Hmm...very interesting. I really liked it. Nothing too brilliant, but very entertaining! 10/10
PS: My story: "Rabbit Food: As told by Dudley Dursley"Author's Response: Thank you. I did this for a shortest fiction challenge. I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
I think this is a great one-shot. I didn't think it would be Pansy or Hermione. xD Good Job.Author's Response: Oh thank you! You're one of the first to think that. Who did you think it would be? Report Review
I think this story was sweet, but lacking substance. You don't really dable too far into their relationship, and you only see a flash of what they're life together is like. I do have to tell you though, your word choice is good. And I really can picture the woman in my head, doing the things you say she is doing. Which is good, because I love description. Anyways, good job!
~AlexAuthor's Response: Ah thank you. In one of my previous responces, I mentioned maybe making a longer one-shot of this same relationship but go farther into it. Thank you for your review! I really appreciate it. Report Review
I wish I had a username on the forums, but that is impossible for me to do, i'm afraid. I have no email, and I therefore, cannot register. And I really want to write my own fics, but there's the problem again, I have no email and can't register. I'll try and beg my parrents to let me get email, though, 'cuz I just NEED to write my own fanfics. I've actually wrote a first chapter of a fanfic, though I can't post it. I had my younger sister read it (covering up pages with bad language, ofcourse) and she really liked it. But her opinion isn't good enough. I need to know what others think. Oh, this is sooo frustrating. Sorry, I'm taking up all ur time with y blabbering. If I ever do register on the forums, I'd be sure to tell u. Good luck with ur stories!Author's Response: Thank you! That really does stink about not being able to get an email address! But, I found a really great email thing where you can get a free email address and it is a real email address. It is the site I use. It is 'inbox.com' and it's awesome! You could try it out. Report Review
This was a little too short for my taste but I liked it nonetheless! It was very well written, and you went into this girl character of yours in great depths. I could feel how she's feeling. Who was she? I thought as it was OtherCanon I'm assuming Lavender or Daphne Greengrass. I liked how oyu made her human and not just one dimensional pureblood girl (I'm assuming.) Despite it being 600 words though you could have filled in a few blanks, like how I've presumed alot. With this story, a reader was just left presuming that this girl was Millicent or someone and not found out any answers at the end, which was I had to admit, a letdown. But other than that this was a short but sweet fiction with excellent spelling and grammar and descriptions!!
P.S: I'm favoriting and giving this...eight stars. Author's Response: Oh, thank you! And actually, because you've been about the eighth person to tell me that it was a little dissapointing not to find out who it was, I believe I will put in my two cents into the story at the end, finally saying who it was. I also might redo this into a longer fiction, and go father indepth into Draco and the Character's relationship. Report Review
Okay, I've re-thought out some better titles, 'cuz I was at a loss for words a few minutes ago...
-Honey Moon Magic
-Swearing A Vow To You
-Forever and Always Yours
-The Wedding Bells Sing
-Pledging My Heart
-You And No One Else
...let me know what u think ASAP please. Do my titles suck? And I thought about a sequal idea, but ofcourse this is the obvious next step: Preganacy, ofcourse. Author's Response: I really like these titles, but maybe if they could have a little more sarcastic meaning. But I still think I might use 'Honeymoon Magic'. I really like that. And that you for stopping by and taking the time to do this.
And about the 'next step' I cna't wait to get the story out because well, if you say one of the other links to the story you would see that it takes place between fifth and sixth year......yes, the awkwardness. Lol. But if you have a username on the forums, please PM me and we could chat! Report Review
I heard u needed title help on ur next "Till Death" Series. I have a few suggestions...
'Till Death Do Us Part: Part 2- The Honey Moon and There After
...wow, that was crappy...I'll try and think of something MUCH better later...Author's Response: Thank you for stopping by and helping! Report Review
I really liked this! I think that perhaps you should write a sequel. I would definately read the sequel. I'll keep my eye out one. *wink*
Oh, also, who was the other canon character? I couldn't figure it out.
CarrieAuthor's Response: A sequal?! I am so happy that you thought that it was good enough for one. No ones said that to me before so that really made my day *huggles*.
Well, no since so many people have been wondering who it is, check back tomorrow to see in the Authors Note who I intended it to be. I would like everyone to form their own opinion though!
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It is a short piece, but very well written. You did manage to convey her emotions and feelings, whoever she is. And it's not easy to do this in so short a piece when your readers don't know your character. Yet, at the end, we're left with the feeling that we know her. Well done!
You also managed to show us Draco through her eyes - you could have written a bit more about him, but then the challenge was to write a short fic. I'm glad you didn't make him perfect. Of course, she's having second thoughts, but he might still have been the perfect fiancé. He's not, and it's all the more realistic.
I particularly liked the ending, when she surrenders to her fate. No doubt she will have the same expression as Narcissa at the Quidditch World Cup before long... Again, good job!Author's Response: Thank you! I am glad that you were able to interpret the fact that she would have second thoughts. Some thought it was pointless because they see Draco as perfect and I see just the opposite, but love him all the same *huggles*. I also liked that you were able to feel like you knew her, and that made me happy as a writer.
Also, the comment about Narcissa made me smile. Thanks!
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I liked this; although it was very short, you really managed to convey her emotions, whoever she is.
It was well-written, detailed and it flowed without any abrupt endings spread throughout the story. Her inner struggle was portrayed very well, and at the end, I couldn't help to feel a bit sorry for her. She did not seem to be ready for this marriage, yet she headed straight towards that direction. I cannot help but wonder if she'll ever be happy. I also liked the fact that she questioned the ruby and how that had a connection to the story. I'm curious about her identity...
