Let me try this again. (First time I pushed the button, nothing happened.)
I thought the inner dialogue for young Luke was absolutely authentic-sounding -- it really conveyed his emotions and his stage of life. (And, I must say, in this chapter, Draco certainly seems predatory. He is, after all, old enough to be this kid's father.) Your descriptions of the settings and the details of the surroundings (I have no idea what a Scrumpy is, but now I want one) were beautifully done, and contributed a great deal to the authentic feel of the story.
Wonderful first chapter.Author's Response: Lol. Thanks so much for this wanderful review! I thought it was one of the best ones I've ever recieved, thanks Bella Portia. Cool penname by the way! I am so pleased that Luke sounded authentic, I really wanted him to come across as realistic. Draco, yes, oh how much excitement his character gives me. I loved writing his dialogue. Lol. A Scrumpy is a kind of cider I think. Thanks so much for this review, and I'm sorry I didn't answer it sooner. I've been packing to leave halls. :( Anyway, that's slightly off topic, lol - thanks! :) Report Review
I really love Harry's voice. I think I've said that before, but I do. I love the way you portray his emotions in this chapter. Sooo great! You really make me feel his frustration and desperation in all the things that are happening. I'm really worried about Ginny's condition and her mental stability. I can't wait till Harry finds out where Luke is.. hrm.Author's Response: Hiya, JLHufflepuff. Forgive me for not replying straight away. :) I've been doing assignments for Uni, but I'm done now, so I'm free to write again! Yes! ***Pounds fist in the air*** Anyway, I am so pleased you like the way I portrayed Harry's emotions. Oh yes, he's frustrated and desperation is definetely there. Oh yes.......... Ginny. ***Winks knowingly*** Lol. Thanks for the review! Report Review
loved it and i thought it was sorta sad but it had a pretty good endingAuthor's Response: Thanks so much. I'm really happy you liked it. :) I'm sorry it was sad, but it had to be, in order for the story to work. I agree with your penname: Harry and Draco rule! Hee hee. Report Review
Hrm... I just keep going back and forth about what I think about Draco. The way he seems to be concerned that Luke told the Ministry about Harry killing his parents would indicate that maybe his intentions are somewhat honorable because he doesn't want Luke to completely destroy any possibility with a relationship with his father.
However, I think I am starting to be a little weirded out by Draco's actions toward Luke just like he is. An older man taking in a young boy would suggest something to anyone, so the fact that Luke is a bit creeped out by it creeps me out. I mean, I don't see how they are acting as a brother-brother relationship. It's either going in the direction of some twisted relationship OR is just a very strange mentor-mentee or father-son relationship... Hrm... I wonder.
Anyway, I don't think this conveys that you have anything against gays - I think it just shows that Draco is acting strangely...Author's Response: Wow, you must be liking this! You're coming back loads to read at the minute. :) Ahhhh yes, Draco. Well, you've got him spot on. He is a mysterious character. I am of course not saying anything, but I'm glad he's confused you. I like the way you put your ideas forward and work things out too. It's so cool to read, as I know exactly what's really like. Good, bad, who knows? I do.
Loll. Yes, it might come across as weird, but Draco sees Luke as a person who needs responsibilty thrust onto him. Yes, he might be hindering him, but he could be helping him too. I'm not gonna crack. My lips are sealed. :) I personally see Draco treating Luke a sa mentor-mentee relationship, and a father-son one, but, meh, who knows?
I just had to put that note in there, cause I didn't want people to get offended if it seemed I was implying anything. Thanks for the review! Report Review
Wow! A lot happens in this chapter. I reread the the previous one just to get back into the flow of what's going on, and I don't know if I mentioned it or not - but Malfoy is utterly full of crap. I've finally decided that his intentions are not honorable. The part that made me think this is when he said that Harry turned everyone against him *fake tear*... I'm not sure how AU your story is, but for some reason I'm just not buying that story from him!
AND - I think your conception of Snape trying to help Harry works, though I'm not sure what his own personal motivation would be in that situation. Hopefully, he will be able to get Harry out of trouble.
So I guess Luke told the Ministry about what happened all those years ago. I guess I was assuming they already knew, but if they don't picture Harry as the hero that I always assume, then it would make sense for them to react that way.
