Wow! This was a really good one-shot! I like how you portrayed Petunia as nice-ish, theres not many of us that do that. (btw, Im writing a novel about a nice Petunia, and I would really appriciate the feedback of another nice-Petunia-writer, only if you have time of course :]. Its called The Other Evans).
Your grammer and vocab were brilliant, and I dont believe I noticed any spelling mistakes or anything :]
Very good fic :]
~~Chelsea Report Review
Poor Petunia. Her pain is really strong here. I have a fascination with Sirius/Petunia pieces and yours did a good job of exploring the dynamics between their personalities. I really loved your use of Sirius as a personification for magic itself; alluring, mysterious and beautiful. Nicely done!Author's Response: I'm glad you liked this story. I chose Sirius/Petunia because I wanted a rare pairing, and the plot just sort of came along. I love the dynamics between Sirius and Petunia myself, and I thought it would be amazing to have them interact in an unlikely, a little romantic sort of way. Thank you so much for the wonderful review, it's much appreciated! ^_^
CJ Report Review
oh, this is so cute, I really liked it :PAuthor's Response: I'm glad you liked it. It's a very old piece of mine *blushes* Report Review
That was sweet. I kind of felt bad for Petunia when she tried to produce magic out of the wand and then got frustrated with herself that she couldn't simply because she wanted Sirius to like her.
=^_^=Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it. It's a really old story, and I know the quality is rather questionable, but I enjoyed writing it all the same. I wanted to write about Petunia, and what it would be like for her to understand how beautiful magic is.
Thank you for the review, it's much appreciated ^_^
CJ Report Review
Hey there CJ,
It is I Kara or realize which ever you prefer to call me. I am back to review.
Okay. I really liked the way that you began the chapter with a little quote/letter. It really seemed to hold me attention. Your beginning was nothing that I have not seen before, however it was tolerable. You had a nice description in the beginning. I however, fell that you lost it as you progressed in the story. Description can be good; however, you also need to limit how much you use of it. Too much is not any better than too little. I began to read the story, all I did was keep reading and reading and reading, and then finally we meet a new character. I felt as thought her reaction was way to predictable, maybe use another word that gasped. I realize that when we finally got to the memory everything seemed to be rushed.
You once again managed to write the characters beautifully. I think that there should be more nagging from petunia about Sirius being a really loser like name. (Even though it is not) She likes to win. I think that you should mention the reason for Petunia getting all dressed up. It would just help some people to understand. I do not think you ever really mentioned their ages, that could really help the reader to paint a picture or at least the characters, because that was blurred for me. I am glad to see that Sirius breaks the rules. I think that Lily was gone a long time, maybe you could have her sister say what she is doing exactly. I like how it all leads back to the wand, and the magic. You had a nice line that Petunia had thought in the end. I like how she fell for the magic, and how she envied her sister.
There were a few mistakes, but other than that, it was not too bad as far as the grammar/spelling was concerned. This was not that long of a review. Overall, this story is a 8.7/10
~Kara~Author's Response: Hey! Sorry it took me so long to reply, my network isn't working very well x.x
The beginning wasn't very original, I'm well aware of that, but at the time I wrote this, I was 15 and completely unaware of what happened in fanfiction. I've been planning to edit this story for a while now, but I didn't know where to begin - I have so many stories to edit, lol. I didn't mean to put so much description here - I never liked writing descriptions much, and I tend to write less than necessary. However, the descriptive parts here were mostly due to reviewers saying that it needed more - which at the time, it probably did. I guess it's a matter of taste, and you can't really please everyone. Petunia's reaction is probably predictable, yes, but I can picture her reacting that way. Considering she was a person who forced herself to believe that wizards are monsters, seeing someone like Sirius can only produce a gasp. :P I'm very happy you liked the characterizations, though - as always, I focused on that much more than the rest of the story. More nagging from Petunia is definitely a good idea - I'll try to incorporate that in the story. You're very right, Petunia does like to win. As for why she gets all dressed up - I didn't really feel a need to put a reason there. I do it sometimes, for no reason other than suddenly being hit by the urge to look pretty. I know other people who do it too. The problem with the ages has been mentioned before by other people, and I think you're right and I should mention it, along with some other details about them. Including Lily's "mysterious" departure (in case you were wondering, I was having Sirius take her to James' house because Lily and James were friends at that time, which was right before they got together. So the characters would be around 16/17, with Petunia being a tad older). I'll try to do that. I'm glad you thought the entire concept was good, though. Your review was very very helpful, and I really enjoyed it. Quality criticism is always good and useful, and you're one of the very few people who can actually give it. Thank you very very much for the help, it means a lot to me to have someone review with complete honesty.
