That was a really good story. I liked it a lot. Ron is a total jerk for trying to control her like that, but that stuff happens sometimes. At least she realized it. Good job. Report Review
Well, if you know the spellings off, you may want to fix it. I like the idea of the one-shot. It was a nice one-shot, some writers could drag that topic unnecessarily long. I think maybe you should have added some details and maybe more Dr/H but that's all. It was a nice story. : ) Report Review
Okay, here comes a full review. The plot is fantastic, but the dialogue, and descriptions, were all, completely and utterly empty. You described all of the make-up and things in detail enough, but nothing else. The relationship between Hermione and Malfoy seemed emptiest of all, Draco's lines were all very staged it seemed. There was not enough history popured into them. On the upside, this being your first one-shot, you caught emotion well, but not greatly. Overall, you did a nice jobfor you first one-shot. 6/10Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing and truth be told you are very correct all your statments. I found that when I went over the story myself that the dialogues were empty missing that humman feel that an author should bring when writing a story. Thank you for the honesty all of these things will help me not only improve this one-shot, but other one-shots and anyother story I should write.
Thanks :) Ericka Report Review
hi there...i'm lei...i wonder, how old are you?coz this story, well how should i put it, it's got that characteristics of being made by an honest child..no seriously, i don't mean to offend you, if i don't i'll be relieved but i honestly don't mean this in a bad way...it's just that, if if you're young when you wrote this, then those spelling and grammar mistakes are kinda understandable, but next to that, the moral of the story was impressive for someone of your age(whatever that is...)i'm sorry if my comment is a bit off, i do mean this in the best possible way...but hey, i do like your story...it's got what i like to call "values" which not many fics has...that's really nice..keep it up, i hope you,uhm...improve on your tinsy bits of shortcomings(?)(oh, i do hope i don't sound like a bitch with what i said, coz really, i'm not!harhar)
ciao then..Author's Response: Don't worry. I'm not offended and I know I've got to improve on my spelling/grammer.Thanks for the positve side of the comment though. I hate when people just say it was crap, bbut don't say why.So don't worry you don't sound like a bitch just someone trying to help me improve. And by the way I'm 14. Thanks for reviewing. Report Review
The plot line was good, making Ron out to be the bad guy and Draco looking practically like an angel next to him, but I think you need more detail and all the large spacing in between lines was a little confusing. But, your storyline was interesting and original and I love how Hermione stood up to Ron like that. He seemed like such an idiot in this.
Oh, by the way, I was going to e-mail you, but my computer is being stupid and won't let me in my e-mail, so I thought this would work. I posted the sequel to Invisible and you wanted me to let you know, so I am. ^_^Author's Response: Thank you for the review and letting me know that the story's been posted.I've been waiting soo long and I can't wait.Thanks for all the compiment's and yeah I'm working on the spaceing.Thank you and you'll be seeing a review from me soon. Report Review
The story is a good one, even if not a direction I would generally go in. It's got a great message. You do need to work on spelling and grammar a bit but it just looks like typing mistakes. Try ready the story backwards, it catches little mistakes (i know that sounds stupid but it works!) Otherwise, great job!Author's Response: Thanks for the advice I think it's the most original peace of advice I've got for my spelling and Grammer and that's something that I've been working at alot and I think I'll try it.Thanks for the review. Report Review
I love it!Author's Response: Thanks!!! Report Review
This story reaching out to readers about being themsleves instead of changing for someone it is a good message.Author's Response: Thank you Thank you THANK YOU!!!!
This has been the nices review I have gottin so far for this story so far and you so got the message!! So yeah thanks for the review and I don't now you but I love you for this review!!! :) :) :) Report Review
Hey! This story was absolutely wonderful! I loved it! A bit of criticism though; you might want to work on your format. I don't know if you double spaced when you sent the story in or what.. but the format is all wrong! Goodness! Well, other than that, it was a wonderful story. I loved it. Although, I might ask.. what gave you the idea that Ron might control and change Hermione? What song is that you're using? It was great.
Peace && Love,
reBeccKahAuthor's Response: Thank you.I wrote the song and I based the story around the song.And the idea just came to me during study hall and I just started writing it and it turned into my first one-shot.And I love playing with Rons charicter.In a cuple of my story's I make Ron into the bad guy. Report Review
I like it, even know they screwed it up. ill email you the updates to my story okay? i need your email... Author's Response: Cool thanks for the reveiw and my email is email@example.com.
Can't wait to see the updates.L8ter! Report Review
Actually the idea of the story is pretty good. But all the spelling/grammar mistakes really take away from the story. Also never use netspeak like "cuz" in a story. Plus the spacing of the story was strange. But the story itself was good.Author's Response: Thank you for the good reviews and I know m spelling and grammer have some work to do.But hey I use the dictionary as much as I can and everything else will just come in time.I can't really control the spacing of the story sometimes it just happens.And about the net speak I know I shouldn't use it, but old hepats are hard to break. Report Review
Hmm, good concept, i'm just not a fan of the way Ron reacted. but im a bit biased lol. I can see Malfoy acting that way, but not Ron. Author's Response: In this Ron is very ooc and so is Draco.You'll see that in most of my stories.Turning Ron into draco's character it's just what I like to write.Thank you for reviewing. Report Review
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