Yay! So glad to see the next chapter! I'm glad Petunia has finally broken off with Vernon... God he's infuriating...Author's Response: Haha, yes, he is. :P
Thanks for the review! Report Review
Wow, a breakup with Vernon. Hmmm, thats interesting. I wonder how you're going to get them back together. From what I can see, it looked as though Vernon was going to propose, yet that appears to be off for the moment. I totally like Nathan a lot more...
Oh well, I am curious as to how this whole thing will get resolved. Plus, I would say that some mention of Lily and the wizarding world might not hurt. I know that this story is primarily about Petunia, but the fact that there needs to be some sort of split, and we have seen the basis, but not the actual event makes this story feel a little unfinished (now I feel bad). I guess maybe just having Lily visit, or something like that would be good. Perhaps a phone call where Petunia tells her how she is feeling about the Vernon/Nathan situation.
Otherwise, really good job, and I hope you keep on writing!!
-Gords7015Author's Response: Oh, well...I honestly don't think that any lasting relationship has gone without a few snags. And Petunia is a lovely girl. She needs to get out some more. This is going to be canon pre-DH, so no, she can't end up with Nathan...:(
Vernon will propose in due course. He's got to take his time to realize Petunia's sheer awesomeness.
I was planning on putting Lily and James into the next chapter, as I think you're right, and she's been gone a lot from this fic. I blame part of this due to my scant updates, in which I sort of lost track of what I was writing, and part of this because I get carried away a lot. And don't you DARE feel bad. Criticism is the only way you learn, and it's one of the most effective ways to grow as a writer. You should probably know that I'm not going to hesitate in giving you crit, so please, by all means, if you see something you don't like, comment away.
The real split itself is going to happen much later in the story. There might be some cracks that are going to form now, but for the moment, the split itself doesn't happen for a few years...
I've decided, Lily is going to be in the next chapter. She was going to be there anyways, but now it's cemented that she will be.
Gords, I've gotta say, I've probably written two chapters worth of words in my responses to your great reviews, and I'd like to thank you for that. I can't even begin to say this enough to all of my reivewers, but getting me to look at my own work and comment with you is probably one of the best things to do. I really do mean it *is getting repetitive* when I say that reviews like yours are amazing. Honestly, my writing is only still going now because of reviewers like you.
*sounds like pbs but doesn't care*
Thank you. :) Report Review
Wow, I didn't see this coming. There were a lot of neat little details here, and I think now is a good time for me to comment on your technique of starting each chapter with a little flashback. You do this quite often, as you know, and I think it is really effective. I especially like how it connects back upon what you are writing near the end.
So Vernon gets the boot, Petunia quits her job, and she is ducking her parents. Hmmm, I hope it all gets answered in the next chapter, because I can't wait to see what happens!!
Nice chapter!Author's Response: Thanks for the compliment on the flashbacks. Now that I've had a year to look over my work, I've realized that I do need to step away from that format. I think I grew way too comfortable with it, and it's time to stretch out a bit. Not with this fic though. Since the format is already set, chaning seems silly, but with one shots I think I may experiment with something else...
Thanks for the review again! Report Review
Hmm, I'll be curious as to if your HS graduation matches up with what you've got going on here. You are right that often, the speeches aren't exactly the most helpful things, but what I recall most from mine (besides the singing) was that it was a happy time, and I think you captured that at the end there...
Its just too bad that Lily couldn't make it!
Nice chapter!Author's Response: :P 16 days til the last day, plus...a week until graduation! It's drawing so close!
I've still never been to a graduation, so I won't know til I go...and I didn't really think that the speeches would be helpful. I know the valedictorian at my school might ATTEMPT to keep it interesting, but knowing her, it;ll likely go in one ear and out the other. She's a lovely person, really...
Yes, a pity about Lily. Notice that she never gets the chance to show up to Petunia's important events...although Petunia is an amazing big sister and is ALWAYS there for Lily... Report Review
Haha, nice chapter. I didn't think that this was cliched, but the horn thing probably has been done before. I think it'd be funnier if Vernon's foot slipped off the brake or something and he knocked over some trashcans. Or, maybe he drove a stick and his foot slipped off the clutch and the car lurched forward before stalling with a loud clunk?
Otherwise, its weird to see Vernon as nervous, and to see their first kiss. I have to think that Vernon somehow influences his future wife and her feelings.
I found it ironic that Petunia complained about cleaning the tables, because she is so OCD about it later in life...
Overall, a very good chapter!Author's Response: Yes, well having very uhm...limited experience with this, I couldn't for the life of me figure out what to put. I hated writing this chapter, and as a warning, all romance chapters in the future are likely to be very...light. Simply because I don't have the experience to back up any of what I say.
I like the suggestion of Vernon pressing the gas though...that's a VERY good idea...and if I use it, I'll be sure to credit. :)
As far as Vernon is concerned, I wanted to step away from the usual "Vernon doesn't REALLY love Petunia, she's a trophy wife' thing. It happens in a lot of existing Petunia fics, which is a large part of why I didn't want to put it in here. You will have noticed that I never once mention Petunia being jealous of Lily in any way, shape, or form, because for one thing, this is in the first person, and I highly doubt that she'd acknowledge that. With Vernon and Lily, I like to think that Petunia sees the best in them, even though Lily may cross the line and that could change...
Vernon has an influence, but none that Petnuia realizes. I mean, if you were in love with someone, would you be able to realize the power they had on you to its full extent? That's a problem with writing first person, is that you only ever see one point of view. But in the case of this story, it works better for me...
And I'm glad you caught the thing with the tables. :) Report Review
Well, I mean its got to get boring of me saying, "great work," but again you've knocked it out of the park. I mean, how you make stories about original characters interesting is really unique. My only critique is that not that much has happened yet. I get the tragic loss, and the being alone part, but I think that one thing that is mentioned in book one is that Lily was coming home and turning saucers into toads, things like that. So, maybe there needs to be some sort of magical activity going on...
Otherwise, nice chapter!Author's Response: Ah, and that is a very fair critique. I think I've been very slow in getting this thing moving, and it's fair enough to say that not much has happened yet. I suppose that in trying to keep Petunia as normal a character as possible, I've made it so that her story is getting a wee bit dragged out. I've got a timeline for this, but that's about it. This story is really just going to be a collection of memories...
I'll try and put some more magic into these in the next chapter, becuase you're right, this IS an HP fanfiction... Report Review
Wow, is it just me of is it a bit dusty in here... :(
Very nice chapter, even if it is sad. The story about grandad proposing on his knee everyday was touching, as was the story about how long they'd known each other.
Sigh, just such a sad chapter, even if it is written so well. You're amazing with the cutscenes!Author's Response: Awww...
Thank you again, Gords, for all your lovely reviews. I'm dead serious when I say that reviews like yours are really what's kept stories like this going...at least on my part. Thank you times a million! Report Review
Well, I think this is a pretty important transitional chapter. You can see how Petunia learns that being a snob results in her gaining popularity, and therefore she has to make fun of a quiet girl. I think that this was a good way to show how she learned this behavior. Also, great touch with the introduction of Yvonne. I was wondering about her! Good work!Author's Response: :P you actually remembered Yvonne prior to reading this story? Even I didn't, and I tried to do as much pre-Dh canon research as possible. It wasn't until another fanfic author pointed out her existence that I remembered her friend visiting Majorca...
thank you! Report Review
Ahh, Lily manages to salvage the situation again! I keep seeing glimpses of Petunia's adult character, yet you keep pulling it back. Its done in a really neat manner, and you write it so well. There are a few typos here (the bit about bubble after bubble, you have a comma with a space in the wrong place), but otherwise, this is just a really fun story to read.
I thought James freaking out and not giving Petunia the cat was funny, although I'm curious as to why he calls her a "woman." I mean, she'd only be like 14 or so right?
Otherwise, great chapter and great story!!Author's Response: Ah yes, the typos need to be fixed. I hate it when there are typos in my stories, becuase then I feel badly when I point out mistakes in other people's stories...I'll have to remember to fix that up, so thanks for pointing them out. :)
Er...well, seeing as how Petunia is fourteen and James is an eleven year old boy, I think that Petunia might be a bit of a woman in James' mind. But perhaps that should be fixed up too. I'll add that to my to do list...reread that area and see if I can't find something better to put instead... Report Review
well, this is an interesting chapter. I think you're right, a tight family can have some tough times when one of the children leaves for school away from home. I felt bad that Mrs. Evans overreacted to Petunia wanting to read the letter, but then again, I'm sure the tension was high...
Just a great chapter (the whistle is a really creative touch), and I look forward to seeing where this is heading! I hope the actual letter is happy news! Great work!Author's Response: 8makes icky face* I honestly think this chapter is the worst in the story. I don't like how Petunia's mum reacted...
Actually, Petunia's mum has been the most difficult character to write. Unfortunatelty, she's morphed in this story into a bunch of things...like, she's kind, and crabby, and just...a mixture of a bunch of different mothers, which I'd like to change if I ever get to revise this. She's too inconsistent in personality, which needs to change...
Thanks for the review Gords! Report Review
Well, this was another really good chapter. I think you can see a bit of Petunia's bias slipping out when she said she didn't like the leaky cauldren because it was dirty (perhaps her cleaning mania was showing there...), but the fact that she was excited to see the alley is also really neat and shows her age.
The story about the turtle tank was also a cool bit of magic as well.
Its sad that no one remembered Penunia's birthday, but I hope that isn't the only thing that sets her onto her path of hatred...
Great work!Author's Response: Forgetting a birthday really shouldn't be something to set someone into pure loathing...I don't think...
I'm trying to make Petunia as rational as possible in this story, mainly because she's so darn irrational in the books. Hopefully, in later chapters, I'll be able to push her even farther down... Report Review
So, as you might have realized, I went on a reviewing spree today to go through a lot of your stories. I love you writing, but I think that I've always had too many other requests to jump into yours. However, since no one is requesting at the moment, I told myself that since you've been such a fantastic reviewer for me (and really helped my writing), that I ought to check out some of your work, expecially your chaptered fic. I have to say that thus far in this chapter, you're done an excellent job. I particularly liked the bit about her conscience, and how it makes her feel bad. That totally is something I can see. My only question is the bit about the Statute of Secrecy. She isn't a witch, so how can she break that? Is there some sort of thing she was suppsoed to sign? I think that might bear further explanation...
Otherwise, great start, and I'm looking forward to seeing where this story goes!!Author's Response: Oh, that's so nice of you! Answering all my questions, I think you do more for me than I do for you. ;)
Before I start, I'd just like to mention that I've been working on MoP since the very beginning. Chapter one of this fic was the second thing of fanfiction I ever wrote, so I really like to think of this story as showing my progress as a writer. You couldn't have picked a better fic to check if there was any growth as a writer on my part.
The Statute of Secrecy, I always imagined, was put in place to hide witches and wizards. Since some muggles are aware of their existence, I always assumed that they had to keep quiet too, otherwise they might be obliviated or something. Like, a muggleborn's parents would have to know about magic, right? So that means they have to keep it quiet too...
As far as a form she has to sign, I never really thought of that. Perhaps I'll mention something like that in later chapters...
Good catch! Report Review
so ive finally reached the end of the chapters youve written! this is a disappointment, not because this chapter isnt good, or because this story isnt good. but because now i cant just go on to the next chapter. and now i really want to know whats going to happen with nathan.
i did like that vernon and petunia are going through hard times. i dont really like him, because i feel like in this story he brings out the bad side in her.
i also liked petunias love of the neighbors garden. the root of her fixation with looking into the neighbors gardens?
so anyway, i loved this chapter, and i have loved reading this story more than i seem to be able to get across. please update soon! (the first time ive had to say it!) ;)Author's Response: Aw, I'm so sad that I've reached the last of your reviews. I know it's taken me some time to finish them up, but somehow I keep getting pulled away or something...
Anyways, I shall try and get the next chapter up as soon as possible, even though as I said before, I don't feel that I can promise anything anymore.
As far as Petunia peeking into the neighbor's garden, I'm glad you caught that! There are various little things that I've put into the story thus far that I'm hoping some of you will catch as a future habit of Petunia's.
Thanks so much for all your wonderful reviews, henryjones! I don't think I could even begin to say thank you as many times as I'd feel necessary... Report Review
so now im quite glad i started reading this late. i didnt have to wait 5 months!
but onto this chapter, i loved it. i love how in every chapter you start off with a little anecdote that then puts a theme to the entire chapter. this chapter was brilliant in particular. not everything was going brilliantly, and not just in terms of emotional things. the money situation as well. and of course lilys continued spending seemingly without cutting back at all certainly would explain a lot of the antagonism between the two.
anyway, brilliant chapter! and brilliant story! i love it! ;)Author's Response: Ah, yes, the five months is rather embarassing on my part. Many apologies in case it happens again. Hopefully it won't, but at this point, I can't make promises...