CJ Report Review
Hello, CJ_Black! My name is Vanessa (aka dancesandsways), and I am a Talent Searcher at the website UltimateStorylist , and your story Everlasting Love has been accepted to The List (which can be found at a website which I cannot give you because I can't leave urls in reviews). The List is compiled of authors that write gripping stories with likeable and hateable characters and good grammar to boot. Your story was nominated to be placed on the List and has been accepted! As the accepter, I must say that I really enjoyed your one-shot. I loved the unexpectedness of it, and you did a great job showing the pain that Petunia felt. I loved how you ended it, with the flowers still there. The only thing that bothered me was about how Sirius used magic, but I can see why you broke that particular rule. :] If you want to know more about the List or UltimateStorylist, you can email me at email@example.com (or google them!).
Thanks, and congratulations on being accepted!
-VanessaAuthor's Response: Thanks for nominating me, it's an honor for me to be on the List! I'm really happy you liked the story, it was one of my first and I'm very fond of it. I know Sirius using magic isn't the most plausible of things, but like you said, that little rule-break was absolutely necessary. Thanks once again for everything!
CJ Report Review
I loved this story! 10/10! I would have never thought about Petunia falling in love with Sirius Black, and I like how you made her realize that she'd fallen in love with magic. Your style of writing is very captivating. Good job!Author's Response: Hey there, Meg! I'm so happy you liked this story - every review I get means the world to me, especially for this story, which is my favorite out of everything I've written. To be honest, I can't think of Petunia/Sirius in any context, but I do believe that Petunia could have fallen for something perfect and complete, and associate it with magic, something which she'd always dreamt of. I'm really really glad you enjoyed this story, and thank you for leaving such a nice review. Hugs, CJ Report Review
I love how you show another side to Petunia. Your idea is orginal and well though out. :)
Wonderful one-shot. Well done. xxxAuthor's Response: Hey, WoodFairy! I'm happy you liked the story, and thank you so much for taking the time to leave a review. It's very very encouraging. ^_^ Huggles! CJ Report Review
I've never seen a story with this concept before ( Petunia meeting Sirus) but I was not disappointed. I liked how you turned what looked like Sirus/Petunia to a deeper love of Petunia and the world she could never fully be apart of. Though it would have been nicer if you explained why Sirus was picking Lily up, were they just friends? Or in a relationship? Anyway interesting concept, good job.Author's Response: To be perfectly honest, when I first started writing this, the concept was completely different. It started out as a fic about Petunia and Lily, with no Sirius, and when I proof-read it, it seemed like complete rubbish, so I deleted it and wrote it again. I'm quite proud of the current idea, since many people have said it's original, and I'm happy to get a positive response from my readers. I didn't want to write pure Sirius/Petunia romance, so I went for something a little more vague and ambiguous. And that would be the reason why I didn't specify certain things, such as why Sirius was picking Lily up. I didn't find it important, because I wanted to focus more on the Petunia/Sirius relationship. But if you're curious, Lily was to spend the summer at James's place and Sirius was picking her up to get here there (since she didn't know where it was). I gave no hint towards that, but that's what I was thinking when I wrote the story. Thanks so much for the encouraging review, it was very much appreciated, and I'm very very happy you found the story interesting. Huggles! CJ Report Review
"Nice to meet you, too, she replied after a few moments. Come in." --You forgot the quotation marks after 'too' and before 'come'.
Also, Harry wouldn't be living in the cupboard, still. Remember, in his second year he moved up to Dudley's second bedroom?
Other than those two bits, I loved this story. Sirius being Sirius, Petunia really liking magic. A very enjoyable read, and it has some sort of magical feeling about it.
