Wow, this is so good! I Love the little subheadings with the colours, actions and emotions, really brilliant idea!! Fantastic, loved it!!Author's Response: Thank you very much!! I'm glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
awe!! i LOVED it!! it was really really nice. poor Lily =( evil Sirius and Jay! i really really liked, really wonderful job =) i have absolutely nothing bad to say about it and i give it 10/10!!
Author's Response: Wow! Thanks so very much!! I'm glad that you loved it so much!! :D Report Review
Me here! You requested a review?
Wow! This is great! I love how you start with her having affections for Sirius but then she falls in love with James! I never thought of it that way.
And Jay does seem like the filthy bitch you described her as!
Good work! I really love this one!
- W -
Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review, I am glad that you enjoyed it so much :D Report Review
This was a little confusing. It just seemed way too choppy. It just didn't flow very well. But it was an interesting idea. 7/10
so, i just wanted to say thank you for all the reviews you have given me (i am harrysgrl919). Unfortunately that account got locked up and no one knows why. So the rest of A Slytherin's Loss is under this name. The last chapter is currently being validated. So, is you're interested here is the link: http://www.harrypotterfanfiction.com/viewstory.php?psid=220317
And thanks so much, again!
Author's Response: Thanks, I'm glad you liked the reviews and sorry that your account is playing up. I might have a read of some of your other stories later, at the moment I need to keep reviewing :P Report Review
Nice story, it was cute. Although it didnt have much of a plot it was mainly emotions which still worked out nicely. I thought James/Lily part was a little rushed but the last line was perfect. I like how you used colours to explain the emotions, that was very creative. Your writing style is good, now you need a good solid plot :)
Lady SerendipityAuthor's Response: Thank you very much for reviewing my story! I'm glad that you liked it, I may try to add some more onto the story using your suggestions. Thanks Again! Report Review
Hey, it's Carrie from the Got Fanfic? team.
To be frank, it's a bit random. Your writing is also very informal. You don't need to capitalize words (unless someone is screaming, and even then, just saying such and such shouted, etc. is good). Also, you don't need to use more punctuation than ?!
I hope this helped you and good luck,
CarrieAuthor's Response: Cool,thanks for the tips, I might try to keep them in mind next time i'm writing. Report Review
First of all, I loved your chapter summary. Lol.
I really loved the colours and their descriptions fitting into the story! It was different and this story is very unique!
I'm not an avid Sirius/Lily fan, so I was uber happy when James kissed her. It was such a nice ending, too!
~ Varda ~Author's Response: Thanks you so much, not just for taking the time to reply, but also for writing such a positive review!! Report Review
-Borat voice- Very nice! xP
Brilliant; I lurved the way you did the colours and emotions they protrayed. Well done!
The ending was a bit fast paced though xP
xoprongsieoxAuthor's Response: I have tried to re-pace the ending. But I think that I may have another go. Thanks so much for the review! The criticism is always welcomed!! XD Report Review
This was so sad, but I really liked that it was lily who was sad, and not James which is the usual story.
Way to go.Author's Response: Just me, but I like to try and look at things from a different angle. It's more fun :P Report Review
Very well written. I really enjoyed this :)Author's Response: Thank you very much! Report Review
I applaud you it's probably one of the best lily and james one-shots i've ever read.Author's Response: Thank you so much! I try to write well, but to get a reply like yours tells me that I’m doing a good job! Report Review
I really liked your style, especially the way you correlated all the colors with a certain action and a certain emotion. It delved deeper into the character of Lily. Although this story was short it was interesting.
My only suggestion to you would be the very very end. It seemed a bit rushed. I think a better ending would just be, 'It seemed right and she wrapped her arms around him. This was really what she had been looking for all along, to be loved and be cared for where she was now used and pushed aside. This was the only thing she'd ever really wanted, but she'd always had it, she'd just never seen it."
I think the finaly line you had 'the rest is history' was, although dramatic a bit to quick. I'm not sure she would be able to realize her love for James and his love for her so immediately after her breakup with Sirius. She would probably still be a bit confused and most definately emotionally screwed up to figure out that crucial of a decision. I would suggest merely leaving it out. It was a great story though! Author's Response: Thank you very much for the review!! I think that I may have rushed the end a bit too much (as you said) but I think that I will go and re-write the end to make it a bit more romantic or emotional! Report Review
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