i loved it it was beautiful...it made me cry...lolz. Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review, stunningly_pretty_muggleborn. :) That's a cool penname. I'm sorry it made you cry, but at least that meant it was full of emotion, and could stir something within you. Lol. ****Hands a tissue**** Report Review
oh my god.
I almost cried when she died! I don't think I've ever reacted this way when I've read a fiction about death...
You're definitely talented! It was moving, it really was. It was amazingly well-written... this one is definitely going to be one of my favorites!
AviAuthor's Response: Thanks.
Oh no! Don't cry. :( Then again, I suppose it made you feel the emotion....
Thanks again, Avi. You're adding it to your favourites, wow! Report Review
Are there other sets of lyrics present throughout the piece because I'm a tad confused. All in all, it was a good piece but I'm just really disappointed that he did kill her. He does talk about how he wants the respect and fame and I understand that he has been brought up to honor all of those things even more than himself but.love is the complete opposite. I guess I never imagined that he would actually kill someone he loved for the power which is being really..selfish. He does confront himself but part of me wants to believe that he was hypnotized or something...anything.
The whole piece, everything from the first word, was emotionally charged. It was a serious piece and I love the song and how it went with the story. The storyline was a tad scary too, especially when hermione says 'it's me isn't it?' *shudder*
The sets of lyrics present amidst the writing should be italicized because it's easy to get confused...umm...that's about it.
If it made me think so much, I think you did your job! A good piece but I'm still..sad..haha. Also when hermione said that she loved him still..it was hard to imagine but hey, that's love I guess.
Good job! And thanks for requesting!
:)Author's Response: No, there aren't. Loll. Don't worry. Oh, I'm sorry you didn't like the ending, but I wanted to shock my readers, and I knew what was going to happen as I went along with the lyrics. Hpynotised? No, fraid not, but thanks for the plot bunny. ***Scurries around**** No, I won't take your ideas. :)
Oh, I'm glad you liked it anyhow. I got the impression first time on reading your review that you didn't- but that's because I'm sometimes (well, quite frequently, a pessimistic person.) Ha ha. Anyway, thanks for your review. It was really cool.
Sorry the answer wasn't quite as long as the review, but I really don't know what else to say!
Thanks again. Report Review
wow I love that song. it was a m a z i n g ! ! !
GREAT JOB!Author's Response: Thank you so much!!! :) Report Review
this story is so beautifulAuthor's Response: Thanks for saying so. :) Report Review
RACHEL ! Hiya ! I'm here to review your story like I promised. Check out my story sometime, will ya ? :D
Okay, back to your story. I really love your writing style and - wait, by the way, have you requested in my review thread before ? You sound familiar, LOL. Okay, your writing style is really brilliant. This chapter was a very promising one, I must say, and your descriptions were very well written. Everything was described very well, and you deserve a 10/10 on descriptions. Great job !
It was great how you can keep to the same tense throughout the story. Normally, authors, even I myself, would tend to change the tenses accidentally, but I couldn't spot any mistakes in this story, which is great, because you know how to keep to the same tense.
After two paragraphs or so, you would put 3 lines of sentences or so, like :
Can I meet you
Another night and I’ll see you
And down we go
And down we go
And down we go
And we all, fall, down, right now
Those are examples, anyway. I'd suggest that you italic those lines to differentiate the lines and the paragraphs. I was quite confused the moment I reached the first set of lines, and then only I realized that it was just some lyrics or something. Italic them because it would definitely clear the confusion.
About Hermione's characterization, I thought it was rather well characterized. Draco was a bit OC in this story, and I can't really think of him having this type of behaviour. Yes, it may be a bit, you know, more like him, but I think a bit more of arrogance would do the job.
Hey, sorry if I'm pointing out some unimportant stuff or so. I'm a beta-reader, so my reviews can be beta-like sometimes, and I always point out mistakes eventhough they're very small ones ! :D
“The decaying stain of imperfection lies deep within me,” he presses on. “All Mudbloods (except you) deserve to rot upon this earth. . “I want to kill, and keep killing. It is really hard to explain, but there is no stopping my beliefs.” Draco paused, a hungry look in his eyes. “As it is my belief that certain people shall meet an inevitable end. May Merlin have no mercy on their soul.”