VardaAuthor's Response: Hello again and thanks for reviewing this (very old) story - I was convinced you'd already read it, but then again, my memory was never the best. I'll fix that small error, as well as the bit about Harry. I'm really really happy the characters were okay, and that you liked the story. Thanks so much for all your wonderful reviews! Much love, CJ Report Review
Shivers. I have shivers running up and down my spine. This story was similiar to Sirius Black in the way that it was flawless. Petunia's desperation, Sirius's characterization, everything. I love a well-written story, and this is definitely what you have here. I've never read anything like it, and I just loved it. I loved that she kept the flowers, as well. Excellent! :)Author's Response: I'm touched to hear you liked this story, especially that you liked the characters. It was written a long time ago, and I'm happy whenever I get a review for it. Thank you so much for the kind words. Much love, CJ Report Review
I think this is one of the best one-shots on the archive. Really, it is! I'm glad you showed Petunia as a real person, not someone who is just there to take care of Dudley and Vernon and clean, but someone who actually has emotions. Good job on that. I loved the beginning as well, it was a great start.
The only thing I can point out is that maybe there should be a little more description in the dialogue with all the Evans. It's fine how it is right now, but it'd be nice to see how you imagine the parents and their house, things like that. I also noticed a very small typo.
"Yes, mum. I'll be good"
You forgot the period after good. But it was a small typo, it doesn't distract the readers or anything. Great ending as well. Good job on your first one-shot!
-AmyAuthor's Response: Wow! That's a huge compliment - you've just made my day! I'm so happy you liked this fic, it was my first as I already stated, and it still frightens me a bit, even though I've worked around its edges and edited it a lot. I did consider including the parents and house descriptions, but I didn't want to distract the readers from the main plot, you know? I'll correct that small typo - thanks for pointing it out. I'm very, very happy you liked this, and thank you so much for reading and reviewing! Hugs, CJ Report Review
That was very good. You showed Petunia's feelings very well (it even sort of made me sad, because now I feel like her, abandoned in this silly non-magical world). And your Sirius is great, charming as usual ;)Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing, dear. I'm happy you liked it, especially the characters. You made my day! Much love, CJ Report Review
Wow, this was absolutely amazing. I love the way you characterized Petunia. I've always thought that her aversion to all things magical had a bit of a bitter/jealous undertone to it. Sirius was just as charming as you'd think he'd be. :)
Great one shot. You did really, really well. 10/10 ^.^Author's Response: Thank you for the beautiful and encouraging review - it's much appreciated! I'm happy you liked this one-shot, as well as my characterization of Petunia and Sirius - it means a lot to me whenever I get compliments on my characters, and the rating is very flattering. So thanks once again! Much love, CJ Report Review
This is so sweet! It makes her into a real person instead of someone who dislikes magic with a passion.
There were two grammatical errors that I caught right off hand. Nothing too major, but something I noticed only because I am an English major.
Anyways, love the story!Author's Response: Thanks for the encouraging review. You've made me smile, and I've just had the worst day of my life. Okay, not exactly, but at least the last year. So yeah, this review is very much appreciated. I'm happy you liked Petunia also - people are usually so mean to her in their stories, it really made me want to write her in a positive light. As for the 2 grammatical mistakes - well, I won't ask you to point them, but I'm not very good with English - it's not my native language so...But thanks once again! It really meant a lot to me. Much love, CJ Report Review
That was such a great one-shot! First off, I have to applaud you to explore such a rare pairing. Petunia was interstingly characterized, especially when she was trying to make magic with the wand. It was refreshing to see Sirius act haughty and arrogant instead of the stereotypical 'playboy'. I really felt my heart go out to Petunia, with her recieving the wrong signals from him and him showing and being an all-around prat. Amazing job, I enjoyed it immensily!
~Misty Author's Response: Hi, Misty! I'm happy you liked this story, and thank you so much for reviewing - you just made my morning! It is an odd pairing, indeed, but it's not a romance per se. Thank you for the compliments on my characters - those are the ones I cherish the most. I wanted people to see Sirius playing flirtatious and arrogant, but at the same time, I didn't want to make him a 'playboy', but more like a person who has some harmless (in his opinion) fun. Thank you once again for the lovely review! Much love, CJ Report Review
It was beautiful and I do feel sad for Petunia. Although I'd never imagine her to be like this to fall in love with magic ... it's still in character. Of course she'd show hatred and revulsion for something she can't have.