This chapter was actually rather difficult to write, considering I don't think I write conflicts very well. Your assurances are more than welcome. :)
Thanks for the brilliant review! Report Review
so this was a rather brilliant graduation piece. i cant say as ive ever been to a graduation that actually mattered myself either. theyre always different when theyre for other people. although i have one coming up now...
i loved her thoughts during the whole thing though. i do love them pretty much all of the time in this story actually, but in this chapter especially. maybe its because im preparing for a graduation myself, one that actually counts this year. but i feel like i have many of the questions in common with her. wondering how i could have done these years differently, how im going to remember these people who have been so important in my life, regret for not having been grateful enough, and for treating other people badly sometimes. thank you for this wonderful chapter! i loved it!Author's Response: Ah, I too have never been to a graduation before, but I've got one coming up in a few months, so...
I'll get to see if I was accurate enough.
When writing this, I was trying to put myself in a position much like the one the two of us are in now, about to graduate and clueless as to what we actually achieved these past years. I'm still not sure, and I hope that Petunia's thoughts reflect the thoughts of many other graduating students.
Good luck on your own graduation, and we'll see how similar to Petunia's graduation we can get! Report Review
how... sweet! it was rather cliched and a bit too sweet sometimes, considering its vernon dursely... but it had to happen and i like how you did it. although i thought vernon was a boxer. i maybe thats just because dudely is... idk. whatever. this was a brilliant chapter and this is a brilliant story! keep up the good work! ;)Author's Response: Having very little personal experience in the area of romance *is always the friend but not the girlfriend :P* I expected it to be very cliche. Actually, at the time I was writing this, I thought I read that Vernon had been into rugby, but now that I think of it, I honestly can't remember, as it's been so long ago...
I'll check up on it, bbut chances are, if it's not directly canon, I probably won't change it. After all, this story is only canon if you don't read DH. :P
Thanks for continuing to read this! Report Review
A fantastic chapter. Nathan seems to be very nice, much better than Vernon. The way you write is wonderful.Author's Response: Yes, I'm very fond of dear Nathan...
I'm glad you like my writing! Thanks for the review! Report Review
so once again, an awesome chapter. this story really is amazing. normally, i get bored after the first few chapters, but with this story, i still want to read more and more and more and ive already read 7 chapters. wow! thank you for this brilliant story! im off to the next chapter! ;)Author's Response: I'm positively flattered that you think that. It means so much to me to hear that readers enjoy my work, especially since this has been such a long term project for me.
Thank you so much, and I hope you keep reading! Report Review
so this is really immensely sad. i had little tears in my eyes and everything. you did a really good job describing the feeling of grief though. so im pretty anxious to read the next chapter as im getting really into this story. i apogloize for the even more terrible than usual review. see you in the next chapter! ;)Author's Response: No, no, in my mind, every review is just as great as the next one is. :) There is no such thing as a terrible review. :P
I'm glad you liked this chapter and that you thought I got the emotions right. It was difficult for me to write becuase in all honesty, I haven't been in many of the situations Petunia has. Report Review
so i loved this chapter. i think it explained a lot about petunia. i mean, how she went from being the nice girl that she is in the beginning of this story to the bitter woman she is later. and i dont really mind that its short because i feel like this chapter is only about this one little episode. to me, it feels like a sort of turning point. the friendship with yvonne, i mean. although perhaps i dont mind that its short because i can just go on and read the next chapter... in fact, thats what im going to do right now ;)Author's Response: lol, thanks for the review! Report Review
I've been checking my favorites for an update of something, anything, for ages now it seems, and finally, here it is- the update I've been hoping for most of all. The thing I've discovered about fan fiction, is that generally (not always) there are three types: The first of which starts out… well, horrendously, and manages to maintain a level of writing so startlingly abysmal I wonder how anyone can manage to dredge through it (harsh? Perhaps, but undeniably true as well). The second starts off in an exciting rush that gets the reader so excited to read more, and then slowly but surely, if not all at once, drops the disappointed reader on their behind, leaving them wondering what happened to the story they’d fallen so in love with, and are now bored to tears by. The last of these general categories seems to happen more when a writer begins a story and takes a great deal of time to write it. As such, their talent as a writer tends to develop and the story which took off so slowly is suddenly enthralling. This is, unfortunately, a bit rarer.