Rather than writing like the extract above, I think it would be better this way :
“The decaying stain of imperfection lies deep within me,” he presses on. “All Mudbloods, except you, deserve to rot upon this earth. I want to kill, and keep killing. It is really hard to explain, but there is no stopping my beliefs,” Draco paused, a hungry look in his eyes. “As it is my belief that certain people shall meet an inevitable end. May Merlin have no mercy on their soul.”
There were punctuation errors the way you wrote the extract, and the correct way to write is like the way I changed it. There was a sentence that was supposed to be what Draco said, but somehow, you changed something and then it confused me.
Phew, a long review. Well, anyway, I really love this story and great job on it !! :D
JANice.Author's Response: What a long long review. Not that I'm complaining! I love it. It's just, I do wonder what I'm going to say in replying to it. You offer such good points, so thank you for that. I think I might have done actually. Yes, your penname definetely sounds familiar too. LOL. Sorry if I have! I am so happy that you love my writing style. To be honest though, this isn't my usual one. I'm more dialogue based then descriptive. However, for long one shots I make exceptions. This is because I find that writing one shots with lots of describing makes for easier reading. Yeah, that makes a lot of sense, doesn't it? Sarcasm sarcasm. LOL. It's just easier for me I don't know why. Oh wow. Thank you. Yeah, I love writing in present tense. It's fast becoming my favourite tense because it feels even more real, due to how personal and direct it is.
Yes, thank you. I was meant to do that, but didn't have the time and or forgot about it. Thank you for pointing it out, as I will now go back and re edit that. You're a beta? That explains a lot, in a good way! LOL. That sounded wrong then. You're so clever at finding what sentences would work, and which ones just wouldn't. Well done! Gah. Not again. Hermione in character, but not Draco? Why do I always get him wrong? Oh well. Thank you for telling me. I really will go back and edit this song fic as it seems to need some work.
What you have selected there is perfect, and I can't believe I didn't think about it before. It works so much better your way! Certain things lose effect don't they? Like having the dots after the sentences, and having the commas instead is perfect! Thank you. This is so helpful you've no idea!
It has. Thank you so much. Oh wow. I am so happy that you enjoyed it to such an extent.
Rachel :D Report Review
Wow. That was incredible. It reminds me of a story called So Arrogantly Beautiful, and it made me feel the same way. For the most part I was completely into it, but there was a few parts where Draco revealed too much of his emotion. It is not that I don't think he would tell Hermione those things, it is just that I don't think he would have been so blunt and honest. Overall, awesome job!Author's Response: Thanks so . . . . really? I must go and check that out. Um, yeah I kind of agree but also don't. :) I wanted to try and convey a sense of real passion underneath all of Draco's psychotic behaviour. Lol. That's why he is blunt and honest with Hermione, because he loves her. Thank you for your review, and for your honesty. :) Report Review
Very, very nice. You most certainly have a great talent for description and it was oh so good! I absolutely loved the characterization of Draco. I have never cared for Dramione, but with Draco this was it seemed kinda...I don't know...ok? lol yeah I'm no good with descriptions haha anyways it was a really gripping story and thus the emotions were running high cause you don't really know what will happen one second to the next. Great job! :DAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for your wanderful review, Novadestin. Love that penname by the way! I have a talent for description? Me? Little old me? Thanks so much, that's made me smile. Evidence: :) That's interesting, because the reviewer below didn't like Draco's character in this. That's amazing. Meant I set out to do what I wanted to do and did it! Thanks again! :) Report Review
Heya I’m here to review as you asked!
Ok first of all I’d like to say the way you write is lovely. You are very good with descriptions, and you find lots of unique ways of describing things, which is great because it makes the descriptions more interesting for me to read! :D
Couple one grammar-y thing I spotted:
“He has literally taken her life?” – If this is supposed to be a question it should technically be ‘has he literally taken her life?’. Plus I would get rid of the ‘literally’. Narcissa is definitely dead, so there is no other way he could have taken her life.