Sirius was as I'd imagine him to be flirtatious and a total disregard for rules of any kind - and Lily would definitely tell him off for that. A great One-Shot I didn't think anyone could have made that believable. Author's Response: Wow. Again, I'm amazed and flattered you thought this to be realistic despite the fact that many people didn't look at things from this perspective before. And once again, thank you for the compliments on my characters - they always make me smile. Much love, CJ Report Review
Awww Poor Petunia...I really feel sorry for her now...
I loved the opening scene, with only a few words you pulled out a complete scene in front of my eyes, and I could smell the cleaning liquids and see the tiny dust particles in the air..Almost as if I'd been standing there along with Petunia ;).
Her memory with Sirius made the perfect sense to me, and his behaviour even more so; the smooth, aristocratic player, always up for some flirting even if it's 'just' Evans' sister. I think you portrayed Petunia perfectly, her bitterness towards Lily, her desire to get a better position in life through Vernon, her sudden crush on Sirius...And I enjoyed the way you did the portraying even more! I mean none of the awkward "Petunia was bitter towards her sister" OR "Petunia was a girl who felt she must gain a better standing in life", but instead you used the lovely lovely indirect telling ^^.
As to your question "Did it turn out okay or not", let me tell you deary that it turned out perfectly! It was such a pleasure to read, the flow was superb, sentence structure was great...plot and charactarisation something I've rarely seen. Despite the few inaccuracies of Sirius' eye colour and Lily's showing off with magic at home, this is one of the few stories I've given 10/10.Author's Response: Hey, I wrote half of my fics before Sirius's eye color was revealed! *pouts* Just kidding, it's lovely to see you here and yes, I should certainly do something about Sirius's eyes. I'm glad you liked the scene with Petunia in the beginning. I sort of pictured it all in my head, with her cleaning the cupboard under the stairs and BAM. A letter.
That is exactly how I was trying to portray Sirius - I just thought he'd be bored and, like any other smart person, he'd find something to do. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing this, for the great encouragement and the awsome compliments! Much love, CJ Report Review
Wow... I seriously liked this a lot. It really got to me, and I don't even like romantic stuff. You're an ace writer, my friend!
You keep the characters in character very well; I can totally see Sirius do that to Petunia! The descriptions were great, the use of language was awesome... Especially the ending was very well done. There aren't many writers who know how to close off a chapter, but you nailed it.
I noticed a few canon mistakes, but no one who hasn't read the books 20 times (like I have ;-)) would notice. All in all, I have to say you never once lost my attention. Really, 9/10!
By the way, don't mind one unwarranted review. Everyone else loves you! =DAuthor's Response: Aww thanks! I feel very happy now, you just made my day. I try hardest on my characters, so it really makes me smile to hear that they're fine. I know there are a few canon mistakes (I, too, read the boo 20 times :))), but I really tried to get rid of as many as possible. It would've been impossible to write this story without those mistakes. I just hope they're not big. Thank you so SO much for this review, it really meant a lot to me. Much love, CJ Report Review
Hey ther again CJ,
I liked the fact that you began the story with a quote, or a little phrase that brought the readers into the story. This one-shot is longer than the last which is a plus. I think that after the little quote that the story took a downhill. I didn’t like the fact that you add what she did it was rather boaring to be honest. I did like that you kept the person a myster for a while it gave us time to try and guess who it was. I like that you gave a fact to Sirius’s name nice touch. I don’t like the fact that Petunia has some thoughts about Sirius it is rather odd, and Lily to be dating Sirius please that is very messed up.
Sirius is being also rather stupid, and to nice. He is meant to give them the sexy look and then snog them sensless really, but I guess that he is here for Lily not Petunia. I think that Sirius was Oc until he used magic, then he was more himself. Lily is decent, although I doubt that she would date the man that is best friends with the guy who loves her, but I don’t think that James would let Sirius do that. I think that your Snape/Lily fic was better this one only rates a 7/10.
