This is really well written. It makes me sad, though, to think about Lily and James not being together. Which my name kind of implies :)
10/10 Report Review
Oh, that was lovely! A very interesting take on how James and Lily could have worked out, great job =)
Love xX mOoNdAnCe XxAuthor's Response: thank you so much! Report Review
Awww, that was kind of sad. But hey aren't they like dead? J/k. I read the A/N and besides that I know what A/U means just wanted to know if I got an eyeroll out of that or a sigh with a thought attached, "Now I'm going to have to explain to this dopey reviewer that it's AU and that they should have at least read the A/N". Ok now enough of my silliness.
I really like the story. I think you characterized James very well with the whole not making promises bit. I thought it was very smart to make him compare Missy's teeth to Lily's like a constant reminder. Also, how his desk used to be neat when Lily was around, seems spot on.
There was a thing in the first flashback that I didn't like very much. I think that if Lily had seen James staring at her shoulder she would have looked herself. Besides that the scream was fine. Most girl do scream at spiders anyways.
Besides that I really liked it. I liked the overall plot and the ending although it was a bit sad. I guess it's happier than J.K Rowling's ending for them. =P 10/10Author's Response: thank you so much and i did laugh at the first part! Report Review
perfect one-shot :]. love ittAuthor's Response: Thanks so much! ((: Report Review
awww.that was so sad.
UPDATE SOON!Author's Response: Thanks for the review! It's just a one-shot, so I won't be updating it. But keep an eye out for my new one-shot, Goodbye Pansy, which is currently in the queue! Report Review
Why, why do you do this to me? The angst! The romance! The perfect, visual, atmospherical, inexplicably good way with words you have - why? Why no happy ending? Why is this exactly what I'm looking for?
Guh. Now that I'm done wailing my initial praise at you, here's some more, because I've been awful at weeding out inconsistencies and grammatical errors and ticks-that-irk-me lately. Especially at 1:10 in the morning, which isn't as late as I wish it was. Your characters always have these perfectly carved masks that I can just see, and even see through, and I can see the blue skies and the green grasses and the yellow suns, and the carefully sculpted marionettes walking right across the sets. It's crazy. Keh. I like this AU ridiculously more than I should, considering that I'm such a rabid fan of James/Lily (which, all things considered, is a bit of b.s., but I can't say that I don't have a soft spot for commitment). I guess the only thing I can say is that it's refreshing, after so much blah and abuse of the pairing.
Superior fic. Just when I thought I was sick of Marauder-era, you walked into my life. Or...I walked into your fic. Or something.Author's Response: Omigosh, that's like, the nicest review I've ever gotten. Wow. Thank you so much for making me blush and smile and blush again! Wow. Report Review
That was really, really sad! And I really, really liked it, even if it was an exceptionally short read. And I can't really give you anything more constructive than the fact that the story seemed a tad bit rushed, but other than that, I really like this! I hope I wasn't harsh or over-fangirl-y or anything.
Oh, and this is Stephanie=discern. Thought you'd want to know. ^_^Author's Response: Thank you so much! I totally appreciate the review and you weren't harsh/over-fangirl-y, so you pretty much rock. Report Review
I was a little confused...ok, so Missy is a different girl in the beginning obviously...and is she the one with the butterfly or is Lily? And is Lily the one that kisses James? Hmm...it was different, well written, but I'm still a little confused. I think that if you explained things more it would be less confusing..unless I'm the only one that's confused, lol.
~LBAuthor's Response: Hah, I think you're the only one that was confused, but I'm sorry for not explaining enough. All the italics stuff is flashbacks to when he was with Lily. When it said "Missy had pretty teeth. But SHE had prettier teeth" or whatever, the "she" is Lily and then it goes into a flashback. Again, sorry for not making that more clear! Report Review
it was good very detailed and stuck to the point of view, I didn't really get the marrige part of it, but other than that I enjoyed it.Author's Response: Thanks! I'm not sure what you mean by not getting the marriage part of it. Basically, Lily wanted James to promise that they'd get married to each other. James didn't make the promise. Later, James got married to someone else and Lily says it's good that he didn't make the promise because, by marrying someone else, he would have broken it. It's AU, but I thought it was fairly simple to understand. Thanks anyway! Report Review
I liked it. and I love the song.Author's Response: Thanks! I love the song too! Report Review
I would suggest one small thing. the paragraphs are set to where after a certain amount of words, it then goes into another line. It makes it hard for the reader to comprehend what it is going on, especially since you switch from James' POV to Lily's POV and then back to James. Space the paragraphs to where they are all are moving from one line to the next. For example, you currently have:
She’s standing in front of me. I want it to be a mirage,
a figment of my imagination. But it’s not; it’s her, just as she looked back at Hogwarts. Same
red hair, same
green eyes. And the same
I suggest changing it to this:
She’s standing in front of me. I want it to be a mirage, a figment of my imagination. But it’s not; it’s her, just as she looked back at Hogwarts. Same red hair, same green eyes. And the same smile.
You don't have to do this by any means, but that was something that I noticed.Author's Response: *Points finger* It's my computer's fault! I don't understand why it does that, but it makes the spacing really weird. Hah. Stupid computer. But anyway, thanks so much! Report Review
I liked this a lot. Its definitely not a lily/james story you read everyday, which is good. The spacing was a bit funky though and it kinda bugged me. Other than that, the spelling/grammar was decent and I felt you portrayed each character well. Good job!Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm actually not sure what happened with the spacing, rofl. But I'm glad that you liked it! Report Review
that is so cute...
10/10Author's Response: thanks so much... again. xD Report Review
that is so cute...
10/10Author's Response: thanks so much! Report Review
Ahh.. (: This was refreshing.. everytime I try looking for a new story, I'm flooded with James/Lily stories where everything goes right. Bah ! I liked this. It's more real to me. Short and sweet. Great job ! Author's Response: Thanks so much! I've always hated those J/L stories where everything goes right. xD Report Review
sequal gonna happen any tima soon?Author's Response: Not that I know of. xD Report Review
awww... how sad. short and sweet. even if it is AU. xD
you're tehcutiestEM at TDA right? Lols. Ive never realised.Author's Response: Yes, I am. Who are you? And thanks so much! Report Review
Wow ^__^ Great job. I liked it :DAuthor's Response: Thank you! [: Report Review
=O, I like it.
It was short and sweet, like you said.
It kind of made me sad though, I'm an immense Lily/James shipper [hence the penname], but it's nice to get out and read something new that has something completely different to it than what I'm used to.
I'm glad I did.
10/10Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm anti L/J, so I had to write this story. xD Report Review
Oh... Very romantic :)
But I want a happy ending! Lily and James living togeather for the rest of their lifes, they having Harry... cause they have to, right? Pleeease continue! I know this is a one-shot, but I need my happy ending.. ;) Author's Response: Hah, I don't think I'll continue. But um, here's a quick ending. Just for you...
Lily and James got together and had Harry and lived happily ever after. [: Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection