Hi really enjoyed this - please let me know if you are going to continue it and (hopefully) when you do. x
email@example.comAuthor's Response: I am glad that you are enjoying this fan fic. Yes, I am continuing with it. My chapters are taking a little bit longer to write these days but I have no plans or intentions to drop this fic. Thanks for the great review. :) Report Review
Hello, it's LadySophieKitty from the forums! I'm sorry it took me so long to get to this.
Why am I indulging him on this? I’m twenty-five, old enough to stand up to him. Why am I here? Well, I had a bit of a problem with this, seeing as it is told in 3rd person, it ruins the flow a bit. It can stay, but I would either put it in a single thing like this:', put it in italics like I did, or both. Same with: Why have you done this, my son? You have doomed us both.
Covering everything was an inch-thick layer of dust. It isn't wrong the way it is, it's just that it would sound better if it was An inch-thick layer of dust covered everything.
At times the writing seemed a little too formal and awkward, such as the above example.
Other than that, I really liked this story/chapter. I found no spelling or grammar mistakes. Good job!
Author's Response: Those two thoughts were in italics, but when I pasted it from my works doc the italics were removed. Report Review
Awesome story! I love Charlie...ironically, the name of the last Hermione/OC guy she met the last time I decided to check here ;)Author's Response: Thank you for the review. I am also quite fond of the character. Is that a bad thing, I wonder? Oh, well. Thank you for the great review! Report Review
okAuthor's Response: OK. Report Review
Awsome chapter sweetie! I noticed you took a certain movie influence for this chappy lol... I love the letter...Great fic! *muah*Author's Response: I am glad you enjoyed the chap. The letter took me a little bit of time to work out. I'm glad it worked out well. Thanks. Report Review
Wow! This was really amazing! I honestly have no critique! I'm adding this to my favorites, and will hopefully read more when I get the change. Very nice work!Author's Response: Thank you. No critique is equally as good as a critique. I am grateful that you have enjoyed my fic so far. Report Review
great job on a another brilliant chapter.
i cant wait for the next one.
hopefully it coming soon?
well amazing job none the less.
10/10Author's Response: Thanks. I am currently working on chapter seven. I should have it finished soon. Report Review
oh this chapter was very creative.
i could have never thought of anything like it.
great and a brilliant job!
a million /10Author's Response: Thank you. I, too, am enjoying where my fic is going. I am glad that you are enjoying my fic. Report Review
"Come on! She's hot!"
haha that made me laugh so hard.
great job with another grandious chapter.
cant wait to read the next chapter[so i wont wait]
10/10Author's Response: I am still not sure if I will be continuing with the Charlie/Minerva love interest. Thanks for the great review. Report Review
i dont have any critisms at all.
nothing to say but your a great writer.
nothing[wow i just realized im the worst critisizing reviewer in the world]
'all the world is good and agreeable in [my] eyes'
:D sorry for my rambling
10/10Author's Response: Hey, ramble away. Thanks for the great praise. Report Review
ha loved that line.intense and great chapter.
onto the next one which will never cease to amaze me?
right 10/10Author's Response: I liked that line as well. Thanks for the review. Report Review
wow.you have me hooked already.
which is something amazing becuase it normally takes a great second chapter to get me hooked.
your writing is amazing.
10/10Author's Response: Thank you. I truly hope you enjoy the rest of my fic. Thanks for the review. Report Review
lol that was funny, Charlie is in love with McG?Author's Response: I'm not sure if I will make anything out of that just yet, but I thought it would make an interesting quirk. Thanks fot the reviews. Report Review
oh, this is getting better and better, I'm off to read the next chapterAuthor's Response: I am glad that you are enjoying my fic so far. Thanks for the reviews. Report Review
Wow, this chapter was even better than the last!!
I have no criticism, but I'll tell you what I liked =)
I absolutely adored your comparison of Moody to Frankenstein's monster, it was fabulous!
And the whole liking older women thing was unique- its not too often there's a character attracted to McGonagall =)
I also liked how you showed that Charlie was observant and insightful through is anaylsis of the people he saw, like Hagrid.
Great job, I can't wait to read more! Author's Response: Thank you. I was a little worried about this chapter. I am glad that you enjoyed it. Report Review
"The Leaky Cauldron. Charlie read to himself. Standing in front of this small, shabby-looking inn, he was convinced that this was a good place to start. Having insulted the Dark Lord Voldemort and his father, Charlie knew that it wouldn’t take long for those Death Eaters of his to find him. Someone in this inn should know something about this Order of the Phoenix."
Here is an example on how this could be made to flow better: Standing in front of this small, shabby looking inn, the Leaky Cauldron, Charlie was convinced this was a good place to start. Having insutled his father, and the Dark Lord, Charlie knew it wouldn't be long.
etc, etc. I know I said to work flow in the last chapter, but I didn't really give any specific examples, so...maybe this helped understand what I meant, in case you didnt. Becuase I don't know if you did.
That's just a suggestion =) Simple things like commas instead of some periods make a world of difference.
That was just another, very minor, issue. You manage to fit an extraoridnary amount of plot development, as well as insight to Charlie in a small amount of words-very hard to do, and you did it well!
So, overall this chapter earns a major smiley face =)Author's Response: Thanks. The more of Charlie I write the more I am liking his character. Thank you for the insight. Report Review
I really liked this, great job!!
You have a great foundation to continue on with this story. Charlie's character was very unique, and I liked his reactions to Voldemort and his father. The descriptions were awesome, and
There were only minor grammar errors, nothing a little bit of proofreading can fix. Also, work on making the dialogue flow more-it was nice, but you can go further with it =)
Generally, I thought this was a great start!
I can't wait to read the next two chapters!Author's Response: Thank you very much. I am truly enjoying writing this fic and each review gives me insight to help improve myself as a writer. Thanks again. Report Review
I'm so loveing the whole 'charlie likes older woman thing' LMAO. How old is he btw? *hugs*Author's Response: Charlie is suppose to be around 25, but I'm not sure if my readers are picking up on that. Thanks for the great reviews, btw. I am glad you enjoyed the chapter. Report Review
Charlie quickly steps inside where he becomes amazed by the large volume of business.
You changed the tense there, just wanted to point that out ^_^
he quickly stumbles upon a young man and woman sitting at a table on the far side of the room.
but other than that, great chapter!Author's Response: Thank you for the criticism *I mean the good kind* Every bit helps me become a better writer. Glad you like the chapter. Report Review
very good story so far! I ; the fact that it doesn't take place in Hogwarts. It's fresh and new for me. lol Keep up the good work! ^_^Author's Response: Thank you. Being my first hpff, I wanted it to take place in an enviornment I could control better. Having it take place at Hogwarts might have been difficult for me. Thanks for the praise all the same. Report Review
Awsome fic. Love it! Can't wait to see where your going with this! *hugs*Author's Response: Tell the truth, so am I. Not sure where I am going with it but what is important is that I am having fun doing it. Thanks for the review. Report Review
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