Very, very, very well written. I could see her there, watching her son's life flash before her and realizing what she had done for him.

I have so much respect and sympathy for Narcissa Malfoy.

Love,
ErinColleen

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This piece of writing is certainly different and interesting. I really liked it, but it seems as if Narcissa is watching Draco fight in the war without being part of it herself. Anyways, I still that you are really talented and should write more compositions in this style.

P.S. Your stories are amazing!

Author's Response: Thank you! Yeah, I suppose it's got some spectator syndrome in it, but, well, honestly, I can't think of how to fix it without ruining the story.

There's more in that style-it's most of what I write (at least I think they're all a similar style).

Thank you so much!

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Hmm, not your best I will admit, but good all the same. Or maybe it is just my perception of Draco Malfoy conflicts with his portrayal here. Actually, I think it likely. One sentence needs rewording and needs to lose a comma.

"She wanted to tell him to brush his hair, to cut his hair, and to eat something,, to go outside and play to get some colour. "

My suggestion would be: "She wanted to tell him to brush and cut his hair, to eat something so he could go outside and play. Regain some color in his cheeks."

The last sentence is probably too short but the point is that 'hair' is repeated in too short of a space of time.

Nice work all the same. :D


Author's Response: Thank you. See, more people need to review like you, and actually leave useful criticism like this. I don't pretend I'm perfect or typo free, and it's helpful when the things that don't sit well with others are pointed out. Thank you so much!

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