Author's Response: Dear, I never said for one moment that Sirius and Lily were dating. If you had read the ending carefully, you'd have noticed that they were just friends, and Sirius was there to pick her up and take her somewhere (to James's house, but I didn't mention that). Also, if you remember, Sirius was "a boy in her class" not "her boyfriend". The one shot was longer than the last by 50 words. Also, you were the only person to object on my description towards what Petunia was doing, since everyone said I needed more detail and description in the story. How was I suppose to start the story other than with Petunia doing that, hm? And what exactly is odd in Petunia's thoughts about Sirius? The fact that she liked him? Sirius was not being stupid at all, and he wasn't being too nice either. He was simply bored and found something to occupy his time with. And I would extremely appreciate it if you would tell me exactly which part of Sirius was OOC. Because I think you must be the only person ever to tell me that my characters are OOC. In fact, I'd be quite curious to hear your vision on Sirius. Lastly, if you necessarily wanted to criticize something in this story, there were a multitude of things to pick on. I know this story's flaws, and they certainly aren't where you saw them. But that might just be my opinion. Or the opinion of everyone who's ever read this story. Thank you for taking the time to read and review. Report Review
(This is WittleAna. You know, from the forums. :] )
I really really LOVE this story. And I love Sirius. Great job. 10/10Author's Response: Course I know you, WittleAnna. Thanks for stopping by and reviewing - it was lovely to hear your opinion on this. I'm very happy you liked it. Thank you once again! Much love, CJ Report Review
aww...amazing one shot. I simply loved it. So simple, so beautiful. Definitely going to my favs.
10/10Author's Response: Thank you, dear, you're flattering me *blush*. I'm very happy you liked this, and very happy you reviewed - reviews always make me smile. Thank you very much! Love, CJ Report Review
Nice! I like the idea of Petunia falling for Sirius, and how the memory came back to her. The beginning felt slightly rushed. I’d like to see a little more background story, like why is she alone on Sundays? Where are Dudley and Vernon? Perhaps she felt calm or in control while cleaning?
It was cause she dreaded going in almost as much as she dreaded the person living there. ‘Because’ would be better. ^_^
The dialogue got a little confusing since there’s no apostrophe. It’s hard to tell which one is the dialogue and which is the narrative. You could always edit it, make it a little less confusing. And if it’s a thought, you could italicize it, or since it’s a memory and in italic, you could do it the other way around.
I love how Petunia met Sirius. You’re really descriptive, and that’s great. I could really picture Sirius standing in front of the door, looking very handsome. =D I love how he mistook Lily’s wand for Petunia’s. Though I think Lily could’ve mentioned that she wasn’t getting along with Petunia and that she was a Muggle. I love how he gave her flowers, not caring about the law. The way Petunia begged the wand to work was pretty heart-wrenching. I felt really sorry for her. How was she to know that for Sirius Black, flirting and making conquests was a natural way of life?
She hadn’t only fallen for Sirius Black, but it had taken him to realize that what she’d truly fallen for was magic. I think it should be ‘taken her’.
The ending is truly touching. A gift that never was, and never will be granted to her. Love that line! All in all, great one-shot! Keep up the good work!Author's Response: Once again, thank you for another lengthy review - you made me a very happy girl. In the beginning, I felt like more background would be unnecessary, and preferred to focus on the main point of the story. Also, I didn't feel the need to explain why she was alone in the house on Sundays or why she was cleaning. I imagined her as the housewife, cleaning while her husband and son were out (you can assume Dudley was at Piers', and Vernon was out with his male friends, colleagues from work, etc) - the Dursleys were routine people, or at least that's how I see them. About the "cause" part - it bothers me to until a certain point, but once again, the "ring" thing intervened - I felt like it sounded better and more cursively. The dialogues - I can't believe I didn't edit those. I was (and still am) used to writing dialogues with dashes instead of quotation marks, but I thought I'd edited all my stories. Apparently, I was wrong - thank you for pointing that out. When Petunia meets Sirius - I wanted to make sure everyone could visualize the scene, that's why I used so many descriptions. It was a very important point in the story, and I used descriptions to emphasize it. About why Sirius didn't know that Petunia was a Muggle - he'd just befriended Lily (gotten closer to her and all - though I let my readers assume whatever relationship they like for the 2 of them because I think it makes things interesting) and even though she had mentioned it once or twice maybe, Sirius didn't strike me as the kind of person who pays attention to trivial things. When I said "it had taken him", I should have probably said it had taken someone like him, but I wanted the readers to know it was Sirius specifically, and not someone else. I promise I'll try to make that clearer though. I'm so happy you liked the ending, and I'm happy you found the story touching. Thank you for taking the time to leave such amazing reviews. Much love, CJ Report Review
Oh. CJ, this is heart-rending. It's so beautifully tragic, so without hope, and yet--
I loved it. I loved it so, so much. This story is so powerful and so well written that disliking it would be impossible. Before I go any further, I have to thank you adamantly for recommending it. This story belongs among my favorites, and I'm going to add it immediately. You've wrought such a beautiful story with amazing details. The flowers were a perfect touch, as was Petunia's 'embarrassment.' And when she tries to use Lily's wand...
The fact that you made Petunia pretty, striking, and graceful really touched me. So often she's portrayed as a giraffe-like harpy that it's easy to forget that her description in canon is given from Harry's point of view, which is hardly subjective! This is well thought out and the characters are very clear and poignant. You had me in awe from the first paragraph to the last. I keep trying to think of recommendations or CC to give you, but, honestly? It's perfect. Please don't change anything!
I usually don't like one-shots very much, so this was a treat for me. By the way... Thank you for answering my review so completely. :) Your explanations have cleared quite a few things up, and I hope that I didn't come across as too analytical on things I felt very subjectively about. It means so much to me when an author goes out of her way to reply and answer all my pesky questions, and I enjoyed hearing a different perspective. -- DanaAuthor's Response: Wow. I'm very flattered and very touched. Of course, I'm very hppy you liked this and felt this way about it. When I first wrote it (it was my first one-shot), I proceeded with the intention of doing Petunia justice, even though I couldn't say I understood her fully. But by the time I'd wrote half of the story, I realized that writing Petunia is as easy as writing myself. Because in essence, I know for a fact that anyone would've picked up that wand and waved it when no one was looking. Petunia is a reflection of our world. Through her, I tried to portray the process of growing up and ou of impossible dreams, maturing yet at the same time never forgetting that magic is real. We, just like Petunia, will never attend Hogwarts nor have a wand to wave and making everything right, but deep inside, we all know magic exists. Petunia loved it to bits, magic fascinated her, but it took someone like Sirius to make her admit that. The flowers were only the living proof of the fact that magic was real. And not just somewhere, far away, in some freaky school named Hogwarts. Magic was right there, blooming next to her, in her own house. I've gone a bit astray here. As a sidenote, I thought the same about her looks - just because Harry describes her features as being so grotesque, it doesn't mean they truly were that way. I'm so happy you liked this, and your review has certainly brightened my day. I'm very flattered. As for my other response - I always like to clear things up or at least speak my opinion - that doesn't mean anyone has to agree with it though. You didn't come across as analytical - you were honest and I appreciated that. Thank you once again for your lovely reviews, they really meant the world to me. Much love, CJ Report Review
I've meant to read something of yours for some time now, and here I am. :) This story is really beautiful and amazing! You have chosen such an unusual topic too, which I like. I have always imagined that Petunia has been somewhat jealous of Lily and her magical appearances, so this is really believable to me. The inner fights she has with herself is also very well written, how she tries to not like magic, but does like it in the end. Her crush for Sirius is also very cute. I like the 'frame story' of this, that she is really older and remembering the previous event. Well, I only have good things to say! :)
-AnninaAuthor's Response: Hi, Andrina! A pleasure to see you here! I'm so happy you liked this since, as you know, I do value your opinion very much. And it means a lot to me to hear such good words coming from you. I wanted to do Petunia justice in this fic, I wanted people to understand her and feel for her. I always pictured her as a person in love with magic, so to say. It just took someone like Sirius to make her see that. And of course, old wounds sometimes need a long time before they heal, hence why the frame story -she just had to be older and mature enough to understand the depth of her feelings, and the impossibility of her dreams. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this, and I'm so very happy you liked it. Much love, CJ Report Review
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