAuthor's Response: yay! another one! Yes, well, we always knew that Sirius was the rebel, and I always wanted to try a little of "the world through Sirius' eyes", so to speak. This challenge just gave me the perfect opportunity for that.
I would try the Sirius/James meeting, but I'm terribly afraid that I'll muck this up. I mean, there wouldn't be any dark atmosphere in the Potter's house now, would there?
I'm glad you enjoyed the story! Thanks again for reviewing! Report Review
Wow, that chapter was really emotionally charged.
You went really in depth when it came to Sirius' feelings and thoughts.
Sorry, this isn't much of a review. I've been sort of speechless ever since I finished it.
I hope to see more writing out of you. You're good at it. :)Author's Response: thanks! you liked it that much? wow, it's strange to hear that my work left somone speechless - makes me think that I might have a bit of talent in me somewhere after all. ^_^ Report Review
Wow. Just wow. Are you going to write another oneshot thingy about what happend when Sirius gets to James's? I think you'd pull off the bond they have really well.
Author's Response: Thanks. I hadn't really thought of that. Maybe, you never know! Report Review
Nicely done. I enjoyed the story. You did a great job with Sirius' pov.Author's Response: thanks Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection