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hi your story is nice. iam not criticising but it would be very good if the story went a bit slow


Author's Response: thankyou I will be sure to keep that in mind

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Well, I thought it was fairly well. But here is some advice for your next chapter.
1. Make sure you are putting all your quotations when Harry, Ron, Hermione. or even Ginny and Malfoy are talking. It gets a little confusing. See paragraph 2.

2. After you end someone talking, make sure you say who said that. Or maybe go to a new paragraph. See paragraphs 3, 4, & 5.

3. Also, make sure you are spelling your words right. Paragraph 1 'rund' I think you mean round. Paragraph 3 'juped' I think you mean jumped. In paragraph 4 thank you is two words and so is my lady.

Again, these are just suggestions so if you don' tthink there worth it you don't have to change the way you write. I wish you good luck! My score is 8/10.

Author's Response: Thank you your points are very helpful the next story I write I will be sure to take this into account again thank you.

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I love this story please please please please write more.

Author's Response: thankyou

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this story is short and confusing with quite a few errors. i think that you should make the story longer. it seems squished. it would be MUCH better if you made it longer. maybe over a few days. also if you added another chapter explaining and adding onto the Draco thing you could make this story better. It seems rushed. it could be an awazing story if you put some time into it.

Author's Response: Thankyou for the pointers I will make sure to straighten them out my real name is Zoe Pearson i am 14 15 on the 10th of may

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Well um.. it was confusing, you might need a beta to catch those few errors that were seen in your story.

Um, you need capitals at the start of every paragraph and I think you may just need to re read it and fix it. Also, capitals for names such as Harry Hermione Draco Malfoy.

Also you last paragraph? makes no sense.

Otherwise good story, if you make the improvements you'll do well, good story though


Author's Response: Thankyou for telling me of my mistakes I will be sure to correct them and my real name is Zoe Pearson i am 14

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Oh, my dear...Well I would recommend getting a beta for this story because there are errors. Some easy things to do to make it better would be to capitalize Hermione and Harry and to make sure to use quotation marks when people are speaking. Spelling was a little off too but I think a beta could help you with it It was hard to read with all the mistakes and I think it would be a lot better if you went back and fixed those.

Author's Response: Thankyou for your input it is well appreciated I will be sure to fix the mistakes my real name is Zoe Pearson I am 14

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