Now to Draco. I didn’t really believe his character. The way he said things, I don’t know…it didn’t seem very Draco-y. His relationship with Hermione seemed very strange too. I didn’t like the line “All Mudbloods (except you) deserve to rot upon this earth. .” I know Draco is the ultimate mudblood hater, but if he’s been with Hermione and loves her, I doubt he would talk about mudbloods like that, because he wouldn’t want to hurt her feelings. I didn’t really understand what he was doing throwing the books into the hole, either. Maybe I’m just being stupid, though…:D
I thought Hermione, though, was characterised really well. That’s exactly how I think she would react in that circumstance, although maybe she would have been a bit more horrified and disgusted when Draco first told her about his murders. The second meeting, though, was written really well from Hermione’s perspective. I love the descriptions of the night, which really tie in well with what Hermione is feeling at the time. I especially liked: “There is silence, except for the sombre hymn of nature. A calm wind whispers past us, soaring high over the grass. The moon is not full tonight, but shaped like a sideways sneer.” It gives a really eerie feel to the story as well.
Now, the actual murder (I feel some evil laughter would be appropriate right now…lol). I thought it was quite sudden; Draco goes almost instantly from throwing the books into the hole to stabbing Hermione. I can’t really picture it in my head, because it was so sudden and without much description. Also, earlier on it said that Draco had put the knife away into his robes, so it’s slightly confusing that it’s suddenly in his hands again. How you write Hermione’s death is really good though; very sad and haunting.
At the very end, the switch from Hermione’s perspective to Draco’s and then (I think?) back to Hermione’s is quite difficult to follow. I don’t really know who’s saying what…but then again I’m probably just being stupid again :D
Overall, I enjoyed reading this story, but I think you need to work on certain things such as Draco’s characterisation and continuity. However, as a die-hard Draco/Hermione shipper, I found it quite refreshing to read such an original take on this pairing, so good job! :-)
I hope this review has been helpful!
Katherine (DearMyLove on the forums)
Author's Response: I am so sorry, but I haven't been able to respond for a long time. I'm here now though, and ready for your comments. :) Thanks so much for taking the time to review in such an indepth detail. You have given me a lot to think about. Thank you so much for saying that I am good at description. It was a real flaw in the past, and something that (believe me) needed honing a lot. My friend, Dracana is to thank for that. What a descriptive, emotive writer. Anyway, that's off topic, Lol.
No, you're right. I shouldn't have put that in there. 'Literally' just confuses things, and does not have the same effect upon the reader at all. :) Thanks for pointing that out. I need to change that.
Oh no!! Draco, you don't believe him? Oh no! I love him. The thing is, I have written him for five years, and I wrote this when I hadn't gripped his character. Oh. :( Oh well. Thanks for being honest. That's what I really treasure on those forums, so I will try and write him better next time.
I am so glad you thought Hermione was in character. I tried really hard with her to express her opinions and fear, mixed with the love that she felt and still feels until her death for Draco. (Though, I am guessing others could say she loved him beyond the grave.) Anyway, thanks so much for picking out the description. That really gives me a boost of much-needed confidence. :)
The books thing is in there, because I had to fit in what was happening, with the lyrics, so that's why the books happen. Lol. I know it was sudden, but it had to be for this. I know that sounds weird as well, but really, it was meant to be. Oh right. Excellent, must change that. I hate it when I make little slip ups. Every writer does it some time in their life, I guess.
Thanks, and I hope my response has been long enough.
xxx Report Review
Hey, its me, the one you requested to review your story =] To start off, AMAZING story !! Definitely one of the best I've ever read ! Your descriptions are perfect, indicating what is what, which is which etc. Not too little, not too much, just amazingly perfect. Interesting, but I wouldn't think Hermione would let Draco kill her, initially she was giving in, that sort of thing. Like I said, Dramione stories are the best for me, so I don't mind any plot, just as long as they are included in the story XD ! Heart-breaking but captivating story, I'd give it a 10/10, and also a trip to my favourites ! Keep up the good work, and well done !Author's Response: Thanks very much! Oh wow. My descriptions are amazingly perfect? You shouldn't say that, I don't deserve it. I know, hey, it was just an experiment. Oh, brilliant. Well, I'm glad you loved it that much. 10/10 as well? You're spoiling me! Report Review
wow! that was ...Wow! i didn't think it was too descriptive. it was just perfect! In htis story i could actually imagine everything as it happened! i loved it even though draco killed hermione it was the best one-shot i've read so far! nice work!Author's Response: Oh, brilliant. Thanks so much. Yeah, I know. Draco had to kill her though, otherwise it wouldn't have worked. :) Oh wow, and glad that it was the best one shot you've read so far! I'm flattered. Report Review
Interesting. Hermione letting him kill her, that's quite impossible.Author's Response: Thanks. I don't know whether you liked it or didn't, but thank you. Lol. It doesn't matter if you didn't, but if there's anything you don't understand, feel free to email me at firstname.lastname@example.org. :) Report Review
That was. perrrdyy... if I was less tired I could be a little more descriptive than that... here, have a 10Author's Response: Oh, don't worry! I know the feeling. I work at a restaurant and did two days in a row recently. I am so knackered! Wow, a 10! Thanks so much. x :) x Report Review
yey! a Dramione
Aww... It's so sad. It has to be one of he best song-fics I have ever read.
constanceAuthor's Response: Really? Thanks! :) xx Report Review
Whoa. That was ... intense. I think what I am most impressed by (aside from your brilliant use of description) is how you were able to really convey the twisted way they both think. It seemed very real, like the sort of things that run through actual murderers heads, and the way abused wives who don't leave their husbands feel. You really did an amazing job. There aren't even words to describe how great this was. 10/10 Author's Response: Yeah, I tend to write that sort of thing! Thanks very much. Me- good at description?! That is really saying something, as I used to be horrendous at it. Really? Merlin, thanks so much. 10/10 for your amazing review!!!!!
:) Report Review
wow, this was so sad. and a really great one-shot. it just sad that draco had to kill the one he loved. Author's Response: Thanks so much, and for agreeing to make me my banner! I had to ask, they're wanderful! Report Review
Hey… sorry for getting here so late. I was a bit busy this morning, but I'm here to review now. Oh my, this was definitely not your usual Dramione. I admit that I loathe Dramiones usually, but I'm glad I gave this a chance. Psychotic Draco was very hypnotic, and I could feel the story sucking me in from the very first line. It seemed to have a brooding dark atmosphere that promises some deep hidden secret. Your Draco is sooo twisted, and as Hermione described him, a walking contradiction. He seems to be so full of potential in his love for Hermione, the way his soul dies with her. But at the same time, he can't control the part of himself that's sadistic *shudders*, the part that keeps a book of the people he killed. Wow. I've never seen Draco written like this, and you described him so chillingly.
As for Hermione, the poor naïve girl. I can't believe how much faith she had in him, and how she continues to love him despite everything. And it was a really nice touch that you had Draco kill Hermione with a knife, not his usual wand. She really was something special to him, and again, I'm half disgusted and half in awe of his ability to commit such a foul thing while still loving her with his whole heart. You had such a huge mix of emotions in here, all churning and mixed up. Your sentences are so smooth and cold, and they really bring out that shivery feeling. As for the song, I really love how the lyrics fit in. It gives an extra something to the story. Wonderful one-shot! So deliciously dark and chilling :)Author's Response: Hiya! Sorry for replying so late! **Hits myself on the head** That was so rude of me! What a review. I think, the thing is, I've been looking at it, wondering how to answer it.
Anywhatsnot, I know! That was what I intended, to make it completely unusual instead of your usual Dramione cliches. I love writing phsychotic Draco! It's so much fun, really! I love to write him like that, it's always been a personal preference to his usual, lovable cowardly self- but alas- as Dumbledore would say, my interpretations of him as a pyscho are not in character, and let's face it, we love Draco no matter what he's like. Cowardly or violent, happy, or sad.
That's so so cool that it drew you in from the first line. I'm really wickedly pleased! I know. That must be horrible, to feel all those things, but not be able to control them. You haven't? Oh right. :) That's cool then, cause you came across something that was different.
