15 Reviews Found

Review #1, by dolly The First Day

7th August 2007:
omgh i loved it!

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Review #2, by Allie Wood The First Day

10th July 2007:
James! James, wake up you fat lard

Author's Response: Just thought I'd add a bit of Napolean Dynamite in it. :]

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Review #3, by Lily Opal Evans The First Day

2nd July 2007:
lol, i liked this chapter. when james and sirius were trying to get up the girls staircase again and they were having the argument over who was the `fattiest` i thought that you portrayed their realtionship perfectly!
“What is this white stuff? Is this what fire looks like up close? Lily! Lily, are you still here? Alice! Or Ali, whatever you want to be called: we lost Lily to the white fire! Ali? Oh, no I am the only survivor of the three amigos! Maybe I can get James now...”

this was my favourite part- you captuered the early-morning madness brilliantly. Oh, and this quote sounds like me. should i be worried? lol

Author's Response: Wow, thanks! I wasn't quite sure if Sirius and James should be like that but I guess they should. And erm...about the quote. You shouldn't be worried because Emilia is based off of me. My full name is Emilia and I like to be called Eme but I wish my nickname was Em, lol. I put myself into the story because, well, I just wanted to :]. Thanks again for reviewing!

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Review #4, by Lily Opal Evans Hogwarts

17th June 2007:
hi! just want to say that i'm stillsnorting over `petty` and her reaction to James!

This story is wicked! And i would totally give it more than 10/10 but unfortunetley (i can never spell that word) i can't.

I think that this story is really well written, has a good plot with excellent ideas! Please keep writing!

Author's Response: Wow...thanks! I would just like you to know and other people to that I am going on vacation..(whoop!) until this Friday but I am sending out a chapter before I leave and hopefully it will get validated by the time I get back. Thanks again!

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Review #5, by Silver Hogwarts Train

12th June 2007:
(: I really like it
im me when you get more of it (:

Author's Response: fanks :]

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Review #6, by Precious Rin The Pensieve

10th June 2007:
This may be a long one...

Harry looked around nervously. Dumbledore’s office hasn’t changed that much since he last visited. He was just starting to think about what he had done badly this time when he saw Professor Dumbledore leaning over something in the corner. Harry thought that he had not acknowledged him yet so he cleared his throat with a loud ‘ahem’. Dumbledore turned around half startled. Then his face relaxed as soon as he realized it was Harry.

Try showing us this, rather than simply stating it. Harry was nervous? So show us by having him pass his hands through his hair, his eyes dart about nervously, his hair on end. Dumbledore is startled? Show us by how big his eyes are, a slight jump at Harry's speech.

“Ah, Harry. I thought you’d never ask.
This is a bit odd, as Dumbledore just said to Harry "Do you know why I asked you here." It will still sound Dumbledore-ish if you just have him start with "Ah, Harry."

Did you ever wonder if they saved anything from your parent’s house?”

Somewhat blunt. Why don't you lead up to it first?

Harry thought back to the day where he accidently got into Snape’s pensieve. On that day he realized why Snape hates him so much. Returning to the present, Harry remembered that Dumbledore had asked Harry a question. He quickly nodded. He wondered what a pensieve had to do with his parents’ old items.

Instead of shoving through this, why not let Harry recall that day, describe it a bit. Let Harry's mind wander through his thinking.

Ah, Harry...Always the curious one, aren’t you? Well if you need to know.
This doesn't make much sense. Of course Harry's curious, that was Dumbledore called him in the first place.

This chapter is very rushed. I think it could use some lengthening and description, but it has very good potential. I like the idea of Harry watching his mother grow up. Try rereading some HP to get down Dumbledore's characterization. Good luck!

Author's Response: Okay. Yeah I noticed that too as I read through it a couple times. I'll get to it as soon as I get chapter 5 and 6 out :]

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Review #7, by Miss Bellatrix Hogwarts Train

5th June 2007:
Great! Please continue!

Author's Response: Next chapter is waiting :] Glad you like it.

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Review #8, by Kara Holly Morgan Hogwarts Train

5th June 2007:
This is ok.

Author's Response: Do you have any suggestions on how I can do better? I'd love that :]

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Review #9, by miss_p0tter_xo Hogwarts Train

5th June 2007:
this story is cute, write more write more!! -XO

Author's Response: Haha, thanks. Chapter 5 is waiting.

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Review #10, by Allie Wood Hogwarts Train

31st May 2007:
:) love it love it!!
hate to be a nudge, but Alice's last name wouldnt be Longbottom yet, that was Frank's last name. Alice's last name would be her maden name.
10/10 love the story line like i said before.

Author's Response: Mmmhmm, thanks for pointing that out. I'll change that in a bit, I'm being a bit lazy at the moment

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Review #11, by Allie Wood Diagon Alley

31st May 2007:
Aw, how cute!
love it Moosey!

Author's Response: Yeah, you could tell that I kind of changed James' character a bit. Well, I'll make him be a show-off that he is in the school. I guess he can change with peer pressure :]]

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Review #12, by Allie Wood The Letter

31st May 2007:

Author's Response: Wooo!

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Review #13, by Allie Wood The Pensieve

31st May 2007:
love the storyline!
Work on legnth tho moosey

Author's Response: Ooooh thanks. Yeah about the length... I was reading this really good story before that had amazingly long chapters and I don't like those. I mean REALLY long chapters. It took me like 2 hours to read one chapter. So I don't want them to be too long, but I know what you mean. Thanks again!

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Review #14, by asdfghjkl Diagon Alley

1st May 2007:
it wasn't so nice story . i guess you are going too fast

Author's Response: What do you mean by "you're going to fast"?

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Review #15, by ME_93 The Letter

24th April 2007:
awsome! can't ait 4 wen u update

Author's Response: Fanks! :]

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