This is really brilliant writing. I'm glad I happened upon it (weirdly enough, through an unrelated Google search).
The style you used here - a blend of first- and second- person - is extremely effective and interesting. It's strange, because under second-person the reader would adopt Sirius's character, but at the same time we can see everything that's going through James's (?) mind.
Awesome. Keep up the good work. Report Review
well, i have to say that you are doing a spectacular job on making everything more confusing. lily and Sirius are acting most peculiar and i am desperate to know exactly what is going on and why! this story is doing a fantastic job of holding my attention! can't wait to read more! this chapter is rated 10Author's Response: Haha, thank you so much, and I am working up to something, so it will work itself out by the end. =] Report Review
whoa! that was weird! i like the way the patronus ended up saving him. that was a clever idea! and i have to say i love where this is going! peter's behaviour is most peculiar and i love how you make him indifferent to everything that is happening! this chapter deserves a 10!Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review! I'm glad you're enjoying it so far. =] Report Review
i guess everything is finally coming together! Sirius and lily's odd behaviour, the mystery of the nanswered excuses and the reason for all the tears. can't wait to read more!Author's Response: Thanks! =] Report Review
wow! an unborn child already! and we still don't even know why Sirius did it in the first place. and they're already asking for a secret keeper? i guess i'll just have to read on to figure out what the heck is going onAuthor's Response: Haha, yes, it will make sense eventually. Thanks for all of your comments. =] Report Review
marvelous! i love the way this is turning out! and you really manage to capture the individual personalities of them all even though everything is coming from james! and i have to say i like the way it leads together from a series of explanations and flashbacks. it leads to the intense suspicion and wonerment! excellent job! definitely rated 10Author's Response: Thank you so much, I really appreciate all of your lovely comments and compliments. It means a lot to hear your thoughts! Report Review
interesting. strange behaviour on Sirius' part and 'marianne' isn't known by the nurse. interesting! can't waitto see what'll happen next!Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing! =] Report Review
You are INCREDIBLE. Seriously. Please for the love of god, be an author =)
"My assailant is none other than Hogwarts, A History"
Haha I loved that. that book always just pops up out of nowhere...
"I wipe your blood off my knuckles and grin."
That was a wonderful line. I definately have a vivid picture of him in my head right there. Brilliant...Author's Response: Thank you so much. Wow, you're wonderful, really. I'm glad you like it. =] Report Review
Alright well I left a massive review earlier today so this shall be short and sweet.
So that was cute. A bit slow, but good. And you said 'inopportune moments'. Hehe sounds like a chapter title from another story maybe...? =) Author's Response: Haha. Maybe? =] Report Review
NOOO! WHAT? WHY? THATS TERRIBLE! AH!
Well I can't say that I'm surprised that's what it's about. But he isn't sorry??? What?! That's just low.
So I vote this my favorite chapter so far. Because you evoke a lot of sympathy from the reader. For all the characters actually. In the beginning it was for Remus, because he was being used. Then for Sirius a little because it seemed that James was being unnaturally harsh. And now, for James. Especially here:
"I took advantage of your guilt too long, and now you've managed to force it on me. Always the master manipulator. I'm sorry I didn't listen, I'm sorry. Don't say something you'll regret. I was overwhelmed, grieved, I didn't mean it. Please. Don't hurt me anymore."
Truley excellent work here. Really.
Oh and for anyone who don't know what unparagoned means, I looked it up haha =):
Unparagoned- Having no paragon or equal; matchless; peerless
Author's Response: Haha, thank you so much. I really love hearing your thoughts on each chapter. I hope you continue to enjoy it! Report Review
Hmm... Undecided about this chapter. It's another one of those set up chapters, I know. And it was short =(
But on the other hand. LILY! I've been waiting for her to make an appearance. So now I'm officially excited.
Off to find out what Sirius has done =0 !!Author's Response: Haha, yeah, sorry about that. There's a lot of those little set-up chapters. Hopefully it will all come together like I've planned, and it will all make sense at the end. Thanks again. =] Report Review
Oh my god! What did he do? What did Sirius do? Ah!
Alright sorry about that. I actually have a guess and you have no idea how tempted I am to skip to like chapter 20 or somehting just to find out. But I wont.