I think this is getting even more complex emotionally speaking! :)Author's Response: Lolll, I love your reviews! They make me smile. Evidence: :)! Anyway, hee hee, You think Malfoy's full of rubbish do you? Well, you could be right...... but you could be wrong also. Draco's complexity was the real drive behind it, as you never know whether he's being genuine or not. You seem pretty convinced, but I wouldn't count your Nargles yet. My story (to answer your question) is very AU, but there are lots of canon parts too. For example, the whole thing with Harry and Ginny, and Draco's somewhat posh attitude towards everything. Lolll. I really liked writing his dialogue.
Snape, ooh yes. He's another complex one also. Yes, I know. Don't worry, there's a reason he's helping Harry. :) Not saying what though, you'll just have to read and find out! Yes, same. I hope he will too. ***Knows everything, but not saying***
Your guess is pretty close......... ***Silent lips****
Thanks for another review, JLHufflepuff! They rule- and I just wanted to offer my congratulations on 'Visions of Greatness.' How cool is that story? You must be really proud! ***Shakes hands, and smiles.***
Anyway, thanks again! Hope you like the rest.
W. O. W. THAT WAS REALY GOOFD, WELL DONE!Author's Response: lol, thanks! Report Review
This is another very interesting chapter. I have the feeling that Draco is playing Luke in the worst way now. It seems like he is pretending to not hold a grudge in order to lure Luke into wanting revenge more and more. Did you imply that Draco was gay in this fic? I couldn't tell if that was Luke just being paranoid or if Draco actually was kind of acting that way. I'm wondering what will happen with the dagger and such and what Luke will be planning on doing with it.Author's Response: Thanks very much. :) Hmm. . . . you shall see, I'm not giving away too much here. Your suspicions are excellent though, you'll just have to wait and see. No, lol. Draco's not gay in this fic but I can see why you are thinking so. There are a couple of sentences where I think, uh oh. It sounds as if he is homosexual when he's not meant to be in this. Oh well. The dagger. . . . you'll see. Thanks so much for reading and reviewing!!! x Report Review
So I have returned yet again with my overanalyzing glasses on.
Oh Harry was simply dumb letting Hermione talk him into this. Yes, she's a very clever witch but she isn't always right, and this proves it. I guess even the best can be wrong sometimes. This reminds me more of a royal wedding than of a help-action. But you do have a certain point in the fact that the ministry or authoritives doesn't always turn out to be trusthworty. Adds a certain realism to the story.
I'm not normally one to pick out grammatical mistakes but this one: "and step back as the reporters stampede into the living room." I just couldn't leave. Stampede? ;)
The annoying journalist lady, is that Rita Skeeter you're trying to portray or is it just someone equally annoying? I can understand if Harry gets frustrated with the reporters, they twist everything he says into some sort of sensation that will make them sell more newspapers and become rich. I'd want to hit them in the face if I were in his shoes...
A bit unfair of Ginny to suspect that he's having an affair just because some annoying reporter is trying to make money of him. I agree with Harry on this one; they should trust each other, especially in a situation like this. But I also understand Ginny somehow, love isn't always that simple, and sometimes it doesn't take that much for someone to become insecure.
Just a bad time for Harry to leave the house, perhas he doesn't realise that he's leaving Ginny alone with all tose horrible reporters that she never had any practise handling.
Interesting (Just a sec. I forgot what it was I found interesting...) Oh yearh, the conversation between Harry and Luke, because we already know how Luke feels about this issue so it doesn't matter that we don't see this scene from his perspective. Just an interesting confrontation, and interesting how Harry knows what happened and Luke knows what happened but they're still standing with two very different versions of the real story.
I know Luke is very young (and I'm saying this like I'm much older than he is, which isn't the case at all) but he's very unfair towards his father, he doesn't even give Harry a chance to explain things from his perspective. On the other hand Harry has had what seventeen years of chances to tell him and still haven't, but I think he deserves a chance to explain.