I know!! Poor Hermione. She's not usually naive, but I felt that in this one, she had to be. I can imagine her putting her life on the line, due to her love, but obviously, in canon, not for Draco. Although, I have to admit that I have just recently been looking at Dramiones, and if staged well, some of them are really good!
That's wicked that you felt a contradiction of emotions. It means that Draco was presented the way I wanted him to be presented. That's so cool, thanks! I loved writing this story, and it did take me five nights, so I'm glad the time paid off! Oh Merlin!! I love that song, and the band in general. My Chemical Romance are my favourite band - in - the world- EVER!
Thanks so much for this review, Raina. It was amazing.
Wow this was a very powerful story. Now I must admit that I am not a big fan of Dramione, but there is a reason why (apart from Dramione stories usually being very cliched, which yours wasn't). I just find that in Dramione fics, Hermione often tends to lose a lot of herself to the relationship with Draco. She's such a strong character so I hate it when she comes off really weak in fanfiction and gives up her morals to be in a destructive relationship with Draco.
But this isn't exactly what you did here. To a certain extent, I think it wasn't very like Hermione to give up her life to Draco without a fight. I can understand that she was so in love with him and that love was exceptionally strong no matter what, but I still think she could have..I dunno, tried harder to do something to stop him, to change him. Hermione always stands up for what she believes in. It seemed like here she lost some of that to Draco.
Aside from that I thought that this was a beautifully written story. The descriptions were strong and it was very emotionally moving. There were a couple of mistakes, like
“All Mudbloods (except you) deserve to rot upon this earth. . “I want to kill, and keep killing. It is really hard to explain, but there is no stopping my beliefs.”
There were just some problems with punctuation here.
But I really enjoyed this song fic. :)
Author's Response: Hiya!
I'm glad you think so. I worked for five nights on this one shot, and I'm pleased to see that you thought it worked! Don't worry- not in the least. I told you I didn't like Epilogue stuff (apart from your story, which is really good) and so everyone is entitled to their own opinion. Um, yeah I see what you think. When I post up some Dramione stuff (one day) I'll make sure that it's true to character and that she is not brought down to Draco's level.
Thanks! I'm glad I didn't. Or at least- I'm happy that Hermione's character was not lost. Yeah, and also, this was just a one shot. There didn't really need to be that many reasons, but I'm soooo relieved and smiley that you liked it! You review such long blocks as well! I love it! I honestly think you're one of the best constructive reviewers I've come across. **Hands over a mug of frothy Butterbeer.**
Thanks so much for the wanderful review, Zacharias! It ruled!!
I'm so happy!
xx Report Review
So heart-breaking, but oh-so-relistic. I was blown away ath how wonderful this was. You did yet again another amazing job..I am determined to read everything of yours, but now it is late and I have work in the morning.
Lindsey xoxAuthor's Response: Thanks again, LovelyMioneWeasley!! I really tried hard with the description, and I am pleased to see that it didn't go horribly wrong!!
Really? Everything? Merlin, now I have to read lots of yours. I can't sit back and watch them coming in, but have nothing to contribut for you. Have a wicked day at work, and thanks again, so much.
while my skin crawls to ever think of hermione and draco together... i thought that this was really good. the story you wrote is a perfect visualization of one of my favorite my chemical romance songs. you brought the emotion of the song out in the characters and the story. i thoroughly enjoyed it.Author's Response: I would never ever normally think of them as together, but due to the ever popular genre of Draco and Hermione stories on this site, I felt I had to. Really? I'm glad. That means I've done everything ok. Cool!! Thanks so much for your lovely review. xx Report Review
Now I want to hear that song. This is what songfics do to me. So why do I read them? I don't know.
It was good, yet disturbing.
Good grammar. (Boy, that's hard to find these days...)
Holds onto interest and doesn't let go.
Shows the actual characters as pictured in the books, not twisted personalities that are oh-so different from J. K. Rowlings fabulous creations.
Oh wow do i sound like a suck-up.
*Daniele*Author's Response: Oh do!! This song is amazing. My Chemical Romance rules!! I really would recommend a listen, and also, not to sound like a commercial, but their album is a must buy.