So, that said, this was another wonderful chapter. I love suspense. And you have obviously been sucessful in building that =) Author's Response: Haha, thank you! =] Report Review
Haha you're too funny. I like all James' 'subtle' magic references and the human boulder thing. And oh right there was a word I really liked... spasmodic. Never heard it before. But I'll have to use that sometime =) Nicely done once again. Author's Response: Haha I thought that was such a great word, I had to stick it in somewhere. I'm glad you liked it, too! Report Review
And I'm back! Haha haven't had too much time for this one but I'll finish it eventually. But anyway I like this chapter. It's so in depth. I love how you change moods so drasticly between the flashbacks and present. It's a really powerful tool on this story.
Oh one thing...
“Sit down, Padfoot,” he scolds, eyeing him suspiciously. “What’s wrong with you all of the sudden?”
That part, shouldn't it be eyeing you suspiciously. Because the reader is Sirius, no? Or maybe I just misunderstood that line. But yeah just thought I'd ask...
=)Author's Response: Oh, well that line was actually spoken by Remus. I know it's confusing, I could have done a better job specifying, but. "I" would be James, "you" would be Sirius, and all the "he's" and "she's" are a mixture of Remus, Peter, and Lily, haha. Sorry. Hope that cleared it up, though.
Thank you so much for your review. =] Report Review
Hmm nice break from the intensity of the first chapter. I like the whole every other chapter is a flashback idea. And the whole 1st/2nd person thing confused me at first in this chapter but then I decided I like it. It makes it more realistic almost. I dunno if that was the right word but yeah.
The only thing is that James and Lily got married straight out of school, and if they are 20 I thought harry would have already been born. But hey, creative license, right? So I dunno if that was intentional or not, guess I'll find out haha.Author's Response: I know it's very confusing, but I felt doing it in this tense and person made it seem more personal I guess? I don't know, I just thought it would be easier to connect with James and his emotions if you were seeing and experiencing everything from his point of view, kind of directed at Sirius? I can't explain myself very well, but. That was my way of thinking, ha.
Yes, well. This is AU, ha. It was intentional, mainly because I thought the characters should be older to get the right feel for the story I'm trying to tell. They had to be matured from school, but still juvenile in the sense that they hold grudges and whatnot.
I guess you'll see where I'm going with it when you get further along.
Thank you so much for your review, I really appreciate you taking the time to write it. =] Report Review
Hmm your first chapter has once again drawn me in... Quite dark and sad but I like it. And, surprisingly, I think the present tense thing works very well here. Your writing style is really interesting to me. You have this way of describing things so I can picture exactly what you mean. And your ability to portray the characters' emotions in incredible. So enough of my incesant rambling. Off to chapter two...Author's Response: Thank you, I'm glad you like it. =] I really love hearing your opinions and criticisms. I'm amazed that you're taking the time to read every chapter and review, haha. Seriously, take a break! You'll kill yourself! Report Review
Oh, he's just so oblivious. Too bad, really, but then Sirius and Lily wouldn't be...
Lovely two chapters dear! Can't wait for more!Author's Response: Thank you! =] Report Review
Marianne? HA! i say it again HA!!! whatever... what a bitch? lol i loved it! it was aweome... brillant chapter! it just seems that the more i read this: the more i love the story and the more i hate lily!
I mean really... how can you do that to him? my baby!!! NO
it's okay... i'll make him feel better! i'll put one for the team! lol hahahaha but yea i loved the chapter and the story even more!
Thanks for sharing... hope you can update soon! i love it. it's brillant!Author's Response: Haha, thank you so much Brenda, I really do love your reviews. This one made me laugh. =]
I'll try to update soon, but I've started another story so I've kind of shifted my focus to that one for the time being, just until I can get motivated to continue this, and write enough on that so I can switch back and forth without not posting for weeks at a time.
But, I shall work on the next chapter soon. Thanks again. =] Report Review
AT LEAST he COULD NEVER LET HIM DIE! lol hehehe how great! i love it... amazing chapter! it was fantastic. i'm sorry but i completly and utterly agree with james potter on this one! i cannot forgive sirius so easily. i hate him right now lol and that's hard to believe but yea! excellent story... one of my favs! it's brillant.Author's Response: Thank you so much, Brenda. You know I always love hearing your thoughts. =] Report Review
ah, the suspicions. very good chapter, i really enjoyed it. i don't know if i like lily or not, but the rest is very ... interesting.Author's Response: Ahh yes. Lily. Hmm. Well, we'll have to see what happens!
Thank you. =] Report Review
Bunch of asses... how mean.. she's already cheating isn't she? that's a bitch... lol great story and chapter... poor james. .. i feel so bad for him... beyond bad for him!!! can't wait to read more... i need to read when he finds out.Author's Response: Thank you, Brendaaa. Honestly, I can't tell you how much I appreciate you reviewing every chapter and telling me your thoughts. I'm so glad you're enjoying it.