It's of course hard to be that adult when one's mind is completely clouded by hate and disgust. I almost feel the need to use the ancient greek expression 'to be blinded by ate' - which means to be blinded by some kind of unhealthy obsession (in case you haven't been taking any ancient greek classes lately;)
I wonder what Severus has to do with this? perhaps he knows that Draco is still around and that he's seeking some kind of revenge on Harry?
That's at least the only reason i can think off right now that would make Draco want to keep and manipulate Luke...
Guess I've just got to keep reading to find out:)
- D i a
PS. I think this is one of the longest reviews I've written lately...Just a piece of random information for you;)Author's Response: How do you do this, Dia? I blink in amazement at your ability to give such constructive crtitiscm but not too much to dampen people's spirits, or too little to appear patronising or false. Anyway, thanks so much for your review. I always reply to reviews as I think it's really rude when you don't, and I love to let people know how much I do appreciate the time and energy it takes. You're one of the best! :)
Harry telling Hermione about the Ministry? Yeah, that was kind of dumb. He doesn't think best at the worst of times, and her suggestion to go to the Ministry was ridiculous. However, I don't think Hermione wanted to make Harry tell them, she was just (as was everyone) on the end of her tether. I'm glad you thought it was realistic. I always worry if it's not because theis story was meant to be as realistic as possible.
Um, I'm being dumb here. Why is there anything wrong with 'Stampede?' Isn't that a verb? I thought it was. Oops. lol. I better check that, or was it meant to be in a seperate sentence? Oh well. Thanks for giving me notice.
Ah yes. It isn't, but someone similar definetely. I am not a fan of the Paparazzi and the way they treat celebrities so I wanted to show my upset in this chapter. I like reporters, but only when they're nice. lol.
Yeah, true. I never thought of that. That would have been really uncomfortable for her. Oh well. I don't like Ginny much, it's not a problem. lol. It's definetely because of the jealousy of the fact that she's with Harry. lol. No, she's alright.
The conversation between Harry and Luke was so cool to write. I wanted there to be real tension, but that there was a contrast between them. Harry's frustrated attitude mixed with Luke's loathing. I wanted there to be a real sense of an increasing danger. There might be underlying demons in this, might be but who knows? I ain't sayin anything to spoil it. lol.
You're so good at the analysing side though. Luke's attitude is a complete stereoytpe really. lol. It was inspired from 'Skins' the UK TV series. Yeah, good expression.
I wonder indeed. lol.
I hope you find the rest interesting.
PS- I know, thanks so much!! Report Review
Okay again I thought I'd return to review a chapter of this story as I felt you liked my reviews last time I did, but by now I've forgotten two thirds of what has been going on in the first four chapters, so keep that in mind when you read this:)
It's a strange ambivalent relationship Luke has with Draco, in some ways he like him and trusts him but in others ways I'm not sure he likes him. Maybe the dislike I sense in the beginning of this chapter is because of what Draco has just told Luke, but still...
I might be reading this wrong, but this quote: "
My belt slips a fraction, and I take it off. â€śWhat?â€ť
Draco averts his gaze, staring at the fags. Maybe he wants some? I never thought to ask, but as Iâ€™m on the verge of presenting this offer, he speaks."
(Don't laugh) But is he almost thinking of offering Draco to sleep with him? Or is it just my Englsih knowledge missing a lesson?
If Luke is offering that I must say I'm creeped. Because that's just strange.
Draco is really clever in this fic (like I imagine he is in the books) showing Luke what happened with his parents and Lukes dad in a pensieve is an almost foolproff way of showing the truth. But a truth can be true in more than one way, and even though Harry did kill Lucius and Narcissa Draco's version is only half the story. In the books he could just as well have done the same, but because we see those stories from Harry's point of view we would look at that murder with a completely different view.
I think Draco is manipulating Luke into believing that Harry was the bad guy.
Hope you find this useful. I'll probably be back some day to read and review some more...