As I said, you were descriptive, without overdoing it, and gave a clear picture of the scenery. Very good indeed!Author's Response: Thank you for reveiwing so throughoutly(sp?)! Also, thank you for the comliments. I've been struggling with overdueing the descriptions lately and I didn't want to overdue it on this one so I let up a lot. You are the fifth person to want to know her identiy! I think I might post my idea in the Author's Note. Report Review
Well, I usually don't like stories that have Draco as a main characeter - just because i despise him - but this was a little different. I wish I knew who the narrator was - maybe Pansy? The ruby ring was very symbolic. I almost thought that those last few words were referring to her throwing the ring at draco - not the marriage throwing something at her. It would have been the ending I would've put on it. In short, not that bad. A little bland, but it was okay.
~ Caroline (Ellarose)Author's Response: Thank you for your review. I'm glad that you told me what you thought. Alot of people really seem to want to know who I planned the main character to be, but I think that I might put my opion in the Author's note but I really wanted people to think on their own on that.
Yes, I could see how you could think that about the ring, and I might change that, but for now I'm going to leave it. Thank you for your review! Report Review
You requested a review from me on the forums, and I'm (finally) here, sorry for the lateness, I'm knee deep in reviews. Ok, without further ado…
1) Organization and spacing: Very well done, every-thing's clearly defined, leaving the reader no room for confusion. You never forgot your spacing, it's all there. So that's full marks here (2/2)
2) Length: It's clearly very short, but as it's meant to be for the world's shortest fic challenge I'll let it slid (1/1)
3) Paragraphs and pacing: Your paragraphs are in good shape; not too big, not too small. For the most part, you went at a slow steady pace, giving details and description, but it got really rushed at the end, I understand that it's hard for it no to get rushed being in this challenge, but as I've already ignored the length, I can't ignore this (1/2)
4) Grammar and Spelling: Very well done, no grammar disaster, spelling catastrophes, or punctuation mayhem, so I think you've really earned another full mark (2/2)
5) Characterization and Writing style: What I loved the most was how, though Draco didn't say a word, you got him to sound just right, arrogant filthy rich play boy with a nice smirk (don't you just love him :-p ?). I liked how you wrote this, you told the reader a lot about the character, without even giving her a name, brilliantly done (2/2)
So you have a final result of (9/10)
What I really liked was how you shrewdly decided not to give her a name, it was a very clever way of avoiding describing her which have taken at least a paragraph, and as you were forced to cut on length, that was a very smart thing to do *bows at the creativity humbly*
I liked the title, it's so unexpected, and then when you read it makes sense, I wonder why he got her a ruby though?...hm..
The thunderstorm was a nice touch, it helped you delve into the story, and start to unravel the layers of hr character, whoever she is.
I'd like to comment more, but you've hardly given me a thing to complain about. So I hope this wasn't too bad of a review *blush* sorry for the shortness
Author's Response: Thank you so much! I'm sorry I didn't give you anything to complain about *lol*. But I think that your reveiw was really throughout and I really appreciated it. Better than just pointing out the bad things and leaving nothing else like some people do with some stories.
I also thought that at points it was a little rushed, but I'm also thinking of making the same one-shot into a longer one as well.
I hadn't really thought about it, but the fact that Draco doesn't talk at all is a little different and I'm glad that you pointed that out to me. And I do just love him to death *huggles*. Thanks again for the reveiw!
Thanks a million,
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I'm interested in knowing who this girl is. But not enough to degrade your beautiful writing style. So many writers simply have them fall inlove with this suave, charming, debonair Draco Malfoy, who wasn't raised to be cruel, calculating, and although he would be very charming, it would probably be more of a devious charm, to get what he wants and needs, not simply for love. It showed the doubts any sane woman would stepping into marriage, or even a serious relationship. Author's Response: Oh, thank you! I really intended for the reader to think of their favorite Draco ship and then pick.
I also think that the fact when the girl falls in love with Draco without a second thought is extremely unreatlistic. They may think he's the hottest thing next to the sun but that doesn't mean they can entirely ignore his character.
Thanks for noticing! Report Review
I think that this was a bad one shot. I mean you didn't give us a name, and without a name the whole story was usless. I think that this was rather clitch, and that you should redo it if you are going to keep the story posted.Author's Response: The point of the story was to develope a writing style to see how well we could do. I chose not to state the name because decribing the person would have taken up at least a paragraph. I'd like you to explain why you thought it was bad. Report Review
Beautifully written. The forward and backwards movements of your main character show the careful dance that each person must play in a relationship. One step forward, one step back. I also loved the symbolism of the ruby. I got the feeling that the OC was a non-pureblood or that the ruby was colored with blood or something.
Also, the second thoughts on the marriage, which are quite common in marriages, work perfectly with the way I imagine anyone would think when they were getting ready to marry Draco.
A lovely 8.6/10 but since the ratings are only in whole numbers, I'll round that up. The last 3 sentence structures are nearly identical and lowered your rating. It's unfortunate but in such a short fic, every bit of sentence structure counts.
xxCornieAuthor's Response: Thank you for your thourough(sp?) reveiw. In quite a few stories, people have it that their characters never think twice about being married to Draco, thinking that because of his money and all, that they wouldn't think again. But I really feel quite the opposite.
Thank you also, for being honest about the last couple sentences. I'll think about maybe rephrasing those in the future.
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