good start. i'm looking forward to more.
plus, is james gonna keep doing that all year? because if he does, the story might get boring.
keep writing!Author's Response: Oh, no way. It would totally get boring. No, there's more to him than that. It'll get pretty interesting. Report Review
Typical Lily/James story here. I loved the way you started it all from Lily's point of view, showing her base-less animosity for the marauders. Personally, I think that by seventh year Lily's hate had lessened, as had James' cockiness, but I guess everyone thinks bout things a little differently. All I can really say for this is that I think you're maybe over-exaggerating Lily's hate for James - especially in the lasy little bit after the Heads meeting. Sure, she'd be pissed off, but I don't think she'd act like that, but then again, that's only my opinion. And I tend not to share the same opinion as most people.
Good job on this, anyway. It looks like a promising story. Keep it up!Author's Response: That's actually what I thought too. I'm never happy with anything I write, though, so it doesn't matter. But I wanted to make her lighten up. That didn't really work out.... I'm going to in the next chapter, definitely.
Anyways, thanks very much! Report Review
I like it, a lot.Very in character too.
I love the banner too.
James Franco is on it.
whoohoo!my favorite actor
haha...great job.Author's Response: Thanks so much!
I know, the banner is so awesome. I love it so much!
Really? I didn't even know who he was. I just saw the picture and was like, YAY!
Thanks so much! Report Review
I liked the way you portrayed each of the characters. A common mistake many J/L writers make is writing each of the characters in an exaggerated fashion, but you kept it nice and realistic. I especially liked Peter's portrayal, because everyone bashes him and makes him seem idiotic, but you kept it realistic. So kudos to that. I caught a couple grammatical/spelling errors, but nothing glaring. I look forward to the next chapter. I enjoyed it. :)Author's Response: Yay! How exciting! I love being accurate. That was one of the things I was trying to be careful about, and I wasn't sure if it was going down well. Ooh! I gotta go skim through and find those mistakes! Or have my beta do it... hehe. Anyways, thank you very much! I appreciate it! Report Review
This was a very detailed first chapter, I can see how it got to 4000 words! But seriously, it's very rare to come upon a well-written introduction, James-Lily train scene . . . and you've done it! I think it's interesting how you've made Alina dumb--most authors wouldn't do that because she's Lily's best friend, blah blah blah, but I think it's cool. Smart people don't always hang out with smart people. Although, it is a bit cliched that she always had a grudge against Sirius because we all know they're gonna hook up now. By the way, the title of your story is very interesting, what does it mean? If you say in the summary, ignore me. In essence, great job, keep it up!Author's Response: Hehe. I didn't want it to be that long! I thought the first chapter would be really short... according to my outline, anyways. But there was so much information I needed to put in it!
YAY! HOW EXCITING! Yeah... I didn't want to make her Mary-sue-ish. But she does have Alice in the next chapter, who is pretty smart. (Yes! Someone realizes the truth! Smart people don't hang out with other smart people all the time! We're diverse! YAY!)
OH! No! She will 100% not get together with Sirius. I should probably add a comment somewhere... No, she hates him, don't worry! No cliches for me!
Oh, thank you! It actually means, "Your star," in latin. I thought it was really pretty like that, so I made that the title. Plus if it was just plain english, people could definitely think this is a song fic for "Your Star" by Evanescence. And it's not, so...
Thanks very much for reviewing! I really appreciate it! Report Review
Yay I loved it. Especially since you used my name in it! It was very well written and please let me know when you update.Author's Response: Oh my gosh! I didn't even notice that when I asked for a review! That's so funny! I love that name. It's so pretty.
Thanks very much! I'll update as soon as possible, and I'll definitely let you know! Report Review
I've read many stories with Lily in them, and this has to be one of the better ones. Your charaterization is good. I'm not sure where you intend to go with the story, the plot wasn't really all that clear to me. But I think you've done good so far!
~AlexAuthor's Response: YAY! How exciting. I was unsure of the characters, so I'm glad you thought it was well done.
It's kind of confusing, but not really. Wow, that made no sense at all. I mean, it will be clear later on. By chapter--which was it--four, I believe, things will be pretty clear.
Thanks very much for reviewing! Report Review
it was brilliant!
it seriously is everything a good story ought to be.
and i loved it[to say the very least]
great job and dont change anything!
oh and also update soon
10/10Author's Response: Oh, yay! How exciting! Thank you very much! I'll try to update as soon as possible! Report Review
here's your review as promised:
charicter development was exelent especially with lilly.
i especially liked the first paragraph and how she's describing her feelings.
very (page turning?)page scrolling.
the pacing of the story was good.
Author's Response: Oh, thank you! I'm glad you liked it!
Page scrolling--that's awesome! I should tell my friends that. That's funny. Report Review
I love your descriptions in this...I know you from somewhere I am just not sure where anyway.I love the plot and the way you are writing it. It is a popular ship but you have certainly made it your own which you should be proud of. I would love it if you could PM me when the next chappie is up!Author's Response: Thanks very much! I think I know you too... hmm... I dunno. I'll think of it eventually.
Thanks! I'll totally PM you when the next chapter is up! Thanks very much! I appreciate it! Report Review
That was cute. I like your style of writing and thought that was a great start to what should be a wonderful story. If anything I would say that it has a slow start and the story doesn't really grab the readers attention until everyone is on the train. But once everyone is together I couldn't stop reading and never lost focus. Keep going and I can't wait to see what happens next.Author's Response: Thanks! Was it a slow start? That's cool that you thought so, actually. I love constructive criticism!
Thanks very much! I'll be updating soon, hopefully! Report Review
Hey, this is pigwidgeon385. You requested a review from me, so, well, here it is:
Very good so far! I LOVE Lily/James fics, and so far you are doing the ship justice. There had been no OoC-ness at all, which is really good. I love the whole thing about James talking to Lily's parents. It seems like the total outgoing/pig-headed thing to do. :-P
And, no, your jokes are so not lame! The two funniest things were when Lily found out James was head boy, and when Lily said Petunia and James should go out. I thought that was just perfect. :)
Oh, and yes, the banner is adorable. I'm adding this to my favorites. Please update soon!Author's Response: Hi! Thanks very much for reviewing this and taking the time to do so!
YAY! I'm so glad. This is "technically" my first one, since my other one didn't get very far. I might update that one later though. But this is my first priority.
Sweet. Thank goodness. I was worried about whether it was OoC. Thanks so much!
Thanks! So far, almost everyone has said that my jokes aren't lame--which is totally amazing! I always get so happy whenever someone tells me that they aren't lame!
The banner is so amazing, yes! silv3r_ic3 did a very nice job with it!
Thank you so much! Yay! I'll try to update soon! Report Review
haha. this has some funny situation... i love how u start it with lily. great start... can't wait for more.
10/10Author's Response: Thanks very much for reviewing! I'll update soon! Report Review
Hmm, I don't like the first person perspective, but that's just my personal taste.
I loved James' introduction of himself to Mr. & Mrs. Evans, although I would have expected them to see right through him, rather than encouraging him. It was very funny all the same.
The story of James and Lily's rise to Head Boy and Girl is simple enough, you haven't really added to the story that we already know though.
I'm also pretty sure that James would have referred to Lily as "Evans" and not "Lily," at least up until they begin a relationship.
I liked the "I would be a happier person..." line. It seemed very natural, and it fit the story well.
You've written a pretty neutral introduction here. Which is good, because you can take this anywhere. Where ARE you going with this? Are just out to tell the story of Lily/James or will there be something more?
BradAuthor's Response: Aww, I love first person. But that's alright! I like third person too!
Thanks very much! I love trying to be funny, because I fail so much sometimes, and it's great when I actually am.
Okay. That's cool. I'll try to do that.
Yes, that's true. I was thinking about that too. Hmm... I'll go find those and fix 'em up.
Thanks! Yay! Go good things!
Hehe, thanks. It's going to be more than just the simple Lily/James story. A little bit of angst, a little bit of humour. There will be a lot more.
Thanks very much!
-Liz Report Review
I really like the way that you began the story with Lily reflecting on it being the last time she would be doing these types of things. Wow James is being a stuck up, but he seems to have the parents fooled. I loved Remus; you were able to fill his character perfectly. I cannot believe that Lily and James are the heads; wow, this is going to be a good fic. Author's Response: Thank very much! I think that, however serious she may be, she has a fun side.
James is just showing off to her parents. I would probably act like that around my boyfriend's parents too. If I had a boyfriend.
Thanks very much! I adore Remus!
Once more, thank you! And thank you for taking the time to review this too! Muchas gracias! Report Review
Great start keep it up :)Author's Response: Thank you very much! Report Review
First of all, I would have to say this is far less cliche than 99% percent of the James/Lily fics I've read. Which is always a good thing. However, their relationship is still a bit "overused", so to say, because you're making James seem like a Lily stalker, which I do not think he was. Sorry, I'm probably still thinking about the "Marauder Cliches" forum I just discussed five minutes ago. I don't want to sound mean or anything, but simply trying to help. I know cliches are very hard to avoid. However, things get better in the ending, and I like the fact that Lily isn't completely irrational about James and recognizes his qualities, which always deserves congratulations. Sirius - I don't know what to say about him, since he doesn't show up much i this chapter, but I'm sure we'll see more of him in future ones, so I'll tell you what I think about him then. Other than that, everything is okay. One thing I would like to mention is that fact that the Head Boy and Head Girl do not share a dorm (sorry, but everyone uses that, and it's highly unrealistic) - I'm not saying you were going to write that, I'm just mentioning it, just in case. I am so sorry if this review sounded mean or offending, it was not my intention at all. I'm used to giving CC, and I'm always hoping I've helped. Tell me when the next chapter is up so that I can read it and tell you what I think. Much love, CJ Author's Response: Well, that's good. I don't like the whole Lily/James common room thing either, so... there will be none of that.
Hehe, that's okay. He'll hopefully seem less like a stalker in the next few chapters. Thanks for telling me! It's not mean.
Yay! I tried to make sure that Lily saw that James was just trying to be fun, and that she would have appreciated it if she wasn't the head Girl.
Oh, I said that up there! At the top! I HATE THAT! It's evil.
It wasn't mean at all! Trust me, a lot of my reviews are basically the exact same things. I love CC, and it helped a ton.
Thanks again! Report Review
Hello! This is ciaoxbella from the forums with the requested review (and I have to say, I'm definietely enjoying reading this story so far).
I don't know if this was intentional, but I think you have a quick-witted, subtle sense of humour that you executed perfectly in this story.
I really liked the line: I was finally relieved of my mental misery when James took his arm away from me and my friend Alina Cudney entered the compartment. I liked how you didn't just say "I was relieved", but made it a little comical and more descriptive.
Fantastic job! 10/10Author's Response: Hello! Thank you so much for taking the time to review this!
YAY! That's amazing, because my parents have no sense of humour whatsoever. And nor do my friends. I wonder where I got it from...
Thanks! I thought if I just said, "I was relieved," it would be too boring and TOO to the point.
Thanks again! I'm so excited now! Really, thank you! Report Review
Hi! prongsie_potter_rulez to execute that requested review =]
Platform 9 and ¾ should be Platform 9¾. Shouldn't it? =P
Well done on mentioning James as a Chaser. People usually refer to him as a Seeker, because of the movies. =]
...since he couldn’t even defend himself against the infamous James Potter...
In fact - I believe - it would be a pretty even match. The only reason james beat Snape in that little duel in fifth year was because it was two against one - James and Sirius against Snape. =]
Overall it was a very good chapter =]
xoprongsieoxAuthor's Response: Hola! Thanks very much!
Oh, yeah. Duh. Stupid me. How come my beta missed that? Not that I should blame HER (-blames her anyways-). I'll fix that!
I know! People do that all the time. Hence why I never refer to the movies for anything. The movies are evil.
True that. I should add that in! That would rock! Cool!
Thanks very much! I adored the review, and it will help me very much in the future--and now, too! Thanks! Report Review
Haha... I love this... I mean it's a funny situation in the first place but you just make it HILARIOUS!! I'm telling the truth.. Hahah... I love the whole part about Lily's mom... lmao... Really good, really funny! Update soon!
P.S: Am I your first review?? :DAuthor's Response: Thanks very much! I'm glad that you liked it!
My beta said that was like her parents. I thought that was pretty funny.
You are my first review! I always love being the first one. Have a cookie! -gives cookie-
Don't take the sugar cookies! They are mine. --Liz's beta
-gives sugar cookies- Run, run, as fast as you can.
Thanks again! Report Review
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