MoP, on the other hand, is a truly uncommon breed of fan fiction. This fic has started off by drawing me in, and has become increasingly more loveable (I didn’t think it possible!) as each chapter is posted. Without a doubt, you have a taken an unlovable character I believe was truly in need of a story, and made her into someone I feel true compassion for. I find myself cheering for Petunia- the woman she could have been!
After one chapter, I am already in love with Nathan. I know this is canon, but please, oh please, couldn’t she end up with our dear Nathan? Why must she go back to that bull-headed pig of a man Vernon? I can’t stand him- the boar.
Quite honestly, I cannot remember if MoP is the first of your stories I came across, or if something else led me here. I do know though, that with every chapter you post, I am not only immensely impressed, but proud of you. This chapter once again affirmed my love of your writing- it’s beautiful, like watching a masterpiece created from blank canvas- the words streaming, and blending until you’ve created a picture so vividly in my mind I want to spend hours exploring it for detail.
I guess, what I’m trying to say with this rather long-winded review, is that I adored this chapter, and can’t wait to hear what you have in store for us next. Brilliant as always, dear.
~CourtneyAuthor's Response: Courtney,
*blushes* I'm always truly flattered to read your reviews. I'd like to thank you so much for all the support you've given me for the past...year I've taken writing this story. It was the second fanfic I ever started, and while I've written seven other one-shots since then, continues to be a marking point in how I've changed as a writer. I am absolutely flattered that you stuck by me even after I put this story on hold, and after I waited so long to update. Thank you, so very, very much.
As far as this chapter is concerned, I'm going to try to stick to as much pre-DH canon as I can. Once DH came out, I was so far into this that I couldn't possibly turn back, so I'm going to continue on the path I had originally, planned, even though a few new twists have come into play now.
Once again, I can't even begin to express my gratitude at having such a kind and loyal reader. It's always been a pleasure reading your reivews and I shall look forward to them when I next update (which hopefully should be soon).
Thank you. :) Report Review
so when i first read that she had gotten gum for her birthday, i was like, what? bitch! but it turned out ok. i guess. this story makes me feel sort of depressed, however, because i really do like petunia and i know that she and lily are going to end up being mean to each other. that and i dont really like lily in this story so far. its not like i really blame her for becoming distant or anything, but i just dont really like her. maybe thats just because this story is petunias pov and not hers, so i only get one side of the story. but anyway, youve done an amazingly brilliant job with this story so far, if i do say so myself. brilliant! ;)Author's Response: lol, really? Most people say that they think Lily is cute throughout...:P
Oh well, everyone sees things differently.
Thanks so much for the reviews Henry Jones, and you've been lucky enough to come at a time where I finally updated. I actually got around to editing chapter eleven today, and I posted it. Yay!
*shifty eyes* By the way, watch the language in your reviews. Since this is a public area of the site, it should be 12+ only. I don't want anyone to have check up on me and have to take away your awesome reviews! Report Review
so this continues to be amazingly awesome. i feel like im repeating myself way too much though when i try to express how awesome it is though. so keep that in mind, and i will read the next chapter and probably end up saying the same thing there. ;)Author's Response: lol, that's perfectly alright. It helps me make sure I'm doing this right. I actually have chapter eleven sitting on my computer, waiting for some edits, which I will do within the next week or so. So...you'll probably have even more to read! I'm so glad you like my story thus far, and I hope you keep reading, and that I keep hearing from you!
Once again, thank you for the reviews, they mean a lot. :) Report Review
poor petunia! although i like that theyve remained civil. at least for now. but i know its going to go bad...
so anyway, this review is turning out terribly, and by that i mean more terrible than normal. so im going to stop while im at least relatively ahead. just keep in mind that this story is brilliant. its really brilliant. and this chapter is as well. brilliant job! ;)Author's Response: Henry, your reviews are lovely. By all means, keep going. :P
I'm glad you liked the story so far, and as far as Petunia and Lily's relationship is concerned...well...it takes a very long time for the hatred we know from the books to come forth. A really long time...
Thank you for the review! Report Review
so this is a brilliant beginning. i love how petunia actually comes off as normal, because she usually ends up weird and one dimensional and bitchy. great job! i apologize for the short review, but i want to read the next chapter! ;)Author's Response: :P Well, I think Petunia could definitely have been normal at one point...it's her experiences that made her rather nasty.
Thans for the review Henry, it was awesome! :D Report Review
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