Thanks!! Yeah, sorry about that but it was intentional and the story wouldn't have worked otherwise. It needed that element of surprise.
Thanks so much!! :)
Oh really? Thanks again. I try so hard to make grammar right.
Cool as . . . .
Do you think so? That's cool. I thought that because it was a Dramione it would be considered really out of canon, so thanks once more.
Don't worry. I'm glad you enjoyed it!!
Hi there, Snitchsista!
Told you I'd come and read one of your fics - extremely glad I did. I'd have missed out on a real treat!
I loved this. Absolutely loved it. Where to begin . . . That's easy!
The descriptions, settings and portrail of both these characters was excellent. Really superb. I'd be happy to leave the examples, but that would mean copying and pasting the whole fic again here! It's that good. I mean it.
For some reason I had Draco down (in the middle up until the very end) as certainly killing himself and sparing Hermione. I was wrong. You got me there =P
Hermione appears to have been naive like Dumbledore with Snape: she believed in another person with a questionable upbringing. We can all fall foul of that, so this was extremely believable.
So, basically, I loved it from start to finish. It also makes me feel proud that you feel my little fic's up there with the good ones. If this is anything to go by, you're easily up there too. I mean that too.
I think I'll be reading more of your work. Loads to choose from =)
10/10 *isn't feeling generous* ;-) Great writing!
Dave - Webbythehouseelf
PS: Why not keep an eye out for SAYS. It's a great site with great authors (they lowered their standards for me to slip in!) I can post you a link? I'm there. It'll help you improve. Not needed though. Oh, and join Slytherin. They're cool *is biased* =DAuthor's Response: Hi webbythehouseelf!!
Thanks so much for coming round to look at my page, that's really wicked of you. :) Oh, I'm really glad that you enjoyed this fic. I spent a lot of time perfecting this story, desperate to get it right.
Lol, thanks. I feel really happy!! Yeah, I alway used to struggle with the describing side of things, but after some wise words of advice from another author, then I was off and away!! Thanks. It means loads that you wanted to copy and paste the whole fic into here.
That would have been a cool twist. Damn!! At least mine was surprising I guess. Thanks!!
Oh that's cool. Although after reading 'Muggle Net's' predictions book seven, I'm starting to believe that Snape really is good. I don't know of course, nobody does, (apart from the wanderful J.K), but yeah. I'm being pulled in that direction now certainly.
Oh, thanks. I feel so smiley. Evidence: :)
Really? Oh cool!!! Thanks again.
10/10 as well, and you would have put it as that even if you weren't feeling . . . . thanks!!!!
PS- That sounds so amazing!! I definetely have to check it out. Yes please!!! Or you can email me at email@example.com. I love both Slytherin and Gryffindor. They rule!!!!
x :) Report Review
WowAuthor's Response: Thanks so much!! xx Report Review
Thank you. For getting this song stuck in my head, lol..
..I love this song, and I love this songfic! It's so sad though, but I liked how you kept Draco how Draco always has been. Most people, myself included, write Hermione/Draco pairings where Hermione has changed Draco into someone nice and kind. Bravo on being different! :) Terrific work, 10/10!!Author's Response: I love that!! Lol. 'Thank you for getting this song stuck in my head!' :) You're exceedingly welcome. Yeah!! Thank you so much. I swear I've seen your penname before? Do you review Dracana? Anyway, thanks again, and wow, a 10 out of 10 as well? Oh, I'm so happy!!!!!!!!
x Snitchsista x :)
i think this is probably the first one of your fics ive read more than just little snatches of, and im really really impressed! your actually really good at this, you shouldnt put yourself down about your english stuff.
it very graphic, hehe! but tasteful, and well written.
keep up the good work!
xAuthor's Response: Holly!! Thank you heaps for reading and reviewing. It makes me feel all :) inside. Thank you again. Yeah, it's difficult. I'm Ok at writing stories, but when it comes to essays, forget it!! Lol. (Apart from when they're on Harry Potter. My Draco Malfoy essay was so enjoyable!!) I know, it's so violent, but it had to be in order for it to work. Thank you, thank you!! You've made me smile.
Snitchsista (Rachel) x :) x Report Review
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