/D i aAuthor's Response: I wondered why you visited my page today. lol (I mean, on the forums.) You wanted to check on 'Luke!' Thanks so much for this spectacular review. Not at all. I know what it's like. :)
You read and analyse the story so amazingly well. I really feel that a teacher's had a look at it. It's so cool! Yes, Draco's relationship with Luke is um, interesting to say the least. More will be revealed as you delve deeper into the plot. That quote is a complete misread. lol. I had not a clue until you pointed it out to me. OOps. It really does sound quite like your interpretation. I can assure you though, it isn't. Luke's just about to smoke a fag, when he realises his manners, and wonders if Draco wants one. I might go back and redit that section. lol, if that's the feeling you got from it. Oh, fantastic! That's made me laugh. :)
Thanks. Yes, Draco in this fic....... I wanted him to cold, calculating, and yet at the same time one part of the reader is sort of on his side. I hope that makes sense. You're doing really well, digging there. Of course, I'm not going to say anything. Where would be the point in that? You'll just have to read some more to see if you're right! Yes, good guess. Good guess. However, there are such things as triple, quadrupal, etc bluffs. lol
I have done. Thank you so much.
Can't believe this is it, this is the end! Well, my only consolation is that I have noticed you are writing another story (not sure whether it is a sequel or not) with Luke in it. Yes, you can help but like this character and how he turned the tables was really clever. I can't believe he killed Draco without any remorse... well you can always explore this first killing experience and the impact upon his mind in the next story.
I enjoyed this story so much. Thanks for sharing it! xAuthor's Response: I know. It's been a long road. Lol. Um, when did I start posting this up? March sometime I think!! Woh, so long ago! I'm so pleased you thought it was worth it. You've been one of the most committed reviewers to ever walk this planet, so thanks so very kindly. :) Thanks. Yeah, I wanted him to show people that actually, he could do things, and not just be that brainless fast talking, slow thinking prat he was at the start. Lol. I love him though. Yeah, well to be honest, I had a sequel, but it didn't work out. In fact, I'm taking it off the site right now. It didn't need one, and so, it's gone!
I'm so pleased you liked it. Not a problem....... I loved writing it!!
x Report Review
Actually, I read this a while back but for some reason I don't appear to have left a review, either that or I did and it crashed.
Anyway, hopefully Luke will be successful and will rescue Harry. I really must read your final chapter right now because the curiosity is too much to bear.
I really love the final paragraph: " donâ€™t finish the sentence and continue speeding down the stairs, jumping four steps at a time. I trust that the others are still behind me as they donâ€™t speak. Blasting Death-Eaters out of my way, I push past the bodies, and kick down doors. I donâ€™t understand."
Well done, hugs xAuthor's Response: Lol!! Oh, I do that sometimes. Not a problem, please. :)
Hopefully he will........... you'll just have to see. The suspense!! Lol. I'm so pleased you feel you have to know now. That's great. It means the read is really making you want to read some more. Ok, that didn't make sense, but only getting five hours sleep last night, my eyes sting, and I can't write properly! Lol.
Thanks for pointing that out. I love to hear what a reviewer's favourite part is. It really spurs me on as a writer. Note: There was a sequel to 'Luke.' However, due to the lack of interest in it, (myself included, Lol) I'm taking it off the site! Right now, so please, don't read it whatever you do. It's rubbish. :)
Thanks!! Must owl you soon.
x Report Review
I think that the scene with the reporters at the beginning is very well done and also gives us some insight as to why Harry has been so reclusive in the first place. I also find it interesting that Ginny doesn't trust Harry enough to readily admit that she doesn't think he would cheat on her. ALSO, the scene between Luke and Harry was great. I think it was a good idea to show that happening from Harry's perspective because then your readers could get an idea of how Harry perceived that. I absolutely love when you do Harry and Luke interactions! woo! This story is great!Author's Response: Thank you for another wanderful review. :) I'm glad you're enjoying it to this extent. Lol. I thought nobody would understand Luke's character, or would hate him! I'm pleased that it didn't turn out that way! Oh yes. Harry's so determined not to get the reporters involved. They're a nosy, disgusting bunch. I know. Well, Ginny seems to be a very guarded person in this. Lol. I love that big also. Yes, Luke and Harry's relationship is so complicated in this story, but for lots of reasons. Oh thanks. This review is great, as your others have been! x0x0 Report Review
Aw... it's over! I can't believe it's over!
This was a great ending to a wonderful story! I love how it's evident that Luke pretty much grew up in this chapter! The lie to Malfoy was great and at first I wasn't convinced that Malfoy would be convinced by him, but as he continued to explain, he really gave a good lie.
