You have to do a sequal cause no offense but that was a pretty cruddy ending. 6/10

Author's Response: Well, I'm going to stick up for my ending. I personally am very proud of this fic. I don't know why, I just am. I love it to bits and to add that I'm not a big fan of this ship at all it is only natural I had a huge struggle to write this fic. So I can't help but feel proud of this fic.

Elven

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Hey. Would just liek to say it was a great story heres what i made of it.
The lyrics fit really well with the tone and the plot of the story, but the story is a story in it's own right and that's what makes a really good song-fic. The balance you have there is just great!
The description, I thought was really good. I loved how you descrbed her with Ron at the beginning, the fluffy bits were great, I'm a sucker for them! Also, the wasy you describe how all she has left is he memories is brillant. I really felt her pain and sadness and the emotion is great you nailed it.
The writing itself is good too. It flows, and is believeavble. It's a heart breaking story but it's really good. The ending I felt was the best.
I think you could have put a little more as to why they broke up, and maybe Hermione questioning herself, but that's just me knit-picking, I didn't spot any typos or grammatical errors. Great job keep it up!

Author's Response: Thanks. I don't really like making a story for some lyrics but the finding of lyrics that fit my story. It's how I usually write song-fics but with this one I wrote the way I hate. First the lyrics and then find a plot to fit it. I'm glad you think I got the two well ballanced.

Fluff; I'm a sucker for it too and it's my strength. Fluff and drama. Obviously this was written before DH so that explains the plot on itself.

Thanks for the lovly review,
Elven

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just ok.

Author's Response: Lol thanks,
Elven

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aww, that was so sad, i hate lavender. Keep up the good work! Great Story!
10/10

Author's Response: Thanks Cal5114,
It was supposed to be sad and I'm not too fond of Lavender neither.
Elven

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Wow, I never thought Ron would leave Hermione for Lavender! I mean, come on... *goes off rambling about how and why Hermione is better than Lavender*

Ahem, right, sorry, got lost in the moment :p

Alright, I want to start with the song-lyrics this time. I thought it was cool that I (after three years of German at school) could understand some of the words. (I know it's not German, but the two languages are a bit alike...). But I thought it was all a bit confusing. I mean, perhaps it was a little too much having both the lyrics and the translation in the text itself. I know it's against TOS to have lyrics in another language and not a translation, but you have the translation in the beginning of the text, shouldn't that be enough? I understnad that maybe you want people to read the lyrics while they read the story, but I think it would be just as good having them just on top there and only the Dutch lyrics in the text...

Anyways, moving on...

The fic was pretty... repeating. I think you should've rewritten a couple of paragraphs, adding something different, something new, something more than just her fantasy world. I'm not saying you shouldn't focus on her fantasy world, just write the paragraphs more differently (isn't it ironic how I repeat things too? :p ) So the length was good, but I wish you would've spent some of it on other things (new things :p ) :)

I don't know if you've noticed, but you start many paragraphs and senteces with "and" and "but". My teacher always tells me not to use those two words in the beginning of a sentece, but I find it very difficult myself. I'm sure I've made the mistake myself at least once in this review already. Sometimes I try, but only when I have to :p

I hope that by now you know I'm not here to insult you or anything, I'm just trying to help and give some cc and stuff :)

I won't lie and tell you I liked it, but I didn't not like it either, if you know what I mean. I thought it was okay. But hey, even I can't like everything :) Well, I'm on to reading your other stories!

Christina

Author's Response: Thanks, oh another one of those big and long reviews I love!!!
Hmmm, might change all "and"'s and "but"'s.

Thanks for your advise and the lovely review again.

Elven

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It's Brunilocks from the Got Fanic Team

I enjoyed this fic, it was nicely done and I liked the song too. The emotion you put into Hermione was fantastic, I felt like I was inside her head. It was such a sad story though and something I was going to suggest were the extra word that don't need to be written in. (I forgot what they are called) lol, sorry

But, apart from that this one-shot was wonderful. A grammar mistakes, but a beta can fix that. Great fic? ;)

Author's Response: Thanks!!!

I love to get reviews like these!!!
Yep, * scans all people to find a beta *
lol ;)

Elven

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I really liked your story, its well written and interesting.

Emma xx

Author's Response: Thanks!!!

Elven

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I liked this, it was very pretty. But something you could do to make the lines flow better would be to use less words, I don't know if you get what I mean. A lot of people (myself included) use filler words and it's a hard habit to break. Either get a beta reader that catches these filler words or just pay extra attention when you develop your sentences. Like this line:
The sun shone straight in her eyes.
Instead it would sound better more like: the sun shone in her eyes.
Something like that, and it will make the story better.

But I liked the general feel for the story and think it's really good and you have something here, just work on the filler words!

~LB

Author's Response: Thank you so much.
I'll need to work on that habbit. ;)

Elven

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This story was good. Not one of my favorites, but still good.

There were some spelling and grammatical errors that you had throughout the piece.

I think you could possibly put in here the time when Ron left Hermione for Lavender and when Hermione found out that they were engaged. That could make the story more exciting and give us more insight as to why Hermione would be so upset over this.

Good story nonetheless

Author's Response: Thanks for the review.

Elvengirl

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A beautiful song and poetically written! I loved ever second of this song-fic and I think that it truly is a beautiful. You have got good pacing and words all flow together to form a wonderful piece of writing. I love the idea of Ron running away, it’s not what most people write about and I love the originality of Hermione loosing herself in this world. Keep the writing up! 10/10

Author's Response: Thanks for the sweet review.
I had my doubts about this story as it didn't really liked it myself.
Again thank you for the sweet review.

Elvengirl

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quick suggestion in terms of format: maybe have the lyrics and translations side by side so we don't have to keep scrolling back and forth to see what the words mean. Also, please credit the singer, along with the name of the song and the language (well that part isn't necessary but it's always nice to know what language the song's in ;) )

anywhos, the actual story!

And even they had noticed. They had dumped her, one by one they had. Because they all knew she still loved him.

hooo..wow, hermione. poor thing. :( I liked how you kept referring to Lavender as the fiance, kind of a thorn in Hermione's side. Aw, I'll say it again, poor hermione. that was a nice (but sad!) one-shot, and interesting that you had Ron going back to Lavender. And the song worked well with it too! Good job! :)



Author's Response: Thanks!!!
I'm so glad you liked it!!!
I will credit the singer and put the translation with the text, I actually thought from the beginning that would be a problem.

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I cannot believe that Lavender would do such a thing, actually, I can, I hate her so much. Hermione does not deserve Ron. Well in this story she does. I am a Dramione shipper, but this was very good.

Author's Response: Thanks again, glad you liked it!

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