Well, I’m not sure what the challenge is, so I’m not exactly sure what you’re going for. Are you supposed to answer what life is, from one of the character’s points of view? You spend most of the story getting us into Seamus’ head, but in the end… Seamus never answers the questions about what life is. On the other hand, I do think we sort of get an answer from Dean. For him, it seems, life is not something to be answered, figured out, qualified, quantified, defined, or even philosophically contemplated. Interesting, although not very earth-shaking. Then again, I don’t necessarily expect something else from Dean.
Anyway, it’s not bad, though short. And I don’t like second person, but you’ve already mentioned this in your author’s note. It’s good to experiment, but I think if you really want to connect with your readers and get them into your character’s head, you have to write third person well – in a way that achieves the desired effect. And I bet you could probably do that. (o:
Anyway, I just wanted to read and review something of yours, because you were so kind as to review my story for me. Keep writing! (o:Author's Response: The challenge is basically that we have to create a metaphor, through a character of what we think life is. I sort of turned this around and went against the challenge in a way, in some ways because I don't really think life can be reduced to a metaphor, and also because of the characters I used. I don't really see Dean as the sort of guy that sits around creating a metaphor for life, but I can see him as being someone that would be annoyed with people who try to define life. I agree that its not particularily earth shaking, but Dean isn't really an earth shattering kind of guy.
Its ok that you don't like second person. I think that just seems a matter of personal preference, though I do agree that it is harder to get into characters heads in 2nd person. I think I tried to get into Seamus' head here, but as you pointed out, I really got a lot more into Deans. I haven't really written much in 3rd person, which is something I should try, and I personally find easier to read than 2nd, but for some reason I find really hard to write.
Thank you very much for your review, which made my day, as I haven't gotten a review in ages. =) Report Review
Not exactly what I was looking for but good none the less. I'm assuming this happened after Harry and Seamus had that argument at the beginning of OotP about whether or not Harry was a raving lunatic. I would suggest leaving something in their just to clear that up such as 'it is your fifth year and you knew it was going to end up being rough' or something. For second person you did a fine job. The main reason I personally don't like second person is the romance ones but I saw nothing wrong with you doing yours in this point of view. Great job though!Author's Response: Thank you very much! I sort of didn't really think it was what you were looking for, but I thought since I had written it, I may as well of entered it. =)
Yeah, you're right about that. I probably should just add something like that in. I thought a lot of people would have misgivings about the 2nd person because of all the romance stories and stuff, but I thought I might give it a go.
Thanks again. =) Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection