Loved it. loved it...I'm guessing that it was written pre DH? I love stories that humanise the "bad"guys...I know that Snape turned out to be a good guy, but you managed to portray him in a very realistic light.. Thank you for this entertaining read! xxAuthor's Response: I'm glad you did ^_^ Yes, it was written before DH (you can tell by the lack of sappy-ness in Snape's character :P) I'm happy you liked his portrayal here - it's a bit different than the canon view over Snape. I could never really cope with sad, emo Snape in DH *gag*
I'm very glad you liked the story, and thanks for stopping by to review, it's much appreciated ^_^
CJ Report Review
Aww such a cute and touchy story. I swear there were tears in my eyes when i finished this... You captured Snape's emotions perfectly and the way feels about Lily is amazing. I understood how exactly Snape was feeling because this was so real. My favorite part was ... "He hated her for that. But even more, he hated to admit that they were perfect together" that killed me. To look at Lily from Snape's POV is amazing and you captured that feeling spectacularly. Your writing was flawless you have amazing talent. Great job, you made my day 10101010101/10 *huggles*
~AmieAuthor's Response: I'm happy you liked it ^_^ It's a really old story, but I'm quite fond of it. I wrote this before DH, back when Snape/Lily was still a rare pairing :P I really didn't expect it to turn out so accurate and canon-ish. I'm still not sure whether to be glad about that or not.
Snape used to be one of my favorite characters before DH, and I really enjoyed writing him as this person whose emotions are so deep and alive, but who must always shut them down and hide them away from the world. I'm very very glad you liked his portrayal ^_^
Thank you so much for the wonderful review, it made my day! :D
CJ Report Review
so i decided to take a look at the other stories you have and i love it! you did very well (as usual hahaha). i think you wrote snape's character out perfectly. i love the emotions in this story, very well done! i actually wrote a lily/snape scene, but my account got lost during the server crash. and it's on here without my name attached to it. i'll just have to wait until they open up registering again, then post my story. wow i rambled a lot there :)Author's Response: Lol, don't worry, I ramble ALL the time xD I'd just finished answering to my reviews 5 minutes ago, then I came back to check out a story and out of habit I clicked "Unanswered Reviews", and I was like "yay, another!" I'm glad you liked this story, it was the first time I've ever written dialogue properly. It was more or less the result of some intensive sessions of "Improve your Dialogue" exercises. I was so excited that I'd finally learned to write proper dialogue that I spent the next month writing dialogue only, haha. See, I told you I ramble a lot :P
I'm very happy you liked it, honestly. I wrote this before DH came out, back when Snape/Lily was still a rare pairing. Now I'm writing a new Snape/Lily, but you probably already knew that from my Incandescence A/N. Thank you for the wonderful review, it's much appreciated! ^_^ And don't worry, I'm sure you'll get your account back in no time. :)
CJ Report Review
Well after reading your author's note I just wanted to say that you did an excellent job of fixing your dialog's punctuation. And the "" are actually called quotation marks instead of commas and they are the proper way to show that someone in speaking. So well done and taking some constructive criticism about your technical writing skills.
As for the story, it was a rather somber yet honest piece about how their final night at Hogwarts could have been played out. I loved your description of what Lily was wearing. Sure there could've been more of it but it was nice in its simplicity.
=^_^=Author's Response: Ah, I remember struggling to write dialogue with quotation marks instead of dashes, haha. That was such a long time ago. Yeah, where I come from, all dialogue is written like this:
- Hello Harry
- Hello Hermions
etc, so it was pretty difficult to adjust to a new form of dialogue. I still have the dash habit sometimes.
I'm happy you enjoyed the story, and thank you so much for the lovely review! ^_^
This is Realize from the forums. Here is one review.
First off, I would like to start by saying that I am glad to see you writing a ship that most people hardly touch. I am also glad to see that you used several characters that are not used often. Your beginning was refreshing, something that I do not see often. However, it just did not seem to draw me in, but that could just be me. Right know all I know is that we are in potions. This was several years ago before the books came out, what did the classroom look like?
You seemed to nail the characters however, so there I have no comment. Snape was written really well. I was annoyed with only one line and it was “Let's just get one thing clear, though, Evans. This does not make us friends” I felt like that sentence is used a lot in fan fictions that involve Snape, even though there are few. I would have liked a little more emotion toward the relationship of Lily/James.
Snape was perfect toward the end, not letting a single emotion show as he talked to Lily. I really liked the ending. I loved that she knew about the mark. I loved that she did not want to have to kill him. Overall, this was actually decent. I just did not like the beginning, and you could use more description. 8.5/10
~Kara~Author's Response: Hi, Kara!
It's lovely to see you here! ^_^ First off, I just want to say thank you for the amazing review - it was extremely helpful, and you pointed out some things I really hadn't noticed before.
Snape/Lily was a very rare ship at the time when I wrote the story, though it has gained a lot of popularity after DH. I'm not a Snape/Lily shipper, but this was a fun experiment. I tend to think of Snape and Lily as emotional opposites and a relationship between them, even if it's not actual romance, sounded promising at that time.
While proofreading, it seemed to me as though the beginning was somewhat boring as well, and I'm glad you pointed that out. I'm going to edit it sometime soon, probably add more description and such. Truthfully, I was lazy - I wanted to skip right to the "action", so to say, but I needed an introduction so I just threw a not-very-thought-out one in there. *feels guilty* I'm glad you liked the characters though - 99% of my effort goes to portrayals, and I hate going too OOC with someone.
I had no idea that line was overused. o_O Well, obviously, since I don't read much Snape fanfiction. I'll take your word for it and think of some...err...smarter way to show Snape's feelings. I didn't add it to build the drama or anything - it was just the honest truth of Snape wanting to stay away from Lily. I'll do my best to make it more original.
As for the Lily/James relationship - yes, I do agree that Snape probably felt more emotion towards that than I showed in this story. Had I written this past DH, I would've done it differently. But of course, pre DH, we all had a somewhat colder impression of Snape, thus the reason why there's no expressed jealousy and/or anger towards that. I'm scared of going deep into it though - I don't want to make Snape sound pathetic or sappy, so I can't promise there will be more angst, but I'll see what I can do.
Overall, I just wanted to thank you for all the helpful advice and hints. I'm really trying to improve my writing, not only in this story but all the other stories, so it's wonderful for me to have someone point out mistakes. I want you to know that I really, really appreciate your honesty - it was one of the best reviews ever. Thank you again!
PS: Sorry for the horribly long reply. Report Review
Haha, I actually remember reading this a while ago, and I'm quite disappointed with myself that I didn't review sooner, probably waited too long for my thoughts to gather or something. I'm reviewing now, though, so that counts for something. =D
For one thing, I wanted to say how refreshing it is to read a Severus/Lily fic before the seventh book because they tend to be better thought out as a "rare" pairing or something. I was actually quite hesitant to read when I looked at the date (before I realized I've read it before, of-course) but I'm glad I did. There are a few things that kind of poked out to me that could be improved.
For one thing in the beginning where Slughorn is lecturing Lily and Lily says studying doesn't seem to work, with a student like Lily there generally tends to be a reason. Obviously studying wasn't working if she had Severus tutor her but it could be something distracting her that she couldn't think of around Severus something like that. That was just my opinion, however, it seemed odd that suddenly studying wasn't working for her.
Also, when Severus was offering his help there was something that was a bit off about his character. I think it was perhaps too much dialouge between them, Severus wouldn't have stuck around all that long.
Besides that nothing really stuck out at me, it was a really lovely one-shot. I love how Severus was really honest when he began talking about how Voldemort would kill all those who opposed him, he doesn't strike me as the sort of person who would hold his tongue for anyone's benefit. I also like that although he seemed to fancy her he never let that distract him from the fact that the next day they'd leave as enemies. Also that he was never fully kind to Lily. You left Severus as Severus and some people seem to soften him to make it "easier" or whatnot.
Again, nice job, 8/10Author's Response: Lol, don't worry about being late and such. You reviewed, and that's what really matters ^_^ It means a lot to hear your opinion on the story. I know what you mean about Snape and Snape/Lily in general. When I wrote this, I never imagined it would turn into canon, and the fact that it did sort of saddened me. As you said, they're better thought out as a rare pairing. Besides, to be honest, I hated the bit about Snape in DH, and I hated his relationship with Lily. It might have been "cute" if it was someone else. NOT Snape. It was completely OOC if you ask me - though, of course, you can't say JK's books were OOC. LOL. I'm still bitter about her butchering Snape's character. :P
Ah. That dreaded beginning. I've changed it about a million times, and it irks me how it never seems to work properly. You're right, Lily DOES need a reason. Perhaps I should invoke the upcoming NEWTs or something. Or something that came up and made her lose a few lessons, thus being left behind and needing help. I'll try to think of something again. That part WILL be right. Someday.
Too much dialogue? You don't think he'd have stuck around that long? I'll try to re-read and see if I can cut back any line or something, but I doubt it, since I recall that part being necessary dialogue only. I'll try though.
I'm really really happy you liked this story, your review was splendid and brightened my day. You gave so much helpful advice, so hopefully I'll be able to do something about the parts that don't work. It was really amazing to hear your opinion on this. ^_^
CJ Report Review
and this is an extra review just for you. lol
I was interested how you deal with a dialogue-based story and Snape.
I have to say I liked it very much.
Though it was a bit confusing in the beginning for it happens in an AU and I didn't notice it in the summary.
But that's definitely not your mistake. lol
I love Snape with Lily in this story.
You can achieve startingly strong effect with relatively simple sentences and that's a very good sign!
"I'm beyond saving," that was my favourite sentence because I think its Snape's essence, he thinks he's beyond saving and his whole life is built on this guilt and damnation.
Lily's motives for befriending Snape are not quite clear but that's not your fault, to tell the truth you took it from JKR who (in my view) gave Lily a Mary-Sueish character. Very sweet and loving etc who is willing to take under her arms even the nasty Snivellus Snape. She's a bit shallow. (JKR saved her character with her sacrifice, which was a good move).
I think there could be better motives for that. I have dealt with this in a fic of mine and I chose in that case the motive of the attraction of to one's darker side and the preserving of the illusion of selflessness.
Anyway, your stoty is excellent and your dialogues are very good.
A few more stories and you'll be "professional". :)
Congratulations, wingsAuthor's Response: Yay! Extra review! I'm very flattered. I can say that this story was harder to write than "Red Sun Rising" - I've always had huge issues with dialogue. Confusing beginnings are like a hobby to me - I always start a story with a foggy bit, only to explain it later. It's become part of my writing over the years. My sentences are mostly simple, that's true, first of all because I'd rather not delve into something complex that will leave everyone wondering what on earth I was trying to say there, and second of all because my English is not good enough for me to afford a more "flowery" speech. Everyone loved that sentence there, lol. I think it perfectly expresses the Snape I've formed in my mind - yet another character I've studied a lot. I had a lot of issues with the Snape-Lily relationship as well, exactly because of the reasons Lily befriended Snape in the first place. I have the same opinion concerning Lily and Lily/Snape as you do - in fact, if you ask anyone who's exchanged more than 3 words with me, they'll gladly tell you how much I used to hate Lily. I tried to challenge myself and tone down the hatred in order to write this story, and present Lily in a positive light, and that gave me a better understanding of her character. Even with the risk of making her OOC, I'd rather put a strong, interesting and unusual reason behind her actions than the one JKR gives us - I just can't stand "goodie" characters, lol. In this story, I chose not to show any reasons, but let the readers assume what they wanted to. I intended to make this story a personal experience by explaining little and allowing the reader to complete the puzzle with their own assumptions and points of view. I'd really love to read a fic about Lily being drawn to the dark side - in fact, I'm writing one at the moment (well, sort of), but it's a Sirius/Lily, rather than a Snape/Lily. So you can be sure I'll pass by your author's page and read that story - it sounds very catchy, and not many have the guts to write something like that. Your review was extremely encouraging, and I appreciated it A LOT. You totally made my day! Much love, CJ Report Review
I'm glad I stumbled across this little gem of a story.
I have recently taken to reading stories involving the lovely Severus Snape and must admit that I rather enjoyed this one!
I loved the dialouge-ness of Lily and Snape..out of curiousity when did you write this? Before deathly hallows? Anyhow, great one shot! Aren't they fun to write? I have a soft spot for them, reading and writing.
Fantastic job, I'll be reading more of your stuff not to worry...but as of now, I am quite tired and need to get to sleep in order to wake up for class tomorrow. Gross, I know.
Hugs, dear!Author's Response: OMG! Hey. :) I haven't seen you in ages - but then again, I haven't been on the Archives much lately - I'm 100% addicted to the Forums now. Anyhow, this was incredibly unexpected, especially since this story is very old - and yes, you guessed correctly - it was written way before Deathly Hallows, and it shocked me to see how similar it was to canon. I love writing one-shots, and reading them - I have a very soft spot for them too :D. Thank you so much for the amazing review, it means a lot. And booh for classes - I have to wake up at 5 to go to work tomorrow, and then I have classes at 2. x_x It was great to hear from you! Huggles, CJ Report Review
Wow -this was wonderful. I have read some of the other reviews and your response to them, and I agree with you when you say that the beginning -in comparison to the second part of the story, which is great- is a bit rough. But the charactarizations of Lily and Snape are good throughout the entire story, and they were what got me hooked at first.
There were so many elements in this that made me go 'exactly!' when I read them.
Snape, offering his help to Lily just to show off his superiority, was so spot on! I knew from there you are one of those who 'understands' Snape, so to say (and I know that's quite an arrogant thing to say since I'm implying that I too understand him, but, well, so be it! Hehe). The teenage Snape is already very much like the adult Snape we've all come to know in the HP-books, and that fits very well. Already he'd come at a point where he was 'beyond saving', as he says, so early in his life. He was made to what he was long before.. That shows really well when he tells her (seemingly so easily) that they will be enemies tomorrow.
And your Lily! I loved her naivité when she desperately wonders why 'we can't all get along'. I think she's a bit like Hermione actually, highly intelligent but also idealistic to the point of being a bit naive.
You were also right when you said you could do more descriptions, but I didn't actively miss them, your story worked great with them only scarcely around. Keep on working on them!
Loved it, loved it.Author's Response: Wow! Thank you SO much, this review was amazing! It totally made my day! Yes, the beginning is a bit rough, mostly because I felt that, as a flashback, it doesn't need descriptions. Also, the rest of the story is told from Snape's POV, even though it's third person, while the flashback is neutral POV, and therefore I felt the descriptions would be less personal, and therefore not aiming towards the effect I was hoping to achieve. Thank you for saying my characterizations were good, it's always the part I work most on, and writing bad or OOC characters makes me want to hang myself. I'm happy you understand why Snape was offering to help Lily. A lot of people saw it as a sign of kindness, but it was really just a way to throw his superiority in her face. Thanks for saying I understand Snape, that's a huge compliment (and psshht, you didn't sound arrogant, lol). I think young Snape was already mature, and therefore similar to adult Snape. He'd have already set his path long before walking on it, because he felt it was the only way for him to succeed. When he says "as of tomorrow, we are enemies", he's trying to shake some sense into Lily, show her that they can't be friends or "get along". She refuses to understand that, because she's exactly the opposite. While he resignes and accepts his fate, she continues to hope for something better and refuses to abandon the thought that everything can be okay. I imagine Lily as being a lot like Hermione as well, as opposed to the general view that she is like Ginny. She has Hermione's intelligence, but at the same time, she's an idealist and a dreamer. Which, as you said, makes her naive. I focused this story around dialogue, rather than descriptions. I still consider myself a beginner in writing, and I'm exercising with different styles and figures. I've recently written a story focused entirely on descriptions, and I hope to be able to combine everything and make something good in the future, with everything a story needs. I'm really happy you enjoyed this short one shot, and I'm eternally grateful for the lovely review! Hugs, CJ Report Review
Wow. All i can say is wow wow wow wow wow wow wow. Wow. *sighs* That was amazing! The description, the dialogue, the characters, yes! all superb! This is going on my favs. Definitely one of the best one-shots I've read on this site, Great job, CJ! 1000/10!
~Estrella (hehe, i'll give you 0/10 if you cant guess who i am)Author's Response: Hey there! I was just wondering how on earth someone stumbled upon this story because it's so old, lol. And then you said you are you. I'm very happy you liked it *hugs*. This is a great review, thank you so much! You've definitely made my day. This one shot gave me headaches! Thanks so much again! Huggles, CJ. Report Review
It's rather creepy that you wrote this two months before DH came out, yet it still keeps perfectly with canon. I liked the use of the memory to set off the main scene - they flowed well into each other, especially with how the style of dialogue was very similar. The characters were really well portrayed. Your Snape was perfect, so harsh on the outside, with that weakness that he always hides. And I loved Lily's strength, how she could make her feelings heard without going all soppy/angsty. That she walked away at the end was sad, but it just fits, and I can't see it being any other way. It wasn't meant to be a romantic relationship between them, and you show that wonderfully in this story, CJ. Fantastic work! ^_^Author's Response: *squee*
Oh my God, thank you so much for the lovely review! Yes, I find it kind of creepy as well, but I never imagined Snape/Lily would actually become canon. I mean, I knew it could happen because it seemed plausible, but I never thought JK would write it. I'm happy you thought the characters were IC - Snape was tough to write, and Lily was...well, I just struggled to express my positive thoughts on her, rather than the negative ones. The first draft was a bit soppy, and it kinda freaked me out so I changed it. Mostly because I wanted to show that their relationship had never been romantic. I'm really really glad (and honored) that you liked this. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing! Hugs, CJ Report Review
Well, I decided that I might as well read all of your stories. :)
At first I hesistated reading this one because I thought it was a Severus/Lily ship, but then I remembered what you said on the forums about everyone thinking that the pairing was suddenly canon even though it isn't really a 'pairing' at all because it was one-sided. So I gave this one-shot a, well, shot. ;)
Your characters are, once again, marvelously in-character. For someone who has never written Snape before and hates Lily, I think you did a wonderful job.
I loved their last conversation, and the fact that Lily had the last word, as she would want to.
Well done, and now I've got to get back to my stories. ;)
VardaAuthor's Response: Thanks! I'm so excited about this review, since I'm very fond of this one shot in particular. Yes, I never believed in Severus/Lily, canon or fanon, simply because these people don't fit together. I tried to portray that in the story as well. Thank you so much for the compliments on my characters, they really make me happy. I'm too obsessed with portrayals for my own sake. It was tricky to write Snape and Lily - Snape because he's terribly complicated, and Lily because I hate her, lol. It means so much to hear, especially from you, that I did okay. Thanks so much once again, for all your reviews! Love, CJ Report Review
Wow, this was brilliant, and such a great prediction of Deathly Hallows! I love this. It's simple and lacks description, but for some reason I still enjoyed it. I liked the hintings of Snape sort of having a thing for Lily, even if it wasn't directly stated, and how it wasn't sappy (I normally like sappiness, but coming from Snape, it usually just doesn't work). I liked the title, actually! Good job!Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review! It means a lot to me, since this fic is getting old. I'm very happy you liked it. I always believed in Snape/Lily one sided, though I was surprised to see it so bluntly stated in Deathly Hallows. I didn't feel like doing the same (stating it bluntly) here, so instead I opted for a more subtle version. as for the sappiness - I never write sappy stuff because it's not my style. Especially not with Snape. It means a lot to know you enjoyed it (I can't believe you liked the title though, lol), and thank you for the beautiful review. Much love, CJ Report Review
Lovely story; well written! I enjoyed it immensely. Author's Response: I'm happy you liked it, and thank you so much for taking the time to leave a review - always appreciated! Much love, CJ Report Review
This was interesting. I liked how you wrote Snape's character, it seemed to fit him. I was reading a post in the forums that lead me to this, and I was just wondering, why do you hate Lily Evans so much?Author's Response: Hey there! Thanks for reading and reviewing this fic, and I'm happy you liked it. Especially Snape, whom I worked so hard on. It's hard to say why I hate Lily so much, because my opinion of her has improved much lately. I guess it's because Harry is a lot like her, and Harry is the one I truly hate. She's too girly for my tastes, I think, though I tried to write her differently here. She's a bit naive and innocent, while I like stronger characters, such as Snape or Sirius, who are more down-to-earth. Thanks once again for reviewing! Much love, CJ Report Review
Hello! I don't know if you remember me from a while back but I'm VampireKisses (dur lol) and you reviewed my novel Wicked Children? Well I thought that I'd give your works a try and this story in particular caught my eye, because I like the mystery of Snape and Lily's history together and this looked like a breath of fresh air compared to what I usually read on HPFF.
The flash back was a little worn around the edges, particularly in both categories of both description and the character of Slughorn. It shows great professionalism that you admit (in your Author's Note) that descriptions weren't your best attributes and that's the start of the journey of becoming a well expierenced author. But may I suggest, in this scene, that you focus your descriptions on the physical things? I'll show you what I mean.
Instead of "Lily! I am most disappointed in you!" Slughorn said upon seeing the odd concoction swirling inside Lily's cauldron. Perhaps you could do something like this: "Lily m'girl! I am most disappointed in you!" Slughorn said upon seeing the odd concoction swirling inside Lily's cauldron, looking slightly crestfallen instead of his usual facade of joviality.Descriptions are wonderful helps to acheiving more readers and possibly even reviewers!
Which brings me to the next tiny little snag: Slughorn. I just didn't picture him saying some of those things you made him say. To me, I would imagine Slughorn making Lily feel bad by going like "Oh Lily how I had such high hopes for you." or something like that. But after that flashback everything sorted itself out afterwards. For the good.
I liked the opening paragraphs after the flashback and especially the ones after the asteriks. They sounded so wise from a third person's POV into Snape's life.
Snape's teenage character was brilliant! You got his train of thought and views of everything perfectly. I liked how he contradicted Lily's views of friendship "A beautiful idea. Utopist and surreal, but beautiful. Once this night is over, once we step foot out of Hogwarts, there's no turning back. As of tomorrow, we are enemies." That sounds exactly like something Snape would say and the line itself was astounding! I liked how he wanted to fight against his passion for Lily because if Snape/Lily did happen in some way that's how I'd imagine it'd be like.
You got Lily to a T from her looks to her beliefs and feelings, the line where she in turn says what Severus was doing was cowardice was the most powerful. At the ending there was beautifully written, you feel for Snape and what he's going through...I'm a big Snape fan so that just might've been me lol!
Keep up the good work!
Author's Response: Wow. You would not believe how much I appreciate this review! Of course I remember you and "Wicked Children" - I also read (and reviewed) some of your older stories, but it was a long time ago. I'm grateful you took the time to read my story and leave such a wonderful review. I know that flashback wasn't the strongest point of this fic, and I while I admit I'm always desperate to keep my characters in canon and always focus on them, I didn't work on Slughorn much. I always admit my flaws as a writer, and I do practice on them - there's no point in thinking you're the best in the world, it leaves no room for improvement. I promise to work more on Slughorn's character - you're right, I didn't give him much thought. And yes, descriptions would be a good idea. The flashback is rough because it's different (as a mood) from the rest of the story. I was lazy and only put it there because it was necessary, but I can't say I worked on it half as much as the rest of the story. I really appreciate the helpful tips and the constructive criticism about that. I'm very happy you liked the rest, especially Snape, whom I worked hardest on. I imagined young Snape as a wise person, much like the adult one. At some point, I was even frightened he'd sound too old. But then again, there was the Snape/Lily which would've never happened in his later days. I always pictured Lily as a little naive and an idealist, while he was pessimistic and harsh. Her life had been considerably better than his, which is where the contradiction in views comes from. And Lily - she was also very hard to write, because she's one of my least favorite characters, and I tried to show her into a positive light, and portray the real opinion I have of her with no biases. Snape/Lily is a very odd pairing, one I would never imagine happening properly, like James/Lily did. But I love playing with them and their feelings. I'm so happy you found all this to be realistic, especially the characters - it means so much for me to hear that. You've truly made my day with this amazing review. I'll work on this fic some more, and hopefully achieve the result I want. Thanks a billion times for this! Much love, CJ Report Review
I really liked this. The beginning part, the flashback thing feels a little rough, but once you get past that, the rest of it is very well done. You get the essence of Snape's character down very well, his cynicism and distaste for the world. I really enjoyed it. Author's Response: Reviews like this always make me happy! Snape was difficult to write, and I'm thrilled to hear you thought he was in character, and coming from you, it's a big compliment. I admit the flashback was a little rough, mostly because the mood is different than the rest of the story, and the characters act different, so it looks a little odd with the rest. But I am very very happy you enjoyed this story, and most of all, that you liked Snape. Thank you very much for reviewing! Hugs, CJ Report Review
It was a long time ago that I read this, but I found it very interesting. It seemed like something that actually would have happened, though I intend to like the stories better where he's not so outright cruel to her. I also wasn't so crazy about him simply going to Voldie for 'power'. That might be the reason, but I have other theories. Other than that I really enjoyed it. For only being your second one-shot this was quite good. I'm not going to give you too terribly much information about what I did and did not like--this is sort of a pathetic review--because it was so long ago that I read this. But I remember that it was an enjoyable read and I will give you a 7/10.Author's Response: Hi! Thanks for reviewing, and I really appreciate the honesty. I'm happy you found this realistic and interesting, it means a lot to hear that. I didn't think he was cruel to her, though I don't contradict you here - it is in his nature to be somehow cruel, though I believe it was barely a way to protect his emotions. By the end of the fic, he does get kinder though. Also, I don't think he joined Voldemort for power, either. He is far too intelligent for that. But that is what I think he would've told her, because I doubt Lily could have fully grasped the meaning of the truth, should he have told it to her. He wanted her to somehow hate him, he wanted to turn her against the Death Eaters and Voldemort. I wrote Lily as the person who would avoid murdering someone at all costs. He feared for her, and he wanted her to know how terrible those people were. He gave her a warning. That is why he acted the way he did. You can take it any way you want, for I wrote this fic and hoped for it to be interpreted in many different ways. I wanted the reader to finish this and form their own opinion, not force mine down their throats. Once again, thank you for the honest review, it's very much appreciated! Much love, CJ Report Review
Would you believe that you actually made me feel sorry for Secerus Snape. This would be a lot coming from an author who likes to torture that slimy haired git ^_^. His feeling for Lily was tragic and her concern for him was touching. Although I do doubt that Snape would feel that Lily and James 'fit' one another feel given his feelings for her in this fic and his obvious dislike for James. Great story the emotions showed. Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review, it does mean a lot to know that people liked the way I write my characters. It's what I put the strongest emphasis on. You're right, Snape wouldn't ever admit that Lily and James are good together, but in the end, ignoring his feelings for them and just watching them together, even he can see that they are perfect together. What I really meant to say when I wrote that part was that Snape understood (and finally admitted to himself) that Lily belonged with James because she was a part of his world, and that he, Severus, lived in a separate world, so it would've been impossible for him and Lily to ever be the way she was with James. Thank you so much for reviewing! Huggles, CJ Report Review
You know, at first glance I thought this was going to be an ordinary, run-of-the-mill Severus/Lily fic. But I was totally wrong. This one was excellent, CJ. There's so many little things I noticed and thought were absolutely dead on! I love how it's not a romance fic, and barely even a friendship fic. Very unexpected and unusual.
I was reading through the other reviews, and I think you're dead right that in the memory Snape isn't helping Lily out of kindness. It seems like a way of...how do I put it? Like a way for him to prove he's the best and also a way for him to say whatever he likes to her and she has to accept it. I also think you made an excellent point in the response to Novatrix's review that Snape knows he will fall because that's exactly what I thought at that point. It's already too late for him to back out. However, I do have to say I sort of agree with the people who asked why Lily suddenly became poor at Potions. I didn't think much of it during reading, but perhaps you could clarify that somehow, as it seems to be a recurring point with reviewers.
There were several lines that were absolutely perfect for me. This one is probably my favourite: "There's only one world, Severus." It's true to her but not to him, and that really highlights why they have to say goodbye. Beautiful.
I think you characterised both of them very well and I thought the ending was excellent. I thought for a second that perhaps you should have ended with Lily's line - but now I think your ending is better. It's more fitting, in my opinion.
Awesome job, CJ. I'm looking forward to the next chappie of Shooting Star!Author's Response: You must be one of the few people who got this fic completely. I left a lot of room for interpretations, and it can be taken either way, they are all correct. Still, you seemed to think along the same lines I was thinking when I wrote it. You're an exceedingly careful reader. Thank you for reading this and for the splendid review that totally brightened my day. I don't usually write romance fics. Well, not proper romance anyway - usually one sided, and if it's two sided it must be impossible for some other random reason my mind comes up with. I just can't write happily ever after versions. But you were totally right - Snape and Lily were far from being lovers, or friends for that matter. Yes, Snape is not being kind in that memory, he uses it as an opportunity to show her that after 7 years, he won the unofficial title for Best Potioneer after all. It had been a mutual but avid competition, until Lily cracked up andlost focus. That is actually why he likes her - because few have ever been good enough to compete with him in anything. He was a loner, with no friends (not that he ever wanted any), and having someone like Lily was great, even though she was merely his competitor and nothing more than that. Snape always knew he will fall, yes. Long before he even made the decision of throwing himself in the service of Voldemort. Or at least that's how I see things. It was a duty and a purpose, something he felt he was born for, and something he thought was best for everyone. But it was never what he truly wanted. He was the person who was born in a society and had to choose between being an outcast or a part of the society and gaining their respect. But he never had the choice of choosing another society to live in. That's what Lily doesn't understand. Wow. Gone a bit astray there. I shall stop rambling about that. As to why Lily failed Potions - I can't explain that, because I don't want to write endless boring lines about Lily's woes and worries. It would completely destroy the coldness of the story, and all those unspoken words behind it. I'm happy you understood why they had to say goodbye, I tried to make it as clear as possible. Once again, you're a very careful reader, and notice things many others don't. It's so great to have someone who completely understands what you're trying to say. Your reviews are always such a positive boost of energy and encouragement. They mean the world to me. And thank you for the compliments on the characters - those really keep me alive. Thank you a gazillion times for the splendid review, it's made me incredibly happy. As for Shooting Star - I just made a major change to the plot, so it might take just a little longer. Thanks for sticking with me! Much love, CJ Report Review
Hey there CJ,
Okay I think that you could have had a more interesting beginning, I mean having Slughorn there was good, but every beginning should be extrordinary more so when the story is a one-shot because readers will more so leave in the middle. You managed to have a taste in adding detail, and you worked it very nicely throughout the story so I am proud of that.
I think that Snape's character was a little Oc, if he saw Lily having trouble he wouldn't help her really just stare. I am going to guess that Lily and James are together? I liked the fact that you kept Snapes emotions from Lily that was rather nice. I liked the fact that Snape acted the same way throughout the whole fic.
Nicely done 8/10
I will review your other fics soon.Author's Response: Hey there, and thank you for the lovely review! I couldn't think of a better beginning, as I considered this was the place where the entire plot started. If Lily hadn't stayed behind in Potions, all that would've never happened. I'm happy you liked the rest of it though. I'm surprised you think Snape is OOC. He liked Lily, and heping her wasn't an act of kindness - if you look closely to the way he talks to her, I'd say it's more of an act of domination. He acts like he pities her, like he is above her - it's a chance for him to prove his "supremacy" in Potions, since they'd been rivals for so many years. He knew that if he helped her, she would never be a competition to his title as the best potion maker anymore. That, and he liked her, of course. He had all the reasons to be helping her, or so I see the issue. Yes, Lily and James are together in the fic. They were just friends, almost lovers in the flashback paragraph, and they started dating shortly after. I always pictured Snape as keeping his emotions and reactions in check. Though sometimes, things do slip away. Thank you for your honest review! Much love, CJ Report Review
Loved it! I really like how you opened up the story with the memory. Lily’s falling behind in class would certainly be a good reason for her to talk to Snape. Though I’d like to know more about why she fell behind after being top of the class. I like how Snape played with Lily, although I think Lily would react more strongly when she was called Mudblood.
I love how Snape didn’t have anyone to say goodbye to. There was just one thing this school had given him, other than pain and suffering – knowledge. That summed up his feelings just perfectly. =) Lily’s interaction with Snape was done really nicely too. I love how he was rejecting her, but she didn’t give up. The slip-up about him calling her Lily was nice too. It was kinda sweet how Lily seemed so happy about it.
You used the phrase ‘apricot colored dress’ twice, and I think the second one is quite unnecessary. the apricot colored dress that outlined her wasp-waisted build and feminine figure, You could just say ‘the dress’ since we already know that it’s apricot colored.
The talk about him being a Death Eater was touching. "There's only one world, Severus." It was just like Lily to say that, and it was kinda sad how she said she wasn’t a murderer, knowing sooner or later she would have to kill someone. And you did the dialogues all correctly, don’t worry about it. ^_^ Good work! Keep it up!Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much for the lengthy review - it certainly made my day. When I wrote Lily as falling behind in class, I just assumed she would have a bad moment and lose concentration - it happens to all of us. Of course, she didn't need a lot of help - just someone to teach her to focus. I believe Lily would react more strongly upon being called "Mudblood" as well - but remember, she was in no position to react strongly. She had to swallow everything he said, and he knew it - that is exactly why he felt so good about it.
Snape/Lily is difficult to write, I'll admit, so I'm always happy when people tell me it's convincing. I pictured Snape as pushing her away all the time, and Lily as very stubborn and never giving up. Thanks for pointing out the apricot colored thingy - I didn't know that. Will fix it immediately, though I'll cut out the first because it would ruin my ring otherwise (I sometimes feel like some of the lines have to sound in a certain way - obsessions, I guess). Thank you for the compliments on Lily, I take those to the heart really, considering how I usually hate her and always trying to show her in a positive light when writing. Though the not-wanting-to-become-a-murderer was one of the things I loved in Lily - I just pictured her as that person who will always hope that there is another way, and who will only use murder as a last resort. But at the time, she dismissed the idea because she hadn't grown enough to know that there isn't, in fact, another way - and that is exactly what Severus was trying to show her. Thank you so much for the kind and honest review - you have no idea how much it meant to me. Huggles, CJ. Report Review
Aww, this is so sad-yet-sweet. I was so glad in the end that you didn't make it a Lily/Snape one-shot; to be honest, I rather liked it that all he could ever see her as was 'Lily,' not 'his Lily' or something of that nature.
I didn't understand why Lily suddenly became terrible at Potions. Was it on purpose? Did it have to do with Potter? It wasn't well-explained and that thought nagged at me throughout the one-shot. Because so much of this story is based on the dialogue, forgive me if I'm slightly harsh. There were a few places where it seemed unfitting or unrealistic; "Friends are the most important possession one can achieve throughout life" is wordy, complicated, and unnatural. Perhaps she could disagree with him and say that nothing is more important than friendship.
Although Snape is mostly in character, when Lily says "And who's going to save you when you fall?" I would think that he would focus on the 'fall' part (Severus Snape, fail? Never!), rather than the 'saving part.' I know, I know. He has to for the one-shot to move to the topic that divides them. You might just cut out the 'when you fall' part here, as you need to keep the 'save you.'
The last two and a half lines are perfect. They express perfectly what Lily is to Snape and why you chose the title for this fic. I really enjoyed your writing and the life you brought to your characters!Author's Response: First of all, thank you so much for the lengthy review. Yes, true, this wasn't a Snape/Lily fic per se - I could never really picture them fully entangled in some petty little romance. It just doesn't seem fit. Why did Lily suddenly become terrible at Potions? I left it mostly at the reader's latitude to assume whatever they want, as I do many times in my fics. And to be honest, I never thought the subject was interesting enough to need explaining. People have bad times when they simply can't concentrate or they lose focus, and since Potions is a pretty tough subject, Lily was left a little behind. She just needed a bit of tutorin to catch up. Then, the tutoring sessions became mere excuses for them to continue their relationship (which was always non-romantic, nothing ever happened between them, but they both liked each other (psychically not phisycally), but they needed an excuse to continue their...erm...friendship of sorts). You are not at all harsh, I very much appreciate the honesty, but that line wasn't formed of Lily's words, it was a quote (I don't really know who said it, but oh well), that is why it sounded like that. As for the "falling" part - I picture Snape quite differently. He was too intelligent to be arrogant, and knew the way things ran much too well. She says that because she thinks he is going to "fall" one day. He knows he is going to fall. And later in life, he does. I consider it "falling" because he submits to something he doesn't want to do simply because he has to follow his own set of unwritten rules, which aren't always his heart's desires. You may have noticed the change as the fic moves on - if at first Snape was cold and calculated, avoiding every single question she shoots at him, by the time they part, he's already touched a distinct level of honesty. He knows this is the last time he will ever talk to her, and in the name of the little affection he bears for her, he decides to open just a little bit and say things straight. He drops his shield and actually admits that he completely agrees with her, that what he is doing is wrong, but he also tells her that sometimes, doing the wrong thing is for the best. He's actually trying to tell her he doesn't have much of a choice. That is the very reason why he says "I'm beyond saving". Not even half of the words in this fic's dialogue actually mean what they appear to. I aimed for subtlety here, and hoped everyone would perceive this in a different way, but at the same time I hoped that everyone would understand the message I was trying to give. Whether I managed to do so or not, I have yet to figure out. I hope I didn't confuse you more. Thank you so much for the honest review, it means a lot to me. Much love, CJ Report Review
great!!! I wanted to leave this review but im in a hurry so it will be fast...I loved this story!! you really do write very well!! great job!! 10/10Author's Response: Hey, Pad, thanks for stopping by! And don't worry about it, it made me very happy. Thank you for the compliments! Much love, CJ Report Review
10/10Author's Response: Thank you, that's so very kind. I'm flattered! :) Report Review
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