And yeah, poor James! Haha, things aren't the best for him at the moment, are they? Report Review
OK, im just leaving a review here for the first four chapters, since i read all 4 last night in bed!
Great start, very interesting. It manged to keep me hooked from the very first moment and the ending was great...Im glad it appearsthat you are going to make this a Sirius/Lily.
Pretty good too, though i think you could have added quite a bit to it. I dont know...maybe explain exactly where they are, describe a bit more of what they are doing , etc. Good job still.
Loved it. The way you introduce Lupin is great and the way Sirius is acting really has me wondering what the hell happened.
its good, but by far the worse of the 4 chapters ive read. I see it as a set up chapter, which i know is necessary, but a lot of things could have added to it. It was still good, especially the way you mention Peter, which really gets me wondering why Sirius immeadiatly thinks of him.
You are a great author, and so far this story is very well done and Im loving it. I cant wait to keep reading and find out what happens next. Your descriptions are supurbe (sp?) as is your dialogue. There are a few typos here and there, but nothing to distracting.
ill be back soon
padAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for your very detailed review. I do realize that the first few chapters are very slow moving and... not the best, but they were definitely written before I knew exactly where I was going to take the story. There's a lot of filler in the beginning, but I try to make every chapter serve a purpose, so there are little hints and things that will build up to where I want the story to end.
Chapter four was obviously filler, but I thought it was just a fun little chapter to explain how they got their flat and all of that pointless stuff.
Hopefully you'll continue to read and see how I've grown as a writer throughout each chapter, and the different things I've started to keep in mind as I write. I'm really proud of some of the later chapters, so hopefully you'll enoy them!
And typos! I know I have a million. I'm absolutely horrible at proofreading. It will be my downfall.
Thanks again for such a wonderful review, I appreciate it. =] Report Review
flopping onto the bed we somehow managed to migrate to last night.
HOW do you do it, Jess? From the very first sentence you have me LOVING IT. Aw I love how James is all "YAY I AM OFFICIALLY DE-VIRGINIZED AND I AM ONE HALF OF A BETROTHED COUPLE AND ZOMG I SLEPT WITH LILY EVANS AND WTF WHY IS SHE CRYING IT MUST BE A GIRLY THING."
Oh James. You have no idea.
But the combination of these imperfections would normally result in a popped blood vessel, perhaps a slight heart attack, or even spontaneous combustion on her part.
To quote a fellow author whom I respect and cherish: "I JUST LOL'ed."
After last night, which I, personally, found to be quite enjoyable, I wouldn’t be surprised if those were tears of joy.
Um hahahaha James you complete and total dork. ILY. Jess? I love your James.
“She’ll never get to see the wedding,” she says quietly, her eyes darting back and forth between me and the floor. “She’ll never get to meet my—”
She freezes and her eyes widen. She seems to stumble over her words and takes a shaky breath. “My husband,” she finishes, her voice barely above a whisper.
“She’d have loved him,” I respond quietly, flashing a charming smile that I hope masks my severe doubt.
Lily, face it: you're knocked up. James, DO YOU NOT HAVE ANY SELF-CONTROL?
Speaking of nothing, I watched GoF again last night since I'm seeing OotP tomorrow, and LAWLZ Hermione was all, "What's got your wand in a knot?" AND I WAS ALL, "...BAHAHAHAHAHA BEST LINE EVER."
nothing but underwear printed with a Quidditch themed pattern, underwear only appropriate for a young child, and apparently only fitted for one as well…
Ii made an odd sort of noise whilst reading this? I don't rightly know what it was. I think it was a combination of a laugh and a "sakfjsadjf."
“For God’s sake, Padfoot, put some pants on, will you?” I ask, ignoring you completely.
“I rather like the breeze, actually,” you reply...
Of course that's what you put NOW, but in the original version, Sirius's reply was: "That's not what you said last night, Prongs."
...wtf is wrong with me.
trying desperately to avert my eyes from your very tiny, disturbingly revealing underwear.
AHA. THERE IT IS RIGHT THERE, JESSICA. THAT VERY HALF-SENTENCE IS CANON PROOF - well, canon in the case of this one particular fic - THAT IT IS SLASHY. James is trying not to LOOK because HE KNOWS that...umm...you know what? Even I can't say it. Not yet. BUT. You know what I mean? *steals Ellie's patented notorious eyebrow waggle*
“I’ve done it,” I say excitedly, trying desperately to avert my eyes from your very tiny, disturbingly revealing underwear.
“Congratulations, it’s about time,” you say hurriedly as you throw yourself to the floor, in desperate search for your wand. “Really don’t want to hear about it.”
AWWW. I don't know why I thought this was cute? Either because Sirius is so freaking jealous of Lily right now or because James actually DID just lose his virginity? Uh. ...
you throw yourself to the floor, in desperate search for your wand.
I read this about five times before bursting out laughing and my eyes got bigger each time. Seriously, Jess...Seriously. Must you? *shakes head* I've corrupted her.
And by the by. The chapter's title? Love.
So. Sirius/Lily is already happening because SIRIUS KNOWS THAT LILY IS THE OMG THAT'S IT ISN'T IT THAT'S WHY KDONE.
Didi out! ILY.Author's Response: Bahah. Yes to everything you said? ILY. And... I'll admit... I did add some of the James/Sirius stuff in there just for you. -tiny underwear-
" Speaking of nothing, I watched GoF again last night since I'm seeing OotP tomorrow, and LAWLZ Hermione was all, "What's got your wand in a knot?" AND I WAS ALL, "...BAHAHAHAHAHA BEST LINE EVER." "
LMAO I JUST WATCHED IT THE OTHER DAY AND THOUGHT THE SAME THING! Anddd. I was also just reading that LJ thing you sent me, with all the dirty lines from the books? OHMAN. SO FUNNY. ILY. THANK YOU FOR BRINGING THAT INTO MY LIFE.
Haha, I'm kind of skipping around your review so, back to the beginning!
" Um hahahaha James you complete and total dork. ILY. Jess? I love your James. "
Haha, WELL. It only just now occurred to me how I haven't attempted to make any of them in character throughout the ENTIRE STORY so I tried and... that's what I came up with. Arrogant James the Sex Fiend. Whatevs. =]
" Of course that's what you put NOW, but in the original version, Sirius's reply was: "That's not what you said last night, Prongs." "
LMAO. Yes. You know me too well, Didi.
" Ii made an odd sort of noise whilst reading this? I don't rightly know what it was. I think it was a combination of a laugh and a "sakfjsadjf." "
AHAHHAHA. OH. YOU MAKE ME LAUGH. Gosh, I can't even handle the magnificence of this review right now. And I know I reponded to this comment up there somewhere, but I just remembered - I totally hate you for getting to see Harry Potter tomorrow while I have to wait until Friday! LUCKY.
" AWWW. I don't know why I thought this was cute? Either because Sirius is so freaking jealous of Lily right now or because James actually DID just lose his virginity? Uh. ... "
MUAHAHAH. YOU'LL NEVER KNOW!
Haha. I don't know myself, actually. Though, I do always imagine him being more on the promiscuous side.
...I didn't just say that? PFFT. Ha.
DIDI ILY! That review was so amazing. No words. Except... ILY. Have I said that all ready?
On a side note... Do these repond things run out of characters? I feel like I've been typing for ages. Report Review
LMFAO ROFL LOL HAHAHA that's what HE GETS!!! although we all know that outcome... hehehe lol how sad!!! but yea great chapter!!! loved it that james kept punching... so realistic to any man's ego! lol but yea loved it lots... and what is sirius trying to hide??? apparently peter knows. stupid rat or sirius doesn't want him to know??? interesting... it's REALLY GETTING GOOD!!! i'm at the edge of my seat right now lol but yea... why is MY remus on sirius' side? what the f... is wrong with him??? very disappointed in my moony... should know better! lol but yea... that's moony for you!!!
Okay and Now i'm just rambling. lol. great story... can't wait till you update!!! bet it will be brillant just like the rest!!! STORY IS COMPETELY AWEOME!!! you should be so proud! i'm jealous! lol hope you update sooN! love ya. -BrendaAuthor's Response: Thank you so so much, Brenda. I love reading your reviews after each chapter and I'm so glad that you're enjoying it. I hope the rest of the stories keeps up with your expectations, I would hate for you to be disappointed after all this! =] Report Review
That's so Sad! is it just me... or she trying to drown out the truth or something!!! that's depressing... loved every minute of it... poor Prongs... she's already lying! Bitch! lol but yea i hate her RIGHT NOW! and was someone really there when she went up or was that really her shadow??? hm interesting!!! very interesting! Author's Response: Haha, that's exactly what she's doing. Andddd I dunno! Maybe it was her shadow, maybe it was someone else... You'll just have to keep reading and find out... Muahah. Thanks for the review! =] Report Review
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