well there are things like syntax which need to be fixed. it's okay. i like the plot. not the way you're telling it.Author's Response: oh i completely agree... this story scares me at times, it's just so terrible. thank you! Report Review
I much prefered i know youre sleeping with my boyfriend.
But this had some good dialogue.
Did you write this a while ago?
I'm just curious, it seems like you have progresed since.
7/10Author's Response: oh this one is so terrible, my first story EVER... lol!
thanks so much for the kind review, nonetheless, tho as it's very much appreciated!
...i should probably put a warning on this story, shouldn't i? lol. Report Review
It was excllent stop worrying ! 10/10Author's Response: aw thank you, glad you enjoyed it! Report Review
very good story, i liked the ending a lot.
i'm not going to give you anymore tips though cause you're already finished with the story :)
oh and i loved the term commitment phobic - it definitely describes me! minus the sleeping with guys and family issues, it's mostly that i just tend to break up with my boyfriends after a few days.
ok, good job!Author's Response: DUDE, me too! lol
i have so many issues in that dept. lol Report Review
First of all, I like the story idea, sounds very interesting and very original.
Secondly, here are some things that you could improve on:
1. Capitilization (only a few minor errors)
2. I would suggest using "'s when someone is speaking and only use ' if it is a thought
and lastly, if i'm guessing right, this was your first fiction - so im going to pop to one of your later ones after i read this one. and then i'll leave a lovely review about your improvement.
ok sorry i ramble a lot:]Author's Response: lol glad to hear that you like the premise, i ahve to say, now, when i read it i cringe merely at the sight of it lol Report Review
i really like carter :D
and im glad we get to know about lily alittle more it makes sense good writing ill look at ur other stories after im done this one :dAuthor's Response: glad to hear that you like ti (and i adore carter so esp. glad to hear u like him lol) Report Review
hmmm interesting ... very interesting
good stuffAuthor's Response: why thnak you! Report Review
i love it
like i said in my previous review its something totally different and i feel no sympathy for ashley anywayAuthor's Response: lol very glad to her that you find it original, you have no idea how much it means to me to hear such kidn comments Report Review
hmm this is something different ... something new ... good job ill make sure i favourite thisAuthor's Response: very happy to hear that! Report Review
i loved it! i read it all in one night. lily and james were slightly out of character form the lilyXjames stories that i read, so it was pretty cool to read a fresh new one!
izziAuthor's Response: wow, all in one night, really? so glad to hera that you were so excited about it too!
thank you so much for reviewing! Report Review
That was an excellent ending. Not too corny/cheesy, and it left me hanging just the right amount. I really like it. This would even have made a good longer story. You could've expanded on Carter a lot more (I LOVE carter!!) and drawn upon James' relationship with his friends, and lily with hers. But nonetheless, I love it! Good luck with future writing. xox.Author's Response: lol thank you so much, thats very kind of you to say Report Review
That was good.Author's Response: thank u Report Review
I really like this story. It captures complex emotions, and makes them real to the readers. Congradulations on a job well done. Lily is so unpredicatable, and is it just me, or did Carter want to be her boyfriend? Maybe I'm reading to much into it but his advise of to go with a different guy, and the way he wrote his letter. I'm suspicious. By the way, how do you manage to get expelled from 4 schools? Pretty impressive I must say.
I love the story! 10/10!Author's Response: i never pictured carter as the bf... i always saw him as the best friend that who knows may hav been bf material at one point, but they had been friends for so long that it could only be platonic (does that make any sense what so ever? lol)
as for being expelled 4 times... trusst me it's possible, carter was based off of my best friend... pranks can easily go awry, he's a testament to that fact lol
thank u so much for the review, it means a lot! Report Review
Okey... there were a few words in there I didn't understand, but I iked it. Carter... what a know it all, but i guess that was the point.
hehe... Carter... I keep thinking of the guy in spin city. hehe..
Author's Response: wasnt carter the gay 1... i only watched like 2 episodes so i could easily be wrong Report Review
yes hes nice and I think he has that ashley girl pegged(never really liked anyone with the name Ashley)update soonAuthor's Response: lol, ur right, the name's too reppy and over done lol (jk) Report Review
It's very difficult to understand who you are talking about when you only use He and She. If you could use their names sometimes it would really help.
The story's great by the way.
9/10, cause James is such a jealus person.Author's Response: lol aw thank u i'lkl try to fix that for u Report Review
thats so not right!you cut her off why?!and so glad that james is jealous! wonder when hes going to break it off with ashley?update soonAuthor's Response: lol thank u so much for the positive encouragment (as for updating i will try to asap, but ive been havign sum problems with formatting that led to it being rejected, i will tyr to hav it for u asap) Report Review
Pretty good!Author's Response: aww thank u that moeans so much more than u could possibly imagine Report Review
at least 2nd chapter had some comedy in it. Author's Response: lol thanx Report Review
irealy likedthe first chapter. can u help me find a banner for my story it is called harry potter and the battle of hell. thanx.Author's Response: umm i dunno how to find banners, sry i cant help u there i really wish that i culd Report Review
I really never thought of Lily being like this..or James for that matter =]Author's Response: lol, yeah, i wanted to try somethign different, dunno how successful i was at it, but i thot it'd be interestign, i mean its not liek we really even ever knew that much about her to begin with
theres so much room for creativity Report Review
Kool! very nice.Author's Response: aww thanx ;) Report Review
OH I can't wait to see what Ashley will say.Author's Response: lol thanx but if ud liek to see you can go to the website that is posted on my profile and there you will find the completed version of this fic along with others that i hav written Report Review
This chapter does not suck!! It is really good. I like it! I can't wait to see where the story goes. Also, will Sirius come in? He is so cool!!!
Thankyou for reviewing my story! I can't wait until you update.
Maurader fanAuthor's Response: aww thank u so much u hav no idea how much reviews such as yours mean to me!! Report Review
pretty good i think! i must say though.. when lily was making out with the guy who should have been in quidditch.. first you called him chris.. then harry said riley... jus a lil slip.. i ave done it many times! lol! well keep it up! this seems like a very interesting story!Author's Response: at the librayr it was one guy and the guy in the closet that was supposed 2 be at practice was another 1, i that wat ur reffering 2????????
(lily's a bit of a whore in thsi fic...) Report Review
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