Oh, and I love the last line of this! It just sums up the story so well. He's happy to be with family, but he's still pretty much the same Luke, with his cursing. :) Great job with this story! I can't wait to read more of your work!Author's Response: I know, I'm sorry! But there is a sequel in the works........
Thank you! Yes, he had to, but at the same time I was sure that I wanted to keep his moody character. Luke's not Luke without it. Lol. I was really aware of that, so I made sure to make it look as though Luke was trying so hard to convince Draco.
Thanks a lot. That's great. :) I know. Well, after so much, I wanted to let him have a family cosy thing. Um, or, a drink in the pub! Lol........
Oh, thanks again!!
xoxo Report Review
yay! happy endings! lol
this was such a good story, rachel. like, incredibly. amazing. lol :) but im sad it ended. guess i'll just have to start reading your other stories now XP
10, for the entire story. it was truly amazing.. :)Author's Response: Lol. Yeah, I thought Luke deserved it.
Oh, wow. Thanks!! You are? Well, the thing is, I have a sequel actually which I'm going to put up now actually. That would be so cool!
A cliffhanger? So mean. :) This was another great chapter - short, but a great chapter. My favorite part was definitely when Luke realized that he could do magic. That was cute, and funny! I really can't wait to find out what happens next, I hope you'll be able to update soon.
Oh, and don't worry about your response for the last chapter. :) I did see your second response, as I wondered what banner you were talking about.
Great job with this chapter!Author's Response: I know, I am!! :) Thank you very much. Oh, you're another person who liked that part. Glad you did.
The last chapter is actually now in the queue. Should be up in about a day.
Thanks!! xoxoxoxo Report Review
that was amazing! update soon, i hate the cliffhangers!! but soo good: )Author's Response: That's why I did it, to frustrate people! Lol. I'm glad you are frustrated cause it shows you really do like it! Thanks so much. Rachel x0x0x Report Review
This chapter is great! I loved getting to see what took place when Harry killed Lucius and Narcissa. I definitely see how that would make Luke dislike him more, especially since Draco didn't show him what happened before or after, really... Also, I'm wondering if the memory came from Harry since Draco wasn't in it at all.. Verrry interesting. Draco also seems somewhat okay with Harry, but it's just hard to read what's going on in his mind at this point. Luke is very, very trusting, that's for sure.Author's Response: Thanks so much!! I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter. You'll see. That's all I'm saying. My lips are superglued. :) You never know, of course, though I do, so that defeats that purpose! Lol. Yes, he does, doesn't he? Strange that. Thanks so much for your review, and hope you continue to enjoy 'Luke.' Report Review
Oh my God! This is nerve recking and the cliffhanger doesn't help either!
Very well done indeed!
I love this paragraph:
"And thatâ€™s when I hear it. The sound of someone screaming, loud, insistent. Thereâ€™s no doubt about it. Whoeverâ€™s in there, Malfoy is torturing them. I know itâ€™s not my son, because Snape said yesterday that Luke was still being played with Draco. He offered to spy on Earl Court Terrace for me, and say if anything even remotely nasty was happening. The old potions master returned with no news, informing me that everything was exactly as it always has been. "
but I love all the others too! And yes, Harry would sacrifice himself for his son (I hope he doesn't have to!) he does in my story too (be prepared to die for his safety), at the very end, I don't want to give too much away but his son will be not a teenager yet...
Now, how are they going to escape I cannot even envisage, maybe someone is still a double agent, maybe not... Will have to wait and see but please post soon! x
Author's Response: Lol. Glad you liked it, Morgana.
Oh wow. Once again, I love it when people select thir personal favourite sections from the text! It makes me feel really happy. : D
Yes, he would. He's that kind of guy. Oh wow. I have to check yours! Sounds scary!!!!!
It will be up in about a week I think, as I have put the fourth chapter of 'Conscience is a sin' forward first. Report Review
I am so sorry, Labby! I got you mixed up with someone else! I'm making a banner for another girl whose name begins with L! Had to tell you. ^^ It is pretty funny though I guess! Hope you can forgive me! Author's Response: I hope she looks at this. LOL Report Review
This chapter was wonderful, don't worry. I really felt the connection between Harry and Luke, though it was really sad, and it seems so like Harry to sacrifice himself for his son - I guess like his mother did. I hope that Luke will come back and save him. This is so sad, but I can't wait to read more!Author's Response: Thanks! I'm going to start on your banner tomorrow by the way, as I have a whole day of pure and utter laziness ahead, therefore, catching up on nothing! Lol. I am such a teacher's pet here! Thanks for your opinions. They mean a lot. ^ ^ I know, he's a love, isn't he? I want to go up to him and give him a big hug! Well, you'll just have to see! Report Review
Ah, there is always a price for stupidity. Poor Luke . . . Anyway, sorry this isn't much of a review, just thought I'd drop by to leave my thoughts. Great chapter, nicely paced, no matter what you say, and like everyone else, I'm waiting eagerly for the next chapter.
Keep up the good work, Rach. (Doesn't that sound cheesy?)Author's Response: I know, tell me about it! He is so stupid, and that does not bode well with Draco. Don't worry! :D I'm just so glad that you popped by again. Thanks! It should be up soon.
Oh, I will. It doesn't! ^ ^
xx Report Review
I knew it! I didn't trust Draco from the beginning. I was hoping that Snape would be good though. :( This story is really good and has definitely caught my attention (I did just read the entire story pretty quickly). I love how you've created Luke, so naive and helpless. And now he's finally realizing that his father was always there to help. Poor guy. I definitely didn't see the part of Draco killing Ginny coming - he really is evil! Anyways, I like this story a lot and I can't wait for an update! Great job!Author's Response: Really? Well, hats of you to because (aside from a couple of people) most believed him. Ah, yeah, sorry about him but I wanted to make it a real double twist. Wow. Thank you so much, again. I'm :) you liked it, and really, thank 'Skins.' They did all the work! No, thank you really. Luke was only inspired from Tony, the rest came from my (however small) head. Lol. I know. Poor Luke. He got there eventually. Yey!! You like it! I achieved the unthinkable, and made a requested reviewer like one of my fics. It is rare, but can be done. :) Report Review
Wow, this is a really good story! I love Luke's character and how developed you've made him. I love it that he doesn't get along with his family. He just seems so real.
I don't see any grammar or spelling mistakes or anything really to critique on. I'm going to continue to read and hopefully I'll make it to the end if I'm interesting enough. Great job!Author's Response: Thank you so much!! I love Luke too, but he was based on a tv series character called Tony, from the show 'Skins.' Did you ever hear of it? Oh, thank you. That's my intention, always.
Yey!! I hope you are. (Although, I kind of cheated because I know you reviewed again, and am answering late!) Report Review
Wow, so he actually wants to kill him, and he poisoned Ginny! and Snape is bad! OMG! I hope Harry comes and saves him. I'm now really intrigued!
I like this bit a lot: "â€śWhy else do you think I brought the knife, Luke?,â€ť he teases, waving it in front of my face. â€śTo show you a circus trick? Hmm? You predicted I was going to catch it in my teeth?â€ť
Can't wait for the rest!Author's Response: He does indeed. Oh, he does. Yep, yep- and well, you shall see. The tension mounts, does it not? Lol. Thanks for your review, morgana.
That was one of my favourite lines too.
Update after Conscience is a sin, and I need to edit chapter eighteen. A lot. Lol. Report Review
aw, i feel so bad for luke. in my mind, he just went from being like 19 to 9..someone give him a hug..
i like how you made draco soo.draco-ish..lol, i was a little concerned at the beginning of the story cuz he was so nice and pleasant. i was just waiting for something like this to happen.
another 10. :)
ps- i liked luke's little thoughts between draco's speech. :PAuthor's Response: So do I. Even though he's a boy who's . . . shall we say, a little big for his boots? Lol. I know. He can be such a child. Most of what he does is a front to look cool. (Apart from all the swearing, and the fact that he doesn't know what certain things in life mean.)
Ha ha. Would I have it any other way?
PS- I like your review. Thanks for the added opinions. I really liked putting that together. Report Review
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